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Lily's Little Blog<3

Friday, 26 June 2009

maybe a little more.
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: let me sign -- robert pattinson

So I'm drawn back here for the second time in two days, finding myself attached to something so open that no one could ever know where I put these things. Links removed, hints remain yet somehow I don't know if anyone could really ever find what I'm saying.

I'll take this as a chance to put out everything that should mean nothing to me.. as I sit here I can remember dreams from last night, the image floods through my head again and again. But how can I confuse them? I know the feeling around them is so much of the same, yet they are two completely different people. I saw him again. He walked past me in a group of two or three other people, faced blurred just as my memory of our last passing. He smiled at me as I walked past, face as blank as ever, watching as if I knew it weren't real. What is this supposed to mean? Perhaps my subconscious recognizes them as the same, yet consciously I feel completely different about each of them. 

And sometimes I can still remember that night. There was so much yelling, so much screaming and tears everywhere. All I remember is crashing into his bookcase, collapsing to the floor without a sound at all. I can remember such anger in his eyes, an anger so dangerous I knew I'd never seen anything like it. And I knew I'd try so hard to prevent from seeing it again. I remember how much it hurt, I could feel it, even after I managed to leave.... And the more I think about it, I remember other times, too. I remember that night. As dark and silent as the deepest pits of Hell, it was as if everything I knew and trusted had completely turned inside out. Even though the most beautiful thing came of it, I still can somehow find it in me to never forget just how terrible it really was.... and the bruises remain. It felt as if that time would never end, it was just a useless, unchanging cycle of violence and tears; and somehow I can forget about it as if it were someone else. But still, the memories remain..... 

Sometimes I think if I write things down I can get them out.. and never have to worry about them again. Most of the time it helps.

 Lily.

 

 


Posted by fang/child_of_darkness at 11:20 AM EDT
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