title

by
M J Gage

Part One

The thunderstorm was petrifying, the worst storm in Sunnydale history. "Hell," Xander thought, "you could throw in all of Northern  California and be accurate."

He refused to believe Giles emphatic denials of the storm being  linked to the Hellmouth, since most of the lighting struck the old  high school. He admitted to himself that the cemetery was hit just  as bad, if not worse. That was why he now found himself digging  through the rubble of what was left of Spike's crypt at four  am. "Willow, remind me again why I'm scraping the remaining skin off  of my hands on these rocks to help a mortal enemy?"

"Spike's not our enemy anymore."

"He's not?"

"No, Spike's our ... nonenemy." The red head smiled nervously as she  tried to lift a large stone.

Tara came to the rescue of her girlfriend. Helping Willow with the  stone, she turned to Xander and said, "Um...besides he saved your  lives."

Willow and Tara shared a smile as they disposed of the stone. They considered the vampire more then just a nonenemy. His first attempt  to show the Scooby Gang he was on their side was to compliment Willow  on her choice of a girlfriend. The blonde told the witch that her  bisexuality made her more vampire like, which wasn't a great  compliment, but for Spike it was a big effort. After the shock and  grudging acceptance of the rest of the gang, the women were grateful  that someone took it in stride, even if he did tell them he knew all  along and went on in graphic detail to describe how.

Willow shuddered with embarrassment at the memory of that  conversation. Still Spike was trying to be nice. The least they  could do was dig him out of the wreckage of his former crypt before  the sun came up and fried him.

"Xander, he's part of the gang now. We have to at least try to help  him."

The young man reached down to grab another large stone before Willow  got the chance to go after that hernia she seemed so keen on  inducing. "Okay, but can't we try to help him in a less break your  back kind of way?"

"Xander!" The women answered in unison.

Thirty minutes later, Willow still had not managed to give herself a  hernia, Xander still had skin on his hands and Tara spotted the edge  of Spike's trademark duster. "Um, guys? Over here I think."

The trio worked quickly to uncover the complete garment and the  unconscious body within it. Spike's skin was barely discernible from  the stones he was lying on. He was a pale whitish grey, his peroxide  hair appearing yellow in contrast. Blood was seeping out of gash on  the side of his head in a steady flow.

Tara bit her lower lip. "Vampires bleed a lot."

Xander worked on removing the remaining rubble pinning Spike in place. "Yeah, it must be all that stolen blood," he tried to joke, but even  he was shocked by the Englishman's appearance. He wondered if they  would be able to do anything more then watch Spike turn to dust. He  didn't want to admit it to himself, and he certainly didn't want the  girls to know, but he was scared. Spike was the only one who could  match him barb for barb. Xander began to dig a little faster.

"No, I mean, they bleed a lot, because the um, blood wont clot. It  can't because... " She ran one hand across the other as she gestured  down towards the blond. "Because of the way they feed, you know?"  She cast a pleading glance at Willow as she rocked from foot to foot.
The blood drained from Xander's face, "Oh shit, Spike's going to  die. I mean I know he's already dead and all, but he's going to be  dead dead." He scrabbled to clear the remaining debris off their  nonenemy.

Willow knew she had to act fast. She did not have time to panic or  lapse into motionless shock. She took off her sweater and used it to  clean the dust and grit from the wound. She smoothed Spike's hair  away from the cut in an attempt to see the gash clearly. "Tara, get  my bag. I think there's a stapler in there."

"Wait."

"What? He's dead and we have to close this wound some how to stop the bleeding."

"I just meant wait. I have a sewing kit in my bag." The two witches  smiled at each other, instinctively working together in a crisis.  They stitched the wound, and freed Spike from the remains of his home  just in time to get him to Gile's before the sunrise. The trio hoped  Giles knew something about fixing vampires.

He did not. He reminded the young people, that his duties as a  Watcher include staking vampires, not curing them. Giles inspected  the wound, congratulated Willow on her fine work, applied a clean  bandage over the stitches, and called Angel when Spike remand  unconscious the next evening.

Xander stopped by on his way home from work just as Giles was hanging  up the telephone. "Xander good, you're here." He stared threw the  boy for a moment. "I ah, I need you to help me get some blood for  Spike. Angel says he needs to feed in order to start healing."

Xander wondered why the vampire was the only one who never looked  through him. "G-man, the big, not so bad keeps a stash in your  fridge."

Giles glanced back at his kitchen. The watcher noticed his  refrigerator always contained blood no matter how many unwelcome  appearances his fellow Englishman made. He wondered how the boy knew  and decided he didn't want to know. "No, Angel specified human  blood."

"Wait a minute, hold on here! I'm not opening a vein for defanged boy, nonenemy or not. I don't care if Willow says we have to be nice to  him." Xander was rapidly backing towards the door trying to remember  if Watchers could lose their souls.

Gile's took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, "No Xander. You've  once again taken the facts and run amuck with them."

Xander knew he may have overreacted, but he had not run amuck. "You  said Spike needed human blood."

Giles replaced his glasses and spoke slowly. "Yes, and I need you to  stay here and watch Spike whilst I procure it."

Xander hopped over the back of the couch and made himself  comfortable. "Oh. Okay G-man, why didn't you say so."

Giles winced at the reappearance of the unwelcome nickname and  muttered on his way out the door. "I would have if you had the  patience to listen."

Xander fidgeted for a few minutes until he was sure Giles was gone,  and was not returning anytime soon for some forgotten item. He  entered the bedroom where they had left the vampire earlier in the  day. The drapes were completely closed; the only light came from a  small bedside lamp. Xander gasped and froze.

He didn't know whether he wanted to back out and quietly shut the  door or rush to the side of the bed. Spike looked even worse then  when they had first found him. The sheets had more colour than his  face. His skin was almost translucent, blue veins visible across his  forehead. It was stretched back, so Xander could clearly see the  sharp outline of Spike's cheekbones and jaw, and his eyes appeared to  have sunk in to his skull.

He looked so small and helpless. Xander had never seen how fragile  Spike appeared before. Without the nasty personality animating the  corpse and the street thug clothes, the vampire was considerably  smaller then Xander pictured him. He looked almost human, albeit a  very ill, almost dead human. Xander slowly approached the bed  wondering how Giles could leave him like this?

He wanted to do something to help, but as usual had no idea what he  could do. He softly stroked the peroxide hair. It was soft,  criminally soft for someone that put that much time and effort into  burning all the colour out of it. He wasn't sure if it was normal  for vampire to feel like ice when you touched them. He pulled the  spare blanket over Spike and resolved to ask Buffy, just how cold  vampires were supposed to feel.

Xander noticed no one had bothered to clean Spike up. They simply  stopped the bleeding and dressed the wound. At least he could do  that. He remembered when he was hurt, warm water washing the blood  away always made him feel better.

Xander was making his third trip to the bathroom for clean, hot water  when Giles returned. He followed the Watcher into the kitchen and  waited while Giles removed thick plastic bags from a Styrofoam  cooler. "I don't want to know how you were able to get eight units  of human blood in less then twenty minutes. Do I?"

"No." Without looking up Giles handed Xander a bag. "Warm this up and  see if you can get him to take it. Angel said he would require a lot  of blood quickly. I'm going to try to get some more." Giles finished  unpacking his cooler and left Xander standing in front of the  microwave.

Xander warmed two of the bags, transferring the contents of one into  a large tumbler. He left the other in the bowl of hot water, hoping  that would keep it warm. He searched the kitchen for a straw and  tried to figure out how he was going to get the unconscious vampire  to drink the blood.

He returned to the bedroom, setting the tumbler on the bedside table  and the bowl on the floor beside it. He sat on the bed and pulled  Spike up until he was sitting against Xander. He reached over to  retrieve the tumbler, using his free arm to hold Spike firmly against  his chest. Xander hoped his warmth and the sound of his heartbeat  would pull the vampire closer to consciousness. He waved the tumbler  under Spike's nose. "Come on Spikey, time to wake up and eat. It's  human blood. You know you want it."

Nothing. He might as well be talking to a corpse. Xander reminded  himself that he *was* talking to a corpse. He sucked some of the  blood up in the straw. Maybe if Spike could taste it, he would begin  to feed. He painted the vampire's lips with the blood and dribbled  some into his mouth. "Spike, please drink. You need this to heal.  Spike, wake up!"

No response. He tried to remember what his mother did on the rare  occasions she had helped him when he was sick. How did she get him  to take his medicine? She never called him by his nickname; she  always used his full name. What was Spike's real name? Will. Okay,  what else did Mom do? She sounded nice, not as if she was trying to  force him. She sounded reassuring and calm. O.K., he could do that.

Xander took a deep breath and pulled Spike closer. "Will, drink.  It'll make you all better." He danced the straw against the  vampire's mouth again. He tried to remember his mother's words, and  sounding as reassuring as possible. "Good boy. Drink it Will. You'll  feel much better."

On the fourth pass the blonde opened his mouth and started to suck on  the straw. Xander held the vampire, stroking the soft blond hair  while he hummed. The young man remembered how good it felt when his  mother did the same thing. As soon as Spike emptied the tumbler,  Xander took the straw and popped it into the remaining bag, not  wanting to waste any time transferring the blood into the glass. He  wanted to get as much into Spike as he could while the blonde was  drinking.

He continued to pet the vampire and make soothing noises while he  fed. When Spike finished the second container, Xander released him.  Reassuring him as he stood up, "There now. Isn't that better?" He  turned to get more supplies from the kitchen. He wanted Spike to  drink as much as he could. A small whimpering noise made him turn  back to the bed.

Spike was curled up in the blankets, only his eyes showing. The blue  eyes locked on Xander. "Sire, please don't leave me. I'm scared."
Xander froze. "Fuck," his only thought.

He glanced toward the bedroom door, happy that Angel wasn't there.  Another whimper returned his focus to the bed. "Sire, please."

Fuck. Spike was definitely talking to him. Oh God! Spike thought he  was Angel. What was he supposed to do? Xander shifted from side to  side chewing his lip.

"Okay," he thought. "Spike's sick. He doesn't know what he's saying.  Angel said to give him blood and he'll heal. Just gotta get more  blood into the adorable looking vampire and he'll be the Big Bad  again. That's good right? Okay, don't think too hard Xander. Just  feed the vampire."

The young man turned and approached the bed. "Spike," his nervousness making him speak sharply, "I have to get more blood. You need it to  heal." Shit. That probably didn't sound very reassuring; judging by  the way Spike curled under the blankets..

Comforting. He had to remember to be comforting. It was the only way  he was going to get Spike to drink enough to heal and end this  embarrassing mess. The upside was when it was all over, he would have  enough material to tease the blonde menace for months.

Xander smiled and rested on the edge of the bed, pulling the blankets  away from Spike's face. "Hey," he started in his gentlest  voice. "I'm not leaving."

He returned to stroking the blonde hair. It was like cat fur, so  soft that it was hard not to touch. "I just have to go to the other  room for a few minutes to get more blood for you. You need to drink  as much as you can, Will."

Spike turned into the touch almost nuzzling the young man's  hand. "Sire."

"I'll be back as soon as possible." Xander leaned down and kissed the vampire on the forehead. He remembered it felt so good when his mom  did that, almost like she really cared.

Giles returned again while Xander was in the kitchen heating up four  more units of blood. He was torn between getting enough so he  wouldn't have to leave his patient again or bringing back more then  the vampire could possibly consume. How much was a lot of blood?
Couldn't Angel have been more specific with his instructions, telling  him something closer to, "For a vampire Spike's size: five pints for  a normal feed, six if he's injured, eight if it's really bad."

Xander wished be paid more attention when Spike was staying at his  place, but it was so gross to watch the Englishman feed, and the  stuff he used to dunk in his blood for "texture" was even worse.  Twinkies were meant to be treated with more reverence.

Caught up in musing on the sacred nature of Hostess products, he  remained unaware of Giles' return until the watcher opened the  refrigerator. The door bumped Xander, startling him and causing him  to drop the bag he was removing from the microwave.

"Really, Xander. You should be more careful. You're as messy as  Spike in the kitchen."

Xander thought Giles must be really upset or extremely neat. Spike  was the one always after Xander to clean up the basement room. "Hey.  The bag didn't break. No harm. No foul. And you snuck up on me."

For the first time that day Giles looked directly at the  boy. "You're right Xander. I'm sorry." He removed his glass and  absent mindly polished them, while staring at the kitchen  clock. "This has just all come at a very inconvenient time for me."  He glanced at the spare room Spike was occupying. "I have a prior  comment tonight, and a conference I was to leave for in the morning."

Xander lay his free hand on the librarian's shoulder. "No problem.  You just go off and do your retired librarian stuff. I'll baby-sit  the Big Bad." Xander smiled to let Giles know he didn't mind.

Giles did not see the smile. "Xander, don't you have things to do?"  He waved his glasses in the direction of the front door. "Anya?"
"She went to that summer witch school with Willow and Tara this  morning." Xander's hand fell and his shoulders slumped. He'd been  complaining for weeks about being left alone for the summer; even  Spike had commented on it.

Of course, the vampire's comments were along the lines of, "It  wouldn't be a big change for Xander to be alone, since everyone  ignored him all the time anyway." Maybe he was right. Giles  obviously had been ignoring the young man.

"What? Oh yes, quite right. You did mention that." The Englishman  was obviously distracted. "Still Xander, do you want to take care of  a sick vampire? It may be a lot of work and I know how you feel  about Spike."

Xander perked up. Giles did care; he just didn't want to burden  Xander.
"No, I like playing nurse. It's something I'm good at. Buffy and  Riley should be back from their trip tomorrow, so they can help. I  can handle it G-Man." The watcher couldn't hide his look of annoyance  at the nickname. "I mean Giles. Sorry."

It was Giles turn to lay his hand on Xander's shoulder. The boy was  so eager to prove his competence. "Yes, I believe you can handle  it. I'll make arrangements to have the blood delivered while I'm  away. In the mean time, shouldn't you be getting back to your < patient?"

Xander jumped. Spike! Poor Will. He was so frightened and Xander  had told him that he would return in a few moments. He abruptly  grabbed the warm Bags of blood and headed for the back room. He  paused in the doorway as a thought accrued to him. "Giles? Could you  leave Angel's number by the phone? I may need to call him for  vampire advice."

His heart sank when he returned to the room. Spike was in the middle  of the bed completely under the blankets, curled into a tight ball,  rocking himself and humming tunelessly. He rushed to the side of the  bed wondering why it felt so bad to have disappointed and scared the  vampire. He should be gloating. This was the perfect revenge for  all of the times Spike scared and hurt him., but it just felt like he  was kicking a wounded puppy. After growing up in his family's house,  he didn't have the heart to punish the helpless.

"Will," He sat on the edge of the bed. "Come here, you poor  vampire. I brought you more blood."

"Sire." Spike quickly shifted into Xander's lap.

Xander shrugged and made himself comfortable. Shifting Spike to his  earlier position, leaning against the young man's chest, he reached  over and grabbed the first container of blood. "Drink. Be a good  boy and drink all of this."

The Big Bad laid his head down on the mortal's shoulder. One hand  reached up and started to play with the hair at the base of Xander's  skull while he drank. Midway into the second bag, Xander noticed a  faint rumbling noise coming from the vampire.

Xander kept up a steady stream of encouraging comments. "There now  isn't that better. That's it, Will. Drink it all. Good boy. I'm  proud of you." The whole time he ran his hand up and down Spike's  back, trying to sooth the vampire. By the end of the fourth bag,  Spike appeared to be asleep still wrapped around the younger man,  with one hand tightly curled in his hair.

Xander tried to untangle himself and leave the bed, but he found  that even asleep and with head injuries, vampires were stronger then  humans. Spike was clinging tightly to him and Xander's attempts to  move only made Spike take a more tenacious hold around the mortal.

Xander sighed. Obviously the blonde was not going to let his Sire  leave again. He shrugged and pulled the blankets around both of  them, relaxing into sleep with his arms protectively embracing his  charge.

Much later Giles returned from his meeting with the representative  from London, which had lasted longer then expected. Exhausted, he  peeked in to check on his unwelcome house guest and the boy. What he  saw in the dark room made him resolve to talk to Xander in the  morning and call Angel. He didn't know what disturbed him more: the  sight of one of Europe's bloodiest vampires curled around a boy Giles  often thought of as a son, or the sight of the same vampire sucking  his thumb. Something was very wrong with Spike.

Part Two

Much earlier then he would have liked, Giles came in to wake Xander and the vampire. "Xander, come on. It's time to wake up." Giles tried shaking the boy, hoping the shoulder his hand was on belonged to the human, not the vampire. It was difficult to discern as they were so closely entangled.

"Come on, my boy. I need to leave in an hour and we have to talk before then." He tried shaking a little more vigorously, and waving the mug of coffee he had prepared for the boy under his nose. 

That did the trick. Xander woke with a groan and struggled to automatically reach for the coffee. The cold blonde form enveloping him prevented anything close to movement on his part. With his eyes still closed, Xander nudged his bed companion. "Let me go, Klingon."

Spike rolled them over, away from the evil noise and nasty light. His action freed the young mortal's arms. Xander used them to push at the cold body lying across his torso. "Move, Will. I have to get up." Remembering Spike's fears of the night before he added, "I'm not going to leave you. I just need to get out of bed." He petted the blond hair reassuringly.

It appeared to work; Spike relaxed enough for Xander to sit up. He relieved Giles of his coffee burden. After finishing half the mug in two swallows, he opened his eyes. "You wanted to talk, G...Giles," he amended at the last minute, remembering that Giles hated the nickname.

Giles was too stunned to speak. Xander had remained sitting on the bed while he was talking to Giles, Spike's head in his lap. The boy continued to run his fingers through the blond hair and across the vampire's neck as he drank the coffee. He signalled for the boy to follow him out of the room and heard the soothing noises he made, reassuring the vampire of his intent to return, before following. Xander sounded like a trainer speaking to a wild horse. 

He sat Xander down at the kitchen table and refilled their mugs with tea and coffee. "Xander, why did you call Spike, *Will*?"

The young man tried to shake himself awake. "He wouldn't respond to anything else. When I used *Spike* he just lay there unconscious."

The watcher sipped his tea, thinking. "So you decided to try another name?"

After his second mug of coffee, Xander felt one or two synapses begin to fire. "You said to give him blood." Giles stared at Xander, very confused. Xander decided to tell the watcher everything that had happened. Maybe he could make sense out of the whole weird "Sire" thing.

Giles listened as he finished his tea and made breakfast for the two of them. He was proud of the way the boy effortlessly, and apparently instinctively, acted as a nurse to the injured demon. He was afraid Xander's action placed him in a much larger and more complex role in Spike's mind. He was not sure what was happening with the vampire, but he knew the head injury must have effected him beyond the now healed gash.

His fears were confirmed when his fellow Englishman wandered into the kitchen. Spike whimpered at the bright overhead light and rubbed his eyes. He no longer held the appearance of one of a wicked master vampire. He resembled a little boy awoken by a nightmare and seeking comfort. Spike reinforced the image when he sat on the floor by Xander's chair and buried his head in the young man's lap. Xander attempted to reassure his charge. Giles decided it was time to call Angel, no matter how early in the day it was.

Xander ended up talking to Angel after Giles decided he couldn't afford the time it would take to tell the boy's story to the vampire, and then relay Angel's comments to Xander. The young man had volunteered to care for the injured vampire and seemed to performing admirably. Giles decided to let him continue while he finished preparing for his trip.


"What did you say to Spike when you were feeding him?"

Xander exhaled in exasperation. Angel made him repeat the story twice before making any comment and his first one sounded like a demand for another repeat performance. "Deadboy, maybe you should get your ears checked or something. I told you that twice already. I thought vampires were supposed to have this amazing hearing."

"Alexander," Angel sounded as exasperated as the young man he was speaking to did, "I need to know the exact words you used verbatim. It's very important."

Xander repeated the conversation word for word. "Happy Deadboy, or want to go for round four," he finished.

"Shit," was the only reply.

Xander dropped the phone. He'd never heard Angel curse before, not even when he lost his soul. He knew Angel did not like Xander's term of endearment for him, but he thought the vampire at least tolerated it. He picked up the phone and started to pet the blonde head still in his lap. Xander was no longer sure which one of them he was reassuring. "Angel? Um... I'm sorry. It's just that you called me Alexander. Only my parents do that."

Xander thought he heard Angel wince. "I'm sorry Xander." The vampire paused. 

A minute later he still hadn't resumed talking. "Angel? " Xander made sure his patient's ears were covered. "Is Spike going to be all right?"

"I don't know," Angel sighed.

"Oh." Xander would have repeated Angel's profanity if he didn't feel an overwhelming sense of failure. "What did I do wrong? Did I make him worse? I'm sorry Angel. Will you be able to fix him?"

"Xander," again Angel paused. "There's nothing I can do. He thinks you're his Sire."

Xander abruptly stood up. "Okay, that's impossible." He frantically paced around the small kitchen. " I mean no offence Angel, but I'm nothing like you. Okay we both have that male thing and dark hair, but you've got that whole unbeating heart thing going and I don't. I mean my heart still works, or at least it was before this phone call."

The sight of wide, scared blue eyes peeping out from beneath the table, where vampire dove as Xander jumped up, halted his panic faster then any of the claiming words the boy could barely hear coming from the telephone. Spike looked exactly like Xander felt every time his Dad came home angry and drunk. He could not do that to anyone else, not even a soulless vampire. Spike was ill and it was his responsibility to take care of him.

"Angel, can I call you back in a few minutes? I need to take care of someone right now."

Angel agreed, relieved to hear the boy ready to assume responsibility. If Cordelia could show signs of maturity, why not her ex-boyfriend? He was going to need to be mature. Xander was now responsible for a fledging vampire.

He disconnected and left Angel to his brooding. Xander got down on his hands and knees and crawled toward the frighten demon under the table. "I'm sorry, Klingon. I'm sorry I scared you. Come out and I'll make you a nice cup of blood. You can drink it while we sit on the couch and finish talking to Angel." He inched closer to Spike and held his hand out, trying to show the vampire he meant no harm and sooth him at the same time. 

Spike leaned his head against Xander's hand. "Pet?"

Xander pulled the vampire into a hug. The familiar word reminded the young man how very wrong things where. He hoped that he had not damaged Spike permanently. He bit his lip and placed a small kiss on the soft hair under his chin. "Are you hungry? Do you want some blood?"

When Spike finished drinking Xander resettled them on the couch. He dialled Angel's number and sighed. He resolved to be strong enough to listen to whatever the besouled vampire had to say. He was not going to frighten Spike like that ever again.

"Angel? What do you mean Spike thinks I'm his Sire?" The injured vampire moved into Xander's lap at the mention of the word *Sire*. He placed the young man's hand on his head and rubbed it along his hair. Xander thought the behaviour was rapidly becoming addicting for both of them.

Xander tuned back into the telephone conversation. "... and when fledges first rise they imprint on who ever feeds them. It's instinctive; we have no control over it." Angel sighed "Normally the imprint is reciprocal, and the need a Sire feels to care for the fledge is as powerful as the fledgling's need to obey their Sire." Angel paused again and Xander pictured him brooding and avoiding eye contact with the telephone. "I don't know what will happen with a human."

Xander was about to get angry when he realized Angel wasn't implying Xander was totally incompetent. He remembered Spike bragging about being Angel's favourite Childe and that was why no matter what he did to the Scooby gang, Angel would not stake him. Angel was worried that Xander wouldn't take care of Spike. 

He looked down at the vampire curled up in his lap. Spike's head rested on his shoulder and both arms wrapped around Xander's waist. He was rubbing his cheek across Xander's collarbone and the low rumbling noise coming from his chest completed the cat like image.

"Don't worry. I'll do everything I can to take care of Will until he's better." Xander swore he heard Angel breathe in relief at his words.

"Okay, here's what you're going to have to do. There are some complications because of the way he was sired." Angel chuckled as the astonished young man tried not to drop the telephone again. "From the first, Spike had to be unique among vampires."

Xander stroked Spike's face, hoping to lull the vampire to sleep. He believed rest might be the best thing for Spike and might aid the healing processes. Spike's head wound was closed, but still visible. 

"When Drucilla turned him she..." Angel struggled to find a way to explain the horrible night, a disaster so bloody it terrified Angelus. He still was not sure how the three of them survived the night. "She did it wrong." 

Xander didn't even pretend to know what Angel was talking about. "So Spike started life, I mean um deadlife, as a minion?"

Angel sighed. If only Drucillia would have let it rest at that point. She was determined to have her "Blue eyed doll" and "Daddy" had to fix him. It was a miracle the boy survived the repeated drainings after receiving so little vampire blood. Angel laughed at his own choice of words, if it was a miracle, it was a godless miracle. He shuddered remembering Will's agonized screams. "No, he was never a minion."

The pain in Angel's voice convinced Xander that he did not want to hear the back-story. The vampire sounded haunted. He couldn't remember the powerful vampire ever sounding wounded. "Never mind how he was turned. How was he different and how does that effect what I need to do to take care of him?"

Xander could *hear* the vampire slipping into brood mode. "Deadboy, snap," he broke off, chuckling. "Sorry, I'm being tickled." He moved the vampire's hands. "Stop it, or no more nummy treats for you."

Angel heard a familiar whimpering. "Xander, is Will there with you?"

"Yeah, why? Is it bad for him to hear this?" He moved to cover his patient's ears, not that he was sure it would do anything with vampire hearing.

"No no," Angel rushed in. "It doesn't matter. At least I don't think it does. It's just that Will, I mean Spike..."

"It's alright, I've been calling him Will." The vampire, hearing his name, looked up at Xander. 

"Good, that's the name we used when he was a fledge. *Spike* didn't come about until much latter. Most likely, he'll respond best to Will. It should be a reassuring name , to him." Angel sighed recalling the pain Angelus inflected on William to turn him into Spike. There were some memories he hoped the younger vampire never regained.

Xander, he needs you right now." Angel was surprised how spontaneously the boy slipped into a caregiver role. He prayed it was not just a passing fancy, since his Childe was completely dependent on the mortal. "He needs you more then a normal fledgling because, after we turned him, Will ended up with a baby vampire demon."

Xander didn't drop the telephone since he was using the couch to hold it against his ear, enabling him to use both hands to pet Spike. "Angel, what's a baby vampire demon? You better not say a vampire that only eats babies." He forced himself to remain calm for Spike's sake, but he wonder why he always leapt before looking. 

The young man once more heard the strange sound of Angel chuckling. "No. When vampires are turned we wake up with a lot of innate knowledge. I think it's because we have such horrible Sires and need to know things they can't be bothered to teach us. Will rose without any of that knowledge. He bonded with me, but I had to teach him everything about being a vampire. He was more helpless then Drucilla his first few years."

"Is that why he's your favourite; you raised him from a baby?"

Xander knew he was speaking with Angelus when the vampire's voice lost its soft hesitancy and gained a sharp confidence. "I moulded him. I made Spike into a ruthless master vampire. He was pure evil and tied to me tighter than any of my other offspring. I loved my boy." 

Spike whimpered and tried to hide, causing Xander to shift uncomfortably. Obviously it was a relationship based on fear. Xander knew he was right not to trust the older vampire; Angel could become evil at any time.

Now aware of who he was speaking with, Xander asked, "So I need to train him like you did?" Xander was disgusted. Here he was a Sire by default and he was expected to behave like his own parents. Angel could go back to Hell if he thought Xander would ever stoop to that level. No, Spike was going to get all the care and kindness Xander knew children were supposed to receive.

As suddenly as he made his appearance Angelus was gone. "No Xander. I don't think you could be that harsh and I'm sure it is not the best thing for Will. With the implant, the less blood thirsty he is the better off he'll be."

"Angel, I want him to get his memory back. He needs to be trained to be Spike."

"You're right, but I think you can accomplish that with out brutalizing him."

"Good. What does he need to know? Where's the best place to start?"

Part Three

As suddenly as he made his appearance Angelus was gone. "No, no Xander. I don't think you could be that harsh and I'm sure it is not the best thing for Will. With the implant, the less blood thirsty he is, the better off he'll be." 

The young man thought for a moment, he knew that was the wrong plan, "No Angel, he needs to get his memory back." 

He looked down at the blond; Spike had found a way to squeeze between Xander, and the back of the sofa with his head tucked under Xander's shirt. Adorable, cuddly Spike was nice; but Xander knew it meant vampire sitting for the rest of his life and when he was gone, Will still wouldn't be able to take care of himself. "Will needs to be trained to be *Spike*. He needs to remember who he is before he can change."

Angel was impressed; the boy was putting some thought into this. "You're right." Maybe Xander was growing up. Still did Xander know what he was getting into? He was human, not even close to a master vampire. How was he going to train the purest vampire Angelus created? Angel remembered his earlier words, Spike was a unique vampire, because he knew love. "I think you can accomplish that with out brutalizing him."

"Good." Xander settled in for a long conversation. "What does he need to know? Where's the best place to start?" 

Two hours later, he was wishing he had taken notes and that Spike wasn't laying on his bladder. "Whoa, Angel, information overload here. I have to call a time out." He looked at the nearest clock worried about getting to work on time; he did not want to lose two jobs in one week. "Can I call you back tomorrow?"

"Xander, you can call anytime with questions. I'm up all night and I'll get Cordeila to show me how to work this stupid cell phone." He paused, unsure of how to word the next part without it sounding like a threat and scaring the young man off. "Xander, Will was very sweet as a fledge, very sweet... he's still my favourite."

Xander understood the implied threat. "Don't worry, Angel, I wont hurt him." He hugged the defenceless vampire to his chest, "I'm not going to let anyone hurt him." Xander was determined Will would not suffer the same type of childhood he had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A few weeks later

Xander tottered into Giles' living room sweaty, tired, and two hours late. "That's it. No more bus guy for me. It's time to write a strongly worded letter to the Transit Company." He walked into the kitchen retrieving a cold drink for him and putting blood in the microwave to heat for Spike. "I mean a very strongly worded letter here. Two buses passed me by without even stopping. Two!" 

He suddenly noticed a missing cold presence. "Hey, where's my sweet vampire."

Buffy was waiting impatiently for Xander to take a breath and get a clue. She resisted the urge to berate him for not calling and letting them know what was going on. "He freaked." 

Xander's hostile glare made her defensive. 

"Hey, Buffy is now a member of the official baby-sit the wounded vampire club; but you know how your *sweetling* reacts to me. Xander, he knows I'm a slayer; and he knows when you're supposed to be back. He needs you. Remember what Angel said?"

She managed not to wince at the mention of her ex, impressing Xander and apparently listening to Angel's advice. "Spike needs to be with his Sire all the time."

He knew Buffy was right and he felt guilty every time he left the vampire, but he had to work. Without money he could not pay the rent his parents demanded or purchase Spike's blood. It didn't help that Angel was right also. Will was the sweetest person Xander had ever taken care of, just wanting to be close to him. He was beginning to understand why Angel brooded all the time. 

The microwave beeped. He picked up the mug of warm blood. "Where is he?"

Buffy saw the familiar lines forming on Xander's forehead. Sometimes, he reminded her of Angel. She did not want to make her friend feel bad, but she didn't know how to help the blond vampire

Spike seemed to instinctively know Buffy was a slayer. He hid behind Xander every time she entered the room and would not remain alone with her. Riley had to tackle him to prevent him from walking out into the daylight after Xander was an hour late. 

"I'm sorry." She sighed and made a vague gesture with her hand, "He's under the bed, humming.".

Xander closed his eyes and banged his head against the wall. Something he'd discovered in his twice daily conversations with Angel was that Will only did the humming thing when he was terrified. " Great. He's regressing." 

Angel was right. Buffy was right. He couldn't leave the vampire alone. Xander was responsible for him and fledges needed to be with their Sire all the time. He needed to find a job where he could bring Spike along with him, something that paid well enough to cover rent and blood.


Buffy saw the frown deepen on Xander's face. She wished she could do something for her friend, He was more worried about his Childe than himself. Buffy patted Xander's arm reassuringly and smiled as he passed her on his way into the back bedroom..

Xander crawled to the edge of the bed. He could not understand the vampire's fondness for cramped dark places. Despite what Angel said, he knew vampires would sleep in coffins if they didn't cost more than beds. He set the mug of blood down next to the point where the humming was loudest. "Sweetling, I'm here. Come out and get your blood."

The humming stopped, but there was no other sign that the vampire knew Xander was there. He wondered if Spike was punishing him for being two hours late. Xander decided that ignoring his existence was exactly the type of thing Spike would do, amnesia or not. "OK stay under the bed. I'll come back after I'm done patrolling with Buffy."

Spike displayed his vampiric speed and was almost instantly at Xander's side. Xander was sure Spike would do anything not to miss a chance to fight. He might be afraid of the Slayer, but when Xander wanted Spike to learn to fight by joining the nightly patrols, the vampire enthusiastically skirmished. His demon still revelled in the violence. 

He laughed at the vampire's display of eagerness and his own actions of the night before. The two of them were helping Buffy clean out a cavern full of demons when a Taskar demon attacked the young man. Spike leapt on the eight foot demon's back and neatly severed it's spine, using the same move Angel was so fond of employing. Xander was so proud of his charge that he ran over and pulled Spike into a hug, spinning him off the ground and repeating, " My sweet, wonderful vampire, my sweet boy, you did so well. You're such a good vampire." He stopped spinning and released the vampire, kissing him on the forehead. 

Buffy and Riley frowned upon Xander's frequent and animated praise of Spike's more bloody mayhem, but he reminded them the point was to return the vampire's memory, not to create a kinder and gentler William the Bloody.

Part Four

When they returned from patrolling Xander was too busy trying to figure out which was the lesser of two evils, the slayer or ex-initiative boy teaching the vampire how to fight, to notice Spike sneaking up on him. Suddenly the vampire jumped on his back and began nuzzling his neck.

Xander stumbled toward his bed and spun around falling back on top of the vampire. Before Spike had time to recover the young man rolled over and pinned him, straddling the blond. Xander's smile was pure evil as he leaned forward to try something he'd wanted to do since Angel first told him about it. Angel warned him that Will was very ticklish and could easily be reduced to helpless giggles if you hit just the right spot; Angel always used the weakness as revenge for his Childe's sneak attacks.

It worked. Xander loved that he could reduce a master vampire to giggling. He stopped and looked down at his Sweetling. Will was beautiful. His eyes sparkled. His hair, finally free of gel, was tousled, and he panted as he came down from the giggling fit. Xander shifted, releasing Will's hands and forearms from under his knees. 

Spike's hands immediately travelled up Xander's thighs, along his waist and across his back, pulling the human down for a hug. Spike stroked his face along the young man's and whispered, "Precious," in his ear. The vampire called Xander by the pet name every time he wanted affection. 

Xander noticed the requests were becoming more frequent and less innocent. He knew he should ask Angel about how close the Sire/Childe relationship was exactly, and the nature of that closeness; however, he wasn't sure he wanted to know that much about Spike and Angelus. He decided the behaviour was a sign of increasing maturity from the vampire. He hoped it meant Spike was closer to recovery.

For now he realized it was time to feed the vampire, so he forced himself to pull away from the embrace and the trails of fire the vampire's tongue was lighting along his neck. Spike's hands managed to linger on his butt as Xander rolled off the vampire. 

He prayed his mother had not gone on one of her erratic cleaning sprees and cleared out the contents of his mini fridge. She always threw away anything couldn't or didn't want to identify. They were staying in his room tonight because Giles was due back in the morning. The watcher said they were free to use his spare room as long as they needed, but Xander thought he might like some time alone to unwind after his conference.

Xander was a little worried about sleeping with the vampire in his own bed. Spike would not sleep if Xander were more then five inches away from him and at Giles' house, the young man used the excuse of being guests to prevent the vampire from sleeping in the nude. He had no excuse here, and could not find it in his heart to continue to deny Spike the skin contact he seemed to crave. Xander was concerned about where that contact would lead.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Xander dreams

Part Five A

Xander delayed calling Angel as long as he could, waiting until Spike was spending the evening with Giles. When it was almost time for Xander to leave for work, he asked Giles to borrow the telephone, and walked to the back bedroom to talk in private, or almost private, since his ever-present shadow was with him. Spike, knowing exactly what time Xander left for work, became increasingly clingy as the time drew near. 

"Angel, I hope I didn't wake you." Xander was hesitant, not knowing where to start and afraid of what Angel would do to him when he found out what a monster he was. "I wanted to ask you something about this Sire/Childe thing." His voice grew softer until he was barely audible at the end of the sentence. 

Spike was sitting at Xander's feet with his head in the young man's lap as Xander played with his hair. Xander's chest hurt; he did not want to give up Spike. He didn't want to loose his sweet vampire. 

Angel thought Xander sounded like he was about to cry, and tried to sound reassuring. He wondered what was wrong. What would upset the boy so much? Had something happened to his Childe? 

"Xander, you didn't wake me, and you know I'm always willing to answer your questions. The more information you have, the better it is for Will." 

Xander smiled. Only he and Angel called Spike, Will. Angel's first concern was for the well being of his favourite Childe, and Xander knew that to Angel, the vampire would always be *Will*. "Angel, it's um, well, it's" //Great Harris. Keep Dead boy on the phone all night while you babble at him.//. "Angel, how close are a Sire and Childe?" Xander took a deep breath, and forced his real question out. "I mean dotheyenduphavingsex?" 

Spike sensed his Xander's discomfort. He did not understand why, but he knew his Sire needed to be comforted. He knew what comforted him, so he sat on the bed next to Xander and ran his fingers through the young man's hair. "Pet Precious, Pet." He started purring, hoping it would work to make his Sire feel better.

The vampire's obvious attempts to comfort him sent Xander over the edge, and he could no longer hold back his tears. "Angel, I'm so sorry. I'm evil. You need to come here and take him back with you before I hurt Will. I'm sorry. He's so sweet and helpless. I love my Childe. I don't want to hurt him." 

Spike grabbed the telephone. It was evil. It was making his Sire cry. It had to die. "Bad" He threw it against the wall, but the impact hurt the wall more than the phone. "Bad. Bad. Evil. Evil." Spike stomped over to the defenceless inanimate object and crushed it under his boots.

The vampire's actions stopped Xander's tears. He tried not to laugh; kids hated it when you laughed at them, but Will was so cute. "Sweetling, you're a vampire. Remember vampire are evil. They don't smash evil things. They like them."

"Bad phone. Telephone hurt Sire. Bad." Spike shook his finger at the former telephone and stuck his tongue out at it. 

Xander forced himself up from the floor, where he had fallen in reaction to the vampire's antics. "Will, no baby talk remember?" He walked over to the vampire and cupped the blonde head in his hands. "I have to go to work to make money, so we can buy Giles a new telephone."

Spike started to pout; it usually worked to get him whatever he wanted from his Sire. 

Xander sighed, " I have to go to work. " He kissed each blue eye. "Play nice and mind Mr. Giles. If you hurt him, it will set off your implant."

Spike's lower lip began to tremble and he whimpered. Xander closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to the vampire's. "I'll be back as soon as I can Sweetling." And hopefully Angel will have come to take you home by then, he mentally added as he lead the vampire out into Giles' living room.

*******************************************************************************************

He was not surprised to find Angel waiting with Giles when he returned from work, though he was bewildered by the absence of a certain blonde vampire. 

A thunderstorm had been slowly rolling across town for the last hour. Xander hoped Buffy and Riley remembered Spike's recent problems started in a thunderstorm, and did not take him with on patrol tonight. It wasn't a good idea when they didn't know what the thunder might do to the vampire.

"Hey Giles, Angel," He nodded at each man scanning the room with increasing concern. "Where's Blo..." He was cut off before he could finish the question by a charging, peroxide cyclone.

"Sire," Spike cried as he leaped into Xander's arms. The young man, unprepared for the onset, toppled over backwards. As he fell on the floor, a near by clap of thunder rattled the tiny house. "Sire," the distraught vampire sobbed and struggled to nestle into Xander.

Instinctively, Xander pulled his Childe tight against his chest. "Sh, sh, it's alright, Sweetling. Sire's here. I've got you. I'll protect you." He soothed and petted the shivering body in his arms, repeating the reassurances and endearments until Spike quieted down. When he thought the blonde was no longer on the verge of hysterics, he moved them to the couch, pulling Spike into his lap.

Giles watched amazed. Whilst he was at the conference the boy had transformed into a responsible adult. Giles had never seen Xander show such tenderness and attention to another's needs. The boy, man Giles corrected himself was behaving like a parent with a small child, a very loving parent, unlike the abominations Xander's parents were. 

"X-X-Xander, Angel said you called for him to come and take Spike back to Los Angeles," Giles asked, disbelieving the request when he looked at the two intertwined on his sofa, and the effortless way the young man was able to calm the vampire. "I don't think that's a good idea." The watcher finished, pointing to the tightly embraced pair. 

Giles thought of the time he and Angel had spent trying to quiet Spike's desperate wails. They started that evening, using anything that came to mind, when the first distant rumble of thunder set the vampire off. Spike become increasingly agitated as the storm neared, and as the thunder rose in volume, so did his cries. He had finally cried himself into an exhausted sleep shortly before Xander arrived at midnight. 

Xander's actions did not surprise Angel. He knew, that despite what the mortal believed, he was a natural. The man was not born to be a master vampire, but he was born to be a father. 

Angel wondered what set the young man off, until he saw Spike in Xander's lap. The vampire was nuzzling the boy's neck in the least innocent of ways. Angel remember those biting kisses and tickling licks. It was Will's way of announcing that he wanted to have sex, and if Xander didn't get the hint soon... Yep. The blonde's hands were starting to wander. 

It was time to explain the exact nature of the Sire/Childe relationship to the mortal. Angel stood up. "Xander we need to talk." He looked around the apartment and, not seeing any place for a private conversation, said, "Let's take a walk."

The idea of leaving with Angel was greeted with relief by Xander. He would be delighted to leave with anyone now that Spike's hands were exploring area's of his anatomy he did not want to see the light of day. "Sure" 

He moved to rise and Angel held out a hand to help him up, but Xander's Childe had other ideas. 

"Go away." Spike tightly griped the brunette's torso, "My Sire, get your own. Bad man."

The mortal unhooked the vampire's arms, and pulled him around until he could look directly into the blue eyes, "Will, no baby talk remember?" He held the blonde's hands together in his lap. "You don't say 'Go away'. You say 'Sod off! or 'Get bent!,' and it's not 'Bad man.' It's 'Peaches."

"Ac-actually," the Watcher interrupted, "Wanker' or 'Nonce' would be more appropriate." He offered Angel a half smile, but the older vampire was too busy watching the immature demon to notice the watcher's implied apology. 

Will had decided the verbal warning was not strong enough and was currently sticking his tongue out at his true Sire. Angel remembered the gesture as one the younger vampire resorted to when frustrated. He chuckled, and was about to return the gesture when Xander saw what his Childe was doing.

"Will, " he said patiently. "Vampires don't do that. They growl" 

Spike growled at Angel, who was visibly restraining himself from laughter, and when Spike added a "Sod off" for good measure, Xander kissed his forehead and showered him with praise. Spike sneered at Angel in triumph. 

His triumph was short lived, though. Xander shifted the vampire off his lap and rose from the couch. Walking toward the door, he stopped at Will's whimper. 

"Sweetling, I have to go with Angel." The mortal glanced at the older vampire., wondering how to explain to his Childe that he wanted to talk to Angel *alone*. "He's um, he's like, my Sire. I have to go with him."

Will looked up at his Sire, clearly believing he was about to be abandoned. "Bye" he whispered, "love you." He curled up in the corner of the couch and resumed the rocking and toneless humming from earlier that evening.

Angel gasped. Xander glanced at the dark haired vampire, he was paler than normal and trembling slightly. "Oh God, that's what he said that night."

Giles and the young man stared at the vampire in confusion. He saw their befuddlement and explained in a monotone, "Spike and I had a fight. He didn't want me to live him and Drucillia when I answered my Sire's summons's. Darla told me to come alone." He looked down at the shacking blond head, moving toward the younger vampire, but careful no to touch him.

"He kept pushing. Dru and Spike both had nightmares about the trip." Angel ran his hand over his face, lost in the memory and the pain it caused. "It was as if they both knew, they were about to lose their Sire. Spike hadn't stopped for weeks, he demanded I brought them along. I decided to teach him a lesson. A Childe, never demands anything from their Sire. I beat him and chained him up." Angel paused, the memory of his favourite dangling from the wall helpless, covered in his own blood, pleading with Angelus to stay not to abandon his Childer, was fresh as if it happened yesterday. The trembling vampire on the couch told Angel he wasn't the only one in the room who remembered. Will might not remember the event, but he clearly remembered the feeling of abandonment.


"I went to check on him," Angel continued, "shortly before I left, to tell him I ordered the minions to release him the day after I left. To tell him the punishment would be the harshest I'd ever meted out if he followed me. I heard him say it as I was closing the door behind me." Angel sighed and looked directly at Xander, "He was right. It would be a hundred years before he saw me again and even without my soul I wasn't his Sire." 

Xander felt like shit. He remembered what it was like when he was little, and it was time to leave Jesse and return to his house of horrors. He did not want Spike to feel that way. He could not hurt his Childe, but that was the reason he needed to talk to Angel. 

He crouched in front of the rocking vampire. "Will," he placed his hand on the blonde head, "Sweetling, I'm coming back. " Spike stopped humming and looked at his Sire. "I won't be long." Xander continued to pet the soft hair. "The storm's passed over." He glanced at the wall clock. "Look it's almost time for 'East Enders'. Don't you want to find out what happens with Ricky and Biannca?"

Xander had discovered Spike's soap opera addiction survived his head trauma, but he decided that instead of America dramas, the vampire would be better off watching the London based soap. They talked like Spike, he reasoned, and he thought the Mitchells were a great example for the vampire. Grant reminded him of how Spike used to be.

"Oh no, it's horrible! That's the worst possible program the BBC could have sent over here," Giles protested, not wanting to admit his secret delight at the latest of Spike's soap opera addictions. Anything was better than "Passions", and at least "East Enders" sounded like home.

It worked. The watcher's apparent irritation perked up the vampire, who sat up and searched for the remote, and Angel and Xander stepped into the night accompanied by the sounds of the soap's opening credits.

Part Five B

One Month Later


Buffy thought Xander and Spike looked cute together, which she had no hesitancy in repeatedly telling her friend. Being a full time caregiver was changing Xander and Buffy saw it as of the good. Xander was starting to act more grown-uppish. Teaching Spike to be a vampire was the perfect job for Xander. 

Buffy shook herself. She was a slayer. She should not be encouraging evil vampire lessons. Bad Buffy. However, they were so cute together. She glanced over at the Sire and Childe sitting on the floor playing on of their favourite games, "Kill the food." 

Xander decided that even with the chip, Spike needed to learn that humans were a vampire's primary food source. He knew he could not train Spike to attack humans. While the chip was still active each attack would only hurt his Sweetling. He very carefully showed the vampire how to hide and run away from humans while the implant still functioned, but in case the chip came out or was deactivated before Spike's memory returned, Xander wanted him to be prepared. 

After reading up on parenting techniques as well as vampires, he determined modelling was the best method of teaching this specific behaviour. Xander broke out his old action figures, borrowed some of Buffy's fashion dolls, and purchased red nail polish and lipstick.

Using the dolls as human substitutes and the cosmetics as blood, he was ready to begin. He even found a Billy Idol action figure to use as a Spike model. He used Batman for Angel. Every night after they returned from patrol while his Childe was feeding, Xander and Spike played the "Kill the food" game. 

Riley was appalled, and Buffy tried to stop the game until Xander reminded them it might trigger some of Spike's memories. He went on to point out that while Spike might be around forever, he wouldn't, and memory or no memory, the chip was bound to break down and the vampire need to learn what to do when it did. 

In the meantime they played. Buffy laughed as she walked into the front room. Xander and Spike were by the fireplace. Her friend was doing his best imitation of the Englishman's accent and trying to teach his Childe how to "chat up" someone in a bar. He sounded awful, and even Spike was laughing at him.

Xander glared at the vampire and the slayer. "Alright, so accents aren't one of Xander's hidden talents." He resettled Gay Ken and Billy Idol. "Pay attention Sweetling. This is important for you to learn."

Spike looked at the floor trying to hide his snicker, "Yes Sire." He glanced up at the silently laughing Buffy and lost it. 

Xander's "Get bent," did not help matters, and soon the slayer and the vampire were curled up on the floor helplessly laughing. At that point, the irritated brunette noticed Riley sneaking up on his distracted girlfriend. Xander decided it was time for a revenge attack of his own. 

Both men pounced at the same time, and both blondes were pinned to the floor being mercilessly tickled. The vampire's struggles to escape were a lot less enthusiastic than the slayer's. 

After Angel's talk with Xander, the mortal understood vampires had no sexual preferences; everyone was fair game. He knew that the Sire/Childe bond often included sexual relations, and that, for Spike in particular, sex was often a form of reassurance and love. He still could not the erase the images of incest and child rape from his mind. His Sweetling wanted to make love, but Xander would not allow himself to violate his Childe.

Laughing, pinned to the floor with his Sire straddling him, Will did not want to escape. He wanted to be kissed, caressed and taken naked and happy to bed. He did not understand why his Sire never responded to his requests for more kisses and pets, why Precious always left just when he got his hands right were he wanted them, under the stupid layers of clothes and against warm beautiful skin. With his arms pulled above his head and the weight of his Sire on his hips, Will was happy. He opened his eyes and smiled up at the young man.

Xander caught his breath. It was just like his dream. Will was flushed from the tickling, the barest pink on his cheeks. His lips red from his recent feed, hair tousled and eyes sparkling. He was beautiful. 

Xander's chest hurt. This beautiful creature wanted him, Xander Harris. Not because they had interlocking parts, or because he needed to "get off" after slaying. No, Will wanted him. He was smiling and Xander smiled back at his Childe, lowering his head to kiss the cool lips.

It was so soft and nice. Sunnydale was in the middle of one of its endless summer heat waves, when it cooled down to merely stifling at night. Kissing the vampire and feeling his chest pressed against the cool body was like stepping into air-conditioning after working outside all day. Xander relaxed onto his Childe's chest and wondered why he hadn't done this before. 

Suddenly he remembered. Spike was his Childe. He could not do this. It was wrong. He leapt up. "I'm sorry, Sweetling. I'm so sorry." He ran from the room.

Will rolled over and pounded his head into the wooden floor boards. Why! Why did Precious run away? Why didn't his Sire love him? Why was he so bad? 

The repeated banging brought Buffy and Riley out of their own passionate embrace. "I wish those two would just get over it and have sex already, so we don't have to go through this every night." Buffy huffed as she pushed Riley off of her and started to follow Xander.

"Buffy," Riley stopped her. "It's not every night. It's only the second time since Spike lost his memory six weeks ago." He held out the tank top Buffy had been wearing. "And I think he's right." Riley stopped at Buffy's scowl. "Look," he avoided Buffy's glower by addressing floor. " If Xander says it feels like incest to him," Riley returned his gaze to his girlfriend, "then it is for him, no matter what Angel says."

"You're just saying that because you don't like Angel."

A loud bang prevented the solider from replying. The blonde vampire appeared to be attempting to break up the wood floor with his skull, and he almost had it from what Riley could see. "Buffy, put this on and go after Xander. I'll try to stop Spike's," he gestured at the vampire, struggling to figure what he was doing comforting a hostile because he couldn't engage in homosexual acts. His father would personally court-martial him if he knew what Riley was about to do. "I'll stop Spike." 

Riley walked towards the vampire. Spike's repeated pounding had started to break up two boards and splinters were imbedded in his forehead. Riley caught the blonde hair on an upswing. "Hey, that's got to hurt." He pulled until Spike rolled over and faced him. "How about we go to the kitchen?" With that nice linoleum floor, Riley mentally added. "I'll clean you up and get you some more blood."

Great, not only was he easing the path of a homosexual love affair, he was offering a vampire blood. This went way beyond "Don't ask. Don't tell."

Sitting in the kitchen of Angel's abandoned mansion, listening to Spike play with his food, Riley wondered how he ended up in this situation. He smiled as he watched the vampire. Spike had one of the fashion dolls and the Billy Idol doll. "Billy" was chasing "Barbie" around the table with accompanying sound track.

"Help me, Help me, please," a high falsetto voice cried out. 

"Don't worry, little lady. It won't hurt if you don't struggle," answered a deep English voice. 

"Get away from me you mean evil nasty vampire," the falsetto cried with growing hysteria. 

Spike paused to drink from his mug. "But this is what I do. You're helping to continue the species. Your death brings life to vampires everywhere."

Riley started to chuckle when the falsetto relented. "Oh alright, when you put it like that." Barbie Barred her neck to Billy, "Drink your fill, you poor suffering vampire." 

The solider struggled to retain his composure when Angel/Batman swooped down to save the willing victim. "Here I come to save the day," he yodelled. 

Riley guffawed while Billy and Barbie beat the winged adventure off with cries of "No more Nancy-boy hair gel!" and "Get a real job and have some fun, like a real vampire!" 

Riley had to admit, there were some perks to living with Spike. Even if it did mean he was indebted to Angel. The three men were all living rent free in Angel's mansion. All the bills and the food were paid for with the understanding that Spike would be their full time priority. It gave Riley the breathing room he need while the army figured out to do with the few remaining Initiative members. 

Xander finally agreed after Angel reassured him that the mansion was unlikely to trigger "Evil-Angelus-in-Sunnydale, Spike-in-wheelchair," memories for the young vampire. Angel told the concerned mortal that Will and he lived in countless abandon mansions and they all pretty much looked the same. 

Xander was hesitant until they arrived at the mansion and his Childe immediately found the garden, pulling up the flowers and generally wrecking havoc. The brunette knew then that Will would have no problems with their new home.

Xander wandered into the kitchen, his eyes red and his face puffy. Obviously, he was still upset, but his concern for his sweet vampire prevailed over his desire for self-flagellation. He watched the vampire crawl under the table as Xander entered the room. He looks so small and helpless. Staring at Will he asked, "Riley, would you mind if Spike and I talked in private?"

The solider was glad to leave the Sire and Childe; his girlfriend provided much better company. When Riley left the room, Xander crawled under the table. Spike scooted over to the far corner, but the young man did not move. "Will."

The vampire defiantly stuck his chin out. They had made so much progress over the summer. Sometimes, Xander felt like he was with the Old Spike. Then something like this would happen, and he'd be forced to remember a baby demon processed Will's body. It might take another century for Spike to reappear. 

Xander wondered how Angelus could ever leave Will. Even with his soul, he must have known his Childe was not ready to be on his own. The only conclusion he could accept was that Will was turned two hundred years ago, but that Spike's demon did not grow-up until seventy-five years later.

The young man inched closer to the rocking vampire as he pondered how to take care of Will for the next seventy five years. He gently laid his hand on top of the pale one curled around a table leg. "Will?"

Yellow, tear-streaked eyes turned to meet brown ones. "Why don't you love me, Sire?" The appearance of Will's true features stunned the mortal. The baby demon could not control when it emerged. Only the strongest emotions caused Will's face to shift. The vampire was deeply upset.

Xander tugged until his Childe rested against his chest. Will curled his fists in the T-shirt covering his Sire's warm body as Xander wrapped his arms around the vampire. He kissed the blonde hair before resting his chin on Will's head. "Sweetling, I do love you. You will always be my favourite Childe."

"Then why won't you love me," the vampire pouted. One of the things Xander learned over the last six weeks was that Spike's habit of not resting until he got what he wanted, was not a trait he had picked up as a vampire. Rather, it seemed to have carried over from his human life.

The young man sighed into the bleached out hair, which still reminded him of bunny fur, he rubbed his cheek back and forth over the soft locks. Even Devon had been amazed at the texture of the vampire's hair when he helped to cover the roots; he told Xander that they had stopped dyeing Oz's hair because it was beginning to feel like straw. Xander thought it might have something to do with vampire recovery abilities, but he didn't say anything to Devon. 

Xander didn't know what to say. He had tried to explain to Will the reasons that he could not have sex with his Childe, but the demon was too young to understand. All Spike knew was that he wanted more. He saw Buffy and Riley enjoying each other's bodies, and remembered enough about being a vampire to know it was a normal part of the Sire/Childe bond. The vampire also knew that Xander would back away every time he asked for more, he assumed it was his fault.

Spike's memories were returning in small bits and pieces. He remembered being abandoned or cast off by everyone that said they loved him, even the girl with the funny hair who only wanted to go to Paris. He remembered feeling worthless, and his Sire telling him he wasn't the Big Bad, or even the Mostly Annoying. 

When Xander ran off rather than kiss him, the memories flooded Spike's mind. He was unlovable. He started rocking and humming; it was the only way he knew how to comfort himself.

Xander tightened his hold around the vampire's small frame, and settled the vampire more comfortably next to his chest, wrapping his legs around Will's cold ones. He wondered why he never noticed Spike was not only a few inches shorter than the young man, but he was also very slight, almost thin, and he realized he never let himself actually see Spike before. 

Part of it might have been their first meeting, when Xander was introduced as food, but Spike had never hurt him, not even when he had the opportunity. Sure, the vampire called him names and played with his self-doubts, but that was after Xander pushed him towards suicide.

The reason the Spike's comments had hurt so much was that he shared the same humour and sarcasm as the young man. Often the vampire was the only one in the room who laughed at Xander's jokes, and the reverse was also true. Xander remembered at more than one Scooby meeting biting his tongue to keep from laughing and glancing over to see amused azure eyes. 

He missed Spike. He wondered what Spike would have been like if they didn't start out on opposite sides. Now, he was hurting his sweet vampire, something he promised that he would never do. 

The brunette tried to rock and comfort his Childe. His tears falling into the unnaturally light hair as pink tinged tears cooled his warm neck. 

The mortal held his child vampire until the sun rose, when carried the sleeping body to their bedroom. He double-checked the curtains to make sure no light would come through at any point in the day. 

Xander Harris determined he would no longer be the cause of tears in those beautiful blue eyes. He would give his Sweetling exactly what he wanted. He leaned over and placed warm kisses on the vampire's eyelids, nose, and lips just as he did every morning as they went to sleep. 

"I love you Spike and I will love you forever." When they woke up, he intended to show his sweet vampire just how much he loved him.

Little did the mortal know that it was already too late. He was laying down to sleep beside his Will for the last time. As he did every night the vampire sighed, "Sire" and snuggled into the warm embrace, purring.

Part Six

When they woke up, he intended to show his sweet vampire just how much he loved him.

Little did the mortal know that it was already too late. He had laid down to sleep beside his Will for the last time. As he did every night, the vampire sighed, "Sire" and snuggled into the warm embrace purring.

One of the disadvantages of sharing the mansion with Riley was that Buffy came along as part of the deal. Normally, Xander would have thought waking up with Buffy bouncing in his bed was a dream come true, though in his dreams Buffy was not fully clothed with painfully hard shoes. Usually the dreams featured him naked in bed with clothing free Buffy, not him naked in bed with a cold dead... Xander shifted a little, yep, that was what he thought it was, definitely cold dead naked body wrapped around him. He remembered Willow's mother always saying, "Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it," but he hadn't realized that it applied to adolescent wet dreams.

The bouncing Buffy puppy woke the dead, literally. "Oi, Bugger off! The effin' sun hasn't even set yet." 

Buffy tilted her head to the side, "Isn't it funny that he wakes up all Spikey and then goes back to Will after he's had his first mug of blood?" 

Xander was still trying to figure out how to open his eyes, so thinking was out of the question. "Angel said that Will was never an early riser, and sometimes it took an hour to get him going." 

Xander rolled over and pried his eyes open long enough to glance at the bedside clock. "Buffy it's not even noon, why are you awake," he asked, horrified.

"Sunrise sale at the mall. You promised you'd come and get Junior some new clothes." She bounced off the bed while explaining her overly chipper mood. "Come on Xander! The mall's already been open for two hours. We have to get there before everything's gone."

Spike might not be an early riser, but he was more coherent than Xander. "No clothes. Need Sire," he announced, snuggling into the warm body next to him.

"No baby talk," Xander and Buffy automatically instructed the vampire in unison.

"Fuck off. I'm sleeping with MY PRECIOUS." The vampire growled and pulled the young man to the far side of the bed, away from the enthusiastic slayer.

Xander laughed. Buffy was right; the vampire did wake up all Spike. "Will, I'm proud of you for dropping the baby talk." He leaned over and rewarded the blonde with a kiss.

"Umm, nummy Precious," Spike sighed, clearly on his way back to sleep.

Xander struggled to sit up. "I promised Buffy. I have to go." He turned to the slayer; "Can you give me a few minutes?" He glanced down at his Childe and saw the pout forming. "After last night, I still need to... you know?"

Buffy had known the human and the vampire would need some alone time, which was why she bounced into the bedroom two hours before she actually wanted to leave. Well, that and they looked so cute together. "Sure. I'll be in the kitchen watching Riley make breakfast." 

Buffy paused at the door, turning back to the bed to see Xander petting the blonde head now cradled in his lap. He was murmuring endearments and assurances of love. "Xan," she spoke quietly, "I understand." She remembered the young man's tear stained face of the night before. "He just needs to know that you love him and won't abandon him." She paused wondering what the right thing to say was, "Spike's been hurt before, you know? I think he remembers that much." Buffy gave him a Willow smile and closed the door softly behind her.

Xander looked down at his Childe, not sure if he was asleep, or just laying there with his eyes closed. "I do love you. I will always love you, even when you get your memory back. I'm not Angel or Drucillia; I won't abandon you." He stopped carding the blonde hair and leaned down to kiss it. "I won't stop loving you, even when you become the Big Bad again and don't need me or want me."

Spike rolled over and looked up at the young man. He caught one of the tears creeping down his Sire's face. "I'll always need you, Precious. You're my Sire." He licked the tear off his fingertip. Dark eyes and hair, strong arms holding him; he could not remember another Sire, and he didn't want to.

Xander smiled, wondering how much of this sweet creature existed in Spike. He thought about the rare glimpses he had of Spike and Drucillia together. Spike was capable of a wide range of emotions, including unconditional love, something Xander had never known he was capable of until the Big Bad turned into his Sweetling. He wondered if he was telling the truth though. Would he always love Spike or Will?

"I have to go. I promised Buffy. I'll be back as soon as I can." Xander bit his lower lip. He hated leaving Will. "If you can't sleep, Riley will be here. You two can practice fighting." 

The solider hadn't wanted to teach the vampire US Army combat skills, but Xander had pleaded and Buffy put her foot down. If Spike was going to accompany her on patrol, he needed to know what he was doing. Buffy won the argument. She seemed to win all the arguments with Riley.

Xander quietly dressed. Before leaving, he leaned over the bed and kissed cool lips one last time. "I love you Sweetling." He ran his fingers threw the vampire's soft hair. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

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"As soon as he could," turned out to be well after the sun had set. Xander had no idea Buffy was such a power shopper. She was even better at shopping than Cordelia. He'd also had no idea he could carry that many bags and boxes.

"Good you're back. Giles just called," Riley greeted them at the door.

Buffy made a face, really wanting to try that new dress on. "Problems?"

"Big demon problems." Riley was in his follow-orders-with-out-question mind set, and had no time for a Buffy fashion show. "He sounded nervous."

"Giles is never nervous. We'd better go." Buffy cast aside all thoughts of what went with her new shoes and slipped firmly into slayer mode.

Xander carried the bags and boxes to the couch where he unceremoniously dumped all of them. He grabbed Spike's hand. He had his vampire; he was ready to go.

"Big demon problems" turned out to be an understatement. These demons were 10 feet tall, hyper strong, and they just kept coming. Xander wished for the one millionth time since he'd met Buffy that he had super powers.

Then a demon ripped Spike's throat open with a lash of it's tail. Xander stopped thinking and charged. Nobody or nothing was allowed to hurt his Childe. 

Ironically, these demons could only be killed by a metal stake through the eye. Spike greeted the new toy with predicable enthusiasm, his instant affection for his namesake reminding the mortals of who Xander's "sweet little vampire" really was. The efficiency and expertise he handled the weapon with were awe-inspiring, but the maniacal laughter that accompanied the display was horrifying.

This was not Will helping the Slayer, because his Sire wanted to be sure he knew how to fight. This was Spike having a bit of fun.

Xander didn't care either way. It was his Childe and it was time for the demon to die. He attacked the demon who was using its tail to try to sever Spike's head off. After forcing his metal stake almost all the way through the demon's skull, Xander fought off five more. The large monsters had scented the vampire's blood and wanted to finish the job, but they never made it past the enraged man.

When the attacks stopped and he could not see anymore demons, Xander fell to his knees beside Spike. The blood wouldn't stop. The gash cut almost completely around the pale neck, but Xander refused to allow Spike to die.

The human frantically tried to remember what he'd read about vampires and healing, having read everything he could get his hands on after Spike's accident, but it was all a jumbled mess in his mind. Suddenly, he remembered the first thing he learned; he could almost hear Angel's voice. Spike needed blood human blood to start healing.

He placed his wrist over the vampire's mouth. "Bite Sweetling." He raised Will's head with his free hand, "You have to bite me." 

"No." Riley placed his hand on the disparate man's shoulder. "He can't hurt you Xander, not with the implant still active."

The young man turned to look up at his friend. "He can bite me." He gazed down at his Will. "It would hurt me if he died. It won't hurt to save him." 

Xander knew it was no longer a question of whether the vampire could bite or not. Spike was barely conscious and didn't have the strength to break the skin anymore. 

Xander desperately glanced around the area for something sharp enough to open a wound on his arm. He looked at the vampire's hands and the metal stake tightly clutched in the one by his knee, and was glad the vampire had insisted the spikes have razor sharp points. 

Xander's laugh held an edge of hysteria. He was using a spike to save Spike. He hoped it wasn't too late. 

The brunette gritted his teeth and drew the metal across his wrist, pressing down as hard as possible. When he had an open flowing wound, he pressed it to the vampire's lips. Will's eyes fluttered open. "Sire?"

A Childe could not consume his Sire's blood with out permission. "Drink," Xander commanded. "Drink it and heal, my sweet vampire."

Will gulped down the warm liquid. It had been so long; he had forgotten how good it tasted. Soon he was conscious enough to grab the wrist and start sucking the blood from the wound. He'd forgotten the feel of a live heart pumping the blood into his mouth. A beating heart? This can't be my Sire.

Then Spike remembered. He remembered everything: being William the Bloody, lovely Drucillia dancing, Angelus laughing, the slayer taunting him, the chip and the horror of not being able to feed, being trapped in his own crypt under a pile of rubble, losing everything and reverting to the baby he was after first being turned, and through it all a Sire with warm brown eyes and strong arms caring for him, training him with kindness not pain.

Xander. Xander taking care of him. Xander was kissing him. Xander hurt if he dies. It was Xander's, not Angel's, blood in his mouth. It was Xander's heartbeat growing fainter. Spike roared and threw the boy away from him. "Fuck!" He hoped he wasn't too late.

The human was pale and his lips were tinged a oxygen deprived pinkish blue. Spike went to him and cradled the boy in his lap. "Xander? Precious? Stay with me luv. Don't go."

He was so dizzy; he just wanted to sleep. He looked up into the gold eyes starting down at him. "Spike you're back." In spite of his weakness Xander remembered what spent the summer riding around in his rear pocket. "Here" He handed the vampire a pack of Lucky Strikes and a Zippo. "I hope they're the right ones. The brand name reminded me of you."

"Yes, and you're a bloody fool." He reached for the cigarettes, pocketing them without even glancing at them. "Xander, I nearly drained you." Spike forced himself not to shake the boy. He was enraged, but the action might be the death of the mortal. 

Xander's eyes fell shut. "Sorry Spike. I don't want to leave you. You're my favourite Childe." 

The vampire acted quickly. He ripped open his own wrist and let the blood trickle into his Sire's mouth. 

"No," Riley shouted, thinking Spike was turning Xander. He tackled the vampire trying to get him away from the human.

Spike kept his body between the solider and his Precious. He wanted to save the boy, but he couldn't act whilst Riley was in the way. The chip prevented him from shoving Iowa Boy out of the picture. "Slayer please, help me," Spike growled. He hated asking for help. Asking the Slayer for help was deplorable, but he was frightened. The heartbeat that brought back his memory was slowing and growing fainter. Riley tripped the vampire and he landed on the rapidly paling young man. Spike looked at Buffy and pleaded, "Xander might die." 

The young woman heard the desperation in the vampire's voice. She looked at Spike. His memory was back; he looked older and more self-aware. She hesitated, what was he doing? Was he going to turn her friend?

Suddenly, she remembered something Angel told her about vampire's blood. Buffy reacted quickly; she jumped and pinned her boyfriend to the ground. "Spike's blood will keep Xander alive for a short time. It's not enough to turn him." She ripped the cell phone off Riley's belt. "We have to call an ambulance. He'll need a transfusion to live."

She left the solider to alert emergency services and walked over to the vampire. Buffy crouched down next to him, surprised to see tears in the gold eyes. "Spike?" She reached out to touch the vampire, hastily withdrawing her hand when he growled.

"Spike," she tried again in a stern voice. "You have to let him go." She could hear the sirens approaching. "If the paramedics see you, they'll want to examine you." She glanced around at the disarray Riley was attempting cover up. "It's going to be hard enough without trying to explain why you have no pulse."

The vampire stared at the slayer, his face slowly shifting back to it's human form. If Buffy had any doubts about his condition, the visible act of will settled them. Spike controlled his demon's appearance while Will could not. He blinked and gold eyes turned blue. "He loves me."

Buffy sighed. She could see the ambulance rounding the corner. "Yes, he does." She stood up. "Please Spike. Go to the mansion and get cleaned up. I'll call you from the hospital." This time the vampire allowed her to touch him in comfort. "I promise."

********************************************************************************************

Xander Harris was the worst patient the hospital ever had. He'd lost over half the blood in his body. He should have died. Instead, he waited until the final transfusion was complete and instantly left the hospital. He thought it would be easier than sticking around and trying not to answer the doctors' questions.

He passed Buffy and Riley in the hallway, surrounded by medical and law enforcement personal. He figured they had enough experience between them, and could come up with a believable explanation for his blood loss. He had a vampire to see.

Xander was right. Buffy could explain everything, except her friend's sudden disappearance. Therefore she accused the hospital of loosing him. Mentally she cursed herself for letting Xander spend so much time with Spike, since he was obviously teaching the mortal bad habits.

******************************************************************************************

Spike was pacing and smoking, while forcing himself to stay near the telephone. He wanted to start ripping down the walls, but he was afraid that he might disconnect the phone. He stopped when he heard the mansion door open. He heard the heartbeat that comforted him and lulled him to sleep all summer long, a heartbeat he was not sure he would ever hear again.

For the second time in a month Xander was greeted by a "charging peroxide cyclone." This time instead of landing on the floor, he was whisked over to the couch. He laughed when Spike dumped the bags and boxes on the floor, before gently laying Xander on the couch.

"Precious." Spike stroked the boy's face. "Why?"

"I didn't want to lose you."

The vampire gingerly perched on the edge of the couch and took the mortal's hand. He needed to ask, to find out it he heard right or if he was dreaming. Xander laughed before Spike had a chance to open his mouth. 

"Spike, I'm not a doll. I'm not going to break." He tugged the reluctant vampire into his lap. "I just lost a little blood."

"A little blood." The vampire sat up indigent. He wasn't the baby demon anymore. "I'm the Big Bad. I'm back and I'm a full grown vampire." He pointed at human's chest. "I nearly drained you, Peaches."

"Spike you drank my blood; you got better. The nice people at the hospital gave me more blood. No big deal." The vampire was back to his old behaviour. His mind seemed intact. Well, intact for Spike, Xander amended his thought. He tried not to beam like a proud parent. This was Spike, not his Childe, though he still wanted to kiss and hug the vampire. 

The blonde faced the young man and observed the frown line starting to settle on the human's forehead, just like Angel's. What was it about his Sires? Why did they start brooding? He couldn't stop Angel, but he was not about to let Xander start. The human wasn't even dead yet. He kissed the line away and settled back on Xander's chest, right over that delicious heartbeat. "I thought you were going to leave me, Sire."

Xander wrapped his arms around the vampire. Maybe his sweet vampire was still there, underneath or a part of what made Spike Spike. "I promised I'd never leave you."

Spike traced patterns on Xander's chest, enjoying the warm embrace for a few minutes before speaking. "How do you feel?"

"A little tired and incredibly horny."

The vampire sat up startled, blinking at the human in amazement.

"What? I'm a man at my sexual peak, and I've been continuously thinking about making love to you for the past," Xander paused to check his watch, "twenty hours." He looked at the still dumbfounded vampire and gloated. He, Xander Harris, had shocked William the Bloody. Score one for the home team!

"Why not? You're here. I'm here. We're alone in this big mansion with nice comfy beds." He pointed to his chest. "I want you." He pointed to Spike's chest. "You want me." 

The vampire remained silent and immobile and Xander's confidence began to falter. "Do you still want me? Or was that, just a Sire/Childe thing?"

It wasn't a dream. He was loved. Spike growled and scooped up the human, carrying the laughing man back to their bed while Xander covered the vampire's face with kisses.

The End

Coda