Nash and Virtual Person
It was white. Why was everything around him white? Soft and warm.
He'd never felt peace like this. Never.
He forced his mind to recall his last memories, and then regretted it.
There was light there as well. Too much of it. White hot fire searing
his body, consuming him, the pain competing with the ache in his heart
when he realized Buffy was lying to him. He was turning to cinder and ash,
alone, with no one in the world to love him. A fitting end for William the Bloody.
Spike tried to curse, but the words that came out of his mouth were as soft
as the room. Where the bloody hell was he, and why couldn't he speak his mind?
“You can’t swear in here. The angels won’t let you.”
A little girl appeared, dressed in jeans and a pink t-shirt with a flower on it.
She approached him slowly, finally coming to stand in front of him.
“You’re not supposed to be here yet, you know. You have to go back.”
Spike was startled. The last thing he'd expected was to see half a person, well a
child. "Not supposed to be where? That would help me decide if I'm supposed
to be here or not."; He blinked. It was still all light around him. He couldn't see
past the light.
The little girl smiled softly. “You don’t decide. They do. You have to go back. They’re
giving you a choice.” She pouted for a moment. “They didn’t give me one. You’re supposed
to choose between half an immortal existence and a full mortal one. I’ll show you and then
“They? Who the flowery heavens are they?" he demanded. Only after the words spilled
out of his mouth did he realize 'bloody hell' had been translated into that Godawful anti-poetic
phrase. He gave a shudder of self loathing and walked over to her. "Right. I think I've had enough
fun and games, yeah? Am I dead? Is this hell? Because...I could like it here, if they switched off
the light. I'm not blind. Yet.”
“You’re not in hell!” The girl said and giggled. “I told you the angels won’t let you
swear. You must really pay attention. Now I’m going to show you and then you’ll choose, okay?” She
asked, and waved her hand daintily, revealing a huge screen.
"Angels...heaven... right. A bit confused here, the last thing I remember is getting burned by huge
flames. It could happen to anyone," he said, looking at the screen. "They let you pick your room? A
nice garden view is my choice. Go on, then."
The little girl rolled her eyes and gestured towards the screen. It flared to life, showing Angel,
sitting at a huge desk, looking distinctly miserable. Harmony was perched on a chair in front of the
desk, taking notes and yammering on at full speed.
“This is your first choice, a half existence in this place.”
The screen changed to show the inside of what seemed to be a large office, with all sorts of people and
demons walking around, looking busy.
“Would you like to see your second choice now?”
"Angel." Spike glared at the screen. "Why does he always get to win? He gave her the amulet, and I'm the
git that wore it." He touched the base of his throat, where the amulet had caught fire and spread the cleansing
light. "What do you mean half existence? Twelve hour days?”
Spike was the recipient of a glare so fierce it looked odd in the face of what appeared to be a nine-year-old girl.
“Do you always ask this many questions? I mean what I said. Half-existence. One half of you will not exist.
Your soul will be there but your body will not. Happy now?”
"Sounds like a pretty 'rosied up' ... 'daisied up'... 'tuliped up' deal, I think I'll pass," he said through clenched
teeth when the words he meant once again refused to come out. If they were trying to drive him crazy, they were
doing a bloody fine job of it.
The girl giggled at Spike’s attempts to swear and with her good humour restored, she waved her hand towards the screen.
The screen switched again, this time showing a spacious apartment. Xander Harris was walking around, holding a speaking
on a cordless phone and gesticulating wildly. He was frowning, and speaking in a manner that seemed urgent and important.
“This is your second choice, a full mortal life, under this human.”
The screen changed, showing Xander storming out of the apartment and walking across the street to a huge building, with
the letters NWC artistically intertwined at the entrance.
“So, which one do you choose?” She asked, looking at Spike expectantly.
"Under this human? What does that mean?" Spike stared at the screen. Xander's manner. The foreign cars on the street. The old
brick building... really old, not distressed and made to look old. "What's he playing at? A James Bond version of Dungeons and Dragons?"
“Your questions are beginning to tire me. You must choose and you shall do it now.” The girl suddenly looked austere and her voice held
a hint of menace. “The human or the vampire. Choose.”
He was still trying to wrap his mind around the concept of being 'under' Xander. "Do you mean he gets to play boss?" He frowned, not at all
pleased by that idea. A little power went to the boy's head, he remembered the days when he'd been tied to a chair and Xander had tortured
him with ridicule.
Angel or Xander. Angel or Xander. Well it was an easy choice, he could lead Xander by the nose and show him who was the boss. "I'll take Xander,"
he sneered, smelling triumph over this prissy little know it all twit of a girl.
The girl smiled and waved her hand.
Xander walked back to his apartment, shaking his head at Andrew's stupidity. How
many times did he have to tell the idiot not to call Colway 'Spock'. Okay, so the
demon did have pointy ears and could do a mind-meld thing, that didn't mean he was
a Vulcan in any other way. For one thing, Colway was very comfortable expressing any
and all emotions. Around Andrew he usually expressed rage. If Dawn hadn't thought
to call Xander Andrew would probably have been beaten to a pulp.
What was wrong with that thought? Oh yeah, he was a good guy and he couldn't let the
mean demon kill poor little Andrew. Xander rolled his eye. If he'd been in Colway's
shoes, the little runt would be seriously injured long before now.
"I need a beer and some Indian food." Xander decided and threw his coat over the sofa.
He was about to reach for the phone when he spotted a man lying on his floor.
A very naked man. He cautiously walked closer to the body and gasped when he saw the man's face.
A very naked Spike!
Spike had no idea how long he'd been shivering on the cold floor in the foetal position.
At first, he'd tried to get up on his own, but found his legs wouldn't hold him. Worse
than a bleeding newborn colt is how the PTB had left him.
Turning his head slightly, he saw him - Xander looking wide-eyed and open-mouthed. "Well?
Are you going to stand there and look at me, or be useful and help me up? And it wouldn't
hurt if you invested in a heater and didn't freeze your guests' arses off, yeah?"
Xander just stood there, staring at Spike.
"You're...you're dead!" He finally stammered out, reaching out to poke him. After the whole
business with The First he wasn't taking any chances. His finger met warm flesh and he realised
that Spike was comfortingly solid. A second later Xander's hellmouth training took over. When
something weird happens, just take it in stride.
"Please don't tell me it's another apocalypse!" He said, heading for the bedroom. "I'll get you a
blanket and help you up but only if you promise me it's not another apocalypse." He added, grabbing
the quilt from the bed. Taking things in stride was all well and good but he was not about to look at
naked Spike longer than absolutely necessary.
"Feels like another apocalypse." Spike made one last face saving effort to get up on his own, but ended up
banging his head on the hardwood floor when his energy ran out. "Not supposed to be dead yet, that's all
that cryptic woman in a child's body would say. When have the Powers That Be ever been direct?" Not that
he'd ever faced them before. All his jealousy about Angel having an "in" with them had been so wasted. Why
did it take him this long to find out?
Xander came back to the room just in time to see Spike bang his head on the floor. He rolled his eyes at
Spike's obstinacy and wrapped the quilt around his shoulders. "Here, grab hold of my arms and I'll lift
you to the couch, okay? What the hell happened to you anyway?"
"I'm ba-ack," he said in his best 'child from Poltergeist' film voice. Well, the one who'd sent him back
here had looked like the girl from the film. Spike reached out for Xander, and pulled himself up, not really
caring whether the blanket stayed put or slid off his frame.
Eyes focused on the couch, he did his best to walk toward it without his legs going out from under him. "Learning
to be human isn't all I'd hoped for, yeah?" He stopped, gripping Xander's shoulder, he took a break. The sofa was
only a few feet away.
Frustration showed in his face, but he tried to cover by pretending to want to explain. "You're supposed to help me
get back on my feet. A few days, then I'll be out of here," he promised. If that little PtB chit thought it would take
him weeks, she didn't know him. "And you're to do everything I say during that time." Rules were made to be broken,
amended, fixed and improved... that was all he was doing.
“They did not put you in charge! I don’t think even the Wankers That Be would be that stupid. And hey, how come
I get stuck with you!”
As he was speaking, Xander put his arm around Spike’s waist, taking more of his weight and holding him up. “How the hell am I
supposed to teach you to be human anyway?” He asked harshly, keeping his eye facing forward. The damn blanket had slipped and
now Spike’s left side was in full view. What was worse was that Xander’s hand was resting on warm, silky skin.
Spike glanced down at Xander's hand, then at his face. The boy's discomfort wasn't hard to read. Something akin to a smile spread
over his face for the first time since he'd been incinerated. "Fetch me food and drink, help me move around until my legs get
stronger, do something about getting me clothes, preferably leather, yeah?" Another step and he was being lowered onto the couch. He
couldn't help it if a small grunt of pain escaped him, though it was beyond him why he hurt all over. "You do have a telly?"
“Yes Spike, I do have a telly. Now shut up and let me think. I’ll get you some sweats for now and I’m calling Willow. No offence, but
I wanna make sure you’re you and not some kind of demony thing.” Xander didn’t bother hiding his exasperation. “Oh, and for the record?
I am not your personal servant. You wanna learn how to be human? Fine. You can start by learning how to feed and clothe your own self.”
Xander glared at Spike and grabbed the phone from the coffee table.
"Sweats... I'm not wearing bloody sweats!" He glared right back at Xander. "You'll get me proper clothes, like you're supposed to, or
you'll be staring at me like this until you do," he threatened, sensing how much his nudity set Xander on edge. Poor repressed humans. At
least that was one human quality that wouldn't be foisted on him.
Xander let out a long-suffering sigh. “Fine. Stay naked. Catch pneumonia. Then you can die in a couple of weeks and I can have my life back.
Maybe then the universe will stop screwing me over.” He pressed 1 on speed dial and threw another glare in Spike’s direction. “Now if
you’ll excuse me, I’m calling Willow.”
Spike stretched out with one leg resting across Xander's knees and put his head back. Not quite comfortable, he grabbed the pillow behind Xander
without a 'by your leave' and tucked it behind his head. "Better. Much better. And it's three days, or four. I'm not staying here longer than that."
He turned his head. "Or maybe Red can take care of me. She's got a much more accommodating bed side manner."
“Somehow I doubt the Wankers that Be would let either of us off so easy…Hey Will, you’ll never guess who landed, in all his naked glory in my flat.”
Xander directed his attention to the phone, pushing Spike’s leg off his lap.
Putting everything he had in the motion, Spike leaned forward and snatched the phone out of Xander's hand. "It looks like I'll be needing a bit of
saving, how quickly can you get here?"
For the first time in her life, Willow was too shocked to even babble. She was sure she’d heard Spike’s voice but that was impossible! Spike had died!
“S-s-spike? Is that you? But…but you died! Didn’t you die?”
"Dying is relative. I just did the pain part of it." A slight frown marred his face. That bit of memory, he could do well without. "I'm human now, need
a bit of..." Right, the word 'help' wouldn't come of his mouth. "Clothes and food... you cook, yeah? The Powers won't mind a small change of plans."
He met Xander's glare and gave an open shrug. The boy wasn't cooperating, so he'd had to take things in his own hands.
“You’re human? H-how? And how come you’re in Xander’s apartment? And the Powers put you there? Why?” Willow’s mind was already running through possible
reasons and consequences of a human Spike. She dimly remembered Wesley calling Giles about a prophecy involving a vampire turning human. Maybe that’s what
had happened. Why Xander’s apartment though? Suddenly it came to her. The PtBs had finally heard Xander calling them Wankers that Be. Why else would they
put Spike with him, they knew the boys hated each other.
“I told Xander not to call them that! I warned him! Did he listen though? Noooo, not Xander, he had to go and show his bitterness. Look, Spike, if
they stuck you with Xander then it’s better you stay there until we know what’s happening, okay? I’ll go to the Council headquarters and do some research.
You stay with Xan, understand?”
“Right." He shut the phone and slammed it down on the end table with more force than he intended and that about drained him of the remainder of his energy
and irritated him all the more."Willow says you are to do exactly what Powers ordered, and that would be..." he turned his head slightly, "obey my every whim."
“She said what now?!” Xander got up and started pacing around the room. “It’s not bad enough that I have to deal with Andrew every day, it’s not bad enough that
I had to be in charge of the more demony employees, I have to have you around, now?” He stopped pacing a moment to glare up to the ceiling. “I thought we agreed
no more butt monkey! Stupid all-powerful wankers that be. And you!” He twirled around and pointed at Spike. “You are wearing some clothes around here, mister and
I don’t care if they’re sweats or leather. Oh, wait. They should be leather. So that you can see how it chafes when you’re human and have an actual body temperature.”
"Chafes...pah," he gave a disgusted sneer. "I want leather. And if not that, then jeans. Make sure they're black. I'm not about to go prancing about in something
colourful." Prancing...He hoped he'd be walking soon. "My throat is parched. Thirsty. That's it... get me some water."
Out of the corner of his eye, Spike caught sight of something beige. What was that under the legs of the chair near where he'd laid sprawled for hours? Not a scroll!
He used every bloody swear word they'd prevented him from using when he was in that holding room of theirs, and more. If it contained what he thought...his pulse
started to race. Nervousness, what that what this was?
Xander looked suspiciously at Spike. He looked...worried? Yeah...worried and a bit nervous. He opened his mouth to ask Spike what he was hiding but he was rudely interrupted.
"What the bloody hell are you doing still standing there with your mouth open? Get the clothes and the water." Get the fuck away from the scroll.
“Fine. Just fucking fine.”
Xander growled and, with a last glare at Spike he stomped to the bedroom to get him some clothes. Stupid ex-evil-undead and his stupid colour preferences.
He grabbed the first black pair of jeans he could find. They would probably be too large for Spike but frankly, at that moment Xander didn’t care. Stomping back to
the living room he threw the jeans next to Spike on the couch and went to the kitchen to get the water.
"Twist of lemon with it. And...fruit, peeled. Definitely peeled," Spike called out after him. "Cut up in small bits, not bigger than the size of quarters."
Hoping that would buy him enough time, he tried to make if off the couch, but collapsed back into it. That wouldn't work. And now for plan B. Those never worked, did they?
Leaning on his side, he held tight to one end of the jeans and threw them, trying to make the other end land on the scroll. Once.... twice... he didn't take too kindly to
failure. Just a little further and it might work. He bent so far, half his body was off the couch, and threw one last time. Ah... he started pulling the jeans back toward
him, with the scroll rolling nicely under them.
“Wash the cupboards Cinderella, do the dishes Cinderella” Xander grumbled, picking up fruit and utensils.
He was halfway through peeling an orange when he realised what he was doing. He was obeying Spike. Why was he doing that? Anger fully restored, Xander went back to the living
room just in time to see Spike try to trap something with the jeans.
“Trying to reach something, Spike?” He asked mildly.
"Changed me mind. Forget the water, I'd like to try a soda, yeah?" He smiled, though it hurt his face to force it.
“Ah, but Spike, what kind of faithful manservant would I be if I didn’t help you reach what you were trying to get.”
Xander replied cheerfully, convinced now that Spike was hiding something. “Here, I’ll get it for you shall, I?”
He kneeled down next to Spike and grabbed whatever was hiding under the jeans.
“Oh look, Spike. You came with directions.” He said as he unrolled the scroll. “Let’s see now, what does it say...”
“Ah, but Spike, what kind of faithful manservant would I be if I didn’t help you reach
what you were trying to get.” Xander replied cheerfully, convinced now that Spike
was hiding something. “Here, I’ll get it for you shall, I?”
He kneeled down next to Spike and grabbed whatever was hiding under the jeans.
“Oh look, Spike. You came with directions.” He said as he unrolled the scroll. “Let’s
see now, what does it say…”
"Manservant. Didn't take you too long to turn into a Brit, did it." He tried to snatch the
roll out of Xander's hands, but this time the boy was better prepared. "You're violating
my privacy, give it back to me. It's mine. It's mine," his voice trailed off in defeat.
For a moment Xander felt sorry for Spike. He sounded so lost…then he remembered
how Spike was going to take advantage of him just a moment ago.
“Says here that the Wankers are leaving you in my custody and care. So you were
right about one thing Spike, I’m supposed to take care of your sorry ass. But oh, look!
It’s not you who gets to make all the decisions! Oh no, I get to decide what’s best for
you and if you don’t do what you’re told there will be, get this, ‘dire consequences’.
In short, blondie, your ass? Is mine.”
Xander looked at Spike triumphantly. His triumph, however was short-lived. Spike
looked so freaking miserable, lying on the couch like that, staring at the floor.
"Get your jollies now, Harris. While you can." He had nothing left to back up his
belligerence, but he wouldn't let the likes of Xander know it.
As if dismissing him from his mind, he sat up and tried to draw his legs up so he
could put the jeans on. His legs felt like lead weight and wouldn't move. Bending at
his waist, he tried again, tried to get his feet into the jeans. "Bloody fucking hell," he
threw it at Xander's feet. "Where's my water."
The silence stretched between them.
That parched feeling didn't go away. It only got worse, now that the glass of water
was in view.
"Please," he said, the word barely audible as it slipped through tightly clenched teeth.
Xander watched Spike try to get dressed, shocked into silence by the jerky
movements. Spike looked like he was about to burst into tears. It was the ‘please’ that
finally snapped him out of it.
He shifted closer to the couch and bent his head a bit, trying to look into Spike’s eyes.
“I know you think I’ll be a bastard about this Spike but…Look Anya went through the
same thing, okay? She was all confident and strong around the others but I saw what
she had to deal with. I’m not going to make things hard for you. Well, not as much as
I could anyway.” He smiled tentatively. “I mean, you do have the uncanny ability to
piss me off and I’m not much of a saint.”
He got up and went to the kitchen to get Spike some fresh water, giving him a chance
to pull himself together.
Spike literally glowered at Xander's retreating back. He didn't need him to be nice...or
want him to. He didn't want to lay here as week as a baby, or to be under the boy's
thumb. Anything would be better than this. Anything. Even a ghostly existence
chained to Angel. At least then, he wouldn't have to rely on favors.
He looked up at the ceiling. Bloody Wankers. They tricked him. "I've changed my
mind! I'll take the other deal. I don't want to be human!" he yelled at the top of his
voice. And even that was gone. Not that they would have listened anyway.
What he would give to be able to go on a rampage now. Instead, he'd been rendered
impotent. This was worse than being chipped. It was worse than death. He pulled the
blanket up his body, and suppressed a shiver.
Xander heard Spike yell and paused. He knew that Spike didn’t want his help. Hell, if
he’d been Spike he wouldn’t have wanted the Zeppo’s help either but they were both
stuck here. He went back to what he was doing. He hadn’t wanted to be stuck with
Spike any more than Spike wanted to be stuck with him. He never liked the
guy. Okay maybe he was getting to like him when the world was going to end but that
was before Spike had tried to turn him into his slave.
Still…the guy was so weak. And he needed Xander’s help. He knew himself well
enough to know that he was a sucker for people needing him. Xander looked down at
the tray he had prepared. He wasn’t sure if it would help any but it was a start wasn’t it?
Picking up the tray he returned to the living room.
“Being human has its perks. One of them, and my second favourite one, is chocolate.”
He said as cheerfully as he could and laid the tray on the table. “We have Cadbury,
which we never got in Sunnydale and as far as I’m concerned is reason enough to
move to England. We also have Thorntons, generic supermarket goodies, and last but
not least, the classic American treat, Twinkies!”
Xander looked hopefully at Spike. He knew chocolate wasn't as important as, say the
ability to fight but it was good enough for him.
Spike eyed the tray, then Xander, then the tray. Knowing that English butler jokes
might not be a good idea, until he at least got some of that water in him, he let his
eyes do the talking as he reached for the glass.
Xander let out a frustrated sigh. “Come on Spike, at least I’m trying! We’re gonna be
stuck together for the foreseeable future, can’t you at least cooperate a tiny little bit?!”
At first Spike took small sips. The liquid soothed his throat, and took away a craving
that was almost as strong as blood lust. Greedily, he lifted the glass, taking big gulps
and spilling some out of the side. He ignored the sounds of protests coming from his
stomach and drained the glass.
"Not a child, yeah?" He stared up into Xander's dark eyes for a moment, before
looking at the assortment on the tray. "If this is an example of the healthy meals
you'll be serv... erm giving me, I think I'll be laid flat until the next millenium." You
didn't have to be human to recognize junk food.
"No biscuits," he complained. He picked up the twinkie and raised an eyebrow. "No
man should be caught eating one of these," he dropped it, and picked up the
chocolate. Nibbling at it, he found the sweet velvety rich flavor quite addictive.
Naturally, he wouldn't let Xander know he liked it. Making a face, he demanded. "Are
you going to stand over me all day?"
Xander rolled his eyes. Vampire or not, Spike was just as irritating as ever.
“I’ll go make dinner in a minute. Don’t eat too much you’ll spoil your appetite and oh
fuck, I sound like Willow’s mother.” This time the eye-roll was directed mainly at
himself. “Any preference on dinner? Could order Indian if you want. Love the curries
they have over here.”
He turned to look at Spike and finally remembered a very important fact. Spike was
“Clothes! We need to get you in some clothes!”
Spike stared right back at him. "And just how do you propose to do that?"
“Well, I was thinking you could put your feet in the holes provided and maybe tug up
until you’re wearing them?”
"Tried that, yeah?" Eyes still locked with Xanders, he challenged him to do the deed.
Who's turn was it to get all flustered and at a disadvantage now?
“Oh…right…” Xander shifted nervously. “I could maybe help with that then. But you
have to wear underwear.” He added, casting a pleading look at Spike. “It’s for your
own good really; they protect the sensitive bits from the harsh denim.”
Spike's eyes widened. "First you're worried about my chafed skin, and now my
'sensitive bits'... what have they done to you while I was gone? You sound either like
Mother Theresa or a bloody poofter. Which is it?"
Xander could feel the blood rushing to his head.
“I don’t…it’s not…I’m a guy and you’re newly human guy and I’m only sharing my
experience.” He finally managed to stammer out.
"Well go on then." Spike started to whip the blanket off and wasn't a bit surprised
when Xander rushed off. Laughing out loud, he dropped the blanket back down on his
lap and waited for him to return with some shorts. Which reminded him, "nothing
with any bloody cartoons on it, or hearts!" He'd caught a glimpse of Xander's skivvys
when everyone had been holed up at The Slayers house before the battle against The First.
Xander let out a sigh of relief. Spike could have made this way more embarrassing, he
thought as he searched for a pair of shorts with no cartoons on it. He finally found a
pair that was plain. Or as plain as Xander’s underwear could be. He went back to
Spike, carefully not looking at the blond’s lap, and showed him what he’d found.
“Will these do?”
"Red. Almost as bad as hearts." He shook his head in disgust, but was worried about
what the next choice would be. Sliding his hand under one knee, he tried to lift his
leg, then looked at Xander and shrugged. A few inches was the best he could do, the
rest was up to Xander. "This was your idea," he said, reminded him.
Xander gulped. Right, he had to get close to naked Spike. He could do this, there was
nothing to be embarrassed about. They were both men of the world. Right.
“Okay, here goes…” He said and kneeled before Spike. Trying hard not to think of
what his position looked like, he manoeuvred the shorts so that Spike’s foot came
through one of the holes. “Lift up the other one.” He said, hating himself for sounding husky.
Spike took his time. If he was going to feel belittled and mortified at his inability to
do anything, then he would make sure Xander suffered just as much... he'd grab those
moments when they came. When his second foot was in position and Xander started
tugging the shorts up as hard as he could, Spike wanted to laugh at the desperation in
the boy's movements. It was clear he wanted this to be over as soon as it could, and
was squirming on the inside.
Xander was trying desperately to get this over with, too aware of the compromising
position he seemed to be in. Spike, on the other hand, was clearly having too much
fun making things difficult.
The dark head bobbing at about Spike’s knee level, made him think of one universal
thing. Threading his fingers through the boy’s hair, he said out loud. "Hello Red, I
don't think this is a good time to visit. Wait until we're done, yeah?"
Xander’s eyes widened in shock and fear and he immediately jumped back, tripping
on the table leg and falling down on his ass. Only when he reached the floor did he
remember that Willow didn’t have a key to his apartment.
“That was so not funny.” He said, glaring at an entirely too smug-looking Spike.
Spike barely held in his laughter. "I'll need help pulling it up the rest of the way," he
pointed out, nodding at the scrap of red cloth now resting half way up his thighs and
very close to the edge of the blanket covering his so called 'sensitive bits.' "Here, I
have an idea. I'll lift, and you pull."
“Fine. Just. Fucking. Fine.”
Xander got up and approached the couch again. This time he didn’t kneel, he bent at
the waist and grabbed the waist of the shorts. By the time he realised that this position
put him closer to Spike’s crotch than the previous one, it was too late to retreat
gracefully so he gritted his teeth and tried to sound as calm as possible.
Hands braced on the couch, Spike did as he was told, lifting his hips up. Xander's
heightened color amused him. "Pull."
The omelettes Xander had made for dinner hadn't been half bad. No, they were
actually quite good. Spike had been surprised that the boy knew his way around the
kitchen. In Sunnydale, the only cooking anyone saw out of him was Dominoes Pizza
and Stan's Donuts.
Now he sat on the couch staring at the telly. They'd argued over what to watch. He'd
wanted old reruns of Melrose Place, and Xander kept insisting on some awful science
fiction. Spike had won that round and was happily watching the soap, but his
satisfaction was short-lived. Xander had control of the bloody remote.
An ad break came on. Spike was ready to snarl at Xander not to even think of
skimming channels in the direction of the sci-fi show when pain unexpectedly
wracked his stomach. His gut twisted into knots, and he had difficulty breathing.
Taking shallow breaths he tried to sit up straighter.
Xander absentmindedly watched the television, trying to figure out what to do with
his unwelcome guest. From what Willow had said it seemed that he was stuck with
Spike for the near future at least which sucked in ways the he was sure he was about
to find out. He turned to tell Spike to at least let him watch Star Trek on the break but
he swallowed his words. Spike seemed to be having some kind of trouble.
“Spike? You okay there?” He moved to sit next to Spike and leaned forward to catch
his eye. “What’s wrong?”
"Something's bloody sawing me in half..." he took a few shallow breaths, hoping it
would go away. "Stomach." The waves ripped through him again, causing him to
clutch his stomach and bend over, perplexed and looking at Xander for answers.
“Erm…maybe you ate too much?” Xander suggested, reaching out and placing a hand
on Spike’s back. “Does it come and go? Cause if it does then it’d be cramps.” The
hand on Spike’s back started rubbing in soothing circles. He’d spent enough of his
time around girls to know that cramps hurt like hell. He also knew how to make it a
bit better. “I could get you a hot water bottle. Willow says the heat helps a lot.”
"Ate too much... ate too much?" Spike snarled, now that the pain receded slightly.
"You're the one who fed me, yeah? Are you trying to kill me?"
The hand stopped rubbing as Xander glared at Spike. “Me?! You’re the one who ate
every single chocolate! And most of the omelette too! How the hell was I supposed to
know that you’d be a greedy bastard?”
"You forced the chocolates on me... and those rude snacks, the twinkies. Don't try to
put this on me." He took some more shallow breaths and felt a sheen of sweat cover
his forehead. "I don't think I'll be eating after this."
And then it struck, another bout of pain and nausea. Instinctively, he gripped Xander's
arm, his fingers biting deep into the boy's flesh. A groan slipped out of his mouth,
unmanning him yet again.
Loosening his hold, he didn't look at Xander. He just held his stomach, anticipating
another gutting. Next time, he wouldn't make a sound. Even if it bloody killed him.
Xander relented when he heard Spike groan in pain. “Yeah, yeah, held a gun to your
head while you ate them. I’ll go get you the bottle ‘kay?” He asked and ran to get the
hot water bottle and fill it with water. “I’ll be back in a minute!”
"Whatever, yeah..." He'd agree to whatever Xander wanted right now. This was
ridiculous. "It's not for me. This being human, business," he announced to no one in
particular. "I had a stomach lined with iron, now its..." He screwed his eyes shut, and
tried to rider the next wave. "If you're going to do something, Harris... do it now."
“I’m coming, hold your horses!” Xander yelled from the kitchen, waiting impatiently
for the kettle to boil.
Two minutes later he was back, sitting next to Spike and offering the hot water bottle.
“Just put it against your stomach, where it hurts.” He advised, his hand automatically
resuming its petting. By the time he realised he was once again soothing Spike he
didn’t want to move his hand. The guy looked so wretched…
Pressing the heat into his stomach, Spike was silent for a long time. The heat
penetrated and seemed to sooth, as did the movement of Xander's hand. Otherwise,
the boy would have been flat on his ass by now. "It's miserable being a human. I want
my money back."
“Don’t we all.” Xander whispered, fighting the urge to touch his patch. Taking a deep
breath he directed his mind to the subject at hand. Spike would need to sleep and in
the state he was in, the couch did not look like a good place. He looked at the blond
appraisingly and frowned. Something was off… he placed his free hand on Spike’s
forehead. “Oh great…You’re all hot and clammy.” He muttered, snatching his hand
back. “You should probably get some sleep.”
"You try to sleep with me putting daggers through you," he answered
belligerently. But he was tiring, and the pain had receded to manageable levels.
"Alright. I'll sleep," his tone made it clear he was doing Xander a favour. "Do you
have another pillow? Something without a big button in the middle?"
Xander didn’t want to do this…he really, really didn’t want to do it. “You can have
my bed.” But oh, look, he did it anyway.
Spike lifted an eyebrow. He didn't want any favors. He already felt like a git, sitting
here as helpless as a colt, whining about pain. But once he fully stretched out, his legs
would hang off the end of the sofa and he'd never get any sleep. "You're going to tell
me to go ahead and take the bed, knowing I can't get there, aren't you? I know that
trick, Harris. Wasn't born yesterday."
Xander stared at Spike in disbelief.
“Fuck you Spike! I try to be nice and get along and you just have to make it sound
like I’m a cruel bastard. Well you know what? Fine. Think whatever you want. I don’t
care.” He yelled and stood there glaring at Spike. “Last chance, bleach-for-brains. Bed
As much as he'd like to tell Xander to fuck off, he gave a meek nod. "Bed." He put his
arm out, and waited for Xander lean down and support him. On the count of three, he
got up, holding the hot water bottle like it was a lifeline. "Need to work on your
bedside manners, yeah?" Needling Xander was one way to pass the time as they
crossed the living room ever so slowly.
“Need to work on your human manners.” Xander countered, supporting Spike’s
weight. “This would go much faster if I just carried you, you know.”
All sorts of rough denials died on his lips as it got harder and harder to take the next
shuffling step. "If you ever tell anyone, I'll kill you. Even if you only tell in your dreams."
“Yeah, yeah, you’ll torture me by snarking me to death.” Xander muttered and leaned
down, putting a hand behind Spike’s knees and another on his upper back. He
straightened, holding Spike against his chest. “Okay, here we go.”
Xander walked as fast as he could towards the bed, proud of the steadiness of his
walk. Just a few more steps to go…just as he reached the bed, Xander slipped on a
sock and suddenly the bed was coming towards him way too fast.
His vampire reflexes and strength gone, there was nothing Spike could do to prevent
the fall. As he reeled backwards, instinctively, he held onto Xander. His landing on
the mattress might have been soft, but an "oomph" escaped him when the boy landed
on top of him.
Almost every part of their bodies touched. In fact Xander was practically nestled
between Spike's legs, and so far hadn't made a move to get off him.
Xander stared down at Spike, shocked into immobility. He could feel Spike’s body
underneath his own, warm and alive, pressing against him.
"Aren't you taking things a bit too literally? I don't think this is what the PTB meant
when they sad I'd be under, you, yeah?" The boy was obviously stunned. "Harris. The
answer is no. I'm not sharing the bed."
“I didn’t! I mean I wasn’t! I mean I’ll go now.” Xander mumbled and scrambled off
the bed, grabbing a pillow and running for the couch.
"Just shut the bloody light." Never mind that Xander already had on his way out. It
was a bit of a struggle to right himself and get into the bed on his own, but there was a
slight chance he deserved to be abandoned.
He'd thought he'd be awake for hours. That the stomach pain would return. Instead, he
seemed to slip right into sleep.
Xander shifted restlessly on the couch, trying to get comfortable enough to sleep. He
kept trying to relax enough to sleep, but every time he was close, he would feel
Spike’s body beneath his and snap right back to full awareness. He was not thinking
of how good Spike felt under him. He was not. He kept tossing and turning
until he was too tired to think of anything other than sleep and finally drifted off.
It was dark and cool - and then it wasn't. Heat burned his skin, boiled his blood. Sweat
drenched his body, and yet Spike still burned up. Pin pricks of pain stabbed his skin
everywhere. He tried to fight it, to push it away, to stop the pain. "No... no more," he
kicked out, punched...something wooden shattered...his hand hurt...but still the burn.
"NO, NO MORE!" he yelled. "NO MORE!"
Xander was slammed out of a restless sleep when a scream pierced the silence of the
apartment. He looked around, wondering why the hell he wasn't in his bed when
another scream brought reality crashing back.
He ran to the bedroom, taking in the broken table and the thrashing blond on the bed.
"Spike! Spike wake up." He said, trying to grab a hold of Spike's arms. "Come on,
Spike, it's just a nightmare, wake up!"
This was no good. Spike not only wouldn't wake up, the thrashing became more
energetic and he started clawing at his neck.
"Spike! Wake up damnit!"
Seeing no other option, Xander climbed on the bed and grabbed Spike's arms, pinning
them to his sides. He lay over Spike, putting most of his weight on him so that he
wouldn't be able to move and tried again, speaking close to his ear.
"Spike, wake up. You need to wake up now, okay? Just open your eyes. Open
your eyes Spike!"
Spike fought it... fought the pain... the heat... struggling until something weighed him
down. Something cool and calming, it was like standing under a waterfall. Letting it
wash away the pain.
"Stay. Don't go." Spike managed to command as he clamped his arms around the new
dream that would save him. The darkness slipped over him, putting out the painful
flames. Leaving him with the peace he sought.
Xander sighed in relief when Spike finally calmed down and stayed still. He tried to
shift a bit to climb off of Spike but the arms around his waist tightened every time he
tried to move and the blond started muttering and moving.
"Let go Spike." He whispered, unwilling to wake him up now that he'd finally calmed
down. A few aborted tries later he finally realised that the only way to get off Spike
was to wake him up. He lifted his head high enough to look down on the sleeping
blond and was struck by the tiredness he could still see on his face.
"I'll just close my eyes for a bit, 'kay Spike?" He whispered "Then I'll move. I mean
, what could possibly happen if I just rest my eye a bit?"
Hours later Xander opened his eyes and focused on Spike's face. Why was Spike
sleeping on the couch with him? He wondered and shifted a bit. His eyes widened and
he froze immediately as last night came tumbling back into his memory and a new
fact made itself known.
Spike's hands had somehow managed to wriggle inside Xander's underwear and were
now firmly cupping his ass. And his stupid, traitorous body seemed to like it!
Xander wriggled a bit, trying to get out of Spike's...hold. The moment he started
moving, Spike's hands tightened on his ass and he was pulled closer to the warm body underneath him.
Oh this is not good. This is not good at all. Come one Spike let go.
The wriggling was not only failing but it was also accentuating the disturbing reaction
of his body. Xander's mind shied away from the realisation that he'd gotten hard,
painfully unbelievably hard, just from feeling Spike's hands and his body.
Just a morning woody. Nothing to panic about. Lil' Xander has no interest at all in
the ex-evil ex-undead man lying under me. Shit he's under me!
Just then, Xander realised something truly horrible. Spike was awake.
Spike had opened one eye, and now forced the other open to find Xander on top of
him. "This is a bloody human nightmare. Tell me it's a nightmare." He moved his
hands, skimming them slightly over Xander as he tried to grasp what new drama the
boy had embroiled him in. Warm. Soft fleshy skin covering hard muscle...round…masculine globes. When his mind finally caught up and the
truth of the situation dawned on him, he gave a start and pulled his hands out of
Xander's shorts as if they'd been burned.
"What in fucking hell am I doing under you?" he demanded, just tethering in his
panic... mostly at being unable to recall getting into this particular configuration.
"Well, you were having a hell of a nightmare and I tried to wake you up but you
wouldn't wake up! So I tried to hold you still cause you were hurting yourself and my
furniture and you only calmed down when I lay over you to hold you down and then I
think I fell asleep." Xander babbled, forgetting that he was now free to move. "So I
woke up and you were holding...erm...yeah, so I woke up and then you woke up and
now we're both awake."
“Bollocks.” Spike’s heart…his very human heart was pounding out the message he
refused to give with his expression or tone. Nervous fear. Awareness…disturbing
The boy hadn’t moved. He was staring back at him. He couldn’t or didn’t school his
features to hide the panic. “Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?” Spike
demanded. “So ridiculous it might be true,” he added, lowering his voice. “Harris?”
Xander was staring at Spike's chest, hypnotised by all the skin now in view. He didn't
even heard Spike call his name though he did notice the chest rise up when he drew
breath to do so.
"You're awake now, aren't you? Do you need a bloody invitation to get the hell off me?"
Spike's voice finally penetrated the haze around Xander's mind and he suddenly
realised that not only had he stayed lying over Spike, he'd been just about to reach out
and touch him.
"Right. Yes. Getting off, I mean down. Getting down now." He stammered and
scrambled off Spike and off the bed. Once on the floor he had a better view of Spike's
chest which led him into another flurry of panic. "Gonna go shower. Yeah, a shower
sounds good. I'll be out in ten minutes okay?" He said, and not waiting for an answer,
rushed off to the bathroom.
Clenching his hands around the bedclothes, Spike told himself he hadn't noticed the
press of skin against skin. The slide of Xander's bare chest over his as he'd rolled off.
Or the feel of his very hard member pressed against his hip. But when his gaze
flicked to Xander's shorts, there was no way he could ignore the fact that L'il Xander
was standing at attention. "Make that a cold shower, yeah?" he bit out.
Xander cringed at Spike's words and locked the door behind him. He glared down at himself.
"You know, your taste in people is horrendous. Cordelia wasn't enough, you had to
get all excited about Spike of all people?"
He took a moment to calm down and turned on the shower. He contemplated
following Spike's advice but the thought of a cold shower was not in any way
attractive. Nice hot water it was, then.
He got into the shower and let the water run over him for a while. The heat was
soothing and after a while he started washing himself as efficiently as he could. He
tried his best to ignore his erection but for some reason it refused to go down.
"Don't look at me like that, there's no nookie for you, you evil ex-vampire loving
fiend." He muttered and tried to wash his cock with the same efficiency as he’d
washed the rest of his body.
Unfortunately for Xander, the moment his hand curled around his erection, image
upon image of Spike assaulted his brain. His hand tightened and almost against his
will he started stroking. Soon his movements became faster, as his imagination
provided Spike posed in all sorts of interesting positions. On his knees in front of
Xander in the shower. Lying back on the bed, legs spread wide, stroking his own cock
for Xander's enjoyment. On all fours, thrusting back against him, taking him in so beautifully.
Fast approaching the point of no return, Xander searched for an image that would
push him over. Spike…lying between his legs, pushing his hard cock inside Xander.
When he came back to himself, Xander groaned in mortification. I can't believe I
came, thinking of Spike fucking me. Please don't let me have shouted his name.
Please? He silently begged the heavens as he finished his shower and wrapped
himself in a towel.
He walked back to the bedroom and immediately started babbling, looking anywhere
but at Spike and trying hard not to blush. "Do you need to use the shower? I can put a
stool in the shower stall so you can sit down and not have to worry about falling over and stuff."
“Yeah…it’s an idea,” Spike said rather gruffly, aware that Xander was avoiding
looking at him. He took pity. After all, the boy was to feed, bathe and take care of his
other needs, and who knew what those needs might be? And that hot water bottle had
helped last night..
“It was nothing. I’ve already forgotten you were almost shagging me in your sleep. It
could happen to anyone.” Right, that wasn’t so convincing. He tried again. “It was
like sleep walking, yeah? And as for the…” his gaze slid to Xander’s crotch which
had only half an hour ago bulged beyond belief. “Snake in the trousers
act…completely normal,” he gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Who doesn’t wake up
with one. It had nothing to do with me, although, yeah…I’ve been told I’m a looker.”
Seeing Xander’s eyes widen, he quickly added. “Joking. Now help me out of here,
I’m about ready to burst…you didn’t warn me about drinking too much water before bed.”
Xander stood frozen to the spot, listening to Spike try to make things better. At least,
he thought that was what Spike was trying to do.
"Yeah, nothing to do with you." He mumbled, trying hard to convince himself.
Unfortunately, denial seemed to have taken permanent residence in Egypt and
Xander remained totally unconvinced. So now he had to help half-naked Spike get to
the bathroom without reacting at all. He could do that. Piece of cake.
"I forget you don't know stuff like that. D'you think you can sit?" Xander asked,
trying not to wonder how Spike was going to be able to pee. The guy could barely
stand and Xander so didn't want to have to hold him up while he took care of
business. There was no way he could remain unaffected if he had to feel Spike lean
against him for that long.
"Sit," he snarled, eyes going from friendly to openly hostile in the matter of seconds.
"I may be human, but I'm still a man." Placing one hand on the nightstand, which
seemed to have a broken... make that shattered lamp on it, he started forcing himself
out of bed. "Well help me then, but there won't be any sitting...don't even think of it,
even if you have help me hold it ."
It turned out, it was easy to stay physically unaffected when Spike was pissing you off
so much. "Yeah, a man, with those moodswings coming thick and fast I can tell you're
such a manly man, Spike." He snapped, glowering at him. "I am not, I repeat,
not helping you hold it or anything else for that matter!"
Spike shook his head. “I didn’t mean it literally, Harris. Now…unless you want a
puddle in your bed…” he raised his arm and once Xander bent, still glaring
resentfully, he put his arm over the boy’s shoulder for support. Using the strength in
his arms, he pulled himself up. He was standing. Better than yesterday, but one small
step showed him he wasn’t well enough to go it alone. “Right…on three then.” The
slow walk across the room went far better than it had the previous night.
Xander remained silent throughout the walk, angry at Spike for lashing out at him and
at himself for allowing the blond to affect him in any way. He had to get it into his
thick head that Spike was not going to stop needling him no matter how much he
needed him or how cooperative Xander was. It was obvious that Spike still hated him.
Insensitive though he might be, Spike couldn't mistake the anger roiling off Xander.
"What? You're not going to offer to carry me today, Nurse Harris?"
Xander ignored Spike, concentrating on getting the idiot to the bathroom. The faster
they got there, the faster they'd get out.
When they reached the bathroom, Spike thought the last step was more of a shove
than an assist. The only indication that he gave of having noticed was a "hmph."
Standing in front of the loo, he put both hands on the wall in front of him, and braced
his weight against it. Spike pointedly looked down at his shorts, then swung his
mocking gaze to Xander. "I'm ready then."
Enjoying the incensed look on Xander's face as the boy stormed out of the room and
left him there, Spike laughed loud enough to make sure Xander would hear him no
matter what room he disappeared to. One arm could hold his weight as he went about
Clenching his buttocks, he closed his eyes and experienced the ultimate relief of
emptying one's bladder. When he opened his eyes, they widened a bit. "Erm...
Xander..." He tugged his shorts up. "I...erm... forgot about the aiming thing. Yeah…
its...Xander?" He looked toward the empty door. "Xander?!"
The seconds ticked by. "You're needed for clean up duty." That had to irritate the boy
as much as anything else he could think of. "Do you hear? My legs are shaking.
Nursey, I’m about to fall and break my neck. What do you think the Wankers That
Be will do to you then?"
Xander stomped back to the bedroom and started yanking on his clothes, too angry to
pay attention to the voice coming his way from the bathroom. He was muttering under
his breath and consigning the Wankers that Be to a hell of their own devising when he
heard an almighty crash come from the other room.
"Oh shit. Spike? You okay in there?"
"Spike, stop messing with my head and answer me! Spike?"
No reply and Xander was beginning to get worried. He went to the bathroom and
opened the door. Spike was lying on the floor, seemingly unconscious.
"Fuck, this is all my fault."
Spike stretched out in the bed. The light was streaming into the room and everything
was nice and bright this morning, for a change. Even if he hated the fragility of his
now human body, the pain of bodily functions... both literally and in the sense that
they were a damned nuisance and usually occurred at the wrong time, despite
Xander's assurances that things would get regular soon... this one was thing he did
like. The ability to enjoy the sun.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and put his hand out. Sunlight bathed his
arm, but there was no smoke, no pain... no reason to panic and look for shade.
Raising his leg up, he decided he was feeling a lot better today. A good deal stronger.
It had been two days since he'd had that accident in the loo. "Good old Spike and his
plans, yeah?" he muttered under his breath. One minute he'd been threatening to fall
as a means of getting Xander to move his sorry little ass and get on with helping him
into a chair, and the next moment his legs had gone out from under him. Wasn't it
clever of him to hit his head and lose consciousness, just to avoid the pain?
Things had been a bit different after then. Both of them tried to be a bit more civil to
each other. Spike had to admit that Xander was the more successful one, but being
cooped up in a small apartment and as helpless as a child wasn't good for his moods.
He couldn't always control them, and lashing out at the only other person there was
his only outlet. No matter how much he regretted it later.
One thing that had taken getting used to was going to bed alone and then bloody well
waking to Xander sprawled all over him. He wasn't sure which of them had a death
grip on the other, or why... it was baffling. Xander's embarrassed exits were quite
charming, and even though he'd taken to wearing pyjama bottoms... somehow they
seemed to always either be pulled down to his knees, or useless when it came to
stopping Spike's hands from finding their way underneath them.
Bloody hell, he needed a smoke. Especially this morning. He might have made
Xander the butt of his morning flagpole jokes, but today he'd woken up with
quite a stiffy himself. It had to be because his body was on the mend. That, and he'd
been thinking about Buffy. Yeah... that was it. And he couldn't figure out why Xander
kept stopping him from ringing her.
That's it! Xander would have to be taught not to take the words 'in your custody' that
literally. He wasn't a bloody prisoner after all. He pushed off the bed and stood up.
Alone. He'd done it alone!
His frustration and demands forgotten all of a sudden, he walked carefully across the
room, wanting to show Xander there would be no more carrying him. When he
reached the loo, he heard the water running. That boy took so many showers, his skin
had to be clean enough to eat off. Spike's shorts disturbingly tightened at that thought.
He looked down, waved his hand in the air as if to dismiss the event in its entirety.
Denial was a good thing. He knocked, "Xander..."
Xander was in the middle of his millionth shower in two days. He was
cleaner now than he had ever been in his whole entire life but it
really wasn't his fault. He completely blamed his traitorous body for
jumping up and paying attention whenever Spike was around. He would be
lounging on the couch, minding his own business and Spike would lean
over to reach something, Xander would catch a glimpse of muscles stretching and
bang, instant hard-on.
Waking up on top of Spike every. Single. Morning. wasn't helping either.
They would go to sleep, him on the couch and Spike in the bed and
before he knew it Spike would be thrashing about and Xander would have
to climb all over him just to get him to lay still. If he hadn't been
so embarrassed at the result he'd have proposed they share the bed.
At the thought of sharing a bed with Spike his cock immediately jumped
"Traitor." Xander muttered, glaring at it. He was still having panic
crises thinking about being attracted to a man but that thought was
less scary than the thought that he was attracted to Spike.
Spike who was newly human and kept badgering him to call Buffy. Who
had kissed him last night.
He touched his mouth as the image re-played in his mind. He'd just managed to calm
Spike down, whispering to him that everything was alright and letting the blond hold
him tight around the waist, the way he had every night. It wasn't the most comfortable
position and he couldn't stop himself from squirming. Though now he wasn't sure if
he was trying to get away or closer to the warm body underneath him. It seemed to
help Spike to have something to hold on to though. And then it happened.
Spike's hand shot up behind his head and, simultaneously, he rolled both of them to
their sides, bringing his mouth down hard over Xander's. Too shocked to react,
Xander hadn't fought the kiss. With nothing to stop him, Spike thrust his tongue into
Xander moaned softly, remembering how Spike's mouth and tongue felt. At first, the
kiss had been brutal, almost desperate, much like Spike's thrashing about during the
nightmares. But just as suddenly, it turned into a long lingering kiss. With each stroke
of his tongue, Spike explored every part of Xander's mouth, marking it, claiming it,
and finally setting a rhythm that made Xander burn for hours after it ended.
Even asleep, Spike was a damn good kisser.
Just remembering the kiss made him groan and his hand immediately gripped his
erection and started pulling hard. He couldn't help but whisper Spike's name, mind
filled with images of the blond.
Just before he could find release, he heard someone else gasp. He opened his eyes,
seeing shocked blue eyes staring at him.
For a moment he was torn between embarrassment and anger. Spike smirked, and as
shock turned into amusement Xander snapped.
"I've had it." He growled. "I have had it. You! It's bad enough that I seem to have
developed an unholy attraction to you, it's bad enough that you kissed me for a good
five minutes and then promptly forgot about it in the morning, it's bad enough
that I'm spending more time with my dick in my own hand than I have ever spent in
my entire life, you have to go and interrupt the one thing that brings me any form of release."
As he spoke, Xander stepped out of the shower and advanced on Spike until the blond
was pressed against the counter. When he was done ranting, he put one hand on either
side of Spike's head, pulling him forwards until their lips met.
Not too many things shocked Spike. He'd seen too much. Done too much. But the
word shock didn't quite do justice to how he felt at the moment. It was as if he'd been
struck by lighting. Not once, but three times. Finding the boy whacking off under the
shower... now why hadn't it occurred to him to try that? Hearing him groan out his
name... his , and in a dreamy, husky voice full of longing. And now this…
Xander's lips pressed against his in an insistent and hungry kiss.
Did his heart pound? Oh yes, it was tapping out a rhythm even human ears would pick
up. Did his mouth burn? Did he kiss the boy back? Yes, but only because he had no
choice, there was nowhere to go as he was trapped against the sink. Was he insane?
He had to be, because even though he wasn't touching Xander, he wanted to be. He
wanted to hold him tight, force him closer, to press him against the wall and kiss
him like he'd never been kissed. The burn spread over his body, turning into an ache
the instant he felt Xander rub his erection against him. Aroused, he started to press
back, but broke the kiss suddenly, and pushed Xander away.
"Is that how I kissed you?" he demanded, wiping his mouth with the back of
his hand, furious that the boy had managed to draw such a strong response. It might
have been different if he'd been in control of the situation, but he didn't like this...
being surprised...bloody ambushed... and bloody well liking it!
He was fully aware that Xander was naked, and that it wasn't helping his own situation.
“Towel," he snapped, throwing one over to the boy and struggling to get his breathing under control.
Xander was completely mortified. He couldn't believe he'd done that. He couldn't...Oh
God, he'd kissed Spike and now everything was just....bad. The badness of the
situation could not be overstated. He grabbed the towel Spike threw at him and ran.
This just went to prove how much of an idiot he really was. What the hell had he been
thinking? As he passed through the bedroom, Xander grabbed his dressing gown and
just kept going. No time to find clothes, no time to do anything but go. Because Spike
was in the bathroom and he was about to come running. Then the mocking would
begin and Xander really couldn't take that right now. He'd kissed a man. He'd kissed
Spike and that was enough to freak him out without the added mocking.
He threw the front door open and stormed out. Or at least he tried to storm out but for
some reason he bounced back. He tried again but nothing changed. For some reason
he couldn't step out of his own apartment. The heat in his cheeks intensified as he
realised that there was no getting away from Spike.
"Stupid Wankers that Be. They hate me." He muttered, leaning against the invisible wall.
Spike appeared in the living room in time to see Xander's unsuccessful attempts to
leave. "Bugger that!" Spike's hand sliced through the air in a gesture of pure disgust.
"They didn't ... they fucking did!"
He paced away, the slowness of his strides irritating him now that he'd forgotten that
just yesterday, he couldn't walk on his own. "Bloody-fucking-hell." He came to a stop
and turned his steely gaze to Xander. "This is all your fault, you know. If you'd called
Buffy when I asked... this wouldn't have happened." Yeah, then he wouldn't have
been so desperate for human contact that he'd settle for one Xander Harris.
"If I called Buffy like you asked then nothing would have happened okay? Look, I'm
sorry okay? I'm sorry you got stuck with me, I'm sorry you're human and I'm fucking
sorry you kissed me. I sure as hell am sorry I kissed you. Just...back
off for a while. Can you ever do that? Back off?! Or is it against some sort of Spike
Xander was proud of the way he managed to keep the tremor in his voice to a
minimum. He had been trying so hard to get along with Spike and now everything
was ruined. Spike was obviously disgusted by the mere thought of kissing him. That
was more upsetting than it should have been.
"I can't deal with this." He muttered and made for the bedroom.
"Don't cry... he's going to bloody cry..." The words were barely above a groaned
whisper as Spike walked to the still open front door. He smashed his fist into
the invisible wall, yelping and bringing his knuckles to his mouth. Pain. This time
self-inflicted. Another fine lesson brought to him by Xander's Wankers That Be.
He glanced over his shoulder toward the bedroom and heard no sounds. No crying, no
muffled curses, nothing. Letting off a loud sigh of frustration, he slammed the door
and headed for the couch. It was all the boy's fault... it really was. Imprisoning him
here. Refusing to allow him to hear or see Buffy. Just because a bloody scroll said he
was the boss, he was really lording it over on him. Well bugger that!
Xander's phone sat within reach. Buffy's number had to be in it. After one last look
toward the bedroom, Spike took the phone and scrolled down the list of names.
"Angela, Beatrice, Daniella - not the demon one, Hanna - very hot, Inge... but no
Buffy, and all these...girls? He could have fooled me....Jesse...hopefully a girl-shaped
Jesse, Klingon's Unite..." Spike blinked. Checked the screen again. Right, it was
Xander. "... Laura, Mars Watch RPG, ..." he started to scroll faster, Red would be able
to give him Buffy's number. "Star Trek Geeks Anonymous, WC... ah, the Harris
method of filing names. Git." He scrolled to WC- Buffy, and hit the send button.
In the bedroom, Xander sat down on the bed, staring at nothing and letting misery
overtake him. Spike was blaming him for everything. It wasn't fair. Not like Xander
had wanted to be in charge of Spike. He felt a little guilty over the whole
Buffy thing. He had no problems letting Spike talk to Willow or Dawn but he really
felt like Buffy would do more harm than good.
Spike was having a hard time adjusting to human, he didn't need to find out that Buffy
was dating someone else before even the metaforical body had gone cold. Dawn and
Willow had promised not to tell him but Buffy...she was a wild card, you never knew
what she might do. Besides, she knew Spike was back and she didn't even call him.
It was for Spike's own good. It was. It had nothing to do with any unresolved
feelings Xander might have towards him, nothing at all.
Okay, maybe it had a little something to do with it. But it was mostly because Xander
didn't want Spike to get that defeated look on his face again. Stupid White Knight
tendencies...Angelus was right, he did think of himself as Buffy's white
knight. And Willow's and Dawn's. For some reason, Spike had been added to the list.
"I'm an idiot." Xander mumbled and let himself flop back on the bed. "Hey, the
ceiling has a crack."
Buffy's machine picked up. Spike re-dialed two more times, as if it would make the
result change, and finally gave up and listened to the message.
"Hi, this is Buffy. I'm on vacation in Rome, and Paris, and Rome, Rome, and…
Rome..." Spike frowned, was there a certain purr to her voice? "So... speak at me, and
I might call you if I can find the phone." He held the phone away from him and stared
at it. Buffy? There was a mystery here.
Without leaving a message, he stormed...or tried to storm very slowly...to the
bedroom and hovered inside the door frame. Good, no tears. He let out the breath he'd
been holding, and pointed at Xander with the phone. "Say's she's in Rome on
vacation. I want to speak to her. I bloody well need to speak with her."
Xander kept staring at the crack on the ceiling. If he squinted a bit it looked like hieroglyphics.
"I know she's in Rome. She's always in Rome. And I already told you there will be no
talking to Buffy."
His voice sounded as tired as he felt. It had only been a few days but it felt like they'd
been having this argument for years. What was he supposed to tell Spike, 'You can't
talk to Buffy cause she's busy playing with her new boyfriend and that information
will probably break your newly human heart'. Yeah, that would go down well.
Leaning against the door frame, Spike crossed his arms. "You're taking this whole
custody thing a bit too seriously, yeah?" His frown deepened. "You can't keep me
"'s not me keeping you here, Spike. It's the Wankers. Remember them? High and
mighty beings who think they know everything?"
Xander turned to look at Spike, intending to gather up enough energy to glare at him.
Instead of glaring though, he stared, eyes widening with horror. "Spike!
What...how...what are you doing?!"
Spike raised an eyebrow and drawled. "Not whacking off, yeah?"
Xander blushed and briefly contemplated waiting to see whether what was happening
to Spike could be permanent.
"Yes, thank you Spike. Nice way to bring up the most humiliating moment of my life.
I was talking about you going all Marty McFly on me."
"Marty who?" Now Spike was confused. "What? You don't like your jeans on me. I
knew they gave me bulges in all the wrong places." He'd have to do something about
that before he saw Buffy.
He pushed off the frame and advanced on Xander. "Stop looking at me as if you've
seen a ghost... and stop trying to make me forget about the call, I know that trick."
Xander scrambled off the bed waited for Spike to come close to him.
"I swear, Spike, this isn't about the phone call." He said, still staring. As soon as he
was close enough Xander took hold of Spike's left arm at the elbow and lifted it up for
Xander had drawn close enough that Spike smelled the fresh clean scent of soap
coming off him. Immediately the image he'd joked about slammed into his mind,
followed by the mind drugging kiss he'd hated every minute of.
"What..." He blinked and finally looked down. "My arm... my bleedin' arm is gone!"
He looked up at the ceiling. "Give it back to me you wankers, I need it. The arms
were the only things you gave me that worked right away." When he found his arm
was still see-thru, he ground out a stream of endless curses and threats.
"Spike...SPIKE! Try to calm down okay. What where you doing before you
went all Mr Cellophane." Xander curiously poked at Spike's disappearing hand and
tried not to freak out when his finger went straight through.
"We had enough poking and prodding this morning," Spike's voice was edged with
desperation as he roughly dragged his arm away. Strange...the sight of other
creatures' missing limbs never bothered him when he was hacking away with an axe.
"My arm...my human...flesh and blood arm..." he started to swear again, this time
letting the phone drop from his right hand, and then using it to confirm his entire other
arm was gone...slightly visible, but ... "I'm turning into a bloody hologram."
"I know. That's why we're trying to figure out what happened. You looked fine when I
left the living room. What did you do after that?"
Xander tried to sound calm and comforting but he wasn't sure he managed to hide the
little bit of panic. Spike was disappearing!
"Nothing. I'm stuck inside this apartment... care to tell me what I could have done to
get this?" Spike looked down at his hand again, and gritted his teeth. Anger slowly
edged out panic. "Fine. Go on and erase me. I never wanted to come back, now did
I?" At that moment, he meant it. Life might hold a lot of allure, but he'd felt the bite of
it's pain more often than not. "Maybe they should pick their slaves a bit more
carefully," he said, walking to the bed and flopping down, with his good arm flung
across his eyes. "You probably should leave now, yeah?"
"Spike for fuck's sake, stop acting like a three-year-old and tell me what you did! If
you can undo it maybe we can fix this!"
"Undo it... there's nothing to fucking undo. I’m over a hundred years old, and they've
got me under your bloody custody. That takes the cake...bloody wankers." He drew
in a few much needed breaths. "Stay home Spike, don't ring your friends Spike,
eat...bloody fucking don't eat. I'm sick of the lot of them and of you." He lifted his
arm and turned his head. "What are you still doing here? Or is this a viewing
opportunity you can't bear to pass up," he snarled.
"You know what? I didn't choose for you to be under my bloody custody!
I tried to be civil and get this over with without killing your pain-in-my-neck ass and
all you do is abuse me! Do what you want Spike, have junk food for dinner, go out
and party all night. Hell you can even call Buffy if you want. Not like you didn't go
through my personal phone to get her number. Have fun! Deal with the 'dire
consequences' whatever they are on your fucking own."
By the end of his rant, Xander was screaming at the top of his voice. "In short, fuck
you Spike." He concluded and turned to leave the room.
"Fine. Good. Bugger off. It's better that way." He closed his eyes again, this time to
prevent the boy from reading into his expression. The last thing he needed or wanted
was his pity. His other arm was already disappearing and if he'd felt no pain before
and thought it would be easy, the Wankers had just corrected him. Jerking his head to
the side, he bit down on the corner of the quilt blanket.
The blanket had warmed him when he froze that first day he'd been given life. And it
would silence his screams now as his insides started to shift... to be torn apart a molecule at a time.
Xander made it as far as the hallway before what he'd said crashed into his brain. Dire
consequences. He ran back to the bedroom.
"Spike! Dire consequences! If you don't follow the Wankers' directions you get dire
consequences." He said as he came into the room. He stopped when he saw how much
pain Spike was in. Stupid vampire, too stubborn for his own good. "Spike, we can
undo it okay? Just...okay maybe you should apologise or something. Promise not to
do it again. That could undo it, right?"
Spike had gone to the grave several times, and pain was no stranger. They could rip
him apart, but they wouldn't win. The cloth in his mouth was wet by now, compacted-
down as he bit harder, shaking like a leaf as he fought the urge to scream.
Xander watched Spike suffer, hating the fact that there was nothing he could do to
help him. He fidgeted a bit, moving forwards and reaching out to touch him then
moving back, not knowing if his touch would offer comfort or cause more pain.
“Come on Spike, please just apologise okay?” He asked, looking worriedly at the blond.
In the end, it was the look in the boy's eyes that broke him. That forced him to
swallow his pride. He spit the cloth out. "Yes...even though this is tuliped-up...pardon
me...in my flowery gardened opinion, I'm sorry...I won't do it again." It took a lot not
to scream the words out, no one would ever know how much. And he hadn't cursed,
yeah? He's used the WTB approved list of words, so they could hardly complaint. "So
put me back! Please..."
Xander looked anxiously at Spike, expecting to see him come back.
“Maybe you should sound like you mean it?” He offered hesitantly. “They can be real
bastards when they wanna be.”
“I mean, they’re very nice powers and we wish them all the best and can we please
have Spike back now? He didn’t do anything wrong, I mean, I asked him not to speak
to Buffy and technically he didn’t actually speak to her so no harm no foul!”
"Yeah... what he just said," Spike said in a surly tone.
Xander rolled his eyes at Spike’s pathetic attempt at an apology. Pain or not, vampire
or human, Spike sucked at apologies.
“Well? I’m waiting!” He said, trying to imitate Willow’s resolve face and tone.
“Bring the ex-vampire back.”
"Yeah... that too."
The bastards made them wait. A long time. A good ten fucking minutes when all they
had to do was give him back his body with a single thought. Did they even have
thoughts? Yeah...best not ask that one out loud.
Spike stretched his arm out, "Look... you think it's new and improved, or same crap, new day?"
Xander looked up from his position on the floor next to the bed. After waiting for a
few minutes he’d decided to sit out and just glare upwards until the Wankers fixed things.
“You’re solid again?” He asked hopefully. “Try standing up. Maybe they brought you
back same as you were before you screwed things up.”
"You just want to carry me, yeah?" He hesitated before he tried. What if Xander was
right, what if he was going to be forced to start at the beginning?
Slowly, he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Xander was already
conveniently on his knees, so he gripped the guy's shoulder and raised himself up.
He took a step. Then another. Then turned and gave a lop-sided grin. "Looks like
you're out of luck Harris, there will be no carrying."
Xander couldn't help but smile back at Spike. "Yeah, no carrying for you." He laughed.
His near erasure out of existence had overshadowed the Harris boy's most
embarrassing moments, as he'd called it. But that kiss was a big pink elephant that
neither one had brought up. And Xander's refusal to allow him to contact Buffy was
still a source of tension. It frustrated Spike to no end that Xander got the last word on that issue.
And later, Spike had suffered more indignities, courtesy of his brand spanking new
body. Bathroom rituals were bloody murder. And Xander's quiet promise - it will
all normalize - made him want to murder someone.
And now, he was sitting at the dinner table looking at Xander's plate. A big, thick,
juicy steak sat steaming, its aroma nearly driving Spike mad with hunger. No wonder
his stomach was growling. Now he was starting to know the difference between
good growls and bad growls. And those mashed potatoes looked so
thick and creamy, he might die if he didn't taste it. The green bits of fluff on the plate,
he paid no attention to.
Xander laughed at Spike’s woebegone look. He didn’t consider himself to be an evil
person. On a scale from one to ten, one being Closet!Larry with his merciless
mocking and ten being Angelus in the leather pants of evil, he considered himself to
be a lowly 0.1.
That, however, didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy having the best steak for dinner while
Spike was having chicken soup. Thin chicken soup, with tiny little bits of chicken and
They’d been getting along well since the awful near-miss with Spike’s gradual
disappearance, if you didn’t count the mounting Buffy-related tension and Xander’s
ineffectual denial of The Kiss.
“You were the one talking about never eating again.” He pointed out, popping a bit of
steak in his mouth.
Spike's eyes were glued on Xander's mouth. He watched as the boy chewed, licked his
lips, and raised his fork to his mouth again. "You're making me very hungry," he whispered.
“So eat!” Xander exclaimed and gestured with his fork towards Spike’s little bowl of
soup. “It’s healthy, good for you and the possibility of cramps is limited!”
"Very funny." His gaze met Xander's and he deliberately reached out and wiped the
pad of his thumb across Xander's mouth, snagging a bit of mashed potatoes, and
sucking it loudly off his thumb. Tasted a hundred times better than this gruel!
Xander froze, feeling Spike’s thumb brushing across his lips, staring as the blond
suckled on it. He tried not to picture Spike’s mouth over his, tongue licking at his
lips…tried not to think of last night’s dream, where Spike was doing all sorts of
interesting things with that mouth.
"Just teaching you to share," Spike said, in a mocking tone.
Xander snapped back to reality and immediately blushed a bright red. He smiled
mechanically at Spike and stared down at his food, cutting the meat and pushing it
around on his plate.
A few spoonfuls of the dishwater, and Spike was back to eyeing Xander's plate. That
is, when he could resist looking at his heightened colour and obvious attempts to
avoid his eyes. "I'd like your meat."
Xander choked. He’d been in the middle of an intense ‘Don’t think about Spike in that
way’ session and then the object of his penis’ desire suddenly said something like
that! He threw a panicked look in Spike’s direction and tried hard to breathe,
He was breaking. He was about to give in. Just one bite was all he was asking for,
what was the boy being so strict about it for? Spike licked his lips. "Dip it in the
cream sauce, yeah?"
Finally able to bring his breathing back under control, Xander glared at Spike.
“You gonna stop staring at my food if I give you some?”
"Of course." He forked a piece of steak from Xander's plate, dipped it into the mashed
potatoes and gravy, piling as much of the stuff as was possible onto the small piece of
meat, and brought it to his mouth.
He had to make it last, so he licked the sauce drizzling down his fork first, then some
of the potato, then took the rest in his mouth. When he finally swallowed, he thought
he might cry at how good it was. And how unfair it was that good meant pain.
Xander watched Spike eat…if you could call that eating. He was giving the food a
blow-job for crying out loud!
Spike met Xander's eyes. "What should I stare at now?"
“Erm…I dunno…not me. Or my food. Stare at your own plate.”
"I would. If it weren't so boring. Everything on your side of the table looks so much more edible."
“Well you can’t have it. Not until your stomach is used to the food!” Xander snapped
and went back to pushing his food around his plate.
Spike frowned, but obediently ate some more dishwater, only making a face now and
again. The silence seemed to stretch between them. And Xander's colour was still
high. "You're not still worrying about that bloody kiss, are you? It was nothing, yeah?"
If possible, Xander blushed even more. “What kiss?” He asked, his voice breaking.
Clearing his throat he tried again. “There was no kiss. I dunno what you’re talking
about. Nobody kissed anybody.” He babbled, staring at Spike in horror.
"That's right. It wasn't a kiss, so much as a 'slip and fall'. Bathroom floor is bloody
slippery when wet, and you couldn't help it that your mouth has good aim."
Well that did wonders for his own imagination, as he remembered the movements of
Xander's mouth over his. The feel of his hands on the side's of his head, of the hunger
and passion he would never have guessed resided in one Xander Harris.
“Yeah…yeah, good aim.” Xander mumbled, trying not to let his depression show. He
pushed his food around a bit, offering Spike a half-hearted smile. He knew Spike was
letting him off the hook but rejection was still rejection no matter how nicely it was
phrased and how confused Xander was.
"Angel's aim wasn't that good. I think he was aiming for Dru when... yeah, 'slip and
fall'." He lifted the spoon to his lips, never taking his gaze off Xander.
For the second time that evening, Xander choked on his food.
“Angel did what now? You’re joking right?”
"I promised not to tell that story, and now that I'm human, I'd better keep it, yeah?"
He leaned over and slapped Xander on the back. "You alright?"
Xander coughed harder. “Fine. I’m fine. Shit, you’re human but you’re nearly as
strong as Buffy!” He exclaimed, eyes widening in horror when he realised he’d
Spike slapped one last time, decidedly harder than necessary. Then sat back, quietly
staring Xander down. "If you said yes, it wouldn't kill you. And the bloody Powers
wouldn't erase me since it would have my jail keeper's blessings."
“It’s not…I know you don’t understand but I’m doing it for your own good okay?
Protective custody the Wankers said and that’s what I’m trying to do.” Xander
explained, looking beseechingly at Spike. Please just drop it.
"'Protective custody' ... those are two words, and you're fucking emphasizing only the
'custody' part. You don't need to protect me from Buffy. She said she loves me." He
knew it was a lie, but it was a beautiful lie. "And I like her aim, thank you very much."
“Oh yeah, I’m sure you like her aim. You liked it when she beat you to a tiny
bloody pulp too, did you?” Xander said angrily, stung by the reinforced rejection. It
was bad enough that he wanted to kiss Spike, he didn’t need his desire
to be slapped back. Especially by comparing him to the oh so perfect Buffy.
"Yeah... rough sex...that was fun.."he said, getting a faraway look in his eyes.
"Is that what you call it? Damn, and here I was thinking she was beating up
your sorry ass."
Even as he heard the words coming out of his mouth, Xander regretted them but it
seemed like he had no control over his brain. Some small part of him just wanted to
hurt Spike as much as he'd been hurt himself.
The words were jarring. More now that Spike was human and vulnerable, then if he'd
still been a vampire. His skin hurt! Not quite hurt, but his cheeks and neck grew
warm. This must be what it meant to flush with anger. Is that what the boy wanted?
To see him angry? Well he wouldn't have his way.
"Sometimes love is pain," he said, clenching his teeth and sneering.
“Not that kind of pain it’s not. Someone loves you, they don’t hit you. Hell, Spike,
you didn’t have a soul but did you ever hurt Drusilla like that?” How could Spike still
believe that Buffy loved him? Damnit, even the densest of people would understand
that she didn’t. Not like that.
"She doesn't love you Spike. She may care but she doesn't love you. Take it from
someone who's been in the exact same situation with the exact same person: it's not
about to change."
Uncontrollable fury washed over him, sending Spike's blood shooting to his temples.
Before he knew it, his hands shot out and turned the table over onto Xander, who just
managed to scramble away. Plates crashed and broke on the wooden floor, food and
drink splattered. "Get out of my sight. My legs might be weak but there's nothing
wrong with my hands," he snarled the warning out.
“Spike, that was my table! I made that table!” Xander exclaimed in shock,
staring at wreckage. “You broke my table.”
"You're next if you don't get out, now," he stood up and took a step toward the boy.
"I'm not bloody kidding, yeah?" Who knew human rage meant seeing red? Wanting to
smash and tear the place apart? A tight jaw, and pain in the muscle that throbbed
every time he clenched his jaw? "Move, or I won't be responsible," he bit out.
“No, you’re not kidding, are you? Vampire or not, you’re still the same. Fine Spike,
you win. Call Buffy. You have my blessing to screw up your life any way you want.
I’ll be in my room.”
Xander’s words were quiet showing just how tired he was of this situation. He felt
like he was a thousand years old. Spike was just as violent as ever and he was just as
much of a Zeppo as ever. Why think that anything would change?
Spike didn't turn around as Xander headed for the bedroom. Nor did he answer him.
Already, he was doing everything in his power to hold onto his raging temper. That
boy knew how to push his buttons, he did.
Minutes later, Spike was still rooted to the same spot when there was a soft knock at
the door. Buffy. It had to be. Now he'd show Xander how far his head was up his ass!
Crossing the room as fast as he could without falling flat on his face, he tugged the
door open and had a waiting smile on his face. It was a blast from the past alright, but
not the one he'd expected!
“Hello Spike.” Dru stood on the other side of the barrier, looking hungrily at Spike.
“No, not Spike. My William.” She laughed, clapping her hands together in delight.
“Come, my William, we can play!”
"Drucilla?" As if mesmerized, he moved inside. Only when she stopped at the
threshold, did he realize why. "Come in," he whispered, his eyes drinking in the sight
of the woman who'd turned him... who he'd tumbled so many times. There was a
definite tug on his heart. It had to be human sentimentality, not that he'd been short of
it as a vampire. Odd though... the invisible blood pull of his sire was gone.
Drucilla took a few dainty steps and reached out to caress Spike’s cheek. So different,
her boy…her knight…all warm and full of noise. She frowned, tilting her head to get
a better feel of him.
“All wrong like this.” She whispered. “My dashing stranger is not right. We shall fix
you my knight. The fishies are gone now but fear not, we’ll bring them back! Then
we shall play again!” She concluded, smiling happily at him.
He put his hand over hers and leaned into her palm. "Fix me. We've been through that,
yeah?" Spike grinned. "It was a good time, luv. A very good time. And now I'm..." He
ought to be scared, you never knew with Dru, but he wasn't. "Broken, you might call it."
Dru crooned, wrapping her arms around Spike and leaning her forehead against his.
“We’ll make you right again. Cold and silent, like me. Then you shall be my knight
and we shall have tea with the queen of hearts. Her own knight must go though.”
Sudden change of mood and she was glaring at the apartment.
“Her knight shan’t play with us. I don’t like him Spike. Make him go away.”
"Her knight?" Spike raised an eyebrow and followed her gaze to the mess in
the dining-room. "Never mind that pet, Xander's just a messy eater." He looked at her.
"How did you find me?" Was she going to turn him again? He could think of nothing better.
“The stars told me I lost you…like we lost Daddy but I didn’t believe them.” Dru let
out a little growl at the stars. “But I made them tell me how I could fix it.” She
laughed and vamped out, leaning towards Spike’s neck.
"I hate this body. It's weak. It hurts," he said, his heart pumping faster and faster as
she drew close. The blood roared in his ears as he thought of the power he'd had as a
vampire, the lack of pain. He hadn't needed anyone... not for a bloody thing. And he
never would again!
A million images assaulted Spikes mind. Power. Lust. Him on top of the world, on
top of his game. Vampire. People would quake when they saw him, not make fun or
tell him what to eat. Yeah, there would be no ordering of the Spike, because he'd be in
control. The big bad would be back!
"Yeah. No more being told to go to bed. Or eat the bloody greens. Or--". His arms
shot out suddenly, and he grabbed Drucilla by the shoulders, holding her away as he
had an epiphany. "Stop. If I do this now... he's the first person I'll kill." He knew the
demon who'd possessed him before, and nothing would spare Xander from William the Bloody.
Spike saw the glint in her eyes, the look that said they'd enjoy it together. "I said no,"
he snarled, shaking the vampire, wishing he hadn't invited her in. "No one will touch
him. No one."
“But Spike…” Dru whined, pouting at him. “The queen’s knight, he wants to take you
away from me. Bad knight! No tea for him.” She pulled Spike close again, growling
at a spot behind him.
The sound she made was a warning. Spike looked over his shoulder to see Xander.
Not the Xander he was used to seeing. This one didn't wear a smile, or even the
frustrated end-of-his-tether look he seemed to get so often for no particular reason
these days. No, this Xander was calm, his face stony and serious, his gaze trained on
Drusilla. And so was the crossbow. "Put that away, it's not necessary, yeah? I'm
handling this," he said, frowning at the boy. Why couldn't he have stayed in the room?
“No.” Xander replied, never taking his eyes of Drusilla. “No way am I letting a
vampire and a clearly insane human alone in my flat. I like being alive entirely too
much to do that.”
He’d heard the door open a while ago but he’d ignored it, too lost in his own funk and
thinking that maybe Willow could talk some sense into Spike. ‘Cause who else could
it be at the door. It wasn’t until he’d heard the first growl that he’d realised something
was wrong. He’d managed to sneak a peak through the keyhole and the moment he
saw Drusilla he’d run for his crossbow. Nobody messed with him or his own
anymore. Even if his own was an annoying ass like Spike.
He didn’t care whether Spike wanted to be a vampire or not, Xander was supposed to
protect him and he would!
Except that Spike hadn’t wanted to be a vampire. Not if it meant Xander’s death.
Something to think about after Dru was dust because she sure as hell wasn’t getting
out of here alive. Or undead. Whatever.
"Dru--" Spike's words of reason were cut off when he felt her make her move, and
body slammed her against the wall to prevent her from getting to Xander. The boy
thought she'd survived all these years and would be brought down by a bow and
arrow. She was too quick for that, and too crazed to worry about a silly bow. Bloody
hell, that body slam fucking hurt him all over. He'd scream later.
"Don't Dru..." he felt her hand slide around his throat; her nails digging into tender
human flesh. He felt her lift him up off the ground. "Dru... old times," he gurgled. His
feet touched the ground. At least he wasn't dangling like a silly puppet. One time
didn't ruin a reputation made of a century, did it?
Xander kept the crossbow steady, waiting for a clear shot. Spike always seemed to be
in the way and he wasn’t risking anything but a clear shot to the heart. He knew he’d
only have one chance and it had to be right.
Dru narrowed her eyes at Spike. She didn’t like what she saw. Not at all. “It’s too
late.” She gasped suddenly. “He’s already taken you from me. I shall tear him into a
million pieces.” She declared stomping her foot. “Miss Edith does not like this, my
William. You belong with us not him.”
Before Spike could sooth his vanity some more, he saw her shift fix on Xander.
Again, an unfamiliar sensation of protectiveness washed over him. He crossed
between them. "Please Dru.. I be..I be..." Fucking hell, he needed to get the plea
out now. "I beg you. Please leave him... us alone. We'll play some other time, pet."
“You…you shan’t be my knight if I do that.” Dru observed, tilting her head at him.
“You’ll leave me again, like daddy did.”
Her eyes took on a dreamy quality as she turned away from Spike. “I’ll find me a new
knight. One of starlight and thunder. He shan’t leave me for the light.”
Spike released his breath as she turned to leave, but the crisis wasn't over, because
Xander had just lifted the cross bow. "Xander, no!" The words were torn from his
lips, half command, half plea... Too many fucking pleas to make when you're a
The boy hesitated, and Dru was gone. Spike slumped back against the wall. "Thank
you. Do you think I'll be sporting any bruises?" he asked, sliding his palm down his
chest and right thigh where the impact against Drusilla had been the hardest. This
body better toughen up a little faster, before he changed his mind and begged her to turn him.
“The hell did you do that for? I had a clear shot! Damnit, if Giles ever finds
out I let Drusilla go I’m never gonna hear the end of it.” Xander glared at the empty
doorway, trying hard not to stomp his foot like a five-year-old.
"Professional courtesy." He smirked. "Once a vampire you know."
This time Xander couldn’t stop the pout.
“I wanted to get her. You know how many people have been after her? The woman is
insane but she’d damn hard to dust. And hey, you’re human now. Forgetting how to
aim is one thing. By the way, don’t think I’ve forgiven you for that, ‘cause I haven’t.
Forgetting that you’re food now? Whole other level of suicide. She could have killed
you dead! And now I’ll have to ask Willow to do an uninvited thing. Just so you
know, I’m blaming you. I already heard the lecture way too many times. Your turn
The last one was thrown over Xander’s shoulder as he went back to the bedroom to
put the crossbow away.
"Turning into bloody mini-Giles now, aren't you," Spike closed the door, and headed
for the room. "That wasn't a compliment." He watched the boy's angry motions as he
put the cross bow in place in the closet and turned. Censure roiled from his dark
brown eye. Spike shifted his weight. "She's my ... friend."
It wasn't the right word. But there was no word for sire, lover, companion, friend,
team mate, and a damn good time, all rolled into one. "You wouldn't let anyone kill
Willow when she was evil, would you? It's the same with Dru. I grew up with her." It
had taken decades to grow from the spineless, down on his luck love poet he'd been
when she'd turned him. And she had a lot to do with that.
"Willow was evil for a few days. Dru's been evil for centuries!" Xander declared.
"Besides, you can't compare Wills and me to Dru and you. For one thing, Willow
never left me for a demon. She left me for a werewolf. Notice the lack of slime?" As
he babbled, Xander grabbed the phone and tossed it at Spike.
After the Dru incident he felt better about himself. Meaning he could forgive the food
thing. "You're buying me pizza. You ruined my dinner and humans make up for stuff
like that with pizza. Or at least they do when they ruin my dinner. Ask
Willow. Speaking of Willow, she only tried to end the world once. How many times
did Dru try to end it?"
Holding the phone, Spike's brows furrowed for only a moment. "Ah but... Willow was
so much better at it, yeah?" That ought to take care of that argument. "You did say I
could call Buffy?" The look in Xander's eye told him any further needling would
result in no telly privileges or some other parental-style torture device that he came up with.
"Right... joke," he bit his lip and pressed the speed dial number for one of the eight or
so pizza halls that were inputted. After he gave their phone number and address, he
ordered. "Large pizza. Yes large... what do you mean large or super-large... when did
they come up with super-large? Let me put it this way .. big, bigger, biggest... I want
biggest. And if you say super-biggest I'll..." He gave Xander a frustrated look.
"Toppings... I have to pick bloody toppings? Put everything on it." The excited
jabbering from the other side had him gritting his teeth. "I have to pick a combination.
Right. Combo A has....Look, give me combo C, and I don't really care what the
bloody hell is on it, it's not for me. Right. Good." He put his hand out. "Give me your
credit card so I can hurry up and buy you this pizza. Enthusiastic-guy on the other end
is driving me mad."
Xander tried hard not to laugh at Spike's attempt to deal with the pizza guy. From the
look Spike gave him though he was fairly sure he'd failed to hide his amusement.
Served the over-bleached one right for being stupid enough to let Dru in, he thought
as he handed over the credit card.
"Yeah but Dru killed way more people." He pointed out the moment Spike hung up
the phone. "You're helping me tidy up and fix my table by the way. Part of your
apology for slaying it."
"Buy a new one." He looked at the shiny bit of plastic in his hand. "We can go
shopping tomorrow." That he slipped in, hoping for a yes since they'd discovered that
leaving was no problem so long as they did it together. One more day in the apartment and ...
“I made that table. Made it. With my own two hands. First thing I ever made after I
lost my eye.” Xander looked intensely at Spike, trying to get him to understand how
much that table meant for him. “We’re fixing the table, Spike.” He concluded
in a voice that brooked no argument, resolve face to the fore. His Willow had taught
Spike slapped his hand around Xander's back. "Let's go fix the fucking table then.
Maybe I'll earn a slice of pizza..."
Several hours later, after the table had been fixed, and the pizza eaten, and the mess
cleaned up, the guys found themselves sitting on the sofa watching television. The
fight must have gone out of both of them, as they were being quite friendly and
civilized. They'd even managed to agree on a show to watch. Spike eyed the only 'fly
in the ointment,' the bloody remote in Xander's hand. Why did he always end up
getting control? There was something definitely wrong with this picture.
Those hands though…. With those very hands, Xander actually built something. A
whole table. Spike imagined him working on the table, carving the simple design on
it. Strong, but gentle hands. And deft. Hard and soft, he knew just how they felt.
Didn't he wake up with them on his chest, or at his waist every morning? The boy
knew how to use those hands in different ways too... images of him pleasuring
himself in the shower assaulted his mind. No... no... he didn't need to thing about that, or want to.
Dragging his gaze away from Xander's hands, Spike tried to regulate his breathing. It
was a very sad day when an ex-vampire got hot and bothered over the thought of
another man jerking-off. Or maybe it was the knowledge that Xander had been
thinking about himself as he... NO no no, he was not going there. He tried to watch
the show, and succeeded. But other things came to mind. Things that were less
confusing and distracting.
Like the fact that he'd realized tonight that Xander had taken better care of him, and
had taken plenty more shit from him, than Dru ever had. Dru had been downright
cruel when he'd been stuck in a wheelchair. Xander on the other hand... His gaze went
to the boy's face. Xander tried to stay angry. He could even hear Xander promising
himself to stay angry and not help, but it was a promise he never kept. Would Buffy
take this good care of him? He knew the answer. And it was no. No one had ever done
so much for him, including wiping up the messes he left. And he was a bloody fool to
think anyone else would ever do so. "You're too bloody nice," he snarled under his
breath, hardly acknowledging Xander's startled glance, and turning away from it.
“Huh? What’d I do now?” Xander exclaimed, trying to figure out where the
snarling had come from. He’d been sitting there, pleasantly tired, watching television
and Spike was suddenly snarling at him. “What do you mean I’m too nice? What, I
should have forced you to watch Captain Archer?”
Putting his hands behind his head, Spike turned slightly. "Got wax in your ears, yeah?
I said I don't want to see any more bloody rice," he jerked his head toward the telly,
where a family of four was now making ridiculous ummmm ummm noises in a
commercial for wild rice.
Xander turned back to the television, smiling softly. Spike thought he was nice. Okay,
so maybe he’d said it in a nice-equals-stupid kind of tone but still…he thought Xander
was nice. The smile turned pleased. He liked that Spike thought he was nice. It
was…nice. Okay so he was attracted to a guy. At least he was attracted to a
human guy. Recently human but still…human! He stole a glance at the blond.
Gorgeous human, he thought, smiling at Spike’s profile.
His eye moved to the kitchen where the recently restored table was gleaming with
care. On the other hand, Spike was still Spike. Meaning he was annoying, could be
mean as hell and still left wet towels everywhere. Much like Cordy and Anya
in fact. Xander snickered quietly. Guess the gender could change but his taste could
not. Besides, all three of them had another thing in common: they could all be very
sweet when they wanted to be.
He’d heard Spike refuse Dru for him. Not strictly for him but for his life at least.
Spike was mostly miserable as a human but he’d still refused the chance to go back to
what he was because he didn’t want Xander to die. He’d been nice to him for the
entire day after that as well. He’d even admired Xander’s craftsmanship, commenting
on how well carved the designs on the table were. He liked this Spike…the one who
didn’t feel the need to snark and put his attitude to the fore.
Another glance at Spike, who was frowning at something on the television. Maybe
little Xan had the right idea after all.
Spike felt the weight of Xander's gaze. The longer the guy didn't take his eyes off
him, the more nervous he got inside. Finally he glanced at the boy, and saw exactly
what he'd imagined. A soft brown eye filled with hope, a half smile, a dreamy look
that teenagers reserved for their crush of the day, or hour. God, let it be hour.
Spike swallowed hard, not wanting to like being the object of a look that spoke of
dreams and wanting and promises. If he let him go on like this, things would get very
messed up. This wasn't how things were meant to be. He...Spike was in love with the
Slayer. Xander's pattern was fall for demon birds who tried to kill him. Why the
bloody hell was he changing the rules on them now?!?
And why am I panicking?
A plan. He needed a plan. He was the master of plans, yeah... that was the ticket. He'd
solve this problem, he would.
Spike lay staring at the ceiling. This wasn't like all the other nights before. Tonight, he
didn't fall into a deep, deep sleep the minute his head touched the pillow. His brain
didn't stop. And his body didn't feel like lead weight. He was...getting better.
Now. About the problem called Xander. The boy had a crush on him, that much was
clear. If it had been just about sex, it might have been alright. But the way he looked
at him to tonight. Velvetty chocolate brown eyes so soft and blurry, so full of
emotions he couldn't hide... it scared Spike. Even now, his stomach clenched. Fear for
Xander... for the disappointment he'd ultimately face if he went down this road. And
fear for himself. Because never had anyone looked at him with such open adoration,
without asking a thing back from him, or expecting him to be strong, or to know all
the answers. He could drown in that. He could lose himself in it.
"No. Nip it in the bud tonight, that's the best way. Yeah... stop him looking at me like
that, and get Buffy... everything will get back to normal." He muttered his thoughts
aloud. Now for the plan.
Wide awake, and perfectly alright, he started shouting the way Xander told him he
cried out at nights. He spewed out words and curses, and called for help, hitting the
nightstand with his hand and threatening to send it crashing to the ground again.
Xander woke up to the usual screaming coming from the bedroom. Sometimes he
wondered why he even bothered to fall asleep. He rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up
enough to stumble to the bedroom. Once there, he climbed on the bed and cuddled
next to Spike. He’d stopped trying to force him down a couple of nights before when
he realised that his mere presence on the bed seemed to calm the blond down.
“Sleep Spike. I’m here now. Just sleep ‘kay?” He mumbled and pulled Spike close to
him. Now that he’d finally accepted the fact that he wanted Spike, he could enjoy
feeling the blond’s body against him without trying to excuse the pleasure he got out
of it. He sighed happily and relaxed, willing himself to go back to sleep.
Spike wasn't as happy. This wasn't right. Xander was going sleep… Just sleep? He'd
been eyeing him like some sort of fruit tart...right, not the best description considering
their situation...but now he wasn't taking advantage. Who wouldn't take the
opportunity to take what they wanted when the object of their desire was in deep sleep?
Xander wouldn't. Because he was caring, and human and...damnit... Spike argued
with himself. To do this or not. To hurt the boy. That wasn't the question. Xander
would be hurt either way. Sooner was better than later. Later would mean heartache…
Decision made, there was no turning back. Spike rolled over on top of Xander,
whispering meaningless words against the boy's ear. His breath came hot and moist,
and he felt the boy's immediate reaction under him.
He stroked Xander's sides, up and down, each time pressing closer, moulding their
bodies together. His shorts suddenly constricted around him so tight, he hissed.
Control... where the bloody hell had his control gone?
Xander was drifting back to sleep when he felt Spike roll on top of him. Nothing new
there, Spike always cuddled when he felt Xander next to him. The whispering though,
that was new. And so was the touching and the pressing and oh God that felt so good.
He tried to breathe normally and ignore Spike’s actions but damn it was hard. Spike
chose that moment to kiss and nibble on his neck and ‘hard’ acquired a whole new
meaning. He let out a soft moan he arched his body, pressing against Spike.
“Spike? Please be awake.” He whispered, tilting his neck to give the blond greater access.
The sound of his own name whispered so urgently sent a jolt of need through the ex-
vampire. He shouldn't kiss him, he really shouldn't. He should just stick with the plan,
but that mouth...he needed to feel it...to taste it once again.
Muttering a few more senseless phrases before his thoughts were scattered to the
winds, Spike lowered his mouth and unerringly found Xander's. Meeting no resistance
at all, he pushed his tongue inside. His head swam as their tongues danced together, in
and out. He let it go on for as long as he could, then slid his hand under Xander's head
and kissed him more fiercely, taking everything the boy would give him...savouring
it, craving more.
Xander let himself get lost in the kiss, in the feel and taste of Spike. Please be
awake, Spike. He felt Spike’s hands trail down his chest and toy with the edge of
his sleep pants. He pushed up, rubbing his erection against the blond, willing the
hands to sneak inside his pants.
When they finally did, cupping his ass and pulling him harder against Spike he
moaned into the kiss, his own hands finally coming into play. He started at the
blond’s back, tracing the muscles and slowly trailing downwards. The small part of
his mind not dazed by Spike’s kiss noticed how silky soft the skin felt, how the
muscles quivered under his fingers, how Spike shivered when he touched him.
Spike was lost in sensations. Xander's warm body wriggling slightly under him. The
heated kisses, the slide of tongue against tongue, the tentative strokes of Xander's
hands as they reached his ass...A shock of desire wracked his body, instantly making
him grow hard and heavy, as he jerked against Xander, trying to get relief.
He raked his hands one last time down Xander's bare chest, gripped the elastic
waistband of his pyjama bottoms and shorts, and cleanly swept the material half way
down the boy's thighs. Why he needed to feel him, to run his hand over his arousal, to
know how much the boy wanted him back, was beyond him. But once he gripped his
silky-soft length and stroked him, felt the boy grow harder in his hand, a thrill edged
with fear and warning ran through him.
Sticking with the plan was growing close to impossible. There had been no nakedness
in the plan. Already Xander was naked. There had been no penetration in the plan, but
God damn it...Spike wanted it...he wanted to turn Xander over...to feel him from the
inside...to hear him call his name out again and again.
Spike's entire body jerked in response to his thoughts. Taking his hand away as if it
had been burned, he clamped down on Xander's hips and dragged him up against his
body, as he pushed down and thrust against him.
Xander whimpered when Spike’s hand left him only to gasp in pleasure when his
entire body was pulled into close contact with Spike’s, his cock rubbing against warm
skin and hard flesh. He looked at Spike, saw blue eyes half-open but unseeing as they
often did during one of the dreams. Shame overwhelmed him when he realised that he
was taking advantage of Spike’s sleeping status. He tried to move back but Spike
chose that moment to push down, and all thought fled Xander’s mind.
Through half lidded eyes, Spike watched the boy's eye as it darkened and went out of
focus, he felt him shudder, and he was lost in the heady scent of the boy. Part clean
fresh soap from all those bloody showers...the images that came with that thought had
him thrust hard against the boy...part musky, all male.
Spike might have lost his vampiric senses, but there was nothing wrong with his
memory...and it filled in the bits that he couldn't sense for real. The heady scent of
pheromones building…clawing at him…drawing him like a magnet, the sound of
blood rushing through veins and of a pumping heart. As if for real, he smelled and
heard all the signs of arousal. And it built the pressure inside him. He rocked and
rocked against Xander, seeking relief, climbing towards it before he burned up.
Xander pushed harder against Spike, his head arching back, eye closing as he chased
his release. “Please Spike…” He whimpered, not sure what he was begging for but
needing it all the same.
"Yes." He hadn't intended to answer, but every time he heard Xander say his name, he
lost control. Spike ground his hips harder and faster, sharp stabs of pleasure driving
him wild. Even through his shorts, he felt Xander, slick and hot against him, wanting
him. He slid one hand under Xander's ass, lifting him up almost violently to meet his
thrusts. By the time he shuddered his release and collapsed on top of the boy, his
breath was ragged.
He was astounded by the strength of his reactions to Xander. And bloody hell... he'd
Xander felt Spike shudder against him and felt a touch of pride that he’d managed to
make him lose control. Spike had come touching his body, his lips, him. He put his
hand behind the blond’s head and dragged him down for another kiss. He could never
get enough of Spike’s kisses. Feeling himself get closer to the edge, he arched back,
letting go of the kiss.
Spike tried to say it now....he tried, but the word stuck in the back of his throat. He
was meant to have been imagining her under him anyway, but all he'd seen
and felt and wanted was Xander. It couldn't end like this. He had to do this… it was
for the best... it was. Even if his gut clenched.
He worked up the courage again, then lifted his head slightly. "Buffy..." he groaned,
giving one last hard thrust of his hips so his meaning couldn't possibly be lost on the boy.
Too late to stop his orgasm, Xander let himself go, closing his eye and turning his
head away. Buffy. Of course. Spike was dreaming about Buffy. Shame returned with
a vengeance when he realised he’d taken advantage of Spike. But this time…this time
it wasn’t just shame. He tried to breathe in deeply but fuck it hurt. He couldn’t
breathe, he just…he should have known. Buffy. Who else would it be?
Have to get out of here. Have to breathe.
He tried to scramble off the bed, forgetting about Spike’s octopus-like grip after the dreams.
The boy’s panic and hurt was palpable. Spike had known it would be bad. He'd been
wrong. Dead wrong. It was worse than bad.
It's for his own good, one part of his mind cried out. But the other part, the
new part cursed him to hell and back for wounding his friend.
He felt Xander wriggling...trying to get free. But somehow, he couldn't let him. He
just couldn't. He needed to make it better, even a little. And not knowing how, he
lowered his head and tried to kiss him better.
At first he tried to get away. Spike wasn’t kissing him, he was kissing Buffy.
He didn’t want someone else’s kisses, he didn’t want to pretend that Spike cared for
him when it was obvious it was all about Buffy. But gradually his resistance was worn
down. How could he resist the tenderness, the love behind those lips? The love wasn’t
for him but he could pretend for a while.
Xander might not know it, but these kisses were meant for him. Only for him. Slow
and tender, meant to distract the boy, take him away from the ugliness of the moment
Spike kissed him again, and again, until he coaxed a response.
Xander felt something wet run down his cheek. For a moment he thought he was
crying but no, his eye was dry. He felt Spike’s lips tremble and he realised that the
blond was the one crying.
Crying for Buffy. All he wants is her.
Swallowing down the pain he turned his head away again. Buffy’s kisses. Buffy’s
tears. Buffy’s Spike.
Something was wrong. Desperately wrong. He had to find something. What had he
lost? Where was it?
Tortured by thoughts and feelings he couldn't make any sense of, Spike forced his
eyes open. The first thing he saw was the ceiling. Tilting his head to the side, the
second thing he saw was the lack of Xander.
The events of the night came rushing back. He winced at the memory of Xander's
disappointment. And now the bed was empty. Bloody hell, what was this lump in his
throat? Hundred year old hardened ex-vampires did not cry!
He sat up, trying not to notice how much he missed finding Xander all over him in the
mornings. How he liked barking out a command for him to get off...and then watching
him scramble to get to the bathroom first.
Now he was here. Alone. What had he expected?
He swallowed over the lump in his throat. Bloody Wankers That Be, they'd given him
a Xander-shaped teddy bear... and now he missed it. Worse, now that he was sleeping
and not plagued by nightmares... his body wasn't reacting to Xander's attempts to flee.
Asleep, he couldn't stop Xander from leaving.
Spike got up and decided a shower would bring him around before he faced the boy.
There was a chink in his armor now, and if he went out there like this, he might <
bloody well break down and admit everything.
After a steaming hot shower, he finally walked into the living room, a towel slung low
around his waist. If he'd thought Xander was asleep, he'd been wrong. The boy was
staring at the telly. He cleared his throat. “'Morning."
Xander tensed when he heard Spike speak. He’d snuck out of the bedroom the
moment Spike had relaxed enough to let go of him. He’d gone into the bathroom,
turned the water on and used the shower to hide himself again. This time though he’d
been hiding tears. He’d been so stupid to think that Spike could ever see him like that.
That he would forget Buffy for him. Compared to Buffy he was nothing, why would
Spike want him instead of her.
By the time he left the bathroom he was calmer and wide-awake so he turned on the
television and sat there, trying not to think.
“’morning” he mumbled still staring at the television. He wasn’t sure what he was
watching but at least he didn’t have to look at Spike while he did it.
Xander cast a glare at the front door, once again swearing at the Wankers for locking
them in there. Didn’t they realize what they were putting him through? Willow was
right, they were punishing him for the ‘Wankers’ thing. “Bit over the top don’t you
think?” He muttered. “You could'a locked me in with Angelus, it’d be less painful.”
Spike heard every word and couldn't muster up even a half witty answer. Instead, he
headed into the kitchen and brought out two bowls, some of that silly colorful duck
shaped cereal that no man should have in his kitchen, and some milk. He sat down on
the couch, next to Xander. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," he quoted.
Xander tried to smile at Spike and accepted the bowl. It wasn’t Spike’s fault he was in
this state anyway. All Spike did was have an interesting dream about Buffy.
“I taught you well, young grasshopper.” He said, aiming for a light tone.
He still couldn’t meet Spike’s eyes. He couldn’t believe he’d taken advantage of a
friend. Spike had been asleep, and Xander hadn’t done anything to stop things, he just
let everything happen. It was his own damn fault; if he’d stopped Spike then he
wouldn’t have heard her name.
He aimed another smile in Spike’s direction and went back to staring. Oh, Pamela
Anderson. Guess he was watching Baywatch then.
Spike ate some of the cereal, never taking his gaze off Xander. There... he was
watching girls... so I cured him of... of whatever. Have you cured yourself?
"Big curves, just your type, yeah?"
“What?” Xander started, staring wide-eyed at Spike. “Curves…erm, yeah. The bigger
the better and all that.”
He immediately turned his gaze back to the television, staring at the hot brunet male lifeguard. He tilted his head, trying to get a better look at the guy, figure
out if it was men in general that did it for him. Washboard abs, dreamy green eyes and
oh that smile. Yup, it was men in general. Hope surged as he thought that maybe
Spike was just a fluke, maybe he just happened to be around when Xander started
He suddenly remembered how Spike felt against him last night. How the blond
laughed when they watched dumb t.v. together. How his eyes shone when he was
angry. Yup, it was men in general and Spike in particular. His mood plummeted once again.
Spike watched the expressions flicker over the boys face. After days on end in the
small matchbox of an apartment with him, he'd learned to read what they meant. The
boy still had it for him. What did he need to do?
"We should go out." Yesterday, they'd found out that they weren't actually stuck in
the apartment per se. "We can leave together , so why don't we? Find a
couple of birds…dance," he gave Xander a wheedling smile. "I think we've seen more
of each other than we'd ever want, would be good to mix it up, yeah?"
Xander tried to muster up some excitement at a night of fun and watching Spike flirt
with pretty women but for some bizarre reason it didn't appeal. "I don't think I'm up to
it Spike. Maybe tomorrow 'kay?"
That would give him time to put up his defences, ready to joke and be the funny one.
Because with Spike around that's all he could be, who'd notice a one-eyed guy when
they had Spike to play with?
Guilt ate at the ex-vampire. He was responsible for taking the light out of Xander's
eye. He hated that he'd had to do it. Right now, he hated himself. But he couldn't
afford to let doubts paralyze him. He was sure... if he could get Xander out, if Xander
saw a woman or two, everything would normalize. The boy would no longer look at
him with that look that offered a slice of heaven, and Spike wouldn't be tempted.
Eve, Xander's name should be bloody Eve. He took a few deep breaths,
and tried to think.
The boy wanted him, but after last night...he didn't want to want him. He could tell
that much from the way Xander edged away from him, and refused to look at his bare
chest, where only yesterday he'd been ogling with lust in his eye. So... if Xander was
in avoidy-mode, all he had to do was crowd him. Yeah, that was the ticket. Crowd
him, make him want what he'd had last night, and make him realize Spike was
right. One night in the arms of a girl would right things.
A confident smirk firmly pasted on his face, Spike leaned across Xander, his chest
lightly scraping against the boys as he reached for a pillow and made as if he was
having difficulty grabbing it. The scent of soap coming from Xander teased his
nostrils and sent his mind spiralling back to how they'd held each other last night, how
they'd cried out their passion. Biting his lip so hard he tasted blood, Spike forced the
memories out of his head.
Half-naked Spike! In his personal space! Xander pushed back into the couch as much
as he could, trying to avoid touching all that skin. There was so much skin! He
breathed in, trying to calm himself only to be assaulted by Spike's shampoo. His
shampoo in Spike's hair. Ohhh that wasn't supposed to turn him on.
Behave goddamnit! You're my body and you will do as I say and I say
"That's alright then." Spike stretched just a little further, pressing into Xander. "We'll
spend the day here. Just the two of us. Nice and cozy-like." He felt Xander's heart
jump under his touch. Satisfied, he finally moved back and put the pillow behind his head.
"You alright?" Or should he ask the boy if he needed a shower?
"F-fine." Xander stammered, trying to get his body back under his control. "We
could...erm...order in or something. Think your stomach can take Mexican? If you
avoid the spicy dishes it should be okay I think."
"It's still breakfast. You haven't finished yours." Spike's grin broadened. "Do you
want me to feed you?"
"What?" Xander coughed as his voice broke. "I mean, what? No. W – why would you
wanna do that?"
"You seem confused. It's breakfast, you're talking lunch. And you're not eating. You
seem a bit stiff..." Spike reached out and touched Xander's forehead, caressing it
lightly. "No fever. But..." he gave a one shouldered shrug. "You took care of me, if
you need me to take care of you...can do."
"Take what of me?" A sudden image of Spike fussing over him made Xander's bones
melt into goo. He'd been told how Spike took care of Dru...to have that for himself,
have someone other than Willow care for him... "I need toast. Yeah. Toast." He
mumbled, running off hoping Spike hadn't seen his eyes fill up.
Alright...it was working. Xander was already wanting to get away from him. He just
had to keep working at it. As soon as he heard sounds that indicated the boy was on
his way back, Spike hit the ground. His legs pointing toward the kitchen, he executed
perfect push-ups, smirking at the thought of the view Xander would get. Hopefully
the towel would stay put, but if it didn't... ah, the drama. He strategically sprinkled
grunts into the exercise, and sped up and slowed, knowing full well what images
would run through Xander's mind.
Xander managed to get himself under control and walked back to the living room and
oh...push-ups. Half-naked push-ups. And the towel was slipping just a little bit. Xander tilted his head watching the towel move downwards...
"I need a shower." He suddenly declared and left the room.
Spike collapsed onto the floor letting out a soft laugh. That had worked faster than
he'd even wanted. Right...his own member was hard and now seeking attention
but...three minutes flat. Three minutes! How many showers could he make Xander
take in one day before he admitted they should go out and see other people?
The next few hours were spent with Spike torturing Xander some more. With touches,
and whispers, he even played a favourite trick of the virgins of the last century and
pretended to twist his ankle so that Xander could inspect it. Of course it hadn't been
clinical at all, not once Spike put his hand on Xander's shoulder, absently stroking up
and down. Xander's neck had flushed beet red, and Spike knew that blood was
rushing to other more important parts of the boy’s body. The sound of a long shower
only confirmed it, and kept Spike amused.
Lunch had been no different. Spike fidgeted with his food, sucked his fingers, even
wiped sauce off Xander's mouth and licked it off his fingers. He wished he could say
that he wasn't affected, but he couldn't. Because his human senses read all the signs of
Xander's arousal, and his memories as a vampire filled-in the heady scent of
pheromones. So many times, he'd made jokes about it being the vampire’s viagra,
now it seemed to indirectly affect him as a human. Although his pants went through
several stages of tightness, for the most part, he managed to maintain control.
Little did he know, things would change.
By late afternoon, he'd mentioned going out a few more times, and still got a negative
response. It was time to turn up the heat. He flopped down next to Xander on the sofa
and flipped channels, stopping on the porn channel. He pretended not to notice
Xander's startled gaze. "You have this channel and you made me watch Buckaroo
Xander stared at the television in shock. The entire afternoon had taken a surreal
quality. At first Xander thought he was crazy. Everything Spike did made him hard.
Every. Little. Thing. After the second shower he'd tried to control himself. It was bad
enough that Spike knew about his bathroom activities, he didn't need to know how
often he got the urge too. But this...this was unbelievable. Porn. This was pure torture.
Spike was just trying to get to him.
The blond wanted to go out and he was trying to get Xander to agree. Narrowing his
eyes in determination Xander decided not to give in. Unbelievable horniness was still
a hell of a lot better than watching Spike flirt with pretty girls. He'd stick to his guns.
Even if he had to permanently move into the bathroom to do so.
Spike put his hands behind his head and watched the show. He felt Xander move
slightly away when two men and a woman started going at it. He couldn't have
Xander escaping, not now...not when the scene was so perfect. He put his hand on
Xander's thigh, and squeezed, his eyes fixed on the screen. The boy's muscle's tensed
under his touch. Not satisfied, he ran his hand up and down the boy's thigh, very
casually, as if there was nothing unusual in what he was doing. Changing the motion
into ever growing circles, he drew closer and closer to the bulge in Xander's pants. He
didn't need to look to know it was there. He'd already detected a change in Xander's
breathing. The boy made a sound. A very soft sound, and that was all it took for Spike
to grow unexpectedly and painfully hard.
Xander closed his eye and tried to breathe normally. He'd forgotten how determined
Spike could be when he wanted to get something. Part of him wanted to slap the
blond and tell him to back off, to stop toying with him. The other, bigger, part wanted
to grab him and kiss him silly.
Not gonna happen. It was humiliating enough the first time. It just about killed me
the second time when he thought I was Buffy. No more touching Spike okay? Now be
a good body and calm down. Please calm down.
Spike was having troubles of his own. Damn last night...damn it to hell, it was making
things difficult for him. Seeing the blond man on the screen bang away at the girl who
lay face down, while kissing the dark haired male, all Spike really saw was himself
and Xander...Xander on all fours...he swallowed hard and almost touched himself.
When the throbbing ache between his legs became too great to bear, Spike stood up
abruptly. "My turn to take a Xander-shower, yeah?" he nodded down toward his very
visible erection. "Don't change the channel." When Xander's mouth formed an "O,"
all he wanted was to grab him, and make that perfect mouth of his suck him off. He
stared at the boy in indecision, then ripped his gaze away and half ran to the bathroom.
Xander-shower. Bastard got him hard enough to pound nails into concrete and
then he made fun of him. Xander glared at the retreating blond, trying to summon up
enough anger to kill his arousal. There, easier than he'd thought. Arousal all gone now.
Xander heard the shower go on and pictured a wet, naked Spike wrapping his hand around his cock and fucking his fist. Instant hard-on. He let his body fall back onto the couch and hid his face in the cushions.
"I'm gonna get you back for this." He muttered, mentally staking Spike. And not in the good, fun way.
Inside the bathroom, Spike had turned on the cold water. He was counting on Xander's imagination to torture the boy, and had no real intention of jerking off. That was until he heard a muffled sound near the door. The thought that Xander was listening made him painfully hard. So hard, he couldn't help seeking relief. He reached for the bottle of lotion on the counter...conveniently placed and almost empty. And now he knew why. Closing his eyes, he visualized Xander's mouth latched
around him. Tight. Hot. Hotter with every drag on his cock. He stroked himself faster
and faster, closing his eyes tight as the pressure built inside.
Xander stood outside the bathroom door, staring into space, trying to hear the sounds
Spike was making. He hadn't meant to do this, he'd been supposed to go to the
bedroom but he stopped for a moment and now he couldn't move. He could barely
hear anything over the sound of the water but his imagination provided him with a
surround sound vision of Spike jerking off. He gathered all his self-control and
managed not to just push his sweats down and give himself some relief.
Fuck, it was hard in so many ways.
Spike groaned out his release and then stepped into the shower. A second later, he
slammed his hand against the tiled walls. Where was his control? Right...maybe he'd
used this to his advantage, but he hadn't meant for it to happen. And he fucking hadn't
intended it to be Xander in his head. He wanted him out of his head, before it was too
late. This had bloody well work, or he was in trouble. Big trouble.
Five minutes later, Spike emerged from the bathroom, jeans on but shirtless, with
steam still rising from his body. He wasn't half surprised to see Xander lingering close
to the door. "Your turn, yeah?"
He took a step toward the bedroom and turned a predatory gaze on the boy. "Are we
going out tonight, or will it be hot dogs for dinner?" The boy would understand how
torturous dinner could be if Spike wanted it to.
"I dunno Spike, let's see how my shower goes first." Xander murmured and
sauntered into the bathroom.
Spike's gaze dropped to Xander's ass. "He would have to shake it," he muttered. He
should leave...go to the room. Instead, he was rooted to the spot and leaning towards
Xander leaned against the door and tried to breathe. Fuck, Spike looked hot coming
out of the shower. He looked down at the bulge in his sweats.
And now to take care of business. To put on a show or not to put on a show, that is
He went into the shower, letting the water calm him a little. Xander had already
decided to go out with Spike tonight. Hotdogs for dinner would just about kill him.
He could already picture Spike licking up and down, taking the end in and sucking.
He groaned at the thought, his hand already moving down...
Spike had no idea how it happened, but he found himself pressed flat against the door,
slowly going mad with the sounds Xander wasn't even trying to conceal. His hand
clawed at the door, and then slid down to the knob. Maybe if he just...if he got it out
of his system, their system...maybe one single shower together. He turned the knob.
It was bloody locked. As if cold water had been poured over his head, he stepped back
and blinked. He'd been about to...he would have...Backing away very quickly, he
went into the bedroom and sat on the bed. This was bad. Very, very bad. He looked
up. "Thank you....thank you Powers... for locking me out. Sometimes you get things
He let out a breath, and watched as Xander came in. "You're looking very... relaxed."
"Yup." Xander replied cheerfully, holding his towel up with one hand. "It was a nice
shower. So where are we going then?" He asked, opening the lowest drawer in his
dresser and bending over to look through it for a shirt.
"A club. Somewhere with girls." It was ironic that he was eyeing a very male ass at
"Cool. Mind getting out so I can get dressed now?"
Xander asked the question without turning to look at Spike. Best keep his eyes to
himself if he didn't want another shower before leaving.
"Go ahead...nothing I haven't seen before." Spike arched an eyebrow when Xander
refused to turn. "Don't worry, I'm not looking." He flopped back on the bed,
supposedly staring at the ceiling, but his eyes did manage to occasionally steal looks
into the mirror that very clearly reflected Xander from head to toe. And everything in between.
He was just as Spike had imagined. Lean and rugged, tanned, with the most mouth
watering abs. He could see himself trailing his tongue along the indentations down
to... He blinked, and started to whistle an old folksy ditty. Anything to clear his mind.
Xander hesitated a moment before heaving a resigned sigh and letting the towel drop
and pulling on his clothes as quickly as possible. Making a scene out of this would
only make things worse. Besides, it wasn't like Spike was affected by him the same
way he was affected by Spike. The more he thought about it the more he decided that
going out was a good idea. It would get his mind off his roommate or whatever Spike
was to him. He might even score with one of the blond's cast offs. Not like he had any
pride left anymore anyway, he'd had sex with a sleeping man who thought he was someone else.
"All ready. There's a club the slayers like, near Kings Cross. I think they call it La
Scala. Wanna go there?"
"Great. I love slayers," he smirked and walked out ahead of Xander.
* * *
A couple of hours later, they were sitting at a bar lit up by neon lights.
On the way to the club, Spike had managed to get Xander to agree to a shopping
spree, and finally, Spike was wearing what he wanted. His leathers...they made him
feel like the Spike he knew, gave him that extra confidence he needed now that the
rules had changed on him. And the tight black tee-shirt he'd picked out made him look
damned good, if the way Xander had looked at him was anything to go by. But now,
sitting in the crowded club, packed with women... Spike was determined that Xander
would see the light. Never mind that Spike had shooed off all the women that tried to
talk to Spike. It wasn't because he wanted to be with Xander, it was because he had to
work on Xander, help the boy with his techniques, and make sure the boy hooked up
with some girl.
Xander looked around him, marvelling at the sheer number of people that fit in the
club. He waved at one of the slayers and tried not to wonder if she was really out with
that guy. He looked even scarier than Angelus in full leather! Still, slayer and all,
not like the guy could get the upper hand.
"Wanna go dance a little?" He asked Spike, looking longingly at the dance floor.
"Dance, yeah..." he started to slide off the stool, and came to himself. "No...meet
women. Remember?" He wasn't sure who he was talking to at that point – himself or Xander.
The lights flashed. The throbbing beat of the music had them swaying. And the liquor
had them very relaxed. Xander had several shots, but had absolutely forbidden Spike
from more than one measly shot. It wasn't right...even if his head was spinning as he
sat there, it wasn't right that there was a soft drink in front of him now.
Spike put his hand behind Xander's back, and leaned close to his ear to speak over the<
music. "How about a beer. A light beer, yeah. Couldn't hurt."
Xander shivered and tried to concentrate on Spike's words. "No. No more alcohol
Spike, human you didn't drink much and you're not used to it." He snapped and went
back to looking at the dance floor. "I wanna dance. I could order you to dance!"
Spike leaned over again, this time resting the back of his hand on Xander's stomach.
"I love it when you're all masterful like that." He found himself drawn to the boy's
lips, but pulled back before they'd quite touched. "You're right...no more drinks. As
for the dancing, who with?"
For a moment there, Xander thought Spike was going to kiss him. Then the blond
drew back and reality returned. He hated reality. Reality sucked.
"Doesn't have to be with anybody, you can just dance."
"I'd dance with you."
Xander turned to see a girl standing before him, smiling at him. She was blonde and
small and pretty and had the nicest smile.
"Yeah?" He smiled back. "That'd be--"
"Impossible," Spike finished for him.
"Waa waa, nothing. Sorry pet, you'll have to find someone else, yeah?" Spike patted
the girl's bottom and smirked as she flounced away in a huff. "That one wasn't right for you."
"Why the hell not? She was pretty and seemed nice!" Xander glared at Spike. "I
thought we were here to meet girls!" He pointed at the direction the girl left. "She's a
girl! I met her!"
"Yeah..." Spike shook his head. The drink really was affecting him. He couldn't even
explain why he hadn't liked her. "Trust me. Not for you."
It went on in that manner for a while. Spike finding reasons various girls were
unacceptable. Xander ordering his next drink and getting just a little more drunk and grim.
Spike ran his hand through his hair. "I want you to find someone, I really do. Just not
a slut, or someone dressed in yesterday’s fashion, or God forbid did you see her
nipple ring? You didn't...oh...well her blouse bunched...never mind, yeah?" he put his
hand on Xander's face and turned it away from the vixen in shorts three sizes too small for her.
"Look, I have to visit the WC, then we'll go to another bar With nicer women. I
promise." He slapped Xander on the back, and headed for the bathroom. Bloody
human bodily functions. One shot, one drink, and here he was slightly swaying and
about to explode.
Xander glared at Spike's retreating back and resolved to find a girl to dance with.
Turned out the pirate look gave him an air of mystery or something because he was
constantly approached. Next girl who asked him to dance would get him.
As Spike walked back to the bar, he noticed the place had gone darker, and the music
changed into some haunting tones. A slow dance. He remembered those days at the
Bronze when -- His thoughts were abruptly interrupted when he saw that Xander
wasn't at the bar. But where? He scanned the room, then the dance floor.
There he was. Arms around a red head, not Willow. Spike's stomach clenched.
Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to lean against the bar and wait. Let the boy
dance. Maybe this girl would do it for him. Maybe...Spike reached for Xander's drink
and almost took a slug. But preventing erasure was a good deterrent. He licked around
the lip of the glass, and set it down hard.
Spike needed a drink...or something...his gaze went back to Xander. Fuck...the people
in front of him blocked his view for a minute. And then he saw the boy again. His
hands clasped around the girl's waist, the way they'd been clasped around Spike last
night. He didn't like this. Not one bit. Picking up the soda, he guzzled it down, for all
the good it did.
How long did a bloody dance last anyway? Three minutes? Two had to have passed.
He could wait it out and—
When her hands started wandering over Xander's chest and she raised her face
up to receive a kiss, Spike found himself crossing the dance floor, zig zagging to
avoid the dancers, but his gaze decidedly fixed on one couple.
Sophie grew bolder, deepening the tentative kiss her dance partner was giving her.
She rose up on her tip toes and slid her hand down Xander's chest when her wrist was
suddenly caught in an iron grip that made her gasp and step back. "What the hell?"
"Stop." It was an order, and Spike's voice brooked no argument. "Go away. He's not for you."
"What? I think it's for him to decide, isn't it? Xander, who is this nut? Get rid of him
so we can continue snogging--"
"Snogging?" Spike made a sound of disgust. "You call that snogging. He doesn't like
being kissed like that. He likes it like this."
Spike grabbed Xander's shirt, tugged him close and kissed him full on the lips. The
fact that Xander had been staring open mouthed helped a lot. And the fact that the
liquor slowed his reactions was a bonus as well.
Forgetting the club, the people, bloody Sophie, and the lesson he'd brought Xander to
the club to learn, Spike slid his arms around the boy, dragged him up hard against his
frame, and continued the deep exploration of his mouth. No one could kiss him like
this. No one could satisfy him like this. If the stupid chit of a girl didn't know it then,
she would know it now.
Woah...Xander wasn't sure what was going on but he liked it. He was dancing with a
girl and he was kissing the girl and it was okay. Then the girl was gone and Spike was
here and holymarymotherofgodthatfeltgood.
He finally drew back, his body desperate to breathe and stared wide-eyed at Spike.
"How? What? How?"
"How...what...how..." Spike echoed, taking a much needed breath. His heart was
racing. Damn had he gone off-plan or what? He made an effort to control his
breathing, and the desire to bloody well lose himself in another kiss so he could forget
what just happened.
He took a step back. Xander was waiting for an explanation. Yeah...an
explanation...yeah...one would come, any minute. He licked his lips. "She was evil,
that's what. Now let's go home," he jerked his head toward the exit.
"She was what?" Xander frowned, wondering if maybe he had one too many shots.
The room was swaying a bit. He looked at Sophie, who was downing
something orange-coloured at the bar. She was evil? She didn't look evil. But then,
neither had the Inca mummy girl or the praying mantis. "You wanna go already? But I
wanna finish my dance first." He pouted.
Yeah maybe a little bit drunk. Otherwise he wouldn't be pouting at Spike. Spike who
just kissed him and saved him from the evil lady. He glanced curiously at Sophie
again. Evil, huh?
"Bird's gone, we should go too, yeah?" Spike was suddenly surly, and anxious to get
out of there.
"I wanna finish my dance! Dance with me Spike." Xander ordered as imperiously as
he could in his inebriated state.
"Huh? What? You're bloody ordering me..." he looked at Xander aghast. "You are
bloody ordering me? How is that for my protection? Come on let's go..." Spike
started to walk away, but saw Xander just standing there...waiting...standing his
ground. No...there was nothing about his face that said "just kidding."
Scowling, Spike returned, and obeyed the order. Sort of. Instead of taking Xander in
his arms to finish the slow dance, he just stood next to him, shifting his weight from
one leg to the other. "There...dancing, happy?" He was going to kill the dj if this song
went on and on.
"No." Xander pouted. "You're supposed to dance with me." He moved closer
to Spike and took him into his arms. "Like this." He explained, letting his head rest on
Spike's shoulder. "I like this." He murmured against Spike's neck.
"Mushy... too mushy," Spike ground out. The trouble was, it felt good. He could stand
there as stiff as a board, or he could just hold him. Dance a little. What would it hurt
anyway? As he enveloped Xander in his arms, only a few doubts remained. The boy
was drunk. Tomorrow this would be a dream. Yeah... Spike's gaze slipped to evil-girl,
and he unconsciously tightened his grip on Xander.
Slowly, Spike relaxed and rested his chin on top of Xander's head. He was mostly
bearing the boy's weight. Now he knew how many drinks it took to knock the guy out.
A small grin spread across his face. He was...happy. Why the bloody hell it was true,
he didn't know. Maybe it was amazing that after all the torture he put Xander through,
and after probably embarrassing the hell out of him, the boy hadn't yelled...hadn't
made a scene. Hadn't bloody well hit him like Buffy probably would have. Instead,
he'd asked for a dance. A dance.
He chuckled, and brushed his mouth over Xander's ear. "I'm sorry. I really am, yeah?"
He wished he hadn't played that trick on him last night. That had crossed all lines. It
had ripped the boy's heart out, and made Spike wonder about his own. Did he have
one? Not in the physical sense...but could a person with a heart do that to someone
Stop psychoanalyzing, you were never any good at that.
Taking his own advice, he let himself enjoy the dance. Or maybe it was two. And then
he took Xander home...half carrying him. The boy stumbled near the door, and Spike
caught him and laughed. "Just don't puke...that's one bodily fluid I'm definitely not
ready for." He followed the boy inside and headed for the bedroom.
Xander watched Spike go into the bedroom, trying to force his brain to think. He was
pretty sure he'd done something horribly stupid but he couldn't make his head function
enough to figure it out. Oh, well...he was alive and in one piece so it couldn't have
been all that bad. He turned his gaze on the couch and he focused on it.
Our plan today is to get to the couch. Flop over.
He stumbled across the room and let himself tilt over onto the couch, hiding his head
in the cushion.
Nice body. Good body. Sleep now.
The lights were out, but Spike found himself staring at a spot where a moon beam
glanced the wall. He was relaxed, and a bit tired, but something was wrong. It took
him quite a while to figure out what it was... Xander. It felt strange to be in bed
without him. Not that it made sense. He'd been able to fall asleep without him before,
but then the nightmares apparently came, and the only way they stopped was when
the boy was with him. Now that he'd gotten stronger...it seemed he couldn't fall asleep
to begin with.
He should call him. Spike licked his lips and opened his mouth to do so, then had a
better idea. "Help... need help," he kicked at the blankets, and hit the headboard with
his fists, shouting out for Xander to come and take away the nightmares, like he had
on so many nights.
Xander lifted his head from his comfy cushion and looked at the bedroom door.
"Not coming go to sleep." He yelled and plopped his head back down.
Spike just got louder. Right... the boy was half drunk, but he had to help him, didn't
he? "Help! Bloody help me!"
Xander lifted his head again and gathered enough energy to glare in Spike's general
"I know you're faking! You didn't wanna kiss me, didn't wanna dance with me and
now you want me in the bed? Not coming. Got to sleep!"
Giving a wobbly nod to underline his words Xander hugged the couch cushion closer
and closed his eye.
Spike stared at the spot on the wall some more and muttered under his breath. "Didn't
want to kiss you...I did bloody well kiss you. If I didn't like it I would have..." He'd
liked it. A lot. Too much. Too much to think it was just a thing. And he liked Xander
making him laugh, and making those funny expressions at the drop of a hat. And he
liked the way Xander looked at him. No matter how awful he treated him, there was
always forgiveness and understanding in the boy's eye and face. And a promise.
Forever, no matter what, you can't push me away. No one had looked at him like
that. No one.
He rolled over. This was bloody stupid. He was driving himself mad because he
couldn't sleep. And he couldn't sleep because drunken-sod in the other room wouldn't
move. "Xander?" There was no answer. "Xander?" he tried again.
The sound of silence irritated him to no end. This was it, he wasn't spending the rest
of the night checking out a moonbeam, or staring at a digital clock. Tearing the
blankets off, he stormed to the living-room. A minute later, he was carrying the object
of his affection in his arms. Never mind that the lug was asleep, and had no idea what
When he got the boy into his bed, he pulled him close. Then he pulled him onto his
chest. That felt right. "Whoever knew I'd need a bloody Xander-bear to go sleep." But
what was this... socks and clothes...too many of them. Spike narrowed his gaze and
sat up. "Cant have that, now can we."
Xander drifted awake slowly. Something was niggling at the back of his mind,
something wrong but he couldn't figure out what it was and he didn't care. He
snuggled closer to Spike, letting out a little sigh of contentment.
He felt something tugging at his hair and he reached out to feel what it was. Eye-
patch. Huh...strange... he always took it off before going to bed. He must have been
really tired to forget.
A little thought flickered in his brain.
Not so much tired as drunk. Which would explain the weird feeling in his stomach.
He frowned and tried to remember how he got that way. Spike had tortured him until
he caved and they went out for drinks at La Scala.
Guess he'd drunk a bit too much. He relaxed again, wanting to enjoy this before Spike
woke up and he had to go. He should probably follow Spike's advice and get a girl,
that way he'd forget about the blond and just send him off to Buffy. She could break
his heart without Xander being there to watch.
Hang on...there had been a girl! Xander's eye opened as he remembered that
part of the evening. There had been dancing and some kissing and then Spike had
come back from wherever and godamnfuckingdamnit!
Xander jumped off the bed, and stared at the sleeping blond in horror. He'd ordered
Spike to dance with him! And then, oh fuck, he'd kissed him. He'd kissed Spike!
Again! Okay, so Spike had kissed him first but it was only to get rid of evil girl and
shit, there was no way he could hide now was there? Spike would know about his
crush and he'd either mock him relentlessly or try to make things better. Xander
honestly didn't know which option scared him more.
He dressed as quickly as possible, needing to escape again. Stupid Wankers not
letting him out of his own apartment. He glared upwards, ignoring the knock on the
door. He did not feel like company.
He glanced at his watch. Who'd be knocking at this time in the morning? Oh please
don't let it be Andrew with another fake apocalypse! He'd told the boy time and again
that he couldn't work until this thing was resolved but no, Andrew had to keep
bothering him with stupid stuff even thought he knew very well Xander couldn't step
out of the bloody apartment.
He threw the door open, glaring at Andrew only to find that it wasn't the idiot. It was
"Mind signing here please, I have a package for you."
"Sure thing." Xander automatically took the pen and stepped out into the corridor to
sign the papers.
He took the package and went back into the apartment. Halfway to the kitchen he
froze. His mind replayed the last few moments and he ran back to the front door.
He looked at the entryway dubiously and stuck his foot out. Huh...no barrier. He
jumped out into the corridor. Jumped back in. Out. In. Out.
"You shake it all about." He snickered.
They could go out! He couldn't wait to tell Spike that they could get out and finally
get some privacy!
He was on his way to the bedroom to wake up the blond when he stumbled and fell on
something round and freaking hard.
"Oh great, another scroll. What do you bastards want from us now?" He muttered
unrolling the thing. “Do the hokey-pokey for your entertainment?”
"Oh. Okay then."
Xander scribbled a note for Spike and stuck it on the fridge. He grabbed his coat and
with one last longing look at the bedroom door he left the apartment.
Spike finally woke. Strange. He'd dreamt of dancing with Xander all
night long. Well there was the tussle with the Aghoran demon, but other than
that and the cool Durnian silver weapons, there had been dancing, and kissing, and
ordering around. The good kind.
Smirking, he sat up. One thing he hated about getting better was that apparently, it
dulled what Xander called his 'octopus instincts.' Now, the boy could slip out of bed,
and he'd sleep on. He liked waking with him in his arms. Maybe he should tie him up?
The smirk got broader, until he found that Xander was nowhere to be found in the
apartment. He rained curses on the WTB, this time the exact opposite of his words
from only days ago. Yelling at them for lifting the curse or whatever it was, when he
But when had the WTB been responsive? The apartment was still empty. Where
would Xander be? Probably at the... right, Spike snatched the note off the fridge. At
the Watchers Council. While getting the mail, he'd discovered he could walk out.
"Bloody fucking brilliant of you," Spike complained.
Well he wasn't staying here all alone. As he rushed back towards the room, he almost
tripped over something. Another scroll. He reached for it and read it. His walking
papers. He was free of Xander's protective custody. It was over. Woo bloody hoo.
Taking it with him, he sat down on the bed. It was what he wanted, so why wasn't he
partying. Why did he miss Xander already? Because you're bored. And there's no one
to laugh at. Or with Because one person really cared for you... not just a part
of you...or a strong you...or a human you... but all of you, and you drove him away.
He plucked Xander's shirt off the ground, and flopped down on the bed, holding it to
his chest and taking a sniff. The boy’s soapy musky scent was still on it from last
night. It had been fun. The drinking, the female viewing, the dancing. There had been
hotness there. Yeah. He couldn't deny liking the way Xander felt in his arms, and in
his bed. What to do?
He sat up suddenly and folded the scroll, then kicked it under the bed. "This plan is
the mother of all plans."
Xander stood outside his apartment, looking apprehensively at the door. Spike would
have found the scroll by now.
He's probably on his way to Buffy already. And hey, maybe that Carlos guy is a
rebound and she'll be happy to see him and they'll be together.
He looked at the keys in his hand and then at the door again. He should go in, order
some Indian food, relax and finally enjoy the peace and quiet that Spike's absence was
sure to bring.
Sighing softly, he unlocked the door and went inside. He didn't realise anything was
different until he tossed his coat on the couch and went to the kitchen to get a beer.
He came back to the living room and took in the sight. There were candles
everywhere and the table was set out for what appeared to be a romantic dinner for
Xander's eye widened when he realised what was going on. Spike had invited Buffy
over! They were going to have dinner in his apartment!
He heard a noise coming from the bedroom and his gaze snapped to the door. Oh God
no. Buffy was already here and they were in the bedroom. In his bed. Spike and Buffy.
Carlos was a rebound and she's with Spike in my bed. With Spike. In my bed.
Buffy and Spike.
Xander grabbed his coat and turned to leave again. They didn't need a third wheel in
their date. Especially if they were...in his bed. He could handle seeing them together
but not yet. He had to get used to it first.
Hearing sounds from inside, Spike pushed away from the wall in the bedroom and
walked into the living room. "Watched the exercise show on the telly... was doing
push ups against the wall to keep fit and my arms nice and cut," he said quoting the
exercise guru, and curling his arm as he reached Xander. "You think it's working?
Feel me," he smirked, crowding the boy's personal space.
"What? Huh?" Xander stared at half!naked Spike and his bicep. Then he remembered
why he was leaving. No Buffy here yet but she'd probably be here any minute now.
"Erm...no need, I can see it now, you'll be Mr Universe in twelve months or less, okay
bye-bye, see you later."
"Mr. Universe. That's good, yeah?" Spike plucked Xander's coat from his hands and
then threw it across the room with deadly accuracy. The coathanger tilted, then
righted itself. "Are you sure you don't want to feel me? I don't bite you know?" He
moved just a little closer, close enough to feel the heat emanating from Xander's
body. Close enough to see the boy's throat convulse.
"No, it's fine. I don't need to touch." Xander managed to stammer out, backing away
carefully. "I'm sure Buffy will love to do that for you. Now really, I have to go out
and work. Yeah work! Have to work." He babbled and went to get his coat again.
"You just came back from work." Spike's gaze narrowed, fixing on the boy. He strode
right behind him, put an arm around his waist and forced him to walk towards the
kitchen. "There will be no leaving for you, yet. You have to help me with the cooking,
or I might burn the place down, yeah?" Sliding his hands to Xander's shoulders, he
guided him inside and parked him against a counter.
"I have insurance. You can burn the whole building down if you want." Xander
replied mechanically. He was supposed to help Spike cook for Buffy? What the hell
had he done to deserve this? Calling the PtB wankers somehow didn't cover all this,
there had to be more. He briefly wondered if maybe he was paying for stealing
Willow's Barbie when they were little.
"Now..." Spike flipped the pages of a cookbook he'd found. "When it says a pinch of
salt... what do they mean? A big pinch like this or a little pinch..." While Xander's
gaze was locked onto Spike's hands which were demonstrating the variety of possible
pinches, Spike moved suddenly.
He reached behind Xander and opened the cabinet, leaning into the boy. "Salt... where
did I put it?" But he wasn't looking into the cabinet, he was staring at Xander's mouth.
Dragging his gaze away, he looked him in the eye. "I probably should put a shirt on.
Didn't want to get dirty." There was maybe an inch of space between them. Spike
closed it, while at least his one hand rattled around inside the cabinet, as if he was searching.
Xander stood frozen to the spot, trying not to look or smell or touch or oh God even
breathe because breathing brought him that much closer to Spike. He tried to
understand what Spike was up to but he couldn't for the life of him figure it out. Was
this payback for the protective custody thing? Spike should be aware of Xander's
attraction to him by now, maybe this was a way to get him back.
"Shirt would be good." He said, his voice breaking from tension. He didn't think
Spike would be that mean.
"Yeah?" His gaze dropped to Xander's mouth. Just a taste... He took a breath. "Or you
could take yours off. We'd be a matching set, I'll help if you like." He skimmed his
hand over Xander's abdomen and heard him hiss. "You've heard of 'the naked chef?'
At least we wouldn't be naked and...you forget... I've already seen everything there is
to see." Only when he thought his own body might give him away, Spike moved
slightly back, eyes still dancing as he waited for Xander's response.
Xander looked over Spike carefully. He didn’t understand what was going on. Spike
seemed to want…he didn’t understand. This was all for Buffy. Spike had read the
scroll, it was impossible not to see it where it was, and was sure to call Buffy. He’d
been bugging Xander for days, trying to get him to agree to that phone call…he must
have called Buffy. Unless he had called Buffy and…
“I refuse to be anyone’s stand in.” Xander said angrily and pushed Spike away from
him. “You wanted Buffy, fine. Go get Buffy.”
"Come on pet, don't be jealous." Spike didn't give Xander the opportunity to slip
away. Instead, he caught him by the waist and easily lifted him up and sat him on the
kitchen counter in front of him. "Glass of wine, while do some chopping?" He
smirked at the boy's bemused expression.
“What?” Xander stared at Spike in disbelief. “Did the bleach seep down to your
brain? I said I refuse to be her stand in. And how the hell did I get on the counter?!”
He wriggled forward, trying to get down only to find a short blond in his way. “Step
aside, bleach boy, I want down.”
"Not what you were saying last night, yeah?" Spike locked gazes with him, and bodily
prevented him from slipping down off the counter. Standing between Xander's legs
pretty much made it impossible for the boy to get away. "Just doing what you told
me. Erm... ordered me. Don't you remember? You said to dance... then you
said to kiss you..." his gaze dropped to the boy's mouth. "You do remember that, and the rest?"
Xander blushed, remembering his actions. He couldn’t believe he’d ordered Spike to
dance with him. Never drinking again, ever.
“I did not order you to kiss me and anyway I was drunk! Consider all orders rescinded
or whatever and let me go Spike.” He snapped, still angry at being set up as a
"Yeah... you ordered me to kiss you. Then you said harder. Then you forced me to
touch you all over, like this," Spike ran his hands up Xander's thighs. "And you made
me kiss you. Like this," his voice dropped an octave, as he bent down and pressed his
mouth on the boy's groin.
Xander let out a little eep when Spike suddenly bent to his groin. His brain went into
overdrive, trying to remember everything about the previous night. What if Spike was
telling the truth? He wouldn’t do that to Spike! But he had hadn’t he, when Spike was
asleep he had taken advantage. What if…Oh God no…
He grabbed Spike’s head and instead of pushing him down on his crotch like his body
wanted, he tried to pull him off.
“Spike no, please no. I didn’t order that, I didn’t! I wouldn’t do that, I’m not…I’m not
like that, I wouldn’t!” He babbled, trying to get out of Spike’s grip.
Spike raised his head and flashed his most innocent look. "It’s not how you like it? I
could have sworn that's what you said." He hadn't moved an inch though, and was still
in Xander's personal space. "And you ordered me to walk around naked... something
about no more clothes. Easy access, I think that was the phrase you used."
Xander felt the blood draining from his face as Spike’s hands slid up his thighs. He
was ashamed to feel his cock reacting to Spike’s touch, mortified at his body’s rebellion.
“No. Nononononono.” He repeated, trying to make it true. “I didn’t. I wouldn’t.”
Gathering all his strength, he pushed Spike back and jumped off the counter, running
for the one room in the flat that had a lock on the door. Couldn’t face Spike like that.
When he’d done that to the blond. How could he do that? Being drunk was not
an excuse…Never drinking again. Never.
He hadn't anticipated that. Spike gave chase, but found the bedroom door slammed
and locked in his face. "Xander, open the door." He slammed his hand against it.
"And here I thought I was irresistible. Come on, my room, yeah...open the door. Need
to talk. I won't touch you."
Xander leaned against the door, letting his body slide downwards until he was sitting
on the floor, his knees close to his chest and hiding his face behind them.
“How can you even look at me after…I’m sorry Spike…I’m so sorry.” He said, tears
sliding down his cheeks. “I won’t…” Deep breath to steady his voice. “I won’t do it
again. Call Buffy, you can do that now, and just go find her okay? It’s what you
"Open the door. Open it," he demanded, hearing the sounds of crying. A muscle
worked in his jaw. Why were his plans cursed these days? "Xander..." his voice
softened, and there was a slight catch in it. "I... I cleaned up, for you. I cooked
- for you. The candles, the flowers...they're for you. Just you. Not for
her." He added.
Xander felt his heart lighten a bit at the words. It was all for him? Spike liked him.
Not Buffy, him. He smiled and turned to unlock the door.
Then he remembered the rest.
“Spike I told you, all orders are off, you don’t have to act like you want me. You
won’t disappear, just go okay?” He was too weary to deal with more drama. When
Spike was gone…when he was gone he’d go talk to Willow. She’d help him figure
out what the hell was wrong with him that he’d take advantage of the Wankers’
instructions. Take advantage of Spike.
“Listen. I was acting when I ... when I pretended I don't want you." Spike looked
down at the ground. "The other night...it was a mistake. I didn't want to feel what I
was feeling, I was scared. I called you Buffy, but I knew it was you. I knew what I was doing." He banged his forehead against the door. "If you order me to leave, I will.
But I don't want to."
Xander tried to understand what Spike was saying. When they…he hadn’t been
asleep? Spike had been wide awake during the all the kissing and rubbing and
grabbing. He’d been wide awake and he’d called out Buffy’s name. Xander frowned.
Spike had wanted Xander during the whole thing? But he called out Buffy’s name.
Why would he do that though?
“Are you lying?” He asked cautiously. “Because I told you, you don’t have to act like
you want me. I’m…I’m sorry I ordered you to do all that.” His voice broke at the
thought of what he had to apologize for. “I promise I won’t do it again. You’re free to
do whatever you want Spike.”
"I want you to come out here, so I can kiss you better," Spike said simply.
“No. How can you want to do that anyway after what I did?” Xander hid his face in
his hands, trying hard to forget what Spike had said.
"Maybe you didn't. Maybe I just wish you had, yeah?" Spike rattled the door knob.
And maybe he'd been wrong. Xander couldn't forgive him for everything. That trick
had been cruel. "Do you want me to go?"
Xander’s head snapped up at Spike’s words, banging against the door. He’d what
now? A few seconds later Spike’s words made sense.
“You mean I didn’t do that? Didn’t order you to be all naked and have easy access
and oh my God I’m going to kill you so dead!” He yelled and in one angry move he
was on his feet and pulling the door open. “You bastard! You complete and total
bastard! Do you have any idea what you just put me through?!”
All doubt fell away when Spike found himself faced by an avenging angel. "You love
me." He couldn't help the smug smile, or the fact that he completely ignored Xander's
anger, or the fact that his hands shot out and grabbed Xander by the shirt, and dragged
him up hard against his lean frame. "Yes you do."
The smug look on Spike’s face only made Xander angrier. For the second time that
night he pushed the blond away from him. “I swear, if I was sure I’d stop before I
killed you I would punch you right now.” He growled and moved away again, this
time because he didn’t want to hurt Spike. He couldn’t believe the blond could be so
goddamn fucking cruel and he couldn’t believe he still loved the bastard despite that.
Xander slammed the bedroom door closed and started pacing. He needed to think. If
all those orders Spike claimed he was given never took place then why did Spike set
the apartment up for a romantic dinner? And if he’d been awake when they had sex
then why didn’t he just stop? Why call out Buffy’s name. Xander was sure Spike
wouldn’t do something just to hurt him. He’d gotten to know the blond enough to
know that Spike didn’t just hurt people like that. There had to be a reason but what the
hell was it?
Staring at the closed door, Spike sighed. Obviously it was time for a new plan.
Xander was settling in a rather intense thinking session when he heard music coming
from the living room. He glared at the door, annoyed that Spike could obviously
disregard his anger so easily. What the hell was he listening to anyway? That sounded
nothing like Spike’s usual choice in music.
He watched the door open and Spike edge in, looking a little nervous. And he
should be! What the hell was he thinking telling him all those lies and is that
Xander’s eye widened when Spike started dancing to the music.
“You’ve lost your mind haven’t you? I mean literally. This being-human thing drove
you insane. It’s the only explanation for what you’ve been doing.”
"Oh, come on, don't be angry... I called in and requested the song for you. Its happy
and... very us , or more you..." he wiggled his hips, one arm raised over his head as he
danced closer. "They'll be reading my apology at the end of it.”
“You called a radio station? Oh my God you are insane!” Shock kept
Xander immobile as Spike approached.
He moved behind Xander and put his hands on the guy's hips, forcing him to move to
the music. "Come on, don't pout. You know you want to laugh. You do... you're
losing your pout." He stooped down slightly and kissed the corner of Xander's mouth.
“I’m not pouting! I’m angry!” Xander glared, trying to hold on to his anger.
“You put me through hell Spike, and I can’t even understand why. Why are
you even here anyway, you were supposed to be half-way to Italy by now!”
"Come with me, and I'll go," he turned Xander around to face him. "Dance... do it."
He shoved his leg between Xander's and moved to the music, basically making
Xander dance with him. "Macho, mach man... I want to be, a macho man... come on…"
he wheedled, and smiled, and made the strangest dance moves, all aimed at coaxing a
smile from his boy. Just one.
Xander looked at Spike trying so hard to make him smile and he felt hope blossom.
He put his hands on Spike’s hips and held him still.
“Tell me. Just once, with no clever words and plans. Tell me and I’ll dance.”
"Tell you what? I'm sorry?" the blond asked, slightly confused as to what would make
it all better.
“Yeah…sorry…” Xander mumbled, trying to smile. So that was that then. Spike
obviously thought they were friends. Just friends. “Dance now, yeah?” He asked and
started moving to the rhythm, pushing his pain down. He’d done this before, been
friends with someone he was in love with, he could do it again.
As the song faded out, the dj's voice took over. "Right. This wasn't your typical love
song, to say the least but it was requested by Spike, for Xander. Ah... maybe THAT
explains it," the dj chuckled. "Xander, if you're listening..."
"Of course he's listening, he's here, you git!"
"... Spike says he was scared to love you, and he's sorry for the pain he caused, and
he'd like to dance, dance, dance..."
Xander looked at Spike, surprised into silence by the dj’s words.
"Wait, I didn't say that bit... who the bloody hell says 'dance, dance, dance...'" Spike
was fuming. "They bloody well messed it up."
Xander grinned at Spike, drawing the blond’s attention back to him.
“Wanna hear you say it. No ‘I’m sorry’s Spike. Stop being dense and tell me, okay?”
He said, letting the hope show in his face and voice. He still needed to hear the words
from Spike himself. Then he wanted a damn good grovelling and begging for
forgiveness but the words would do for now.
Spike looked into Xander's face. "You want me to say it?"
“Yup. Loud and clear and with no hope of misunderstanding.” Xander insisted,
beginning to enjoy Spike’s reluctance.
"Fine. I want you to... dance, dance, dance," he said, shifting his weight from one let
to the other. "But I really didn't say it the first time. I don't think it sounds at all sexy
or like me..." Reading all the signs of forgiveness, he started to pull Xander closer.
Xander stepped out of Spike’s arms and glared, amusement gone at the blond’s
continued refusal to just say the fucking words. Spike was still playing games and
Xander was tired of it.
“You can’t say it, you can’t have it.” He snapped and turned around, intending to go
turn off the radio.
"I... I...well...I might love you. I mean if you bloody stayed put, didn't ruin the dinner
and the dancing, and... generally were more accessible." When Xander turned, Spike
crooked a finger. "Come here. I've always been more 'action' than 'talk,' yeah. Let me
show you." His voice dropped an octave as his heated gaze travelled slowly down
Xander's body, then went back up to his face.
Xander rolled his eyes at Spike's cop out, ignoring his body's reaction to the rest of his
little speech. He stalked back to Spike and, putting his hand in either side of the
blond's face, he pulled him forward for a kiss.
"I love you Spike. No might, no accessibility issues about it. "
"Too much talking, too little accessibility." Spike put his hand behind Xander's head
and pulled him close, slanting his mouth over the brunet's. He traced the seam of
Xander's lips with his tongue, testing it, before delving his tongue inside. He slid his
other hand down the guy's shoulder, to the small of his back, dragging his body up
hard against his own. With his knee still inserted between Xander's legs, he started to
move to the music, dirty dancing the way he'd wanted to at the club.
Xander let himself be distracted for a moment, enjoying the feel of Spike's body
against his. He'd never held a fully conscious Spike in his arms like this. Except
apparently he had.
He stopped dancing and looked into Spike's eyes.
"I think you put me through enough for me to have earned this Spike." He said
quietly. "Would it hurt you so much to just tell me?"
"Working my way up to it, yeah?" He stared right back, half afraid, half elated.
"Would it make us bloody poofters?"
"Spike, I think it's the sex that makes us poofters. And we could not have it if
it'll make you feel better. In fact I guarantee we won't have it if you don't say the
words within the next three seconds." Xander said, exasperation dripping from every
word. "I usually try to get you to shut up not speak!"
Spike could see the boy was serious. He swallowed hard and struggled to find the
words. Three words. It should be easy to say. "Alright then." Lightning fast, he
plastered his mouth over Xander's, murmured the muffled words, managing to work
the word "blackmail" in there somewhere, before tentatively kissing him. Rome
wasn't built in a day, was it?
"Sorry, couldn't hear you over the kissing." Xander said, smiling innocently at Spike.
Frustrated, Spike bit the words out as if they were a curse. "I love you, you git. Now if
you're through with your fun and games, I've got a dinner to finish cooking." He gave
Xander a slight push, and strode out of the room.
Xander grinned at the retreating blond. Spike loved him! He did! He followed Spike
to the kitchen, bouncing as he went.
"So, no Buffy then?" He asked, wanting to dispel that last bit of nervousness that remained.
Spike stilled for a moment, then continued slicing the tomatoes. "Don't tell her
anything." Frowning, he transferred the diced vegetables to a bowl. "I'd like to let her
down easy, yeah?" Now he glanced at Xander, afraid of what he'd see.
Xander tried not to show his joy at Spike's words. No point in letting the Big Bad
know how much his words got to Xander.
"Let her down, for me." He said happily and snagged a bit of tomato.
"Not like I have any choice...you know the PtB...they stuck us in one place and all
probably end up disappearing if I leave." No need for the boy to know about the new
freedom-scroll. If he knew, then he'd be crowing even more. Probably keep making
him say that love word. "Get the plates, luv... erm... I didn't mean it like..."
that was the problem, he had meant it like that.
"Oh." Xander's face fell at Spike's words. "I'll get the plates then." He mumbled and
left the room.
Spike followed him and set the food he'd worked so hard on onto the table, eyeing the
guy. Sad, crestfallen. He didn't want him to be sad. He crossed over to Xander and
pulled him into his arms. "Every word I say, you can't take it as serious. The stuff I
said about you ordering me about, I thought it was funny... that you'd think it was
funny...that you'd play along. And right now, you know I don't care what the PtB
bloody want out of me. I'm selfish-guy, yeah? If I'm with you, it's because I want to
be. But don't go expecting me to give you flowery speeches and love talk. At least not
yet. I'm doing my best here," he swept his hand around the room. "I should have
known it wouldn't be good enough. And I know that I did and said things I shouldn't
have. I'm trying to make it right, but if you expect more from me... I - will - fail." He
didn't want Xander to accept him under any false beliefs that he would change.
Xander relaxed in Spike's arms, letting the blond hold him close.
"I'm sorry. It's just...you've wanted her since you got back here and I didn't even think
you cared for me, other than in a friend way and I wanted you so badly but you said
her name and I know it was part of some stupid plan or other but it still hurt. I
just want to hear it once, you know? That you could go get her but you won't. Cause
you want me instead. I promise to lighten up right after." Xander offered a genuine
smile. "I'll even dance macho man for you if you want."
"For the last time, then. I don't want her, I want you." He gave Xander a tiny push.
"Make it a strip dance, and you're forgiven."
Xander grinned at Spike, happy to have finally gotten clear confirmation that he came
first. "Hey, you got a hell of a lot more to be sorry for! You strip and then
I will forgive you. But first you gotta feed me. Feed me, Spike!" He
ordered and sat down on the table. "Go on then, you don't want the dire consequences
do you?" He snickered.
"Careful what you wish for, you never know what bits they start erasing. It might
mean the shower would be your best friend forever." Smirking, Spike picked up an
asparagus with his fingers, dipped it in sauce and dangled it close to Xander's mouth. "Lick."
Xander leaned forward and licked carefully at the sauce, making sure to get all of it
off the asparagus. Then he grinned at Spike and snapped his teeth through the
vegetable, cutting it in half.
"Mmm," he agreed and kissed him, tasting the tangy sauce as he moved his mouth
and tongue. "Very yummy." Spike broke the kiss and started putting food on their
plates. Then he decided Xander was too far. Hooking his foot around Xander's chair,
he suddenly pulled it closer to him. "What? Is it wrong to know what you want?"
"Nope, nothing wrong with that at all." Xander shook his head earnestly. "I for
example wanna kiss you and have hot monkey sex." He stated and leaned forward a
bit, dropping a quick kiss on Spike's lips. "But first I wanna eat." He grinned.
"Damn... I was thinking of skipping to the sex bit right away." He poured the boy
some wine. "And if you don't stop looking at me like that, that's exactly what's going
to happen." Noticing the boy fidgeting, his hands shook slightly as he poured the
wine. Century old ex-vamps did not get this worked up at the thought of sex. They
"If I tell you something, you promise not to laugh?" Xander asked, looking down at his plate.
"Do you believe my promises?" Spike countered, then added. "Tell me. I won't laugh."
"I do believe your promises!" Xander protested. "Your jokes, not so much. But you
haven't broken a promise that I know of since you promised Buffy you'd take care of
Dawn. And I'm off on a tangent now aren't I. Okay here goes...I'm nervous of the sex.
Cause I haven't done this before. With a guy. Except for the time when I thought you
were asleep. Before that, nothing. With guys." The more he babbled the more Xander
felt his cheeks heat up. By the end of his little speech he was sure he was fire-engine
red. "You promised not to laugh." He pointed out before lapsing into silence.
Spike managed to keep it to a smirk and not to laugh. "I promise to keep you so
distracted you'll forget you're a virgin to this. Besides, you didn't seem to be that
worried about it in bed. You had all the right moves, yeah?" He took Xander's hand
and ran the pad of his thumb over the guy's palm. "You know what you like to do in
the shower with this hand? You do that to me and I'll be a very happy man." As
images of just that assaulted his mind, Spike reached for his wine and gulped it down.
"We're not going to make it through dinner unless we talk about something else."
Xander immediately perked up. "I was good? Really?" He asked, preening a bit.
"Anya did say I was a Viking in the sack." He snickered.
Thinking of Xander in a loin cloth, furry boots and with weapons made him go
instantly hard. "Eat," he growled, stabbing at the food in his plate.
"Whatever you say, Spike." Xander agreed happily and resumed eating, silly grin
never leaving his face.
"Fast. Eat fast." It was all he could do not to attack the boy with kisses and touches.
Especially now that he knew there would be no clothes separating them. Nothing to
stop them. It would be him and Xander, and the bed, or the floor, or the wall, or the
"If I eat any faster I'm gonna choke!" Xander said, amused by Spike's impatience.
"You went to all this trouble to make dinner, I want to at least taste it."
"Fair enough." There was nothing fair about it. But Spike could strip Xander with his
eyes. He continued eating, but did just that. Openly leering, even leaning back to let
his gaze drop to the boy's crotch and linger for a while.
Xander wasn't sure whether to laugh or moan. Spike was looking at him like he
wanted to eat him instead of the food. Which led to all sorts of interesting images.
Spike's enjoyment of Xander's discomfort was cut short by a blasted phone call.
While Xander handled the call, he went to the kitchen to get some more wine. At least
in his distracted state, the boy hadn't really commented on his alcohol consumption.
Xander held the phone tightly and listened carefully to the voice on the other side of
the call. Things were more serious than he'd thought. He sighed sadly at the
interruption to his evening and went to the kitchen to deal with Spike.
He found the blond facing the counter, opening a bottle of wine. Xander walked up to
Spike and put his arms around him, pulling him back against him.
Spike blinked in surprise. When Xander's hands swept over his stomach, he
swallowed hard and looked over at him. "Did you...ah...need something?"
"Oh yeah. Need loads of things." Xander breathed, trailing kisses down Spike's
exposed neck and worming his hands under the t-shirt. "Decided I wasn't so hungry."
He murmured against Spike's skin.
"You did?" Spike hissed as his stomach clenched under Xander's touch. This was
better than he'd imagined. Fire and ice. He pushed back and almost groaned at the feel
of Xander's erection cradled against him.
"So, the leering actually worked..." he put
his hands behind him, stroking Xander's sides and thighs. The hot, moist kisses
pressed along his throat did things to him, twisted his insides. He didn't know how
long he could take this before ending the foreplay... even though they'd only just begun.
Xander moaned when he felt Spike press against him. He'd wanted this for weeks and
oh God it felt so good to finally have it. Then he remembered what he had to do.
Focus...you're a Watcher now and you have to do what you have to do.
He abandoned Spike's neck to concentrate on his lips. Licking and nibbling on his
lower lip until he could feel the vibrations of a moan, pushing his tongue inside to
taste and explore... "Feel so good." He mumbled. "Wanna take this to the bedroom?"
Spike turned suddenly. "Nothing wrong with here," he said, smirking at the boy's
sensibilities. He reached for Xander's shirt and started to tug it up.
Xander stepped back, needing to stay in control of this. If Spike started taking off his
clothes, he'd forget the plan and just go with the sex. Which would be bad! Very bad
even if Spike did feel like a little slice of heaven.
"I want to be comfortable." He pouted. "Tell you what. You go get all naked for me."
He came closer to Spike, pressing him against the counter with his body. "And I'll do
that strip I promised."
"Uh uh... Not fun getting naked alone." Spike gripped Xander's hips and started
walking him backwards out the kitchen door. "If you're thinking missionary... don't,"
he warned, his hand sliding back over Xander's ass and squeezing. When they reached
the bedroom door, he bodily shoved Xander up against the door and kissed him. It
was a slow, forceful kiss that didn't take no for an answer. A part of him recognized
Xander was holding back. He redoubled his efforts, sliding his hand under the guy's
shirt and pushing it up slowly.
Gahh oh yeah that feels good...NO! No feeling good! Bad body! Concentrate!
"Come on Spike I really want to do this." Xander whispered in what he hoped was a
seductive manner. "Wanna see you lying on the bed, all spread out for me. See your
eyes go all...fuck yeah...wide... and see you touch yourself...don't you dare stop
"You'll dance?" He tipped Xander's face up. "You'll do a strip dance?" Oh yeah, he
could see the potential in that. "Right...getting naked." He guided Xander's hands to
his shirt and lifted his arms as Xander tugged it over his head. "Get my fly," he
managed to bark it out like an order, seeing Xander's gaze linger on the bulge in his pants.
Xander felt a pang when he saw Spike's excitement. Then there was too much
nakedness to feel anything but good old fashioned lust. He came very close to just
pulling Spike's jeans down and forgetting about everything but him.
"Oh no...If I do that I won't be able to think of anything but 'must have Spike now'."
He muttered and took a step back from temptation. "Get in there, I'll put the music on
and come after you." He instructed, taking another couple of steps back.
Spike frowned with displeasure at being thwarted. Still, if the boy had a fantasy he
wanted to play out... it could be interesting. Sliding his hand over his rock hard cock,
gain he wondered how long he would last before making Xander give it up. Patience
He quickly finished stripping, and lay on the bed on his side. "Come on then, I'm
ready," he called out, impatience reflected in his tone.
Xander gave a frustrated groan and went to turn on the cd player. Spike was going to
be so angry at him after this but damnit he had to do it. He grabbed his coat and the
crossbow he had stashed in the cupboard next to the door and quietly left the apartment.
At first, the soft clicking sound didn't register as anything he ought to be aware of.
But when it became clear that Xander wasn't about to treat him to a lap dance, anger
pulsed through the ex-vampire at being duped.
He scooped his pants up and was dressed in a matter of minutes. So the boy had lied,
pretended forgiveness. The whole thing had been an act. Trying to keep a lid on his
hurt and disappointment, Spike stoked the flames of his anger. Anger was better than
hurt. Slamming the apartment door behind him, he raced up the stairs... from there he
could see which way Xander went. He'd tell him to stuff it and then clear out. Yeah,
that's what he would do.
Xander ran as fast as he could. He needed to get this done as soon as possible. Get
everything over with so he could go back home and talk to Spike. He wasn't kidding
himself that Spike would just take this calmly but he hoped that once he had a chance
to explain things would work out.
Ten blocks later he reached his destination. He stood outside the building, waiting to
catch his breath before going inside. He needed as much of an advantage as he could
get, going in panting and wheezing was only going to make things worse. Squaring
his shoulders, he got the crossbow ready and marched inside.
From a distance, Spike saw Xander enter a building. Now that he neared it, it looked
like a garage... more like one that had been closed for business for a long time. The
large metal door was slightly open. Now to see what he'd been left behind for. Still
stealthy as a panther, he soundlessly opened the door and entered. It took a moment
for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but then he followed the sound of voices. An argument.
"Oh for heaven's sake Andrew will you stop calling yourself a master
vampyre! You're barely out of your grave and they're vampires you stupid
idiotic excuse for a fledge! And stop hiding behind the crate."
Xander glared at Andrew, any guilt or pity for the little runt disappearing when he
refused to come out of hiding. He knew he had to get this done fast, Drusilla was
bound to return any minute now and he couldn't deal with two vampires, even if one
of them was Andrew.
"I am too a master vampyre! My sire chose me because of my black soul and
cunning brain. Those are what make a master vampyre not the years of his unlife."
Hidden in the shadows, Spike took in the sight. Xander was here to what? Dust
Andrew? And Andrew as a vampire? It was just too comical. He'd be laughing if he
weren't hanging on so tightly to his anger.
Xander sighed. Why, why was he always stuck with the insane ones? Time to try the
ages old your-momma method. "Your sire is nothing but a two-bit tramp who would
bite anyone that looked at her twice."
"I will not allow you to speak that way about my sire you worthless mortal!" Andrew
declared and stepped out of the shadows, game face to the fore.
Xander raised his crossbow and aimed straight at Andrew's heart. Just as he pulled the
trigger he felt a sharp blow at his side. Next thing he knew he was laying on the floor
with a very pissed off Drusilla standing over him.
"You shan't have my knight again! You stole my William, you can't have my boy! Bad knight!"
Separating from the shadows, in two strides, Spike was looming over him as well.
"Xander, get up and get your arse home, or I'll be having you, but not in the way
either of us thought." His voice was rough and savage. He'd never see the boy again
and he didn't care. Or he didn't want to. Being a vampire was one sure way that would
happen. Turning, his gaze locked with Drusilla’s. They didn't need to speak. The
message was clear, he would let her turn him.
Xander saw the look that passed between Spike and Drusilla.
He scrambled up and pushed his way between the two. He stood in front of Spike,
crossbow in one hand and stake in the other.
"No, I didn't dust your knight, he's still undead. You're not taking mine." He said,
every inch the Watcher. Giles had finally trained him up and even Xander had been
surprised at how well he'd taken to the role. "You touch him and Andrew dies. I have
an army of Slayers at my disposal and you won't be able to guard him all the time, I
will get to him and he will die."
Seeing the determination in Xander's eyes, Dru hesitated. She wanted her William
back but she liked her new boy. He was so...tasty and loyal.
"I could have three knights." She said, taking a step forward.
"Then you'd have a very pissed off Wicca after you. I know you're insane Dru but
you're not stupid." Xander tried to appear as calm as he could. He needed to get them
out of here alive. Needed to explain things to Spike. He couldn't let things end like
this, with Spike hating him...
Spike hated him.
No don't think about that...Get out of here and then deal with Spike...need to keep
him alive so you can fix things.
Spike made a sound of disbelief, "Don't ever call me that. Now run
along, or you'll have to kill us both," he pushed Xander's crossbow so it wasn't
pointing at Drucilla anymore. When had the boy turned all-warrior? Another piece of
the puzzle fell into place in his mind. So that was how it was. Fine. There would be no
regrets. In a few minutes, unlife would be sweeter than this life.
Xander glared at Spike and lifted his crossbow again.
"Don't call you what? I'm not letting you die here Spike!"
"Don't call me period." He gripped Xander by the shoulders and started to push him
toward the door, "Now, get the fuck out. This has nothing to do with you, yeah? Oh
right... you're a good little watcher now. Stick your nose in everywhere. Well you'll
end up with it cut off because I won't be so nice in a few minutes. Move." He gave
Xander a rough shove and started to turn towards Dru. That was when things went bad.
He saw her hand coming past him. Time slowed to a crawl . He knew her
target was Xander. He'd seen this move a thousand times before. Her hand would
penetrate the boy's back, she'd squeeze his kidney... pull it out. Let him die watching
his insides lying right next to him.
Time sped up. Spike forcibly turned the crossbow in Xander's hand, pulling it
towards Drusilla. It bayoneted the vampiress in the chest. For an instant, all three of
them had some sort of grip on the crossbow and stood watching each other in horror.
Then she crumpled to dust. His companion of so many years.
"Drucilla!" Spike's voice was raw with pain, but when he swung his gaze to Xander, it
was filled with accusation. The last piece of the puzzle fell in place. "You used me.
All of you. The Powers. The Watchers. You..." his voice broke on the last.
“Congratulations, you win." Dropping his hold on the cross bow, he strode away,
leaving Xander and Andrew to deal with each other. He'd had enough.
Xander watched Dru come at him. Next thing he knew she was dust and Spike was
talking to him...He stared at the pile of dust for a moment until Spike's words
penetrated his brain.
"What? Spike, no, what the hell are you talking about!" He yelled, but Spike was
"He killed my sire! I shall avenge her death, that evil fiend shall die!"
Xander saw Andrew run for the door and almost absently aimed and shot him through
the heart. He watched Andrew disintegrate into dust, feeling oddly numb. He'd known
the guy for so long...shouldn't he feel sad or something?
No, because Spike came first and Spike was running away from him. Xander snapped
out of the odd feeling of unreality and started running as fast as he could.
Anger boiled his blood, made the blood pound into his temples. Xander had used sex
to keep him there... had taken care of him. So he'd been bait all along, to lure big bad
Dru. And now they'd forced his hand, he'd killed her. Everyone got what they wanted
but Spike. Nothing new in that... he ought to be used to it.
He felt a hand on his arm and wrenched it free. "Stay the bloody fucking hell away
from me," he snarled. "Go collect your gold star, or is it an Academy Award? You
deserve it." He lengthened his strides, trying to put as much distance between them as possible.
"Spike I don't know what you're talking about!" Xander protested, walking next to the
blond. "I got a call from the Council, they told me that Dru sired Andrew. I had to
stop them, Spike! I couldn't just let them go and you love her, she's your Willow. I
didn't want you to have to do that, please Spike wait!"
"Don't lie to me," Spike whirled, hand pressed against Xander's chest, slammed him
against a brick wall, pinning him to it. "Get naked Spike... I want you Spike... and I'm
the git who believed it." He shoved the boy hard against the wall again. "I fucking
believed in you. I was the trap for her, wasn't I? You and your watchers... I'm so
bloody sick of the lot of you." He released him and wiped his hand on his pants.
"Thought it would be different with you. But it's same old thing. Buffy meant pain.
You mean pain. And the job comes first. Well fuck you and fuck that. I'm clearing
out... find yourself another playmate, yeah?" he swallowed hard then headed to the
apartment. He didn't have much to collect, but it was all he had in the world now.
Xander run after Spike again, determined not to let him go on thinking that he'd used
him. He slammed the door of the apartment shut, locked it and pocketed the key.
"Spike what you said...it's not true." He explained, speaking as calmly as he could. "I
don't know why you'd think...Spike I was just trying to spare you the pain of dusting
her. Do you really think I'm capable of fooling you for weeks on end? That I
would...that I would lie to you and pretend like that?"
"Did a good job tonight, didn't you?" Spike tasted the bitterness in his words. The
small apartment, Xander... it was all crowding in on him now.
Xander watched Spike grab his clothes from the dresser and he finally started getting angry.
"So it's alright for you to put me through hell, make me think that you're touching me
but dreaming of Buffy, making me sit through an entire day of teasing and fucking
with my head but I make one fucking mistake....Damnit Spike at least all I wanted to
do was protect you!" He yelled, advancing on him.
"You were supposed to be the light to my dark. I make the messes, you clean them up.
I cry, you make me laugh... no changing the rules. One of me is too many, two of me
are impossible." He grabbed the last tee shirt they'd picked out together, and dropped
it into the bag. Bloody hell, watching the material disappear, he felt his soul get
wrenched out of him. Why had he believed? Why hadn't his naturally suspicious
instincts protected him from this? Why had he said the words the boy wheedled out of
him? It made it so much worse. He started to turn back toward Xander, though there
were no words of goodbye that he could think of.
"So all you wanted was someone to take care of you. Stupid me thought you wanted
me. And what, saying you love me was the price you had to pay? Is that why I
had to practically beg for you to say it?" Xander pushed Spike back against the
dresser. "What would you have done if I told you I was going to go after Dru, Spike?
Run after her? Tried to save her? You would have gotten yourself vamped trying. You
got what you wanted, I tried to take care of you. It's a pity it doesn't go both
ways isn't it?" He asked coldly.
"Fuck you, Harris," he pushed him back. "You made me say it and then you left me to
go after my friend. My sire. And I never asked you to take care of me, I can
wipe my own arse, thank you. And your bloody head is on backwards if you think it
was one way, I killed her when she went for you...yeah? So fuck you..." he trailed and
stared at a spot on the wall across from him, his chest heaving.
"I didn't know she was going after Andrew when you said it! I didn't know!
All I wanted was you. I let her go once didn't I? I didn't even tell the Council she was
here but she had to go and turn Andrew and they wanted her. It was personal after
that. What was I supposed to do, Spike?" Xander tried to catch Spike's eye, willing
him to believe. "I couldn't let them catch her, I couldn't let her go."
The reminder of the sequence of events, the phone call during dinner...that took away
some of the sting. But not enough to make a difference. It still hurt. And Spike didn't
want to hurt anymore. Not because of Xander. Not because of Buffy. Not because of Dru.
"Yeah you wanted me so bad you offered a lap dance," Spike swallowed over the
lump in his throat. He wasn't going to let the boy see him break, he wasn't. "So you're
a company man now. Good on you, mate."
For a moment Xander thought he'd gotten through to Spike but then the moment was
gone and Spike was...Spike was miserable.
"I'm sorry." Xander whispered, "I just didn't know what else to do. It was stupid and
mean and okay, maybe part of me was getting you back for the pain I felt before but I
thought I could apologise and explain. I thought you'd let me make it up to you."
"Revenge... that's what I thought." And that was something he understood, or should.
Only he hadn't expected if from Xander, the boy had been so mellow. His pride had
taken a kick in the teeth, and then his heart with having dusted Dru. But Spike had
done that himself - not Xander. The fight went out of him. "My plans never work out,
do they? Why should yours?" he asked finally looking at Xander.
Xander took a step closer, fighting the urge to hug Spike close. He was sure the blond
wouldn't appreciate that. "Please let me make it up to you."
The anger pulsing through the ex-vampire changed suddenly into need...a desire for
things to make sense and work out. Who was he kidding, it was a desire for the boy
looking so intently at him, and making an offer he couldn't resist. "How?" he managed
to croak out the challenge, without reaching out and touching the boy.
Xander spread his arms out and let them drop. "I don't know...anything you want,
name it and I'll do my best to give it to you."
"Anything? Dangerous offer, that." Spike couldn't quite hold the smirk as he imagined
Xander doing everything he ordered. In the end, he decided it wasn't what he wanted
right now. "Use your imagination," he whispered, his voice husky with raw sensuality.
Xander looked at Spike uncertainly, trying to think of something, anything to make
things better. He finally decided to do what he'd promised to do before. "Stay there,
I'll be right back." He said and ran from the room.
"I've heard that one before." Spike walked to the bed and sat down, cradling his face
in his hands. Was it his body or his heart talking when it said to stay... to give this a
chance? And should he listen to either? He'd said he loved Xander, but when had love
ever worked out? Had it all been in his head? That this time it could be different...
different in so many ways, he hadn't known where to start.
Xander shifted through his cds, quickly finding the one he wanted. He put it on, and
took a deep breath…show time!
The intro started playing and he moved to position in the doorway to the bedroom,
standing with his legs slightly open and his hips swaying slightly.
Spike looked up and stared intently at the boy in the doorway. Watching him move to
the music...watching that uncertain smile...and maybe the look that said the boy
couldn't decide whether he was in hell or heaven, something shifted inside Spike. The
anger, the loss, the confusion, all suddenly dwarfed by the need to smile back... to
laugh with him. Wasn't that what he'd thought was special about Xander all along.
The way the boy could pull him back from his worst moods?
"Very nice. There will be stripping involved, yeah?" His gaze lingered at the top
button on Xander's shirt.
Xander’s smile widened at Spike’s words. “Well, what kind of a show would it be if
there wasn’t?” He asked, moving his torso with his hips and singing the words, all the
while, looking intently at Spike.
When I get you all alone
I'm gonna take off all your clothes
Ain't nobody gonna interrupt my game, oh no
He moved forward, until he stood right in front of Spike. Putting his weight on his
right leg he twirled until he was facing away, giving Spike a perfect view of his jean-clad ass.
Ever since you've been hangin' around
I've been trying to figure out
What I'm gonna say to you to get something, yeah
Spike's leather pants grew uncomfortably tight as he enjoyed the view. The words...
the beat...the circular motion of Xander's hips with those torturous little surprise
thrusts almost undid him. Bracing his hands on either side of his body as he sat on the
bed, Spike leaned slightly away. It was either that or he'd pull Xander on his lap, but
he wanted to make the moment last a bit.
Couldn't we do what we did last night again
Baby you and I could be better friends
Don't you think it's time we went a bit further, oh yeah
When Xander turned around and jerked his hips forward, Spike sucked in his breath.
He wanted to go further... much further. And once they were done, friends wouldn't
cover what they were to each other. Wordlessly, he nodded his encouragement. God
did he need a drink. Or something.
Kind of faded, but I'm feeling alright
Thinkin' about making my move tonight
I can't pretend that you're only my friend
when you're holdin' my body tight
Xander concentrated on the steps, trying hard to keep his movements in control. He’d
forgotten how much work dancing was but the look on Spike’s face was worth all the
effort. He looked coyly at the blond, his hands fingering the shirt buttons, singing
with all his heart.
'Cause I like the way you're making your move
I like the way you're making me wait
At the end of the night, I'm gonna make you feel like mine
You'll be coming on home with me, yeah, yeah, yeah
The intense fires of Spike's eyes were trained on Xander's teasing hand. "Do it," he
growled, without meaning to. But did the boy listen? Yes and no.
He revealed skin and muscle at an excruciatingly slow rate, his movements parting the
material, and letting it cover him up, and parting it again. "I'll pay you a thousand
pounds, if you rip it off," he said, looking up at Xander's face. Oh God... the mouth...
why had he looked at his mouth?
“Don’t think you can afford that, Spike. Tell you what, I’ll take it off if you wash the
dishes for the whole week.” Xander laughed, never pausing in his movements.
"Yeah... do it." He hardly cared what he'd agreed to, he just needed to see more.
Sitting with his legs wide open, he didn't even bother to cover the tremendous bulge
that was waiting for Xander.
Don't you know you've got it?
And you know I want it
I can't wait to take you home (you know you've got it tonight)
Xander laughed and followed Spike’s instructions, eyes dropping to eye the blond’s
crotch. I know you want it One hand dropped to cover his own cock, cupping
it through the jeans, the other slowly trailed up and down his chest.
“Want this off too, Spike?”
Mesmerized, Spike just stared for a few heart beats. Eventually, he put his hands out
and stroked Xander's moving thighs. At the feel of muscles sliding and rippling under
his palms, need slammed into him so hard he barely stopped himself from pulling
Xander down on him. The strain in his pants only grew worse when Xander smiled
and started unzipping his jeans.
Dragging in a much needed breath, Spike stood up and walked behind Xander. Hands
on the boy's swaying hips, he plastered himself up against his back, and moved to the
beat. Over the boy's shoulder, the tantalizing view of Xander's undone jeans made
Spike's hands itch to pull the jeans down lower. Groaning softly, instead, he lowered
his head and kissed Xander's neck. Licking lightly and sucking, taking in the boy's
scent. No matter how much he wanted the moment to last, he knew it wouldn't...
because he couldn't wait that long.
Xander tilted his head, allowing Spike greater access. He pressed his ass against
Spike's crotch, circling his hips so that it brushed against the blond over and over again.
"Want more Spike? All you have to do is say what you want." He murmured, all
nervousness gone in his determination to give Spike what he needed.
Each grazing touch had Spike straining to get closer. "You. Just you," he whispered
against Xander's throat. Closing his eyes, Spike fought for control. There would be no
mauling of the boy this first time. Liar. Touching... there could be touching.
And then there was. Dancing, groping, feeling. Spike's hands freely roamed over
Xander, over all of him. Long and languid brushes against his thighs. Heated strokes
trailing across his bare chest. Furtive touches against the clearly visible hard-on. Spike
reached over and cupped Xander's face, forcing him to turn to the side. That mouth. It
was his now.
He nipped Xander's lower lip, before kissing him better. Hot and furious, his tongue
stabbed inside Xander's mouth, stroking and swirling. As the demands of his body
grew, Spike turned Xander around without breaking the kiss. Now facing him, he
inserted his leg between the guy's thighs, swaying, and dancing, and rubbing against
him, as his kisses deepened and grew fiercer. The boy's ragged breaths only fanned
the fires of his desire. So much desire, pent up for too long.
Xander's heart danced at Spike's words. Just him, only him.
"You have me." He smiled and leaned down for another kiss, his hands pushing
Spike's t-shirt out of his way, eager to touch him. He concentrated on Spike's lips, the
way they brushed against his own, the way his tongue pushed forward into Xander's
mouth. He let his hands explore Spike's back, tracing the muscles, moving down to
worm under the waistband of the tight jeans.
"You also have too many clothes on. Not enough accessibility!" He grinned, tugging
at Spike's t-shirt.
Spike raised his arms and allowed the boy to remove the shirt, then undid his own
pants. Tugging them slightly down his hips, he did the same to Xander's dark jeans. If
they were completely naked, it would be over, so this had to serve. He pulled the boy
into his embrace. Half stumbling, half crushing him against his frame, he backed him
up against the wall.
"The song's over." He ran his thumb over Xander's red and swollen lips... his mark.
Smiled slightly, and dipped his head down to taste that mouth again. There was
hunger in his kiss, and in the way he rubbed his groin against Xander's. Every
movement fanned his need. He'd grown so hard, it was painful. "Xander..."
"Yeah?" Xander's voice came out in a breathless whisper. He didn't even register the
lack of music too lost in the lust and oh God...love, in Spike's eyes. Not waiting for an
answer, he bent his head to lick and nibble on Spike's neck, mirroring the blond's
actions from earlier. "Taste good." He mumbled against the skin, his mouth moving
down to Spike's collarbone, travelling across his chest to his nipple. He gave it an
experimental lick, closing his eyes to savour the taste and feel of it against his tongue.
Different from women but still damn good. He smiled softly and leant down to explore further.
Lost in the sensations that rocked his body, Spike threaded his fingers through
Xander's dark hair, and leaned his head back, involuntarily arching into the boy. The
boy left moist trails down his chest and when he reached his stomach, Spike
shuddered. He looked down, wondering if the boy would go there. He probably hadn't
ever—He hissed as that mouth of his trailed lower. "Please..."
"Anything you want Spike." Xander said, eye darting upwards. He pushed the jeans
down a bit, staring nervously at the erection swaying in front of his face. Right...he
could do this. After a moment of hesitation he licked daintily at the crown.
Huh...that wasn't too bad. He put his hand around the base and did it again,
licking more strongly, swirling his tongue a little at the top.
Spike forced himself to loosen his tight grip, dragging his fingers through Xander's
hair instead of pulling him closer. "Again... more," he said, on the verge of a painful
groan, pushing his hips forward.
Xander pulled back again and studied Spike's cock with a thoughtful look on his face,
trying to figure out what to do next. He heard a soft moan coming from above him
and, decision made, he took the crown into his mouth and suckled on it.
A jolt of white hot heat had Spike struggling to maintain control. Xander's
inexperienced motions inflamed rather than gave relief. He held back as much as he
could, but put one hand over Xander's static one, showing him how to stroke his shaft.
A stronger jolt. One that almost brought him to his knees. He groaned his pleasure out
and ran a shaky hand through Xander's hair. "Take me deeper," he murmured, eyeing the bed.
Xander closed his eye and concentrated on what he had to do. He lowered his head
slowly, taking in as much as he could, and tried to move his tongue around the shaft.
He loved it when that was done to him, maybe Spike would like it too. He heard
Spike moan in pleasure and groaned in reply. Fuck, so hot having him like this,
moaning because of me. He pulled his head back, sucking his way up and then
down again, flicking his tongue and trying to hold his teeth back.
"Yes...oh yes." Spike surged forward, fucking Xander's hot slick mouth until he
careened so close to the edge, he had to pull back. "Get up," he pulled Xander up.
Eyed the bed, and took the fastest route, lifting Xander up into his arms. In a few
quick strides, he deposited the boy on the bed. Dark hair, tanned skin, against white sheets.
Swallowing hard, he ran his hands down the boy's chest, gripped the waistband of the
loosened jeans, and in one fell swoop, peeled them completely off. Staring,
unashamed, he hoarsely whispered, "Beautiful."
He ran his hand over Xander's shaft once, twice... revelling in the boy's immediate
response, then caught the boy's knees, dragging him to the edge of the bed. "Your
turn," he said, his voice full of promise, as he dropped to the ground on his knees and
took Xander's cock into his mouth. It might have been decades since he'd done this,
but his memory was strong, and his imagination ever stronger. Moving his mouth and
hands in tandem, he stroked and licked and sucked, loving the feel of Xander's
erection, the small sounds he was making, the way he was arching up toward him.
Xander whimpered low in his throat, his hands grabbing the bedspread and holding on
tight. He tried to control his body, telling himself that he couldn't come yet, just a
little more of this and he'd let go, just a little more. "Spike please...so good."
The praise only made Spike work harder at it, moving one hand up and down
Xander's body as mouth and other hand worked him up. The next time Xander called
his name, a wave of desire too strong to be ignored ripped through Spike.
Abruptly, he stopped, stood up, and dropped his pants. The entire time, his gaze was
locked with Xander’s, who looked hot, and bemused, and was breathing hard. Spike
wanted him so bad, nothing would stop him now.
He joined the boy on the bed, and pulled him up onto his knees, kissing him, stroking
his chest as he angled his body behind Xander's. He'd promised to keep him
distracted, and by God, despite the demands of his body, he did just that. Grasping the
boy's shaft, he stroked and moved against the boy's ass at the same time, his own cock
hard and heavy. Once Xander threw his head back, Spike prepared him, praying the
boy wouldn't tense up. Not now, not when he wanted it so bad he was almost blind with desire.
Xander moaned pushing back against Spike's fingers. He'd tried his best to remain
relaxed while Spike prepared him, finding it easier than he'd thought. He let himself
feel, enjoying the burn of Spike's fingers stretching him, moaning his pleasure when
he rubbed against his prostate. He felt something blunt push against his hole and once
again pushed back, hungry for everything Spike had to give him.
The feel of Xander pressing back against his erection clinched it. Spike thrust his hips,
slowing and holding on for the barest of seconds, before thrusting again. "Oh God,"
he croaked against Xander's ears, as the boy tightened around him, milking him, every
drag against his cock taking him higher.
"Fuck...Spike..." Xander moaned, thrusting back, fucking himself against Spike.
He didn't have to ask again. Spike fucked him with long, powerful strokes, in and out,
pleasuring him with one hand, gripping him around the waist with the other. Their
bodies slid and moved together, joined at almost every point. Lean rippling muscles.
The sounds of groans and gasps. The heat that burned between them. The pressure
built with every motion, every sound. Spike drove deeper into his lover, faster as his
release drew close. "Come with me," he said, his voice edged in desperation, "Come
with me Xander..."
Spike's words only spurred Xander on, making his movements frantic and hard as he
chased after his pleasure. Spike's hand tightened around his cock and he finally went
over the edge, moaning his lover's name. He felt Spike tense behind him and then they
were both collapsing on the bed, unable to hold themselves up.
"Well...that was nice." Xander giggled tiredly.
"Nice." Spike lifted himself on one elbow and looked down at Xander. "Did you say
nice? It was bloody spectacular, is what it was. But if you don't think so..." He
almost purred the threat next to Xander's ear, then scraped his teeth over the guy's
exposed throat. "Five minutes, yeah? Then we'll have another go and see if it's just
nice." He'd have the boy bloody screaming, is what he'd do before he let him out of
the bed. Then he laughed, and dipped his head down, and gave him a long, lingering
kiss. It had been more than good. More than he'd imagined.
Xander smiled into the kiss, happy to have made Spike laugh. Then he remembered
what he'd been making up for when all this started.
"I love you, you know that right? No tricks, no using, nothing but me loving you." He
asked earnestly, holding Spike's gaze.
Spike didn't look away. He was sure catching Dru was the reason that the PtB had put
him with Xander, and pretty sure the Watchers had been in on it. But Xander... no, he
was innocent of guile. "I know luv, I know." He lowered himself back into the soft
bed, keeping one arm around Xander's waist, their bodies still touching. "Four
minutes. And I have quite a few ideas about the shower..."
[Three Months Later]
The Slayer sat cross-legged on the nice comfortable arm chair, looking up at Spike.
"So, watcha think?"
Sitting on the arm of her chair, Spike was almost draped over her as he leaned down
to look in her lap. "Could work, yeah. We're good together."
Walking into the apartment, Xander heard Spike and Buffy talking and sighed sadly.
He was so not in the mood for this. Dragging his feet he walked dejectedly to the
living-room and flopped on the easy chair.
Spike jerked around, a slightly embarrassed or guilty look on his face. "You're home
early, aren't you pet?"
Buffy leaned forward. "Hey Xan. I'm kinda sorta escaping Giles and all the new
paperwork that goes with a kill...." Rolling her eyes upwards, she told him exactly
how she felt about it.
"It's what you went to school for, isn't it, Slayer?" Spike raised and eyebrow, then
looked over at Xander and crooked a finger at him. "Forgetting something, aren't you?"
"Can't get up, too tired. Giles put me in charge of a project. He used the old 'but you're
the only one I trust' excuse. One of these days that's going to stop working." Xander
pouted and mustered up enough energy for a half-hearted glare. "You two are entirely
"Excuse me while I put a little pep into him, yeah." Spike got up, walked his hands
along the arms of Xander's chair as if crawling up it, and kissed him full on the
mouth, not stopping until he got the energetic response he wanted.
"Oh no... Dawn's right, you two are still making like rabbits." Buffy uncrossed her
legs and put her shoes on.
Spike straightened and looked over. "Dawn... we don't kiss in front of Niblet."
"Guess she's got ESP then, huh?" She gave him a wry smile. "Okay so...?"
"I'll think about it, yeah?"
"'kay, you know I don't give up." Dropping the file onto the coffee table, she got up.
"Xan... remind him what a good team we make. Guess I'd better head out. We're
going out for drinks later, in case you want to come and not make like
Xander turned to Spike and said solemnly. "You guys make a good team." He nodded
to underline his point and turned to smile Buffy. "I reminded him. We might join you
tonight, if he can get enough pep into me." He snickered, wriggling his eyebrows.
Recognizing the glint in Spike's eyes that said he was ready to take up the challenge,
she grinned back. "That would be my cue. Closin' the door before it hits me. Call us."
She strode out the door, and pulled it shut behind her.
"I'll put some pep into you," Spike put his hand out, and pulled Xander off the chair.
"For that, you have to be near me." He kissed him again, then moved them to the sofa.
"But first...she wants me to join the fight against evil…again. Brought over the whole
bloody personnel booklet and benefits package," he said, gesturing to the materials
Buffy left on the coffee table.
"There’s a booklet? Nobody showed me a booklet.” Xander asked, settling next to
him and putting his head on Spike's lap. "So...thinking about taking them up on it?"
"I don't know. Maybe. I'm beginning to feel like a kept man. I'm not, am I?" His
stamina had steadily improved over the last months, and he still had his moves.
Training with Xander was something he looked forward to on the weekends.
"Nope. Nothing kept about you. You're a house husband." Xander replied
immediately, giggling and tilting his head so that Spike could pet him. "Giles offered
you a desk job as well didn’t he? After he found out how they used us he busted some
ass and we have some vacancies. He could use someone with your knowledge." He
said, a downright evil smirk on his face as he remembered Giles' reaction when
Xander had explained that someone within the Council had leaked information on
Spike’s whereabouts to the demon community. Ripper was fun when he was aimed at
"Desk job," Spike growled the distasteful words, "don't let my cooking hobby fool
you, I haven't changed that much." He brushed Xander's hair off the guy's forehead,
then focused on his mouth. "Talk about it later, I have other duties. Got to perk you up
and all that." Lowering his head, he brought is mouth down over Xander’s in a heated
upside down kiss. He didn't think he'd ever get enough of this, strange as it was.
Slowly, he swept his hands down Xander's chest and abs... he'd perk him up alright.
Xander arched into Spike's hand, moaning against his lips. It didn't matter how tired
he was, Spike's touch was always enough to wake him right up. He raised his hands to
cup Spike's nape, playing with the soft hair there. By the time the blond raised his
head, Xander was panting harshly and wide awake.
"Come back here." He murmured and tugged Spike down for another kiss.
Spike gave a smug chuckle, and thrust his tongue out, meeting and tangling with
Xander's mid-air. Every time Xander tried to suck his tongue into his mouth, he
pulled back, merely stroking and twirling his around Xander's, teasing him. At the
same time, used his hand to emulate the torture, lightly cupping Xander, stroking,
running his thumb up and down over the growing hardness, but moving his hand
when the boy tried to increase the pressure.
He loved the playful times. Times like this. Xander had taught him what neither Dru
nor Buffy could. Love didn't have to hurt. It could be good. It could make you feel
better, and make you want to be better.
Deep in his thoughts, Spike hadn't noticed the change in Xander's responses. But
suddenly, the boy's hands were clamped behind his neck, insistently dragging him
down closer. The intensity of the boy's look and motions cried out that playtime was
over. But Spike wasn't done playing. Instead of kissing him properly, he tongued the
corner of Xander's mouth, then dipped his head lower, kissing his neck.
Xander growled in frustration at Spike's refusal to kiss him already. Determined to get
what he wanted, he moved up, pushing Spike back against the couch as he went, until
he was lying over the blond.
"You are supposed to be under me." He muttered and held Spike's
head still. He dropped tiny kisses all over Spike's face, laying out their plan for the
night. "First we have fun of the inside variety, then we meet the girls for drinks. Then
we come back home have more fun."
He lifted his head to give Spike a meaningful look before leaning back down for the
kiss he'd been angling for.
Running his hands through Xander's hair, Spike pulled him close and gave him
exactly what he wanted. A long, deep, mind drugging kiss that left both of them
panting for more. Taking a breath, he smiled. "You've gone all masterful-Xander on
me, killed a big bad today, did you?" He chuckled. "And I'm under you... only until
I'm over you," he started to reverse their positions and met some resistance. Sliding
his hand between their bodies, he unbuttoned and unzipped Xander's pants. "You
know you want it, now be a good boy and turn over..." He swept his hands over and
under Xander's ass for good measure.
Xander moaned softly and buried his face in Spike's neck. "Nope. My turn to play."
He said and bit down on the flesh, sucking and licking the skin until he raised a
bruise. "My Spike. Under me." His voice brooked no argument.
Sliding his body down a bit, he unbuttoned Spike's jeans, pushing them down with
him as he went. He didn't stop until he had the jeans off and then he moved up again,
sliding his hands under Spike's knees and raising his legs.
"Objections?" He asked, raising his eyebrow.
Spike frowned. "You don't mean..." Right, the pillow that got shoved under his ass
screamed yes, that was exactly what Xander meant.
His heart pounded. Indecision. A mixture of fear. He wasn't thrilled about passing the
controls over. And yet there was that intense look about Xander, the determination.
And the tantalizing feel of him sliding over his body. Spike's mouth went dry. "I don't
know if it's a good idea pet..." But that look... he was still wearing that look. The one
that said he'd get his way one way or another. A plan...a plan... a thousand pounds
for a plan!
"I. Want. To. Play." Each word was punctuated by a kiss. Xander could see the
indecision in Spike's eyes but he was determined to get his way. Just ‘cause he wasn't
jealous of Buffy didn't mean he didn't have the urge to claim Spike for his own in
every way possible.
Besides, it'd be fun!
Spike's stomach clenched. He swallowed hard. Trying to keep cool. Trying to remain
unaffected. But Xander just wouldn't let him. One last time, he tried to reverse their
positions. The boy...his boy was smiling. But there was steel under that smile. And
love. How could he deny him?
Hand slightly shaky, Spike ran it over Xander's face. "Alright." It was the merest of
whispers, but the triumph in Xander's face had him bracing.
Xander's smile widened at Spike's capitulation. He leaned down and whispered in his
"Don't worry Spike, I've got you and I'm never letting go."
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