Pairing: X/S (soonish)

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns all.
I’m teaching him to share!

Feedback: If you would be so kind I’d love to know I’m doing something right.

Archive: He who wants it gets it. Soon as he asks for it.

Author’s Note: Set in Season 7. Spike did go nuts and end up in the school basement but the First was only pulling the same trick it pulled on Angel. (Can’t have two of its best evil vamps turn good now can we?) He went and got the soul cause he nearly killed Buffy (always thought it was more dramatic than AR. The guy killed two slayers and got so upset when he nearly killed the third he went and got himself a soul…poor Spikey.) Anya left soon after Willow tried to end the world, after learning that Xander wasn’t as straight as they come.

Maaaaaaaany thanks to Poison’s Touch for the beta-ing. *grin*
Cheers mate!

Beggars Cant Be Choosers

by
Nash

Part One

Xander was in the kitchen fixing up some popcorn and drinks for Willow and himself. After she came back from England they were both determined to get their friendship back to what it had been before. To this end they had set aside Thursday nights as theirs to watch films, have a chat, and do whatever they felt like, so long as they did it together.

Today was the first Thursday after Xander had reluctantly taken one insane souled vampire in his home. Which was why, after the popcorn was done he popped a bag of pig’s blood in the microwave. For Spike. The young man kept up a steady internal grumble as he catered for his unwelcome guest.

I am never getting rid of this guy. I mean seriously, how Buffy can forgive him so easily is beyond me. He tried to kill her for Christ sake and he nearly succeeded. Stupid undead bastard. As if sleeping with my best friend and my fiancée wasn’t enough. I swear: if he so much as looks at Willow wrong I will stake him all the way to next Tuesday.

Xander’s inner ranting was interrupted as Willow’s voice caught his attention. “Why did you do it Spike? Get the soul I mean.” He edged closer to the doorway, unashamedly eavesdropping, straining to hear the vampire’s answer.

Spike sighed. He’d known he’d have to explain himself sooner or later. At least it would be Willow he’d have to explain it to. Having taken a walk on the dark side herself, maybe she’d understand and not judge him too harshly.

“It all comes back to the girl,” he stated and seeing Willow’s worried look continued to explain. “Don’t worry Red, I’m not sliding back to babbling madness. I left that at the Hellmouth with the First. I’m just pointing out that for me, it always comes back to the girl: first Cecily, then Drusilla and now Buffy. Only exception to that rule was Angelus, but that’s a whole other story, innit? So yeah, I loved the girl, and I hurt her. I, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, couldn’t stand the thought of nearly bagging my third one. The way she looked at me that night, as if she *expected* this, expected *me* to do this…it broke me. So I ran. Tried to become someone she deserved. All I managed to do was realize how much I didn’t deserve her. How much I still don’t.” The vampire concluded his speech in a pained whisper.

Willow immediately jumped up from her seat and rushed to his side. “I’m so sorry Spike,” she said wrapping her arms around him.

“I’m a monster, Red. I tortured and killed people. The whelp is right, I deserve everything I get.” Xander shuddered at the self-loathing underscoring Spike’s voice. The vampire’s matter-of-fact acceptance affected him more than Angel’s tortured declarations ever did. He shivered again and nearly missed Willow’s reply to the vampire.

“You didn’t have any control Spike. Your soul was gone, the demon took over your body and did those things,” she’d said in an attempt to comfort him.

Spike sighed. “I know what I was, Red. There’s nothing I can do about that now is there? It took me a while to accept that but I have. I can’t keep thinking about it or it will only drive me crazy. It took the Poof 100 years to understand that. Me? I learn faster.”

He paused, unsure whether he should continue. He took a deep breath and went on in the same flat tone, “You’re wrong about the soul not being present. When Dru turned me, the demon took over the body but the soul didn’t leave. Dunno why, probably because she was too out of it to do it right. Anyway, the soul may not have had control, but it was still there and there was nothing it could do about it. At first it tried to stop the demon, but it only managed to influence him in his least homicidal moments. It tried to stop him, the demon, from killing even if it seemed futile with the bloodlust being so strong…

I keep thinking that there was something else the soul could have done. Maybe if I tried harder, if I did something different, the soul could have saved someone.

Now that I means both of them, I’m not sure what to think. I’m both the demon and the soul Red, I feel guilty for the things the demon did and for the inability of the soul to stop him. It’s a bit unsettling, but I’ll deal. I am dealing.” As he spoke Spike’s voice had taken a desperate quality.

The witch’s eyes filled with tears and she hugged Spike tighter. “I’m so sorry Spike,” she whispered. “I didn’t know.”

Xander stood in the kitchen, lost in thought. He remembered the helplessness of being possessed by the hyena. Feeling her power wash over him; trying to stop himself from attacking Buffy but being unable to do anything but watch. Feeling responsible for actions out of his control; for not being able to stop himself. What would a hundred and twenty odd years of that be like, he wondered. The boy resolved to give Spike a chance to become more than an enemy.

He came back to himself to hear Willow softly crying. He could never stand to see his best friend cry so he grabbed a couple of sodas and the warmed blood and sauntered into the living room wearing his patented Xander Harris Infectious Smile, the one that always made Willow grin at him.

As he entered the room, the brunet started speaking in a very theatrical voice. “And now ladies and vamps we have for your drinking pleasure: The best decaf cola money can buy for the most beautiful little redhead this side of the moon and the reddest pig’s blood found at the corner butcher for yours truly’s favourite…well, least-annoying, creature of the night.”

He presented both items with a flourish, delighting in Willow’s merry giggles before continuing, “Tonight we shall also have the greatest, tastiest, delicacies in this apartment: popcorn and assorted sweets. I’ll even throw in some mini-marshmallows for Bleach-boy here if he promises to dunk them quietly. I so don’t want to hear about the tastiness, texture or colour of blood-soaked marshmallows.” Turning to Spike he smiled at him and wagged his finger. “Promise?”

The vampire looked shocked at this display of friendliness, but rallied quickly and chuckled through a solemn vow never to mention anything to that effect for as long as he should unlive.

Xander went to get the rest of the goodies from the kitchen, leaving the others to put the DVD on. He came back to hand a separate tub of popcorn to Spike, just in case he wanted to drizzle blood on it, pointing out that the marshmallow-rule applied to this as well, and sat down next to Willow setting the second tub of popcorn between them.

“So, Wills, what are we watching?” he asked between mouthfuls of popcorn.

“I got ‘Kate and Leopold’,” she replied.

Both males groaned in dismay. Xander glared accusingly at Willow and said, “Oh, come on Willow, you promised: no girly films!”

The witch blushed, but stood her ground. “Yeah, but I’ve wanted to see this movie for ages it was on special offer and I know you’ll like it Xan, it’s not *that* girly,” she babbled and fluttered her eyelashes at her friend giving him her sweetest smile.

The boy sighed and said resignedly, “Ok Wills. You know I can never say no to you.”

Spike smirked. “Led through the nose, aren’t you Harris?” he drawled.

The brunet smirked right back at him. “Don’t make me remind you of over 100 years of obeying every wish and whim of one insane vamp, Bleach-boy.”

“Yeah, but at least I got some sex out of it whelp.”

Xander started forming a reply but was interrupted by Willow laughingly scolding them, “Now stop it. The both of you. I wanna watch the movie.”

They settled down to watch the film. The boys bonded over scathing comments, Spike about the implausibility of Leopold’s world and Xander about the ridiculousness that was Kate.

At the end of the evening Xander kissed Willow goodnight, extracting promises of very manly films for their next meeting. He returned to the living room to say goodnight to Spike only to find that the vampire had already gone to his own room so he cleaned up the living room and went to sleep himself.

The next evening Xander decided to try and show Spike that he was willing to bury the hatchet. He knocked on the vampire’s bedroom door intending to ask him to hang out for a while.

When he received no answer he hesitantly opened the door and called out, “Spike? Wanna come out and watch a movie with me? I got Blade II, figured it would be good for a few laughs.” He waited for a reply. “Spike? You in there?”

The brunet jumped as he heard a voice coming from behind him and turned around to see the vampire fresh out of the shower clad in nothing but a towel. “What was that whelp?” he said.

Putting his hand over his heart Xander managed to gasp, “Don’t do that!” before glaring at the blond and snapping, “That’s it, I’m getting you a bell! I did not survive several monsters and a hellgod to die of a heart attack because a vampire went ‘boo!’.”

Spike raised a quizzical eyebrow. “I’ll try to be more noisy in the future,” he drawled. “Would you like me to stomp my feet maybe?”

To the blond’s surprise, instead of sniping at him, Xander burst out laughing. Trying to speak between giggle fits, he managed: “Stomping…you…like a…five year old…hee!”

The boy’s laughter was so infectious that Spike couldn’t help laughing himself, both of them slowly subsiding to wide smiles. “So, what did you want to tell me then?” Spike asked, still smiling.

Xander repeated his earlier offer of a movie. Spike accepted and after he got dressed they both settled down to watch the film, giggling like teenagers at the thought of evolved vampires. After the film was over, Xander realized that Spike was about to affect a quick escape much like he did the previous day. Before the vampire had time to get up from the couch the brunet turned to him and said, “We need to talk, Bleach.”

Spike was immediately on his guard.

“No good ever came of these words, pet. You of all people, should know that,” he said, surprising Xander into a mini-babble.

“What? No!” the boy exclaimed. “No bad here. All good in fact. I was just going to offer a truce. Really. All about burying the hatchet.”

The vampire was intrigued “A truce? Why?” he asked.

Xander earnestly tried to explain his reasons “I overheard you and Willow talking last night. I think I understand a little of what it must have felt like to watch the demon do what he did and you deserve a second chance. From me anyway. I’m not saying we’ll be best friends or anything, but I’d like to at least try and get along.” He paused for a moment. “So, what do you think?”

Spike contemplated the boy before him. “You’re serious about this then?” he asked.

“Yeah, I am. Look, Spike, we got along well enough last night and tonight didn’t we? No reason why we can’t keep getting along!” the brunet said.

“You’re right, pet. No reason why we can’t keep getting along,” the vampire whispered, something akin to hope shining in his eyes. Maybe he could find a place to belong again. Dawn and Buffy had forgiven him and it looked like Harris was finally giving him a chance to prove himself. The vampire hadn’t felt so optimistic since the day he got the soul.
-------------

Time passed, Xander and Spike kept on getting along. The vampire was now an integral part of the group and as the only two guys in an oestrogen-loaded gang, they drew together for protection as Xander laughingly commented one day when it seemed like all three girls were on a hormonally induced rage. They bonded over games of pool and action films and the vampire taught the boy the finest points of ‘proper football’.

The vampire was okay most of the time, the frequent nightmares and bouts of guilt-ridden madness he’d had when he’d first moved in had tapered off now that he was actively trying to make up for taking lives by saving them. Now that he belonged
again.

Xander was very excited to have a guy friend. He hadn’t realised how much he missed male company until he started hanging out with Spike more. Tonight he was doubly excited and when he opened the door to the apartment he started yelling “Spiiiiiiike” at the top of his lungs.

“Calm down pet, vampire with sensitive hearing here,” the blond grumbled coming in from the kitchen.

“Spike, ol’ buddy ol’ pal, I got us some goody good news,” Xander couldn’t help the grin spreading over his face.

The vampire smiled at the boy’s obvious joy. “What’s the good news then?” he asked.

“I got a raise!” Xander did a little dance around the couch and continued, “And not only that, but since I knew it was coming I planned ahead and we can get you human blood! Human blood Bleach! Don’t think I didn’t notice you were malnourished. Your ribs are sticking out Spike.”

Xander stopped his excited monologue to glare accusingly at the vampire. “But anyway, I digress,” the boy returned to his previous exuberant state, resuming his little dance and babbling happily. “We can get you human blood, not a whole lot, but enough to make you better, and it will be voluntarily given human blood Willie promised, so no guilt! And, hey, do different types of blood taste differently?” the boy stopped dancing and grinned at Spike who burst into near hysterical laughter.

Xander frowned at the laughing vampire and asked worriedly “Spike? Are you okay?”

Spike tried to reply between peals of laughter. “Asked... Angel…money…blood…for me.”

“You asked Angel for money?” the brunet seemed very confused at that conclusion.

Spike finally calmed down enough to explain. “Not his money luv, mine. Angelus was big on luxuries and comfort. Set up accounts for all his childer. And me as well; seeing as he considered me one of his. Amazing how much interest accumulates for over a hundred years.” The vampire grinned trying hard not to burst into laughter again.

“I finally swallowed my pride and asked the wanker for my money. Didn’t want to be a burden to you lot, you have enough to deal with without having to support a vampire as well, yeah?”

“Wow, you called Deadboy? Did you tell him about the soul?” Xander said in awed tones.

“He already knew pet. I refused to talk about it if you must know. I’m not ready to reconcile with the Grandsire yet. Anyway, seeing as I’m filthy rich now I’ll take care of the rent if you take care of the human food I like to eat. Deal?” Spike extended his arm for a handshake.

“Deal!” Xander was so excited about this development he pulled Spike into a hug. The vampire froze for a moment in surprise, but soon got over it and hugged Xander right back. The brunet closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the closeness…and then abruptly pulled back when he realised just how much he was enjoying it. He covered the potentially awkward moment by declaring that he was calling the girls and they were all going to The Bronze to celebrate.

Later that night as he was getting ready for bed, Xander pondered what he felt when he hugged Spike. Maybe he should start dating again. He was obviously in need of that kind of companionship. Tomorrow he’d ask Willow to arrange a date with that nice guy she’d been trying to set him up with for ages. Having made his decision he went to sleep.

Some time later he felt a spot of cool wetness on his neck. He groaned and arched into the feeling. There was a nibbling feeling all the way down his neck to his chest, with a small biting pause at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. The spot moved across his torso, settling for a moment on his nipples making him moan and chase the feeling.

Ignoring his attempts to keep it on his stimulated nipple, the feeling slithered down his stomach, pausing to trace his belly-button and thrust inside a few times. Xander whimpered, wordlessly begging for more.

The spot moved slowly down the trail of fine hair leading to his cock before sliding up to the crown. Next thing the brunet knew, the cool wetness surrounded his shaft and he helplessly thrust up.

Xander opened his eyes to stare down at the most amazing set of blue eyes he’d ever seen. “Oh God…Spike!” he whimpered as the vampire pulled back and suckled on the tip of his cock.

The blond continued his assault on the shaft before him, dipping his tongue into the slit before devoting some attention to the boy’s balls, licking and sucking on them unceasingly. As Xander whimpered and moaned, he drew back again and looking up into glazed brown eyes he swooped down and engulfed the brunet’s entire cock in one move. The boy screamed and thrust up before experiencing the most intense orgasm of his life. “Spike?” he whispered before blacking out.

Part Two

Xander Harris was panicking. And we’re not talking the small ‘I’m late for work and can’t find my keys’ type of panic; we’re talking about the full blown ‘there’s a Hell God after us and Buffy’s catatonic’ type of panic.

Xander woke up not remembering much of his dream other than that he’d had the most bone-melting orgasm of his life. Then he started remembering bits and pieces of the dream until the most important detail finally revealed itself.

Oh my God… Spike! In my dream! *Spike*! In my *dream*! In *my* dream! *Spike*?! OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod! Right. Deep breaths Xan, deeeeeeeep breaths. No need to panic. You’ve known you swing both ways for a while now… and Spike is not exactly hard on the eyes. And isn’t *that* an understatement. The guy’s so hot it’s a wonder he doesn’t spontaneously combust.

Oh no. Nononononononono! Spike is not hot and I have no interest in him whatsoever. And now I’m just kidding myself. I mean really, the way those jeans cling to that ass is indescribably sexy. And when that very nice demon-of-the-week ripped his shirt off last week I *did* appreciate the sight of that oh so nicely muscled stomach.

Xander’s eyes glazed over as he contemplated Spike’s body before he snapped out of it and once again desperately tried to convince himself that he did not, repeat *not*, want Spike, sexy, lickable, bitable nipples or not. He failed miserably.

“Xander? Xander! Earth calling Xander… You okay? Is anything wrong?” Willow’s voice interrupted the brunet’s inner rant.

Xander shook his head as he accepted, to his utter and complete horror, that he did indeed have sexual feelings towards his undead roommate. “Hey Wills,” he said, sounding decidedly dejected and just a little bit horrified. “Yeah, there’s definitely something wrong.”

“Wanna share?” The redhead was getting worried.

“I had a dream about Spike.” Xander sighed.

“So? What’s wrong with that?”

“Well, he was doing stuff…*good* stuff…*very* good stuff. And now I realized I care about him, in a more than friendly way. And that is the bad in all this. He still loves Buffy,” he explained, blushing from embarrassment.

“Oh Xander…I’m sorry,” Willow said sympathetically, patting her friend’s shoulder.

“I know Wills. And he’s a friend now. It took us a long time to get to the point when I can actually say I like and trust Spike. I really don’t want to ruin that.” Xander sighed sadly before continuing, “So I’m starting a get-over-the-Vampire campaign, and you’re helping. You’re setting me up with that guy you know. Patrick?” The brunet’s determination shined through.

Willow hugged him tight and promised to arrange for it as soon as possible.

----------

That very same night the Scooby gang had a movie night at Xander and Spike’s apartment. Xander had spent the entire night alternating between surreptitiously watching the vampire and internally berating himself for falling for someone he couldn’t have.

The girls were getting ready to leave and Xander walked Willow and Dawn to the door smiling like a maniac, trying to cover his depressed and unsettled state. He couldn’t stop himself from glancing back at Spike only to see the vampire with his arm around Buffy’s shoulders smiling down at her fondly. The look of love underscored with longing evident in the blond’s eyes took a chip off Xander’s heart. He still loves her, and she doesn’t even realize it, he thought. At that moment any hope he had of Spike returning his feelings died. He was now even more determined to get over any romantic feelings he had towards the blond.

---------

A few days later Willow had finally arranged the date she’d promised her best friend. Tonight was the big night and Xander had dressed very carefully, with not a single loud color or plaid in sight. In fact, dressed in simple grey slacks and a dark blue shirt, he looked very handsome indeed.

For the first time since he realized his feelings for Spike, Xander was mildly hopeful about the future. He had a date and if Willow liked this guy then odds where, Xander would like him too. Operation get-over-the-vampire was now on!

“What’s with the dressing up, luv?” Spike asked. “I haven’t seen you this well turned out since…well, ever!”

“Got a date Bleach.” Xander smiled shyly and continued, “You really think I look good?”

“Sure, pet” the vampire shrugged.

Xander was a little disappointed that the vampire didn’t really think much of his looks but he told himself that it didn’t matter, he wasn’t supposed to care what Spike thought of his looks anyway. At that moment there was a knock on the door.

“Could you get that? I still need to get my jacket,” the boy said as he headed towards his bedroom.

The blond grumbled all the way to the door. He opened it to reveal a nice-looking young man.

“Can I help you mate?” he asked.

“I’m looking for Xander Harris,” the young man replied politely.

“And what do you want with him?” Spike asked suspiciously.

“My name’s Patrick, I’m here to pick him up. We have a date.”

“*You’re* the date? But…but you’re a man!” Spike spluttered.

Patrick looked decidedly uncomfortable.

“Hey, you must be Patrick right? I’m Xander.” The brunet came out to introduce himself.

Before Patrick managed to respond Spike burst out, “Xander, he’s a man!”

“Erm… I noticed.” Xander paused. “And why do you feel the need to point that out?” he asked, confused.

“Cause you don’t date guys!” the vampire said, every word dripping with exasperation.

“Maybe I should go…” Patrick said, shifting from foot to foot.

Xander glared at Spike. What was he up to? Why was he acting so weird? “No, it’s ok Patrick, would you just excuse us a minute?” He smiled warmly at his date and dragged Spike into the kitchen

“Are you trying to ruin my date before it even starts?” he hissed angrily.

“What date? You don’t date men!” The dumbfounded look in the vampire’s face could not be faked.

“You’re serious?!” The boy stared disbelievingly at the blond. “Spike, *everyone* knows I’m bisexual, how could it have escaped your notice?”

The vampire just looked at him for a minute before saying quietly, “You didn’t tell me.” He acted as if he was disappointed in him.

“I thought you knew,” Xander replied, equally quietly. “I have to go, Patrick’s waiting for me,” he continued as he moved towards the living room.

Spike went out a few minutes after Xander did. He needed to kill something. The vampire didn’t know why his friend’s revelation had disturbed him so much. He had an alarming suspicion that the fact that Xan had gone on a date was more than a little responsible for his current homicidal mood and he liked *that* even less. He was in love with Buffy. He may have given up on any relationship with her, but that didn’t mean that he was over her.

He went home at midnight, still very tense. He’d taken care of three different kinds of demons and quite a few fledges but it’d done nothing to alleviate the feelings of confusion and anger, so he’d decided to call it a night. “Might as well go brood at home, and when did I turn into the blasted Poof?!” he growled.

The vampire had never returned home to find an empty apartment before. Xander was usually there, albeit asleep either on the couch or in his bedroom. The emptiness struck straight to Spike’s soul. For some irrational reason he felt abandoned. Calling himself all kinds of fool the vampire turned around and strode right back out the door, heading for the nearest bar to drown this annoyingly unsettling feeling in his gut.

Unlike his vampire roommate Xander spent the night having the time of his life. Patrick was an eminently likable person and a highly entertaining date. They’d chatted and laughed their way through dinner and had arranged to meet again the next day. Getting ready for bed after returning home, the brunet sleepily smiled at the thought of seeing Patrick again and patted himself on the back on the unmitigated success of his get-over-the-vampire plan. A few more dates like that one and he’d forget all about any feelings he had for Spike beyond simple friendship.

----------------

Unfortunately for the vampire but to the human’s great delight, Xander spent the next couple of weeks getting ready for a date with Patrick, being on a date with Patrick or coming home from a date with Patrick.

Spike had managed to convince himself that he was only jealous of the time Xander devoted to his new boyfriend; time that had previously belonged to Spike. The brunet seemed to make time for everyone but him.

The Willow-Xander Thursday nights that the vampire used to crash whenever he felt like it had mutated into Willow-Xander Friday lunches that he didn’t have a hope in hell of attending in one undusted piece.

The nights were now completely devoted to Patrick, the vampire being lucky to receive a greeting as Xander ran into the apartment, showered and changed and then disappeared again going Hell knew where with the boyfriend. By the time the brunet came back from his date Spike was out patrolling.

The few times the vampire made the effort to be home, hoping to spent some time with his flatmate Xander had come in reeking of the other man and gone straight to bed sleepily saying goodnight and wasn’t Spike supposed to be patrolling right about now?

Xander on the other hand was walking on cloud nine. He had just embarked on a relationship with a nice normal guy and his life was finally going the way he wanted. Minimal exposure to Spike meant that his unwanted feelings for the blond had abated somewhat and though he missed his friend, he was too excited about Patrick to think about it too much.

The young man was presently out on a date with said Patrick and he was happily planning the rest of their night. So far they’d fooled around a bit in Patrick’s couch and kissing for hours and groping through their clothes. Patrick kept insisting that he wasn’t ready for more but tonight Xander was determined to take it at least a bit further. Grinning at the direction his thoughts were taking the brunet leaned close to his boyfriend and whispered in his ear that maybe it was time for them to head towards Patrick’s apartment.

Safely ensconced in Patrick’s couch the boys followed their usual procedure of increasingly passionate kissing. Just when Pat was about to interrupt with a suggestion to go home Xander whispered, “Let me touch you Patrick, please, just wanna touch.” He let his hand drop onto Patrick’s lap massaging his erection, head nuzzling into his neck licking and sucking on the skin. Pat arched into his lover’s hand murmuring ‘yes’ under his breath, moaning incoherently when his trousers were expertly unbuttoned and pushed down, along with his boxers, and a warm hand enveloped his cock.

Xander encircled his lover’s cock and started gently pulling him, still licking and nibbling on his neck, whispering to him, “That’s it baby, moan a little for me, I love listening to you like this, so hot for me so right in my hand, come on sweetheart come for me, that’s it…” Patrick couldn’t hold back his orgasm and as he came he heard Xander whisper hoarsely, “…that’s my Spike.”

And where the hell did that come from?!

“Xander?”

Xander resignedly looked up to see hazel eyes looking at him, hurt and accusations reflected in their depths. “I’m sorry Pat I…” he sighed, “I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry.”

Patrick took an unsteady breath. “Would you mind… could you leave now? Please.”

Xander got up and moved towards the door. When he reached the exit he turned around and timidly asked, “Could I still call you? Maybe in a few days? We could talk about this.”

“No. I don’t think I want you to do that.”

Xander nodded sadly and left.

-----------------------

Spike slammed the front door open and stalked into what he thought was an empty living room only to freeze when he saw Xander sitting in the dark holding a bottle of beer.

“Why are *you* here, I thought you had a big date,” he snapped.

“I…am a loser.” The boy kept staring off into space his tone flat and resigned.

“What are you on about pet?” Spike went from angry to concerned at his flat mate’s depressed expression.

“I had a nice relationship with a great guy. He *is* you know. Nice looking too.” Xander didn’t even hear the vampire’s growl at his description of Patrick and went on in the same flat unemotional tones.

“And what do I do? I screw it all up. D’you know what he said? He asked me if I *minded* leaving. I did that to him and he asked me if I could *please* leave.” The brunet gave a short bark of unamused laughter. “I’m such an idiot. I should have known this would happen. Not like I ever managed to hold together a successful relationship. Why would anyone want to stay with me? *I* am fundamentally unwantable.”

For reasons he refused to examine, the vampire couldn’t bear to let the boy think himself a loser, believing that no one wanted him. So he did the only thing he could think of at the moment: he sat down next to him on the couch and kissed him.

Xander froze for a second before responding passionately to the kiss he’d been aching for, dreaming of for weeks. His tongue set out to explore every single inch of Spike’s mouth and he reached out to pull the blond closer. Xander lost himself in the sensations, wanting this so badly he refused to think about consequences or allow either of them to hesitate.

After what seemed like hours full of passionate kisses Xander started tugging on Spike’s shirt trying to get it off the vampire’s body. The vampire pulled away from him. “Xander are you sure about this?” he asked worriedly.

“Sure I’m sure. Please take off your shirt,” the boy growled never ceasing his attempts to remove it. Spike finally complied and shed his shirt, throwing it next to them on the sofa. To the blond’s surprise Xander immediately attacked his neck, peppering it with kisses trailing down to his chest, licking across his torso and finally settling on his nipples, sucking and biting on one and tugging at the other with his fingers. The vampire couldn’t help but moan at the assault and arched into the brunet’s mouth, silently begging for more. Xander thrust his hips against Spike’s rubbing their crotches together, pressing down as hard as he could.

The boy suddenly leaped off the couch, grabbed the blond’s hand and dragged him into the bedroom where he resumed kissing him as thoroughly as possible, hands busy attacking the fastening of the tight jeans his lover wore.

With the first touch on his crotch, Spike finally threw caution to the wind and started taking a more active role in the lovemaking. He quickly divested both of them from the rest of their clothing, picked Xander up and laid him on the bed covering him with his body.

He kissed the boy passionately, letting his hands wander down the tanned back and angling his hips and thrusting slightly so that their erections rubbed together. Xander gasped breathlessly and tried to increase the friction, but Spike wouldn’t have it.

The vampire interrupted the kiss, trailing down Xander’s neck, before catching a nipple between his lips, giving it the same treatment the brunet had given his before. The boy moaned and placed his hands on Spike’s head trying to hold him in place. The vampire rested his hands on Xander’s hips and licked down his chest, pausing to dip his tongue in the boy’s navel. Then he stopped. Xander moaned loudly and brokenly begged for more.

“Xander? Pet, d’you have any lube?” the vampire enquired before briefly dipping his tongue in the boy’s navel again. The brunet whimpered and directed him to the bedside drawer.

After retrieving the tube Spike returned to his pleasurable task, finally moving lower and engulfing the brunet’s straining cock. Xander screamed at the feeling of cool wetness, so much better than the dream sensation he had before. Pulling back the vampire licked the head, his tongue dipping into the slit. At the same time he coated his fingers then reached under to stroke along Xander's cleft. He circled and teased the boy’s hole waiting until he bucked against the finger before slipping it inside and crooking it slightly looking for the hidden hot spot. He lifted his head to watch the brunet’s reaction to the penetration.

Xander tensed and screamed as the vampire stroked his prostate. “Again Spike, do it again,” he tremulously commanded. One more finger was added before the blond obeyed his lover’s instruction stroking the nub again, smiling at the breathless moans and entreaties coming out of Xander’s mouth begging him not to stop, to do it again, to give him more. A third finger came to play and Spike happily stretched the boy out, enjoying the reactions of his lover’s body until Xander couldn’t take it anymore.

“Please Spike fuck me…I need more…please,” he whispered between moans and shudders, hands grabbing the vampire’s shoulders, trying to pull him up and into position.

Unable to hold himself back any longer, the blond pulled his fingers from Xander’s twitching hole and slicked his cock as quickly as he could. He turned his lover around and lifted him onto his elbows and knees. He pressed the crown of his cock to the tight pucker and slowly pushed inside. He kept pressing forward, groaning at the heat and tightness, until he was completely enveloped and then he paused, trying to give the boy time to adjust.

“Oh God Spike, don’t stop, please don’t stop, I need you to move, just fuck me please Spike please,” Xander babbled deliriously, thrusting his hips and trying to force the vampire to move.

The vampire started a slow steady rhythm calculated to drive the recipient crazy, making sure to rub against Xander’s prostate every couple of thrusts. The brunet tried again to thrust against his lover’s cock, finally bursting out, “Spike, damnit fuck me harder, please, you’re driving me nuts”.

“Whatever you say, pet,” the blond whispered and began to thrust harder, faster, now hitting that sweet spot with every move. He reached down and wrapped his fist around the boy’s hard cock, pulling in time with his thrusts.

“That’s it baby, so hot, so tight, feels so good, can’t wait much longer pet, gonna cum, cum with me Xan…please luv,” Spike ground out, fucking Xander even harder, fisting the boy’s cock with renewed intensity.

“So close Spike…don’t stop…” the brunet shouted, feeling his sac draw up and he screamed out Spike’s name as he climaxed.

The blond felt the boy’s hole tightening and rippling around his sensitive cock and he growled as he too came before collapsing over his lover. Almost immediately he moved off Xander, to lie on his back next to him. The brunet snuggled against him and promptly fell asleep, not noticing the sadness evident in his lover’s eyes the minute the act ended.

Spike spent most of the night alternating between feeling guilty about what he perceived taking advantage of his friend and trying to find a way to explain what happened to Xander.

-----------

Xander woke up to find ice blue eyes watching him thoughtfully. He smiled sleepily at the blond hoarsely saying good-morning.

“Xander, we need to talk.”

Part Three

The brunet’s smile disappeared. “Nothing good ever comes of those words. You said that yourself,” he said quietly. He paused for a moment before continuing, “So, decided whether you feel guilty about this yet?”

“That’s pretty much up to you Xan. If you tell me you were just upset and didn’t know what you were doing then yeah, I do,” the vampire said, steadfastly looking into Xander’s eyes, trying to find the answer in their dark depths.

“And if I tell you that not only did I know what I was doing, I’d like to do it again?” the boy whispered looking down, avoiding the clear blue gaze.

“Are you sure Xander? You want to get involved with a vampire?” the blond queried, still trying to catch the human’s eye. “I may have a soul now, but the demon is still a big part of who I am.”

“I’m not asking for forever Spike. I’m not even asking you to love me. All I’m asking for is the possibility that you will someday…it’s what I’m offering too, the chance to find out.” Xander spoke slowly, willing the vampire to accept his offer, hoping that maybe, given time, Spike would love him, not Buffy.

Spike looked at the young man lying next to him and tried to examine his feelings about him. He knew he cared for Xander as a friend, but before last night he hadn’t entertained the idea of him becoming anything more.

So why had he been so upset when the brunet had revealed his bisexuality? Was it because someone he’d come to consider a friend withheld something that important or because he had been previously denied the chance to see if they could become more than that? Was he upset because Xander had gone out on a date with a guy or because it should have been him that was on that date?

He felt the boy move next to him as if to get out of bed and realised that he’d been silent for so long that Xander had taken it as a rejection of his offer. He made a snap decision and hoping to whatever god there was that he didn’t live to regret it. He grabbed Xander’s hand and pulled him back into bed. “The answer’s ‘yes’ luv,” he whispered huskily before claiming his lover’s lips in an all-consuming kiss.

--------------

Xander was fairly bouncing on the way to that night’s Scooby meeting at the Magic Shop. He held his lover’s hand and chattered happily, unable to keep a big goofy grin on his face. Xander knew that Spike still loved Buffy but he was becoming more and more confident that he could replace her in his lover’s heart. All he needed was time.

Spike himself was smiling, enjoying the boy’s exuberance and basking in his happiness. He’d never felt so at ease with a lover before. Drusilla had needed to be taken care of and Buffy…well the less said about that period in his unlife the better. He’d never just walked down the street talking about inconsequential things, just being with his significant other.

When they finally reached the Magic Shop the vampire lagged a bit to allow Xander to walk in first. The brunet burst into the shop, anxious to share his good news with his friends, not even noticing that Spike had come in at a discrete distance behind him.

“Hey guys, I got the best news! Well, *Spike and I* have the best news, but since I’m the one saying it, it’s really me that has them. I’ve been dying to tell you since yesterday and now I get to, which is really exciting and I’m so happy,” he babbled looking around to find Spike.

The vampire had walked further into the room and was now standing behind the research table looking horrified and frantically shaking his head. Xander frowned at the blond, immediately understanding what he was trying to convey and not sure what to make of it. He quickly pulled himself together and realising that the others had seen the exchange between him and Spike, he tried to cover for them.

“Don’t look at me like that Bleach. You promised we’d do it and we will!” he mock-scolded the vampire and turned again to smilingly address his friends. “Spike promised me that we could have a party and now he’s trying to weasel out of it. Interrupting me while in full babble mode too. He should know better than that right? Right. So, we’re having a party and you’re all invited.”

The room erupted into cheers as Buffy and Dawn teased Spike for his failed attempts to dodge a party. Willow looked at her oldest friend suspiciously before she too joined in Buffy and Dawn’s felicitations.

Throughout the research session Spike kept trying to catch Xander’s eye, wanting to apologise for his previous behaviour, but the boy resolutely refused to so much as look in his general direction, keeping his nose buried in the book he was going through.

The vampire hadn’t realised that Xander intended to tell their friends about their relationship and when he’d seen the boy about to blurt it all out he’d panicked. A million damning thoughts passed through his head: What if Buffy got angry and staked him. What if she got jealous? What if she didn’t get jealous? And Dawn. What if she got upset with him? She’d only just forgiven him for trying to kill her sister. What if they cut him out of their lives again? He couldn’t face that. Not for Xander, not for anyone. He finally belonged again and he couldn’t risk that. So he’d tried to make Xander stop and now his lover wouldn’t even look at him.

He was drawn from his thoughts at the sound of a chair scraping backwards.

“I can’t take this anymore,” Xander snapped.

The vampire’s eyes widened in horror, was Xander going to tell them? The brunet’s eyes finally looked at him just in time to see the fear in his eyes. Xander smiled mirthlessly at him and started for the door.

“I can’t concentrate any more guys, I have to get out of here. Need to go to the office anyway, have some paperwork that needs doing.” The boy kept his voice as even as he could and didn’t even hesitate when Spike desperately offered to walk him there. Xander didn’t bother covering the hostility he felt and angrily replied, “No Bleach, don’t bother, *Buffy* needs you more than I do.”

Buffy and Dawn where looking at Xander’s direction and missed the stricken look in Spike’s face, but Willow didn’t. Something was going on here and she was determined to find out what it was.

“What the hell was that all about?” Buffy exclaimed. “Spike, do you know what’s up with him?”

“Dunno pet,” the blond mumbled, pretending to be focused on whatever book he was holding.

-----------

Xander angrily strode down the street and into Churchfield Park. He walked until he reached a small lake and made his way to a huge oak tree right by the shoreline. This was where he came to think whenever something bad or confusing happened to him. This was where he headed after staking Jesse, after Cordelia broke up with him, after Buffy died. This was where he had finally accepted his sexuality. And this was where Willow knew to find him if he only waited long enough.

He’d spent the entire meeting trying to figure out why Spike had panicked at the thought of the girls knowing about them. Maybe Spike was ashamed of him. It wasn’t like Xander was the catch of the century. Then a much worse thought had occurred to him. What if Spike needed to leave a door open for Buffy to come back? He couldn’t stand that thought so he’d run...away from Spike…away from Buffy.

So that was his role then. To be Spike’s dirty little secret, warming the vampire’s bed until Buffy graced it again. Xander was sure the vampire wasn’t being deliberately cruel. The Spike Xander had come to know these past few months, the Spike he was in love with, despite all his roughness and shortcomings wouldn’t deliberately do that to someone. But the conclusion remained: Spike still loved Buffy and wanted her back. Or he was ashamed of him. Either way two things were clear to him: he was Buffy’s substitute and Spike didn’t want anyone to know they were together. The question was whether Xander could live with that.

The brunet felt warm arms wrapping around his waist.

“So…you and Spike,” Willow said softly.

“Me and Spike,” Xander replied.

“So much for the get-over-the-vampire plan then huh?” she smiled sadly.

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t want us to know did he?”

“No,” Xander mumbled

“I’m sure it’s not what you think it is Xan. Maybe he’s not ready for everyone to know yet. It took you one year to tell Buffy that you’re bi. Maybe he’s just afraid we won’t accept him,” Willow assured him.

“How’d you know what I think anyway?” he asked sceptically.

The witch smiled. “I’ve known you since we were both two months old Xander Harris. I know how your mind works. You’ve managed to convince yourself that he’s ashamed of being with you or some such crap.”

Xander turned around and hugged his friend tightly, unconvinced, but willing to try and believe. Beggars can’t be choosers, he told himself, and you’ll take anything he’s got to give. “Guess I should go find my vampire then,” he whispered and pulled back.

“Guess you should,” Willow agreed. “I sent him home after the meeting. He should be waiting for you at the apartment.”

-----------------------

Spike was pacing along the length of the living room mentally tearing himself apart for his stupid actions. He shouldn’t have panicked; the girls would probably accept the relationship. But to completely give up on Buffy…he wasn’t sure he was ready to do that. Which only made him feel worse. He really cared about Xander and didn’t want to ruin their friendship or whatever this was between them. Spike didn’t really think that he’d get back with Buffy but he couldn’t let go yet. He just couldn’t.

He heard the front door opened and turned to stare at the entrance. “Xander?” he whispered.

The boy appeared, hesitantly standing in front of the door. Xander didn’t know what to say, how to get over this awkwardness. “I can’t be with someone who’s ashamed of me,” he finally whispered unwilling and unable to bring up the subject of Buffy, afraid of what the answer might be.

“What? No! Xander I swear I’m not ashamed of you! I just-” Spike exclaimed, and then stopped, not knowing what to say.

“You ‘just’ what Spike? You obviously feel very strongly about not letting anyone know about us. If you wanted this to be a one-night stand all you had to do was say so. I’m not going to force you into a relationship you don’t want, I may be an idiot, but I’m not that stupid,” Xander burst out desperately, giving Spike the chance to back out. It would break his heart, but if this wasn’t what the vampire wanted then there was nothing Xander could do to keep him.

Spike immediately launched himself at Xander grabbing his hands and speaking insistently. “No! Xander listen to me, I am *not* ashamed of you! I’m just not ready for the girls to know about this, not yet. *I’m* not even sure what’s happening here, how am I supposed to explain it to Dawn. Please Xan just let it go for a while, we’ll tell them later, when we’re ready…when *I’m* ready.”

Xander closed his eyes against the pleading look directed at him. “I’d have to lie to them...”

Spike took advantage of the boy’s hesitation and pressed his whole body against him, nibbling on his earlobe and breathing out, “Please Xander…I’ll make it up to you”

“God Spike, how can I think when you’re doing that?”

“What, this?”

Xander moaned quietly. “So, we wait for a while, but we’ll tell them?”

“Yeah baby, we will,” Spike whispered trailing kisses from Xander’s ear, down his jaw line to his mouth. He kissed the boy passionately, hands moving down to open Xander’s jeans pushing his hand inside and massaging the hardening cock he found. Spike went back to nibbling on his lover’s sensitive earlobe. “Not ashamed of you pet. Want you so much. Can I have you Xan? Can I?” he murmured.

The brunet moaned in reply and hastily pushed his own jeans down before attacking Spike’s own. The vampire felt a second of relief that Xander had let himself get distracted from their conversation, before the boy dropped to his knees and took Spike’s cock in his mouth.

Xander closed his lips over Spike's hardening cock, sucking it hard making the blond moan. "Oh fuck, that's it pet, take me in. Suck me Xander, oh yeah, just like that." Xander bobbed his head up and down the vampire’s shaft enjoying the taste and feel of it in his mouth. He used his hands to caress Spike's balls, rolling and tugging them gently. When he felt Spike about to come, he stood up and, mimicking the vampire’s previous teasing, he nibbled on his earlobe and whispered, “You wanted to have me Spike. Asked so nicely too. Aren’t you going to?”

Spike’s immediate reaction was to step out of his jeans and growl at Xander to do the same. The minute they were off he grabbed the boy and bent him over the back of the couch, pushing his coat and shirt up to his shoulders before freezing completely “Damn it, we need lube,” he growled in frustration.

“Coat pocket,” Xander replied, voice muffled by the coat hanging over his head.

“Excuse me?” the blond replied incredulously.

“I was planning on using it before we got home.” His voice was quiet now, remembering why he didn’t get a chance to use it.

“Right, exhibitionist streak, check,” Spike said lightly, trying to distract him again. He straightened the coat and grabbed the lube before throwing it back and hastily slicking a finger. Can’t let Xander lose the mood. He reached one hand around his lover’s body grabbing his cock and pumping it a couple of times, while tracing and teasing his hole with his other hand. By the time he finally pushed his finger in Xander was writhing and moaning for more.

“Damn it Spike do it *now*,” he demanded and Spike was only too happy to get his lover ready as quickly as possible and slam his cock inside him.

“This what you wanted pet? Cause this is exactly what I had in mind, taking you, having you, *fucking* you ‘til you can’t take anymore,” the blond said, a shallow thrust following each phrase.

“Yeah, just more, need it faster Spike, harder, oh *God*,” Xander gasped as Spike gave him exactly what he needed “Oh God, like that,” he breathed and gasped when the vampire resumed pulling him. A few seconds later, he arched and came all over the back of the couch swiftly followed by Spike.

The blond let himself topple over the couch to land near Xander’s face. “Bed now?” the boy mumbled.

“Yeah,” Spike lazily replied.

“Carry me?”

Spike laughed. “Sure pet, gimme a minute.”

A few moments later he rose and picked Xander up, smiling softly when the brunet nuzzled against his neck and murmured a thank you. The vampire gently lowered Xander on the bed and helped him take off his coat and shirt before undressing himself and sliding in next to him.

Xander laid his head on Spike’s chest and hugged him close. “We’ll tell them?” he asked sleepily.

“Yeah, pet. We’ll tell them. Soon.” Spike sighed petting Xander’s hair. “Go to sleep now.”

Part Four

Xander and Spike had been living together for about six months and had been together for half that time. Everything was well in their world.

The only cloud in their horizon was Spike’s persistence to keep their relationship a secret. Every time Xander tried to bring up the subject the vampire would clam up or find a way to distract the young man. Even though Xander let himself be distracted, the fact that his boyfriend refused to acknowledge him in public and the strain of hiding his relationship from his friends was affecting him badly.

The only reason he managed to keep it together so well was that he could, at least, talk about things with Willow. Xander hadn’t told Spike that Willow knew about them. He feared that the blond would freak and put a stop to their relationship, which only added another burden to his load.

---------------------------

“Hey Willow, how goes the exciting world of magical retail?” Xander greeted his friend as he entered the magic shop, smiling cheerfully. Willow had taken over Anya’s position as manager of the shop and recruited Spike’s help as soon as he was capable of providing it.

“Hey Xan.” Willow smiled. “The exciting world of magical retail is completely without excitement today and I’d like to keep it that way thank you very much. You here to pick up Spike?”

The vampire may not like magic being directed at him but a century or so with Drusilla had taught him a lot on what to avoid selling to innocent, and not-so-innocent customers. Not even Spike could withstand Willow’s big green eyes and her lost puppy look. When Xander found out that his best friend had convinced the blond to work with her, he burst into near hysterical paroxysms of laughter and couldn’t stop for nearly an hour.

Spike had not only pouted, but he’d refused to go near Xander for one entire day and night. By the middle of the second day Xander had been begging for forgiveness and promising never to tease the vampire about anything ever again, and could he please come back to bed now?

“Yup. We’re going to watch Pirates of the Carribean. Again. I swear Spike has a crush on that Sparrow guy. I’m a little bit jealous I think,” Xander replied. “So where is my bleached wonder?”

“At the cellar. Want some kissy time?” Willow smiled at the happiness exuding from Xander.

“Hell, yeah!” Xander said, already on his way.

He spotted Spike in the corner leafing through a book, a frown of intense concentration on his face. Xander walked behind the blond and wrapped his arms around him. “Hey sweetheart, wanna give me a kiss?” he whispered.

Spike smiled and turned around, kissing Xander softly before withdrawing from his arms. “No distractions pet,” he said. “I wanna watch the film.”

“But we already saw it five times Spike!” Xander exclaimed.

“So?”

“So wouldn’t you rather go home and have hot sweaty sex?” The boy cajoled.

“You spent too much time with the ex-demon luv, her straight talk must have been catching. And no, we’re not going home, we’re going to the cinema,” the blond said firmly.

They ended up going home, hot sweaty sex being significantly more important than a sixth viewing of Jack Sparrow, sexy pirate-man or not.

-----------------------------------

A few nights later, the whole gang was at The Bronze hanging out and generally having the non-Hellmouthy kind of fun. Dawn had begged and pleaded until Buffy let her come along and she perched at the end of her chair looking around the club in wide-eyed wonder.

“Hey, bit, wanna learn how to play pool?” Spike asked looking at Buffy for approval of his offer.

Dawn turned huge pleading eyes at Buffy and erupted into a “Can I? Please Buffy can I?” monologue not even stopping for breath until her sister laughingly agreed to her request.

And that was how Xander ended up watching Spike teach Dawn to play pool, leaning close to her and laughing at something she said. Spike laughed a lot during the pool lesson and Xander found himself uncomfortably envious of the time he spent with Dawn. He wanted to reach out and touch his lover, hug him tightly and whisper in his ear. But he couldn’t do that ‘cause the one thing Spike demanded of their relationship was that it be a secret.

“Hey Bleach,” he called, “wanna come help me get the drinks? I’ll even buy you real British beer.”

Xander grinned as Dawn was summarily delivered to her sister and Spike headed for the bar. The beer trick worked every time. The brunet used the crowd at the bar as an excuse to press against Spike’s back. “Did I tell you lately how hot you look bending over the pool table? I got half hard just watching you teach Dawn how to play,” he whispered and flicked his tongue over the blond’s earlobe. “What I wouldn’t give to have you home right now, bent over the couch with me buried inside you.”

Suddenly Spike wrenched himself away and marched purposefully back to their table. Xander hesitantly followed him, wondering if he’d gone too far and upset the vampire. But no, Spike was explaining to the girls that Harris was feeling like shit, and what would you expect from a whelp like that anyway, so they were heading home. The boy did his best to look suitably sick but he couldn’t help grinning like an idiot all the way home.

----------------

Xander’s indulgent attitude towards Spike never really lasted long. It was usually broken by some little lie he had to tell Buffy to stop her from suspecting, or by any outing where he wanted to hold Spike’s hand but couldn’t. Of course, at this moment in time the last thing in Xander’s mind was relationship issues. He was stalking down the sidewalk alternatively glaring at the blond and grumbling about vampires, souled and unsouled, and their violent tendencies.

“Did you really have to do that?” he snapped, once again glaring at the vampire walking next to him.

“Gotta let the demon out to play Xan. Don’t want me ending up like the Poof do you? All repressed and staring longingly at humans’ necks,” Spike cheerfully replied.

“You took his head off! With your hands!” his companion stated incredulously.

“Yeah, so?”

“You splattered me with his innards in the process. I’m drenched in green blood!” Xander exclaimed exasperatedly. “It’s gonna take ages to wash this off,” he sighed.

Spike grinned at him happily. “Oh, I’m sure I’ll find a way to make it up to you,” he said.

Xander was immediately interested. “Go on,” he urged.

“Well, we could have a shower together…” Spike said thoughtfully.

“Yes?” Xander encouraged.

“And I could do that thing you like with the fingers and the tongue,” the vampire concluded.

“You mean the one where your fingers go…and your tongue goes…” Xander’s eyes glazed over and he grabbed Spike’s arm and started running for the apartment, dragging the laughing blond behind him.

Following the shower, during which Xander’s ecstatic screams could be heard throughout the apartment, both men tumbled in a heap on the couch, settling down for their post-patrol ritual of random TV ridicule.

Xander assumed his favourite position, lying on his stomach across the couch, head resting on Spike’s lap, and sighed softly when the vampire absentmindedly played with his hair. He loved quiet moments like this, when there was no need to pretend not to know Spike as well as he did, or to snatch his hand back before touching the blond, fearing that someone would see and understand. During these moments he could pretend that Spike was his and his alone.

He woke up the next morning, still in the same position. Looking up he saw that Spike was also asleep with his arms stretched over the back of the couch, head resting on one of his arms. Xander smiled sleepily and nuzzled into the vampire’s jean-covered crotch. Encouraged by the response he got, he unzipped the jeans and snuggled closer. Feeling too sleepy still to move he started licking Spike’s dick, lapping it with his tongue wherever he could reach. Hearing a soft moan Xander looked up to see warm blue eyes watching him and paused to smile and offer a good morning to his vampire.

“Don’t stop luv,” Spike sighed, “feels good.”

Xander smiled and went back to his task. He was just beginning to contemplate the pros and cons moving for maximum pleasure when the doorbell started ringing insistently. Xander glared at the direction of the door, it was early in the morning on a Sunday. Who the hell was interrupting his early morning nookie?!

“Guys? It’s Buffy, are you in?”

Oh. Her.

Spike immediately leaped off the couch throwing Xander on the floor in the process. “Shit. Sorry Xan,” he said anxiously, zipping up his jeans and rushing to the door.

“Don’t mind me. I’m only the boyfriend. I’ll just go change then,” the brunet muttered snarkily and headed to his bedroom.

He came out a few minutes later to see that Buffy had taken his place in the couch and the pair was deep in what seemed to be a very intense conversation. Best put the happy ‘friend-of-Spike’ mask on then.

“Hey guys, this a private party or can anyone join in?” he said cheerfully.

“Actually, this is kind of private, pet,” Spike replied looking decidedly uneasy. “Maybe you should go for a walk or something.”

The friend mask slipped for a moment as Xander stared at the blond’s bent head, confusion and sadness in his eyes. He rallied quickly though and did his best to keep his voice light. “Right. Walls are thin in this apartment, you never know what I might hear,” he said and got out of there as fast as he could.

Xander spent the day wandering along Sunnydale, trying hard not to think about what was happening back in his apartment and failing miserably. Buffy wanting to talk to Spike was no big. She talked to him every day. And just because Spike said it was personal didn’t mean it was about his relationship with Buffy. It could be about Dawn or something. Except if it was about Dawn why did they send him away?

And so his thoughts went, going down a spiral of depression and uncertainty until he couldn’t take it anymore and started for home. He’d been gone for four hours, they were surely done by now, unless they were celebrating something. Maybe in Spike’s room. God no, not that. Spike wouldn’t do that to him, not without clearing this thing between them first. He hurried even more, needing to get this over with one way or the other.

He burst through the front door and the first thing he saw was Spike and Buffy, still on the couch, heads close together. Spike was holding Buffy’s hands in his, Xander noted in a weirdly detached way. They were both looking at him, identical shocked looks in their faces. Buffy stumbled up from the couch and said something about having to go, looking at anything but Xander.

“No, you don’t have to…I mean…I’ll just be in my room then,” Xander mumbled and practically ran to his bedroom. Oh God, it was all over. He should have known. He should have seen it coming, why hadn’t he? Xander sat on his bed, frozen in place, unable to think.

“Luv, could you come sit with me a minute, there’s something I have to tell you,” Spike said quietly from the doorway.

Xander turned to look at his lover blankly. “Okay,” he said quietly, needing to hear this, actually hear Spike tell him it was over. He went over to the couch and sat down, staring at the floor, willing himself not to react.

Spike sat next to him quietly for a few moments, trying to work up the courage to say what he wanted. He knew Xander was in love with him. A blind person could see what the boy felt; he was carrying his heart on his sleeve.

Finally he took a deep breath and said, “I love you.”

“I know you do Spike, as a friend,” the boy said flatly, still expecting Spike to let him down gently.

“No, Xander I love you. Buffy and I had a talk, we’re friends. That’s all we’ll ever be. And, throughout the whole conversation all I could think about was you, how you looked when you left…how I loved to see you smile…how *I* wanted to be the one to make you smile. I love you Xander,” he repeated, looking intently at him.

Spike watched as Xander just sat there looking confused until he couldn’t take it anymore. “Damn it boy, don’t you understand?” he yelled, “I, William the Bloody am in love with you Alexander LaVelle Harris!”

Still Xander just sat there staring uncomprehendingly. Spike was soon worried and babbling. “Xan? You okay? Bloody hell pet, I really thought this scene would play differently. You’re supposed to smile and jump my bones or something, but no, not you. *You* have to go catatonic.” He paused and willed Xander to respond. “Xan? Xander?”

Meanwhile Xander sat perfectly still while the world rearranged itself around him. Spike was not letting him down gently. He wasn’t letting him down at all. Spike was in love with him. His Spike loved him. He heard Spike call out his name and it finally sank in: Spike loved him. Letting out a whoop of joy he tackled his vampire to the floor and started kissing him everywhere he could reach, chanting ‘I love you’ between kisses.

“Now that’s more like it,” Spike laughed.

Xander finally focused on Spike’s lips, holding the vampire’s face between his hands and exploring his mouth thoroughly. He paused for breath and looked down at the vampire, wide-eyed and awed. “Mine?” he whispered.

Spike smiled at him, saying softly, “Yours, Xan.”

“Mine.” Xander repeated confidently. He reached down and palmed Spike’s hardened cock through his jeans. “Mine” he stated.

Spike whimpered and arched into the touch. Whatever he had been going to say was smothered by Xander’s lips. Still kissing him, Xander undid the vampire’s jeans, and reached one hand inside to pump Spikes’ cock while the other sneaked under his shirt to find and play with his nipples.

When he felt the blond about to come, Xander stopped everything he was doing and stood up. He looked down at Spike, taking in the wide lust-filled eyes, the bruised lips and the oh-so-prettily aroused body and grinned. “You love me,” he said delightedly.

“I’m gonna love you a hell of a lot more if you get back to what you were doing, pet!” the vampire growled.

“Bedroom. Want lube. You love me.” Delighted grin still firmly in place Xander headed for the bedroom only to be tackled into bed by the now naked vampire.

“I love you,” Spike whispered into his ear, making Xander’s grin widen.

“You do!” he said and turned onto his side, vampire still firmly attached to his back and now licking his nape lazily. The brunet reached to the night table for the lube and then turned again in the circle of Spike’s arms.

“You love me,” he said confidently and kissed him passionately.

“Clothes off Xan,” Spike said the minute the boy stopped to breathe. Xander disrobed as fast as was humanly possible and then launched himself at Spike again, plastering his body against the blond’s and kissing him again, whispering ‘you love me’ against his lips.

Not breaking the kiss Xander moved them so that Spike was half draped over him. He grabbed Spike’s leg and draped it over his waist. Realising what the boy meant to do Spike wriggled so that he could accommodate him better. Xander snapped open the tube and blindly covered his fingers. He reached around Spike’s body and traced his cleft, moving unerringly towards one target. When he reached it he pulled back from the kiss. “You love me?” he asked breathlessly.

“I do,” Spike confirmed and moaned when his answer was swiftly followed by Xander’s finger entering his hole.

Xander started thrusting his finger in and out and Spike spread his legs wider, trying to give the boy greater access. He buried his face in the brunet’s neck, unintentionally giving Xander a good view of his finger sliding in his pucker. The brunet watched as he a second finger joined the first in stretching Spike. He smiled when the vampire started panting and thrusting, effectively humping Xander’s body, breathing faster and nibbling on his neck. The brunet began to finger fuck him harder and faster, swiftly adding a third finger.

He bent his head and nibbled on Spike’s ear. “Mine,” he whispered intensly.

“Yeah, pet all yours. Now fuck me goddamnit!” The blond lifted his head to glare at Xander who giggled unrepentantly and stated once again, kissing him after every word “You. Love. Me”. He paused to smile at Spike and then went on, “Now turn over, on all fours.”

Before Xander could even finish the sentence Spike was in position and growling at him to get on with it. The boy grinned at his lover’s impatience and dutifully slicked his erection up and positioned himself behind Spike.

“Tell me,” he ordered, pressing his cock against the vampire’s pucker.

Spike took a breath and said, “I love you Xander.”

The second he heard the words Xander slammed himself in and started fucking Spike hard and fast chanting ‘mine, I love you, mine, my vampire, my Spike, you love me’. Feeling himself come closer and closer to orgasm, he grabbed Spike’s dick in his hand and started pumping him, asking desperately, “Tell me Spike. Tellmetellmetellmetellmetellme.”

“I love you Xan, I love you,” Spike whimpered breathlessly.

The words pushed Xander over the edge, still whispering, “Mine, I love you, mine.”

Both human and vampire collapsed in an ungainly heap on the bed, breathing harshly. A few minutes later the discomfort forced them to move. Xander laid his head on Spike’s chest and nuzzled into his neck. “Love you Bleach,” he said sleepily.

The blond hugged him tight and placed a kiss on the top of his head. “Love you too, pet. Now go to sleep, you still have to go to work tomorrow.”

Part Five

Xander woke up with a newfound feeling of contentment. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and Spike loved him. Spike was in no way about to dump him for a certain blond Slayer. Spike was his. His Spike. “My Spike,” he whispered grinning widely and snuggled closer to said Spike.

He turned to look at his lover, admiring the smooth lines of the body lying next to him. The beauty of Spike’s face was so oddly peaceful without the blue of his eyes sparkling at the world. Xander had done this many times, watching Spike while he was asleep; yearning for something more than the physical intimacy they shared. And now he had it. He had Spike’s love. Xander smiled at that thought.

Xander nudged his vampire and whispered his name. “Come on sweetie I wanna talk to you.”

Spike shifted and growled, eyes still closed. “Sod off Xan. All fucked out. Wanna sleep.”

The brunet giggled, eliciting a sleepy frown and another ‘sod off’ from the vampire. “I just wanted to tell you I’m going to Willow’s after work,” he whispered and smiled at the nearly inaudible murmur he got in reply.

As he headed out, he paused at the bedroom door. “Love you Spike.”

Eyes still closed, the vampire smiled. “Love you too Xan. Now piss off.”

-------------

All day at work Xander was cheerful, beaming at his co-workers and l aughing at the slightest thing. Soon there was a lot of good-natured teasing about Harris being in love again.

“So, Xander, who’s the lucky lady?” Richardson asked.

Xander hesitated, not so much because the lucky lady was a man, the guys had already known he was bi; they’d even met Patrick. No, Xander hesitated because he wasn’t sure Spike wanted everyone to know yet. Sure the blond had professed his love, but they hadn’t discussed telling anyone yet. But even that didn’t matter anymore because the most important thing was that Spike loved him. The rest would come soon enough.

-------------------

Xander fairly bounced all the way to the Magic Shop, still lost in the wave of euphoria Spike’s words had brought about. He walked along singing inside his head ‘Spike loves me and I love Spike!’ He walked into the shop, goofy grin firmly in place and grabbed Willow leading her into a merry little waltz singing out loud now “And Spike loves me and I love Spike and Spike loves me”.

Willow laughed as she allowed herself to be swept around the room by the singing Xander. “What are you on about sweetie? Or should my question be what are you *on*?” she asked the minute Xander stopped dancing her around.

“Weren’t you listening?! Spike said he loves me.” The previous night’s delighted grin made a welcome return as Xander replayed the scene in his head. “He loves me Willow! Me, not Buffy! Me!”

“I’m so happy for you Xander,” Willow said and hugged her friend excitedly. “But why aren’t you with him now?” she asked. “Isn’t this supposed to be the honeymoon period or something?”

“I kinda need your help Wills.” Xander blushed and dove headfirst into a babble, “I wanna buy him an ‘I-love-you’ present and I dunno what to get him. I mean I want it to be something that’s with him all the time, like a ring, but I don’t think a ring would be right ‘cause, you know, rings mean stuff. Not that I don’t want stuff, but well, I don’t think either of us is ready for ring-stuff and I just want your help picking something out.”

Willow laughed at her friend’s happy, though discomfited, babble and immediately offered her gift-finding services. The two of them spent the afternoon at the mall going from one jewellery shop to the other until Xander finally found something he was satisfied with.

It was a thin gold chain, just long enough to fit around Spike’s neck. “It can’t be too long, what if he’s gonna be wearing it during patrols and stuff,,” Xander stated. “And also, it’s pretty!” He concluded with a smile.

They were just leaving the shop, Xander still smiling at the perfect gift he’d found, when they ran into Jeremy.

“Jeremy… hi,” Xander said, good mood dying a little.

“Hey Xan, Willow,” Jeremy replied calmly. “How’s it going?”

“Well enough. You?” Willow smiled awkwardly, still feeling a little guilty for setting him up with Xander.

“Can’t complain,” Jeremy said. He seemed about to say something further when he was interrupted by the arrival of a fair young man. “Hey sweetheart, ready to go?” the new arrival asked.

Jeremy smiled at his companion. “Sure Tom, I was just talking to some old friends.” He turned back to Xander and Willow and said goodbye. “It was nice to see you again Xander. I mean that.” He smiled and turned to go.

“Well, that was in no way awkward,” Xander said when Jeremy was out of hearing range.

“Nope, not awkward at all,” Willow replied, still looking at the direction the two men had gone. “Still, it’s nice to know he got over you,” she went on thoughtfully.

“Oh, come on Willow, it’s not like I’m *that* hard to get over,” Xander said, already walking towards his car.

“You’re talking to the person who had a crush on you for *how* many years? Trust me Xan, you’re kinda hard to forget.” Willow smiled. “Betcha Spike thinks that too!”

“Yeah?” He laughed and put an arm around her shoulder.

“Yeah,” she agreed, giggling with him.

-----------------------

By the time they made their way back to the Magic Shop it was after dark. As they entered the shop still laughing at some private joke, Xander saw Spike talking to Buffy. He waited for the usual feelings of inadequacy and insecurity to wash over him but nothing happened. He smiled his delighted smile, said a cheerful hello to the both of them and followed Willow to the back room to deposit their purchases.

“Wills can you do me a favour?” he asked as soon as they’d gone in.

“Sure.”

“Can you find an excuse to send Spike home early or something? I wanna give him his present!” Xander bounced a little at the thought.

“I’ve been wanting some time off too. Tell you what, I’ll just close shop early and talk Buffy into a girly night in. That should leave you boys free for the gift giving.” Willow smiled at the brilliance of her plan.

A couple of hours later the Magic Shop was closed and Spike and Xander were walking through their front door. The minute they were in the apartment Xander grabbed Spike and kissed him to within an inch of his unlife.

He pulled back and smiled when Spike immediately chased his lips. Xander felt a little nervous now that the time had come to actually give the chain to Spike. It may not be a ring, but it still meant something, or it did to Xander anyway.

Spike leaned in to kiss his boy again only to growl when Xander moved away; he couldn’t kiss a vampire like that and then just stop!

“Spike? Sweetheart, I got you something,” Xander said nervously.

The blond opened his eyes and glared at Xander for a moment before the boy’s words penetrated his brain. His frown turned into puzzlement. “What’s the occasion, pet?” he asked.

“No occasion, I just felt like it,” the brunet replied. He fished the package from his pocket and tentatively gave it to Spike.

The minute the blond took the package Xander started babbling a mile a minute. “You don’t really have to wear it. I mean it’s not like it’s compulsory, you know? I hope you like it. And if you don’t like it you have to tell me so we can go pick a different one. Or even just take it back; you don’t really have to get one of these. I picked it out myself and I-”

He was interrupted by Spike kissing him hard on the lips. “Don’t worry about it Xander, I’m sure I’ll love it. Now relax and shut up so I can open my prezzie.” He said and ripped open the wrapping to reveal the jeweller’s box. Looking at the name on the box, he glanced speculatively at Xander before opening it.

The minute the box was opened Xander was asking whether Spike liked it. The blond smiled at him. “It’s beautiful, Xan. And even if it wasn’t I’d still treasure it ‘cause it’s from you.”

“Really?” Xander asked in a voice full of hope.

“Of course, luv. I think you underestimate the sentimental idiot that I am,” Spike said, smiling softly at him. “Now help me put it on.”

Xander grinned and hastened to put the chain on Spike’s neck. Just as he’d imagined, it hung snugly on the blond’s neck, resting on the hollow between his collarbones.

“I’ll never take it off Xan, I promise,” Spike said solemnly and kissed him. “Now let me say thank you for the nice present,” he said with a smirk.

Spike gradually backed Xander to the bedroom, kissing him all the time. He led the boy to the bed, pushing him so he fell backwards on the bed and then falling to his knees before his lover.

Xander yelped as Spike pushed his legs apart. He had little time to react before Spike took firm hold of his erection and began to massage the hard flesh, mouth firmly attached and sucking on the head of his cock. All the boy could do was arch his back and plead with Spike not to stop, hands threading through Spike’s hair in an illusive show of control.

Spike moved down, taking all of Xander’s cock into his mouth, hand moving down to cup and stroke the boy’s balls. More broken begging followed this action only to stop with a moan when the blond pushed a finger in Xander’s hole, expertly rubbing against his prostate.

Between Spike’s mouth and hands, Xander was a writhing, moaning mess. Feeling the boy come close to orgasm, Spike abandoned his cock and turned his attention to the splayed thighs before him, sucking and biting gently.

“Fuck Spike, don’t stop, why did you stop, so close, please Spike, sweetheart, please go back,” Xander babbled desperately seeking any kind of feeling, anything to make him come.

Spike laughed softly and run his tongue over his lover’s balls, down to his perineum, moving swiftly to his puckered hole and running his tongue across it over and over again. He ignored Xander’s entreaties to fuckmesuckmedamnitSpikedosomethingnow.

When he was satisfied with his lover’s level of frustration Spike went back to massaging his cock, sucking on the crown, one hand rolling and squeezing his balls. It didn’t take long for Xander to arch off the bed and explode in Spike’s mouth. The second he came down from the high, Xander fell back on the bed and completely lost consciousness.

“Guess I’ll take that as a compliment and take care of this myself,” Spike grumbled good-naturedly, looking down at his own engorged member.

When Xander swam back into consciousness some time later, he was lying under the covers, Spike’s head resting on his chest. He looked down to find blue eyes watching him thoughtfully.

“You know, I as thinking -” Spike started to say only to be interrupted by Xander chuckling.

“You really shouldn’t do that Bleach, it doesn’t really work for you,” the boy teased.

“Ha bloody ha, pet,” Spike grumbled, “see if *I* ever tell you anything again.” The blond ended the sentence with a pout, looking at Xander from under his eyelashes.

“God, not the pout!” Xander exclaimed, “I’m sorry I ever doubted your intelligence oh mighty one, I bow before your genius!” he went on, earning himself a smack on the thigh.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” Spike started again, glaring at the brunet, “You walk around with those big lovey-dovey eyes and soulful looks in my direction for much longer and the girls are going to figure it all out. So I was thinking…maybe we should just tell them now.”

“You mean it? Really? We can tell them?” Xander asked eyes wide with amazement.

Xander’s mind was racing with possibilities, he’d finally be able to hold Spike’s hand when they were patrolling! He could tell the guys at work about the ‘mystery lady’, he could steal kisses in the Magic Shop without Spike looking around nervously, afraid of being caught…he looked at the vampire again, waiting for the confirmation that would allow his dreams to come true.

“I mean it, really, we can tell them,” Spike smiled, happy to finally put all his doubts to rest and allow himself to enjoy his love for Xander. He was happier still to have put that look of utter joy and wonderment in his lover’s face. “Tell you what,” he continued, “we can get everyone together tomorrow after patrol and tell them all at once, yeah? It’s the school holidays so Buffy won’t have a problem with Dawn waiting up for us.”

If anything, Xander’s smile became even wider and he huffed Spike closer to him, kissing him deeply and whispering words of love and appreciation. He finally drifted to sleep, smile still fixed firmly on his face.

Part Six

Spike woke up to the feeling of a warm, wet mouth surrounding his cock. He looked down just in time to see Xander lift his mouth and groaned out in frustration at the action.

“Morning, sweetheart,” Xander said. He smiled up at him and then went right back to sucking and licking every centimetre of Spike’s dick.

Spike tried to say good morning but Xander’s mouth latching onto the crown of his cock and sucking harder caused any words that escaped him to come out in a moan. The blond’s back arched and his hand moved to tangle in Xander’s hair. “Fuck, yeah, pet, just like that,” he whimpered, spreading his legs to give Xander more room.

Xander took full advantage of Spike’s new position and started massaging the blond’s balls. He bobbed his head up and down Spike’s shaft; taking as much as he could into his mouth before sucking his way back up then down again, pressing his tongue against the underside of the cock.

Spike couldn’t pull enough air past his vocal cords to make any sort of sound that could be considered intelligent. His jagged panting and occasional moans and the little wet noises made by Xander’s mouth moving over his cock were the only sounds in the room. He felt Xander’s pull him deeper into that hot, wet mouth surrounding him and the fingers on his ass begin massaging his ass cheeks. Two powerful thrusts later and he was cumming with his head thrown back and eyes screwed shut.

Xander hopped out of bed, full of energy and laughter, already dressed for work. He looked down at the bemused and sated vampire on his bed and smiled widely. “That,” he stated, “was a ‘thank you’. You get more after we tell them.”

And with that he sauntered out of the bedroom.

------------------

That day, Xander told everyone who would listen, and even a few who’d rather not, about his boyfriend, the hot, gorgeous blond. His co-workers went from knowing nothing about the person putting the smile on Xander’s face to knowing every little detail of the couple’s life together that could be shared in public.

On his first break, he called Willow to tell her the good news, reminding her that Spike didn’t know she knew. “Please Wills, do the surprised but supportive act. I’m not sure how Buffy will take the news and I want Spike to know that at least one of you supports us, ‘kay?” he pleaded until Willow told him she’d take care of it and could he hang up the phone and go back to work now?

-------------------------------

During the walk to the Magic Shop, Xander held Spike’s hand. He threaded his fingers through Spike’s and every few minutes he would move his arm a little to tug at the hand he was holding and prove to himself the reality of it. After every little tug, he smiled and glanced at his boyfriend’s face.

Spike, bless his unbeating heart, wasn’t annoyed at the constant tugging at all. He thought it was cute that Xander got so much enjoyment just by holding his hand. Every time he saw Xander smile and look at him, he smiled a little himself. When he saw the shop coming up, he disentangled his hand gently and turned to look at Xander. “Best tell them first, pet. We can do this as much as you want after tonight, yeah?” he said and ghosted a hand along Xander’s face.

“Yeah.” Xander grinned at him and turned to walk the last few yards and into the shop.

They found the others waiting for them a little impatiently.

“Come on guys, I have to take Dawn home on the way to the cemetery and I don’t want to leave it too late,” Buffy said, already starting for the door.

“Hey Buffy, could you wait a minute?” Xander asked, a little nervous now that it came down to it. What if Spike backed out again? He risked a glance at his boyfriend only to find him looking amused at something Dawn had whispered. “Spike?” he said, a little question at the end of the name betraying his nervousness.

“Yeah Xan?” laughing blue eyes met his, no intention evident in their depths.

“Didn’t you… I mean weren’t you…nothing.” Disappointment clouded the boy’s face before being swiftly hidden.

“What did you want, Xander?” Buffy sounded impatient now, waiting for him to tell her why he stopped her.

“Nothing, Buff, just wanted to ask where the double headed axe was.” He grabbed said axe from the counter and started for the door.

He walked in front of the others, ignoring Willow’s attempts to make him feel better and glaring at the pavement. Spike wasn’t going to say anything. They were so going to have a big ‘fuck off’ argument when they got back to the apartment. He loved Spike with all his heart, but if the bleached menace thought he could get away with promising to tell everyone and then backing out, he had another thing coming.

Xander was so focused in his internal ranting that he nearly didn’t hear Spike casually ask if the Bit could wait up for them, cause there was something he had to tell everyone after the patrol was over. He looked at Willow who was still walking behind him and grinned. “I’m an idiot,” he stated.

Willow cheerfully agreed and they walked the rest of the way chatting and making each other laugh.

---------------------------------

When they reached the cemetery they split in two teams, Xander going with Buffy and Spike with Willow.

It was a fairly routine patrol. The few fledges that were careless enough to be spotted by the Slayer were swiftly dispatched. Buffy and Xander talked easily about anything and everything as they walked around the cemetery. When his friend tried to find out what Spike wanted to tell them, Xander stammered and faked ignorance, swiftly changing the subject to Buffy’s love life or lack thereof. He sighed in relief when Buffy allowed herself to be distracted and chatted about the lack of good-looking men in Sunnydale, empathizing with his friend’s unsuccessful attempt at a blind date the night before.

They were on their way back to the entrance of the cemetery to meet with the others, when eight rather large demons stepped in front of them. They were around six foot tall, with overgrown muscles and squishy faces. A bit like monster-ized humans but gray in color and decked out in elegant suits and robes, right out of a Persian fairy-tale.

“Look-ee here boys, it’s the Slayer,” one of them said, laughing mockingly, “You’re rather small and skinny for a demon hunter, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, well good things come in little packages and all that.” Buffy said, sarcasm dripping from every word. “Can we do the fighting bit now? My sister’s waiting for me to go home and I don’t want to keep her up past her bedtime.”

“But of course. I never keep a lady waiting.” The demon did a funny little bow and launched his attack.

Xander quickly found himself surrounded by three of the demons, the other five circling Buffy. He did his best to fight them and he managed to kill one and seriously injure another before someone grabbed his axe from behind and threw it away. He turned around and came face to face with their leader. Why was he here? Wasn’t the leader always supposed to go for the slayer?

He warily walked backwards glancing around for possible avenues of escape or help. Buffy was too busy dealing with the three remaining demons and before he realized what was happening he was backed against a tree. Seeing the knife at the demon’s hands, he started praying for divine interference when he saw Spike running towards them. His boyfriend was anything but divine, but he was good enough for Xander!

He looked at the demon that was looking at him with mocking amusement and yelled at the top of his lungs “Spike! A little help here!”

Spike looked at his direction and then turned towards Buffy.

Xander watched him turn away and shouted again, voice tinged with desperation, “Spike, please. Spike!”

The last thing he saw before the knife plunged into him was Spike looking towards him again and running to help the Slayer. His last thought before he lost consciousness was ‘He left me here. For her.’ And that hurt more that the knife.

-------------------------

Xander woke up in the hospital, disoriented and confused. He looked down and noticed a mop of blond hair resting on the bed near his knees. He smiled at the thought of Spike refusing to go anywhere while Xander was in here. Such a possessive, overprotective demon was his vampire; he couldn’t stand the thought of anyone coming near a loved one without him being present to make sure everything was okay. He’d been that way when Xander sprained his ankle a few months back and they hadn’t even been together then.

Reaching down he petted Spike’s hair, and tried to remember what he was doing in the hospital. It must have been those funny gray demons, he concluded, they’d really packed a punch. As Spike’s eyes slowly opened, he looked in them and smiled a good morning.

His vampire smiled back at him. “You’re awake,” he said, relief and joy stamping every word. Spike turned his face to call for a nurse and something stirred at the back of Xander’s mind. He snatched his hand back and stared at Spike in shock and confusion. He saw himself screaming for help, and he saw Spike turn away. Then it all came back to him. Spike had left him, he’d had a choice and he’d chosen Buffy. Not him. Buffy. Suddenly it was all too much to bear.

“Get out,” he whispered harshly.

“What?” It was Spike’s turn to be shocked and confused.

“I said, get out.” Xander repeated, an edge of hysteria creeping into his voice.

“Xander, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” his vampire asked, worried blue eyes trying to figure out how to help him. No wait, not his vampire, Buffy’s vampire, acting like he cared.

“Get out damn you!” screaming now, getting more hysterical with every word “You lied to me you bastard, get the fuck out, you don’t love me, you love her, you lied to me and you left me there to die, you left me there! To help her! Get out, just fuck off, and get the fuck out”

Alarms started blaring at the monitors hooked up to Xander’s body and a nurse ran in, efficiently inserting a needle in his arm and sternly telling Spike to leave, he was upsetting her patient and the boy didn’t need that right now.

The combination of the drugs and the outburst suddenly crashed into Xander, leaving him drained and shattered. He turned his head away from Spike and closed his eyes, blocking out everything, including Spike’s stricken and fearful face. What right did he have to be upset; he’s the one that had left Xander there with a knife coming at him.

Spike wandered out of the room shocked and upset. He couldn’t understand why Xander was acting that way, why he renounced Spike. Where did all that animosity come from? He found Willow in the waiting area. Buffy and Dawn had gone home a little while ago, the Slayer needing to recuperate a little herself. The redhead took one look at him and realized something was wrong.

“Spike? Is Xander… is he okay?” she asked anxiously.

“He’s f…” Spike took a deep breath. Xander wasn’t fine. “He woke up,” he amended.

“That’s good news right? Spike, if he’s awake why are you like this?” Willow questioned.

“He hates me,” Spike said disbelievingly. “He hates me and he got hysterical and he wanted me to go.”

“Spike what are you on about, Xander doesn’t hate you, he’s in love with you,” Willow burst out, trying to get to the bottom of this.

“He…” the blond frowned and looked at Willow. “You know,” he stated.

The redhead sighed. “I’m his best friend Spike. I’ve known him since we were babies. Of course I know,” she said quietly, “Now tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know. He woke up, smiled at me, and then suddenly he froze for a minute. He asked me to get out and I didn’t and then he got hysterical and started going on about how I left him to die, to help her. What her? I never left him anywhere! He said I lied and I didn’t love him. Why would he say that?” he appealed to Willow, looking lost and bewildered.

“I don’t know Spike. He seemed fine on the way to the cemetery. Buffy didn’t mention anything happening other than those demons.” Willow looked as confused as he felt.

At that moment, the nurse that had responded to Xander’s alarms going off approached them. “He’s calmed down now,” she said. “I would prefer it if you didn’t go to see him sir. Your presence upsets him and we need him to be as calm as possible right now. He asked for a Willow?”

“That’s me. Can I go see him?”

“Of course. Please try not to upset him.” The nurse nodded and left.

Willow turned to Spike and touched him softly on the shoulder. “I’ll see if I can find out okay?” she said and walked away.

-------------------

The minute his friend walked in the room Xander finally let the tears fall. Willow rushed to his side and sat next to him on the bed, wrapping her arms around him. She waited quietly for his tears to stop, comforting him best she could with her arms.

“He doesn’t love me,” he finally said, voice muffled by her sweater.

“Xander, of course he does. You were out of it for over a day and he was frantic with worry. He wouldn’t leave your room for any reason. He even refused to get himself blood to feed,” Willow said, stroking his hair.

Xander lifted his head from her shoulder, eyes red from crying, skin pale from the injury.

“He’d do that for anyone he cares for. He’s not in love with me Willow. He’s in love with Buffy. He left me there with a demon holding me at knifepoint and he ran to help the Slayer. I begged him and he left me there, for her. He may care for me but he loves her. More than life.” He laughed bitterly. “More than my life anyway.”

“Xander no!”

The two people on the bed turned to look at the distraught vampire standing on the doorway.

“Spike maybe you should -” Willow started to say only to be interrupted by a desperately babbling Spike.

“I didn’t see you! We did research after, those were Aora demons, they…they can make it so their victims can’t be seen. He covered you Xander, I couldn’t see you until after…I- I found you under the tree and you were bleeding and there was so much blood and you were so pale. I thought you’d died.” Spike shuddered at the memory.

Xander just stared at him, an inscrutable look on his face.

“I love you Xan. Please, believe me, I love you,” Spike pleaded.

Xander looked down on his lap for a few moments. When he spoke again he did so quietly, flatly, no inflexion of any kind in his voice. “So these demons can make themselves and their victims invisible. Do they mask sound and smell as well?”

Willow frowned in thought. “No, no they don’t. That’s how Spike was able to get the one that stabbed you. He was walking towards the tree we found you under and he heard the demon move.”

Xander nodded as if that made perfect sense. “Spike, remember when I asked you how you knew to pounce on me when I was coming down the stairs to the basement of the Magic Shop?” he asked.

Spike stared at Xander disbelievingly, not knowing what to make of this apparent change of subject. “Yeah, love.”

“Don’t call me that,” Xander said and, not giving Spike a chance to reply, he continued, “Tell me what you said Spike. Tell me how you knew it was me.”

“Your heartbeat is different, I could hear it and your scent is fairly distinctive Xan. What’s all this about?” Spike replied frustrated and not understanding what Xander was driving at.

“I yelled for you Spike. The demon didn’t cloak my voice did he? Or my heartbeat. Or my scent. I begged you to help me and you looked my way for a second before you ran to Buffy,” the boy explained in that same flat, emotionless voice.

“No Xander, I love you, I wouldn’t - “

“You did though, didn’t you?” Xander interrupted, “You love me, but you’ll always love Buffy more. And I need time to think on that.”

Spike looked at him in shock, trying to find the words to explain that it wasn’t true. It wasn’t. He loved Xander. He started to say something, anything to fix this but he before he could even utter a word he was interrupted by a gentle voice. “I think you should leave him alone for a while,” Willow said, not unkindly, “I want to speak to you anyway.”

Part Seven

Xander was getting ready to leave the hospital when Spike came back to see him. Willow had explained that Xander had talked himself into a state of agitation and nothing anyone would say could reach him. The best Spike could do was to leave him alone for a few days to collect his thoughts.

So the vampire had kept himself away from the hospital for three days. Now he had to know what was going to happen. If Xander didn't want him then he'd just have to move out of the apartment. Spike couldn't face the thought of living with him and not touching him… of watching him go out with other people…having fun without him. The vampire took a deep breath and asked the question that had been plaguing him for three days.

"Have you decided yet? Are you leaving me?" he asked, pain radiating from every pore.

The boy looked up in surprise. "You're back! I didn't think you'd come back for me," he said impulsively and then blushed at how much he'd revealed.

"You're the one who wanted me to leave, pet. You ordered me away and I went. I only did it cause you said you needed time to think. So did you? Have you decided what to do yet?" Spike retorted, anger colouring his voice, he wasn't the one who'd started all this talking of leaving, he wasn't the one who doubted Xander's love.

"No, I-" Xander cleared his throat. "I'll take anything you can give Spike. Second-best is better than nothing at all," he said softly, looking anywhere but at Spike.

The blond allowed himself a moment of relief before he stalked over to Xander and kissed him deeply, doing everything he could think of to give him pleasure. When he pulled back, Xander was breathing erratically and leaning on him for support. "Not second best, luv. You're so much more than that. To me, you're more than anyone ever was," he whispered and leaned in for another kiss.

They went back home together. The whole experience tired Xander out so much that he was asleep in the car before they even reached the apartment. Spike smiled sadly and picked him up. He carried his boy to the apartment and put him into bed before undressing himself and sliding in next to him. The vampire gently gathered Xander in his arms and settled him down against his body.

"I love you Xan, and I'll do anything within my power to convince you of that," he whispered to his sleeping lover.

--------------------------

Spike repeatedly tried to talk to Xander about what happened the night he was injured but he was always rebuffed. The brunet did not want to discuss this matter and he made his feelings perfectly clear. Every time Spike so much as hinted at that night Xander would get up and leave the room.

He stopped saying 'I love you' when he realized that Xander's only reaction to the words was a pained look and a quick change of subject.

So Spike did the only thing he could think of, he pandered to Xander's every whim. Whatever his boy wanted, his boy would get. All he had to do was hint at it. Sex was all about Xander's pleasure. Spike poured everything he felt into his lovemaking, trying to convince Xander of his feelings the only way that was open to him. Words were either not allowed or not believed and this was the only other way he knew how to express himself.

A few days after their return from the hospital, Spike asked Xander if he still wanted to tell the girls about them. He figured if he showed the boy how much he wanted them to know, Xander might relax a little around Buffy and, more importantly, around Spike.

"If you're not up to it, we could always ask Willow to tell them. That way they can find out without the big dramatic revelation scene. What do you think, Xan?" he asked.

"You know she knows?" Xander asked carefully.

"After you told me to fuck off at the hospital, I was a bit of a mess. Red was so shocked she let slip that she knew." Spike shrugged. "'S okay Xan, I don't mind her knowing. So, what do you think, shall we have Willow tell them?"

"I guess," Xander replied hesitantly.

"No, no guessing Xander. I want to tell them that I love you. I don't care how they find out, so long as they know. And I want to know what you want to do so spit it out," Spike stated vehemently, making his feelings on the matter entirely clear.

The brunet closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I want Buffy to know you're mine," he said quickly.

Spike sat down next to him and hugged him tight. Calling the vampire his must be a sign that Xander was beginning to believe in him again, right? "Then she will, Xan. I'll get Willow to tell her tonight, yeah?" he said, smiling at him.

"Yeah," Xander sighed and let himself relax into Spike's embrace.

------------------------

When Spike went to work that night he marched straight to Willow and asked for her help.

"Xander won't believe I love him," he said miserably.

Willow sighed sadly. "I'm sorry Spike. I did warn you about this. Does he know what happened on the night?" she asked.

"No. Every time I try to talk to him about it he walks off. I love him, Red, I do. Why can't he just believe that?" He groaned and let his head fall on the counter.

Willow looked at his bent head and asked, "Ever thought of claiming him?"

"Yeah. It wouldn't work though. Not unless he believes I love him. And if it doesn't work he'll think it's because I don't love him enough, stupid wanker that he is," Spike mumbled into the counter.

"So why don't you just let it be?"

The vampire lifted his head and stared at her straight in the eye. "Cause he may be a stupid wanker, but he's my stupid wanker and every single instinct I have says he has got to get it through his thick head."

Having said that, he dropped his head on the counter again. "Why do I always fall for the crazy ones?"

Willow smiled at Spike's self-deprecating tone and went back to checking the order sheets. A few minutes later Spike sighed and stood up.

"Hey Red, could you let the Slayer know the wanker and I are together? I figure he might feel better if she knows I'm taken. Got him to admit that he considers me his. That's gotta be progress, right?" he asked hopefully.

"Gotta be," Willow echoed with a smile. "I'll take care of it tonight when I get home, okay?"

Spike nodded and went to check out the new shipment of goods, for any dangerous or apocalypse-inducing books, trying not to think of Xander for at least five minutes.

-------------------------

"Xander and Spike? Really?" Buffy said, crinkling her nose. "Next thing you know Wesley will start wearing leather and making out with Angel. Ewwww…I so didn't need that mental image," she said with a shudder.

"Xander and Spike, really. Except Xander got it into his head that Spike's still in love with you and he's miserable," Willow went on, feeling more than a little relieved that Buffy took the news so well.

"So what you're telling me is that when I had that whole soul-baring conversation with Spike about our past and our future he was getting it on with Xander? I am so gonna kick his undead ass. He knew I felt guilty for not loving him back!" Buffy glared at the imaginary Spike in her head.

"Buffy, try to focus: Xander thinks Spike is still in love with you," Willow said, thoroughly exasperated.

"But he's not! He explained everything during 'The Talk'. The demon part of him was in love with me. He got over me. The soul just kinda liked me, so no-getting-over-ing necessary there," she explained testily.

"Yes, well, we know all that but Xander refuses to believe it," Willow replied, trying not to lose patience.

Buffy frowned thoughtfully. "This explains Spike's non-reaction to our not getting back together. And a big chunk of the past few months. I thought I was imagining things! And we're sure that Spike's actually in love with Xander and not just using him as rebound guy?"

"Pretty much yeah. I've been watching him these past few months. He acts like a guy in love. And you saw what he was like when he found Xander bleeding on the ground, he completely freaked out," Willow explained.

"Then we all we have to do is: find a way to make Xander realize that Spike loves him and not me." Buffy was nothing if not optimistic. Five minutes later, they were both staring into space trying to think of a plan to knock some sense into their friend.

"You could always force him choose between Buffy and Xander. If he really does love him and not Buffy, then Spike'll choose Xan," Dawn said casually, coming in from the kitchen.

"Dawn, didn't we have the 'no eavesdropping' conversation?" Buffy stared at her sister in exasperation.

"Nope, you've scheduled that for next week I think." Grinning like the irreverent teenager she was, Dawn plopped herself next to Willow on the couch. "Now, let's get back to my brilliant plan."

"What if Spike chooses Buffy?" Willow asked.

"I thought you said he loved Xander," Dawn argued.

"He does…I think…What if he doesn't love him enough? It'll break Xander's heart," she said sadly.

"Then we'll have to think of something else," Buffy stated firmly.

----------------------------

The following morning Willow called Xander and cheerfully informed him that Buffy knew about his and Spike's relationship and was very happy for them.

"She is however a little bit upset that Spike neglected to mention that he was happy with someone else during 'The Talk'. Better warn him that a little ass kicking is due next time they train together," she said, grinning at the thought of Buffy being all righteously angry and Spike trying to talk himself out of trouble.

"Thanks for the warning Wills. I'll tell Bleach to avoid training with her for the next few days," Xander joked and hung up.

He wasn't thinking of Buffy and Spike being together. Of course he wasn't. Spike loved him. He'd said so hadn't he? And anyway Xander trusted Buffy. She wouldn't take his vampire from him. Right. Of course not. There was no reason to wake up his boyfriend for some reassurance-sex. Nope. No reason at all. He was not going to their bedroom. He was not staring at Spike, sleeping on his stomach, all naked and beautiful. He was not taking off his clothes and climbing on the bed. And he sure as hell wasn't trailing kisses down Spike's back. Nope, that must be some other Xander, cause this one wasn't doing that.

"If you stop there I'm going to have to kill you, you know that right?" growled the vampire.

Okay, maybe a little reassurance-sex.

Xander kept trailing kisses down Spike's spine. His hands massaged the blond's ass while he was busily exploring the small of his lover's back with his tongue. As Xander slowly started moving his mouth lower, Spike moaned and arched trying to hurry him to his destination. The boy smiled against his skin and veered off to the side to lick and nibble on Spike's cheeks. Then he moved sideways back in the direction of the twitching hole he could see peeking at him. A few millimeters before he reached it, he lifted his mouth from Spike's body, enjoying the strangled sound of disappointment coming from the vampire.

Buffy couldn't get him to make that sound. Only Xander could leave Spike panting and begging for his touch. He quickly spread his lover's cheeks wide apart and swiped his tongue over his hole. Grinning at the blond's resultant yelp Xander settled himself down to explore. He teased Spike, flickering his tongue over the tight sphincter then retreating to blow a warm stream of air over it, until the vampire was continuously pleading for more. Only then did he pull the vampire to his hands and knees and stab his tongue inside as far as he could. Xander fucked Spike with his mouth; doing everything he could to drive his lover crazy with need.

By the time Xander replaced his tongue with two lubed fingers Spike was near incoherent, all he could do was moan and push against the intruding digits. Xander smiled at the vampire's wanton behavior and added another finger, watching as Spike shimmied and bucked trying to get them even deeper inside.

The blond didn't know what had gotten into his boy but he was all for enjoying the results. He arched and groaned, thrusting back to follow Xander's fingers when they pulled out of his ass. Spike whimpered at the loss, only to groan again when he felt his lover's cock enter him in one hard thrust.

Xander gripped Spike's hips and started fucking him as hard and fast as he could silently chanting 'my Spike, mine'. He angled his thrusts to hit Spike's prostate as often as possible and started a punishing rhythm, driving them both inexorably to the peak.

All too soon Spike arched his back with a strangled moan and shuddered his orgasm. Xander pumped into his lover's body a few moments more before he shouted out his own release and collapsed over the vampire.

The brunet sleepily snuggled next to Spike, mind drifting aimlessly. He just had to make sure Buffy knew that Spike was his. His Spike. "My Spike," he mumbled and fell asleep.

---------------------

A few days later, Xander walked in the Magic Shop to find Buffy and Spike sitting close together at the round table, planning next week's patrols. Willow and Dawn were chatting at the counter and they turned around just in time to see a fleeting look of pain cross over their friend's face before he covered it with his usual merriment and went to kiss his boyfriend hello. To Spike's surprise Xander sat himself on the vampire's lap and leaned in for another kiss.

The girls saw Spike whisper something in his ear that made Xander blush and squirm a little. Dawn turned to Willow and whispered, "His heart's already broken Will. Every time he sees them together he gets that look. And then he does something to show himself that Spike's with him. He puts on a happy front for us, but this is killing him."

"You're right," Willow replied sadly. "We have to do something to fix this."

Part Eight

"So, what, I burst into their apartment and say 'Spike, you are a sexy vampire with a soul, dump Xander and be my snuggle bunny'?" Buffy asked incredulously.

The three girls were having a strategy meeting at Buffy's kitchen, trying to come up with workable plan to convince Xander of Spike's feelings.

"Well you could try to sound less like the Buffybot, but yeah, that's the gist of it," Dawn grinned proudly.

"Dawnie, you're my sister and I love you, but you. Are. Insane. That's never gonna work!" she exclaimed.

"Yes it will. It's either that or you can threaten to beat him up if he doesn't leave Xander alone," the teenager pointed out.

"I refuse to beat Spike up. I did that too many times already," Buffy mumbled, glaring at her sister.

"I didn't say you had to actually beat him up, you just have to look like you're going to beat him up," Dawn explained, rolling her eyes at her sister's denseness.

Buffy sighed. "I don't like that idea. Willow? Please tell me you can think of a better plan."

"Erm…actually I kinda like Dawn's idea," Willow said hesitantly.

"See? Willow likes it," Dawn said smiling smugly.

"Xander's greatest fear is that Spike will leave him for you. If he sees that Spike had the opportunity to do so but didn't, maybe he'll let go of that," Willow explained her reasoning.

"But what if Spike doesn't choose him? Xander will be miserable because of me. He'll hate me," she said, sounding worried.

"He won't choose you. Spike loves Xander, no way would he give him up for you or anyone," Dawn reassured her, patting her back.

-------------------

Spike and Xander were having a quiet night in. The brunet had settled into his customary position, sprawled over the sofa with his head resting on Spike's lap, when someone knocked on their door. They both groaned in disbelief.

"I was just getting comfortable," Xander whined.

"We could ignore it and hope whoever's out there goes away." Spike suggested turning to look at the door hopefully.

Xander contemplated doing just that until he heard Willow's voice calling him. He sighed and got up.

"Guess I better get it then," he grumbled as he headed for the door.

"I said it before and I'll say it again Harris, that girl leads you through the nose." Spike grinned and Xander turned to glare at him before opening the door.

Dawn burst in first, hugging Xander and giving him a kiss on the cheek before begging for his help. "I need to know about your sordid sartorial past. Willow said you wore the stupidest clothes," she said, looking at him pleadingly.

Willow came in more sedately and grinned at Spike and Xander's disconcerted looks before explaining. "Dawn's doing a project at the difference clothes make on how you perceive someone."

The teenager nodded earnestly. "Xander's my case study. He went from Hawaiian disaster to construction chic to cool slacks and shirt. That must have made a difference on how people treated him, right?" she said enthusiastically.

Said case study just stared at her speechlessly while his vampire and his best friend laughed uncontrollably.

"Aw come one Xan, don't be like that. All you have to do is let me interview you and show me some of your old clothes. Please? I'll even make you brownies," Dawn cajoled.

"Yeah, Xander. Show the Bit your bloody awful taste in clothes." Spike grinned from his position on the couch.

"Come on Xan, she only wants to ask you a few questions and look at a couple of shirts," Willow joined in.

Xander finally relented and smiled at the trio. "Okay, okay I bow to peer pressure. Come on, Dawn, I put them away in Spike's ex-bedroom. It's been returned to its rightful position as a walk in closet," he said and led the way to the land of god-awful clothing, Willow and Dawn following behind him.

Spike watched them disappear into the closet shaking his head in amusement. The doorbell rang again and he went to get the door still chuckling at the humans' antics. He opened the door to find a very sexily dressed Buffy on the other side.

"What's with the get up Buff? Got a hot date tonight?" he said, smiling.

Buffy tilted her head and looked him up and down. "You know, Spike, I've been thinking…" she said and leaned in close to close the door behind her.

"Have you now?" Spike said, automatically taking a step back.

"Yup," she purred and copied his move, standing close enough to brush against him.

The vampire frowned and tried again to put some space between them with little success. Whenever he moved, Buffy would smile coyly and mirror his movement to end up close to him again.

"What are you doing Buffy?" he asked worriedly.

"Isn't it obvious?" she simpered and arched up to whisper in his ear. "I want you back."

In his mind's eye, Spike could see Xander walk out of the bedroom laughing at something the girls said. He'd see Buffy wrapped around him and he'd get that look, the one that Spike had been doing his best to avoid, the one that turned his pretty brown eyes into pools of despair.

Spike jumped back as quickly and as far away as a vampire could and glared at the cause of that look. How dare she even attempt to do something that would cause his Xander that much pain!

"Are you all, insane?" he yelled, getting louder and angrier with every sentence. "Why won't anyone get it through their thick skull that I. Love. Xander! Not you, not Dru, not even my fucking poof of a Sire. I love Xander. Deal with it, the lot of you! The only way I am ever leaving him is as a pile of dust okay? Do you get that?" He turned to see Buffy slink towards him again. "Damn it all to hell Slayer, if you so much as make a move in my direction I'm going to have to knock you out. I am not leaving my boy, get that you stupid bint?" he screamed in her face and started pacing angrily, continuing his rant.

"And how dare you come on to me! Do you even know what that would do to him? What kind of friend are you that you'd want to cause him so much pain. Listen, you insane bitch, if you even think of doing that to him again I will rip your head off your shoulders and deal with the consequences later, do you understand?"

Spike turned to glare at the Slayer and saw her grinning happily at him. He stared at her in bewilderment. "Fuck, you are insane!" he exclaimed.

"You love Xander," Willow said as she smiled from the doorway to the closet.

"Well, yeah. Weren't you listening to the ranting and raving bit?" Dawn said coming to stand next to her.

"You set me up," Spike said slowly. He looked around and spotted Xander standing behind the two girls. "Right. Everybody out. I need to speak to Xander privately." He ushered the girls to the door, herding them out as quickly as possible, turning a deaf ear to their complaints and questions. "Out, out, out!" he said and slammed the door in their faces.

When the door was closed he turned to face Xander who'd just come out of the closet himself, looking thoroughly confused but tentatively happy.

"Did you know about this?" he asked gravely.

"Spike I swear I had no idea!" Xander exclaimed.

The blond just stared at him doubtfully.

"Look, d' you really think I would take the chance you'd say yes and leave me?" the brunet said earnestly.

Spike shook his head and relaxed. "You did notice that I didn't say 'yes'," he pointed out.

"That I did." Xander grinned.

"In fact I was quite vehement in refusing to so much as go near her," Spike went on, smiling a little.

"Yup," Xander agreed, nodding exaggeratedly.

"I do believe we should have a serious conversation about that and your apparent inability to get it through your moronic mind that I'm not ever going to do that," Spike said and started prowling towards Xander.

"Of course we should. Talk is very important," the boy said, mesmerized by Spike's movements.

"Good, we'll do that after," the vampire concluded and pounced on Xander pushing him to the floor.

Spike straddled Xander's hips and looked down on him.

"Now, what shall I do with you I wonder," he mused rocking his hips just enough to cause a slight amount of friction. When the human tried to move to accentuate the friction Spike sat down heavily on him forcing him to stay still. "You're interrupting my thinking process, if I can't decide what I want to do with you then I won't do anything. So stay still." Xander nodded and the vampire resumed the slight rocking motion.

"Right then. Let's start with taking all your clothes off, shall we?" the blond murmured and suited actions to his words, swiftly removing Xander's clothes without letting him off the floor. Spike settled down again on the boy's hips, nestling his jean-covered ass on his lover's erection.

He immediately set about driving Xander crazy with lust. Spike tugged and pinched and sucked and nibbled on his nipples, all the while whispering about little boys needing to learn their lesson. Every time Xander tried to reach out for him, the vampire would just grab his hands and place them over his head.

By the time Spike decided that Xander's nipples needed no further attention, the boy was a quivering mass of nerves. "Now let's see if you understand how things are. Who do I want to shag to oblivion, you or Buffy?"

Xander took a shuddering breath and moaned, “Me.”

"Good boy." Spike smirked and shimmied down a bit so that he was sitting on Xander's knees. "What else do I want to play with…" he mused.

Xander groaned in anticipation only to be disappointed when Spike completely ignored his aching cock to focus on his belly. The vampire trailed open-mouthed kisses from chest to bellybutton before sucking on the skin, making a pretty pattern of bruises. Once he was satisfied with his artwork he asked, "Who do I come home to every day, Xan?"

"Me," Xander whimpered.

Spike moved further down Xander's body and spread the boy's legs wide, bending them at the knees, and placing his feet on the floor. He then proceeded to lick and nibble on his perineum before making his way to his balls to lick and suck on them, still avoiding Xander's straining erection.

"Who do I want to claim for mine, pet?"

Xander just whimpered at the loss of Spike's mouth.

"No more til you answer me. Who do I want to claim for mine?" the vampire repeated.

"Me," Xander managed to whisper.

"Good boy," Spike praised before picking him up and carrying him to the bed. The blond swiftly removed his clothes, and lay down next to Xander. He took the lube and started preparing his boy, enjoying the incoherent moans and pleading noises Xander couldn't help but make. When he judged his lover to be ready Spike slicked his own cock and lifted the brunet's legs over his shoulders.

"Who do I love Xander?" he asked, nudging his cock against his lover's hole.

"Me," Xander whispered and bucked, trying to push Spike inside him.

"With all my heart and soul, luv. Only you," the vampire promised and slammed his cock inside in one hard thrust, swallowing Xander's scream with his kiss and beginning to fuck him in earnest. "Mine, Xan, only mine. Gonna claim you proper, love you forever."

Xander was so aroused by Spike's actions and words that in a matter of moments he was arching his back and moaning his release, swiftly followed by the blond himself. They both fell into an exhausted sleep.

-------------------------------

Xander woke up to a pair of blue eyes watching him steadily and a hand stroking his hair.

"Hey there," he mumbled sleepily.

Spike smiled down at him and the hand moved down to trace his face. He leaned down for a kiss before getting out of bed.

"Time for that talk, pet." Spike put on a pair of sweats and handed Xander his own. "I'll go make coffee, you do whatever humans do in the bathroom every morning and come join me okay?" he said and left the room.

Xander sighed and got out of bed himself. Though he knew it was necessary to talk about things at least once, he was not looking forward to having this conversation. He went to the bathroom and did 'whatever it was humans did', smiling at Spike's words.

When he finally reached the kitchen there was a hot cup of coffee waiting for him on the table and a solemn vampire leaning against the counter.

"So…" Xander started nervously.

"So…" Spike echoed with a small smile, "Where do you want to start this then?" he asked.

Xander took a place at the table and sipped his coffee pensively. He took a deep breath and said, "Tell me what happened that night."

"So now you want to talk about it?" Spike said, resentment for Xander's previous attitude showing plainly in his voice.

"Now I know you won't tell me you thought she was more important, yeah." Xander blushed and stared intently at his coffee cup.

"You'd have known that some time ago if you'd let me talk to you about it," the vampire said and sighed sadly. "Right. About that night…I need to tell you some things first and I need you to promise you'll listen okay?"

Xander nodded solemnly.

Spike took a deep breath and started explaining himself. "You remember how I used to have nightmares about the people I killed, yeah? They're… they're not quite gone yet. Except now I dream about people I can't save. I dream about watching Dawn getting attacked by humans, about Buffy dying because I'm too slow to react. Willow usually dies in a fire while all I can do is watch." Spike's voice had taken a bleak quality and he was staring into nothing, lost in the pain of the memories.

He turned to look at Xander and his eyes were full of unshed tears. "I dream about you all the time, Xan. Nightmares about how you're in danger and screaming for me and I can't get to you. Where I can hear you call for me and I can't see you until it's too late. And then it was for real, I could hear you but you weren't there. I thought I was going insane again, hearing voices. So I ran to help the Slayer. When she said you had been there with her when the demons attacked I thought I'd go crazy. I had heard you and I hadn't done anything. And then the nightmare was real, you were lying on the ground bleeding and I'd let it happen."

Xander was on his feet and wrapping his arms around Spike a split second before the vampire broke down.

"Shh…it's okay baby, I'm alive, we're all okay, don't cry Spike, please don't cry." Xander tried to soothe the overwrought vampire marveling at how his lover had managed to keep all this inside for so long. "Why didn't you tell me Spike?"

"I tried you sodding wanker, but you wouldn't let me," Spike yelled pulling out of Xander's arms.

"I'm sorry Spike, I-I should have listened. I just…I thought you -" the boy started hesitantly only to be interrupted by an angry vampire.

"You thought I didn't love you. You thought my feelings weren't real and you wouldn't let me explain you bastard. You judged me and condemned me and you wouldn't even let me tell you what really happened!" Spike kept shouting until he caught sight of the fresh scar on Xander's torso. "And fuck, I let you die," he said and hugged Xander close to him, tears running down his cheeks once again. "Not dead, not dead, still here with me. I'm sorry; I'm so sorry Xan. I left you there. I should have known better, I'm sorry Xander."

The brunet held the crying vampire close, murmuring words of comfort and trying to come to grips with the situation. Spike still had nightmares. He dreamt he let Xander die. He was wracked with guilt over it and Xander hadn't let him even try to explain what had happened. Because Xander didn't really believe someone like Spike could love him. Willow was right; he was an idiot.

Xander gently led Spike over to the couch and sat down, cradling the blond in his arms until Spike was calm enough to stop breathing again.

"I'll make you a deal, Bleach. I will never ever doubt your feelings for me again if you promise not to keep things from me again. This whole thing never would have happened if we had talked to each other more." Xander looked at Spike expectantly.

The vampire nodded tiredly. "I'm sorry, pet," he whispered.

"No more sorries okay sweetheart? We'll both be better from now on. We'll make each other better." Xander soothed.

Spike nodded again and closed his eyes. They stayed like that for a few minutes, resting and enjoying the closeness. Xander was nodding off when the phone rang. Careful not to disturb the sleeping vampire in his arms he reached for the cordless lying next to him.

"Hello?" he whispered.

"Hey Xander, why are we whispering?" Willow asked.

"Will, hey. We're whispering cause Spike's asleep."

"Oh," she said and started babbling nervously, "Are you two okay? You don't hate us do you? I mean, we wouldn't have done it if we weren't sure Spike would tell Buffy to sod off or something like that and Buffy felt really bad about doing that, she was so worried you'd hate her. And we only did it cause your heart was breaking and Spike was all fidgety and tense and Spike is never tense unless he's in some kind of trouble and we didn't want you to be heartbroken. Cause we love you both and we only wanted to help. Did we help? You guys are okay right? And you don't hate us?"

Willow stopped to draw breath and Xander took the chance to jump in with reassurances that everything was okay, and yes he and Spike were fine and no they didn't hate them.

"We hate Buffy," the vampire sleepily mumbled, "she scared us, we want revenge, we'll train with her tomorrow."

"Did you get that Will? Bleach will avenge himself upon the Slayer tomorrow," Xander said, smiling down at his sleepy vampire.

----------------------

A few days later, Xander walked in on a slayer-vampire training session. Spike had taken Buffy down and was leaning over her, one arm across her chest to hold her down and the other pinning her hands over her head. The vampire was smiling down at his sulking captive, face mere inches away from her.

Xander felt a little twinge in the region of his heart but he ruthlessly stomped on it. 'Spike loves me, not Buffy,' he told himself firmly and smiled at the two combatants.

"Hey guys, what's up? Or should I say what's down?" he joked.

"Xander!" Spike looked up at him, his face immediately brightening up and his smile turning into a full-on grin.

'See? My Spike,' Xander smugly told his doubting part as the vampire got up and came to kiss him hello.

"Now both of you go get ready. Our reservation is at seven and we're gonna be late if we don't leave soon." He shooed both slayer and vampire towards the showers and went to chat with Willow and Dawn as they waited.

The couple had decided to treat the girls to a night out at a posh restaurant as a thank you for interfering. Xander very forcefully pointed out, staring intently at Dawn, that this should in no way be taken as any kind of encouragement for them to interfere again. This was a one-off.

Just as they were about to leave, Willow asked to talk to Spike a minute.

"You guys go on," she smiled, "this'll only take a minute. We'll catch up."

She waited until the others were out the door before turning to talk to a smiling Spike.

"We didn't have this talk before because I either wasn't supposed to know about you and Xander or you were such a mess it didn't seem fair to have it," she said and watched Spike's smile be replaced by a puzzled look before continuing in the nicest possible tone, "If you ever hurt my Xander again in any way whatsoever I will temporarily forget that I'm a good witch, turn you into something small and disgusting and then beat you to death with a shovel." Willow smiled sweetly. "Glad we had this talk, now let's go eat, I'm starving."

Willow literally skipped to the door, leaving behind her a thoroughly bemused vampire. A couple of minutes later Xander walked in and took his hand to lead him out the shop. "She gave you the shovel talk, huh? Yeah, even Cordelia had that look after the shovel talk," he said, laughing as he dragged his vampire out to catch up with the others.

The End

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