UGLY
(This is not meant to hurt anyone, it's all in fun)
You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank
they turn off the cameras.
If ugliness were bricks, you would be the
Great Wall Of China.
Your so ugly that when Hanibal Lecter sees you he runs.
If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the
gas chamber.
You were so ugly at birth, your parents
named you Shit Happens.
You're so ugly, you could model for death
threats.
You're so ugly, when you were born they
put tinted windows on your incubator.
You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on
your mirror.
You're so ugly you have to sneak up on a glass to get a drink of water.
You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand
the cats try to bury you.
You're so ugly, your doctor is a vet.
You're so ugly, when you were born the
doctor took one look at you and slapped
your parents.
You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of
the car window and got arrested for
mooning.
You're girl is so ugly, you gave her a hickey
and got a mouthful of fur.
You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat
by phone.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into
labour your father went into shock.
I know why you look like a horse, because I
saw your mother grazing in the field.
You're the reason our kids are so ugly.
You're so ugly, you can sink your face in
dough and make monster cookies.
You're so ugly, they call you Taco Bell,
when people see you they run for the border.
You're so ugly, you make onions cry.
You're so ugly, the tide wouldn't bring you in.
You're so ugly, I took you to see the zoo and the zookeeper said, "Thanks for bringing him back."
You're so ugly, your mother had to get drunk
before she breast fed you.
You're so ugly, you went to a freak show and
got a permanent job.
You're so ugly, the police sketch artists are
afraid to draw you.
You're so ugly, when you get sick they call
the vet.
You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.
You're so ugly, farmers use your picture as
a scarecrow.
You're so ugly, everytime you go out you get
chased by the dog catcher.
You're so ugly, you can't hail a bus.
You're so ugly, you give Freddy Kruegger
nightmares.
You're so ugly, they let you park in
handicapped spaces.
You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang
it didn't come back.
You're so ugly, when you went to the zoo
they refused to let you out.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into
labour the doctors went on strike.
You're so ugly, your last name is Link and
your first is Missing.
You're so ugly, people put your picture in
their car window as an anti-theft device.
You're so ugly, that you can turn milk into
yogurt, just by looking at it.
"I was so ugly when I was a kid, I worked in a pet shop and people kept
asking the owner how big I'd get."
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