The One With The Tongue Ring
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Summary: Tara comes back to life. Willow ditches Kennedy and goes back to Tara-big-tits. Kennedy commits suicide, thinking it will get her more attention.
Rating: Somewhere between PG-13 and R.
Disclaimers: Everything belongs to Joss Whedon and ME.
A/N:This is my first fic that isn't about Buffy and Angel or Spuffy. And it's a parody fic.
~*~*~*~*~
"Hi Willow. I'm back," the resurrected Tara said calmly. Willow gaped at her long lost lesbian love.
"Tara? You're dead!" Willow exclaimed oh-so smoothly.
"Nope, not anymore! I-I-I-I-I'm back for good!" Tara said.
Kennedy watched the scene that was being played out before her in horror. She glared at the once dead witch. "So you're the famous Tara." she said in that annoying, bratty way she always talks.
Tara shifted her gaze to Kennedy and scowled, "And you are?"
Kennedy stood proudly next to Willow, "I'm Kennedy. I'm Willow's current, much prettier, tongue-pierced lover!"
Willow shook her head, "You were. And you aren't prettier than Tara. Anyway, I'm ditching you for Tara, the love of my life. Besides, the sex is much better."
Kennedy's jaw dropped, "But, I thought that with my sexy tongue-ring-"
"Oh please. It just feels all weird!" Willow interupted.
Kennedy went to plop down on a chair but Tara, seeing what she was about to do, magickally pulled the chair away so Kennedy ended up landing flat on her ass. She pouted and Willow and Tara laughed.
"Why are you doing this Willow?" Kennedy asked the redheaded witch.
"Because you suck." Willow explained, taking Tara's hand in hers and walking out of the room.
Kennedy suffered from a broken heart, so she decided to commit suicide. Then, Willow would realize how much she loved her and resurect her. So, Kennedy had to decide how she would die. She could O.D., she could stab herself or she could shoot herself.
Since Kennedy was very stupid, she picked up a butter knife and stabbed herself in the stomach. Then she picked up a gun that just happened to be there and shot herself as well.
Quickly, before she bled to death, Kennedy swallowed an entire bottle of pills.
Then, knowing she did not have much time left, she ran outside and into the street where she got hit by a car.
The driver of the car stopped and got out, prepared to help the victim of his car in any way possible. But then he saw Kennedy sprawled out in the middle of the road. The man got shivers down his spine and left Kennedy there.
Kennedy was finally dead! And there was much rejoicing.
~*~
"Hey Willow, I just heard that Kennedy died. Sorry for your loss," Buffy said, walking into Willow's bedroom where her and Tara were making love. Of course, Buffy didn't knock, to know if it was a bad time.
Willow looked up at Buffy. "Nah. Don't be sorry. Kennedy was a mistake. I never really liked her anyway," she said.
"Okay then." Buffy said, leaving the room and letting Willow and Tara get back to their love making.
~*~
At Kennedy's funeral nobody even showed up. Turns out her parents hated her and were glad she was dead.
Willow refused to do a resurrection spell on Kennedy for two reasons. One was that she didn't want Kennedy to come back and two was that Kennedy's death wasn't mystical, so she couldn't be brought back anyway.
Kennedy didn't know that. Cuz she's dumb.
So, in the afterlife, Kennedy suffered from a mental breakdown. But she did learn a lesson about herself : she was all talk and tongue ring.
As a ghost, Kennedy was was doomed to kill herself over and over and over and over again.
And again, there was much rejoicing.
