Warren: Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.: I did.
Warren: What the hell for, man?
A.J.: I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.
Gina: Attention Rex Manning fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by night manager Lucas. This young man will be caught, deep fried in a vat of hot oil and served to our first hundred customers. Just another tasty treat from the gang at Empire Records.
I don't like children. They smell like TV. -- Lawn Dogs
Guys, if I don't bleed to death pretty soon, I'm gonna die of boredom.
-- Suicide Kings
Wanted: friendly, companionably reclusive, socially unacceptable,
alcoholically abstemious, tirelessly talkative, zealously unzealous,
spiritually intense, minimally turquoise, maximally ecstatic moon,
seeks moth or moths with similar qualities for purposes of telephonic
seduction, Tristanesque trip-taking, and permanent flame-fluttering, no
photos required, financial status immaterial, all ages and
non-competitive vocations considered, applicants should furnish sets of
sample conversation with notarized certification of marital
disinclination, references re: low decibel vocal consistency, itinerary
and sample receipts from previous successfully completed out-of-town
moth flights, all submissions treated confidentially... -- Thirty Two
Short Films About Glenn Gould
Kanzen Inukai: Kagemaru!
[Kagemaru drops down from a hatch in the ceiling]
Kagemaru: Hai!
Kanzen Inukai: You don't have to enter through the ceiling, you know.
Kagemaru: I'm sorry, but as an old ninja, I don't really know how to
enter from anywhere else. -- SF: Episode One
Little latin boy in drag, why are you crying? -- To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar
Alex: To be brutally honest, I think you have a morbid desire to burn in hell.
Inignot: Hello, Carl, I am Inignot and this is Err.
Err: I am Err.
Inignot: We are Mooninites from the inner core of the moon.
Err: You said it right.
Inignot: Our race is hundred of years beyond yours.
Err: Man, you hear what he's saying?
Inignot: Some would say that the Earth is our moon.
Err: We're the moon.
Inignot: But that would belittle the name of our moon, which is: The Moon.
Err: Point is: we're at the center, not you.
Carl: No, the real point is: I don't give a damn.
Dr. Weird: Gentlemen. If I cut my own head off with sufficient force, the blood will rocket out my neck and propel my body to Phoenix.
Steve: Um, what's in Phoenix?
Dr. Weird: Your momma's in Phoenix, Steve. Now get my axe.
Demonic voice: It is the Broodwich. The most evil sandwich ever created. Forged in darkness from wheat harvested in hell's half acre. Baked by Beelzebub. Slathered with mayonnaise beaten from the evil eggs of dark chicken force-fed to dogs by the hands of a one eyed mad man. Cheese boiled from the rancid teat of fanged cow. Layered with 666 separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood.
Eddie: I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. I'm my own entourage!
Tom Servo: What do you think the lesson of the movie was?
Crow: Don't watch it.
Crow: I have my doubts that this movie is actually "starring" anybody. More like "camera is generally pointed at."
Tom Servo: Well whaddaya know, a random citizen who can kick a werewolf's ass.
Want to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out a window.
If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation...?
Intel has announced its next chip: the Repentium.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_|
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
The NeXT Computer: The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a workstation, the unit sales makes it a mainframe.
What goes up must come down. Ask any system administrator.
Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?
- "Tell me, how did you find America?"
"Turn left at Greenland."
- "The older generation are leading this country to galloping ruin!"
- "What do you mean, I'm funny?...You mean the way I talk? What?...Funny how? I mean, what's funny about it?...But I'm funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to f--kin' amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How'm I funny??...How the f--k am I funny? What the f--k is so funny about me? Tell me? Tell me what's funny!..."
- "They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God."
- "Hold it. The next man makes a move, the nigger gets it."
- "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain ... the ... Great ... er ... Oz has spoken."
- "Badges? We don't need no stinking badges."
- "I don't mind if you don't like my manners. I don't like them myself. They're pretty bad. I grieve over them long winter evenings."
---
- LOKI
Let it never be said that your anal retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results.
-JAY
(yelling up)
Beautiful, naked, big-titted women don't just fall from the sky, you know!!
-RUFUS
Death is a worry of the living. The dead only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.
-BETHANY
What have I seen that you've been involved with?
SERENDIPITY
Off the top of my head - everything. Well almost everything. For example: I'm responsible for nine of the ten top grossing films of all time.
BETHANY
Nine?
SERENDIPITY
The one about the kid, by himself in his house; burglars trying to get in and he fights them off?
(Bethany nods)
I had nothing to do with that one. Somebody sold their soul to Satan to get the grosses up on that piece of shit.
-AZRAEL
(getting up)
Bullshit. What are you trying to do, Serendipity - get the guy killed? Now who's the fucking child? What did you tell him - to hit me with the golf club? Are you serious? I'm a fucking demon, and you'd have him assault me with athletic equipment?
---
"What part of your mom don't you understand?"
--Ken Levin
Frink analyses the contents of a 'Flaming Moe'.
Frink: Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is... Love!? Who's been screwing with this thing?
Lisa asks to be restored to her former size.
Lisa: Listen, I can take care of everything, all you have to do is unshrink me.
Microscopic Frink: Unshrink you? Well that would require some sort of a Rebigulator which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle... but aaahh, but not at you O holiest of Gods with the wrathfulness and the vengeance and the bloodrain and the 'hey hey hey it hurts me'
Chief Wiggum and Frink try to track a radio signal
Wiggum: Hey, I got nothing. How about you Frinky?
Frink: I have captured the signal and I am presently triangulating the vectors and compressing the data down in order to express it as a function of my hand. They're over there.
---
[Simpsons blackboard gags.]
I will not instigate revolution
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
I am not licensed to do anything
My butt does not deserve a website
"The President did it" is not an excuse
My suspension was not "mutual"
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
I will not surprise the incontinent
The nurse is not dealing
Science class should not end in tragedy
Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
The hamster did not have "a full life"
---
Four Yorkshiremen
Eric Idle: Very passable, isn't it? Very passable.
All: Right, all right.
Graham Chapman: Good glass of Chateau de Chasselet, ain't just that, sire?
Terry Jones: Oh, you're right there, Obadiah.
Graham Chapman: Right.
Eric Idle: Who would have thought, thirty years ago, we'd all be sitting here drinking Chateau de Chaselet, eh?
All: Aye, aye.
Michael Palin: Them days we were glad to have the price of a cup of tea.
Graham Chapman: Right! A cup of cold tea!
Michael Palin: Right!
Eric Idle: Without milk or sugar!
Terry Jones: Or tea!
Michael Palin: In a cracked cup and all.
Eric Idle: Oh, we never used to have a cup! We used to have to drink out of a rolled-up newspaper!
Graham Chapman: The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
Terry Jones: But you know, we were happy in those days, although we were poor.
Michael Palin: Because we were poor!
Terry Jones: Right!
Michael Palin: My old dad used to say to me: "Money doesn't bring you happiness, son!"
Eric Idle: He was right!
Michael Palin: Right!
Eric Idle: I was happier then and I had nothing! We used to live in this tiny old tumbled-down house with great big holes in the roof.
Graham Chapman: House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, half the floor was missing, we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of falling.
Terry Jones: You were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in the corridor!
Michael Palin: Oh, we used to dream of living in a corridor! Would have been a palace to us! We used to live in an old watertank on a rubbish tip. We'd all woke up every morning by having a load of rotten fish dumped all over us! House, huh!
Eric Idle: Well, when I say a house, it was just a hole in the ground, covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us!
Graham Chapman: We were evicted from our hole in the ground. We had to go and live in a lake!
Terry Jones: You were lucky to have a lake! There were 150 of us living in a shoebox in the middle of the road!
Michael Palin: A cardboard box?
Terry Jones: Aye!
Michael Palin: You were lucky! We lived for three months in a rolled-up newspaper in a septic tank! We used to have to get up every morning, at six o'clock and clean the newspaper, go to work down the mill, fourteen hours a day, week in, week out, for six pence a week, and when we got home, our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!
Graham Chapman: Luxury! We used to have to get up out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work twenty hours a day at mill, for two pence a month, come home, and dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
Terry Jones: Well, of course, we had it tough! We used to have to get up out of the shoebox in the middle of the night, and lick the road clean with our tongues! We had to eat half a handful of freezing cold gravel, work twenty-four hours a day at mill for four pence every six years, and when we got home, our dad would slice us in two with a breadknife!
Eric Idle: Right! I had to get up in the morning, at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay millowner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our dad would kill us and dance about on our graves, singing Hallelujah!
Michael Palin: Aah. And you trying to tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you!
All: No, no they won't!
---
The Hungarian Phrasebook Sketch
A Hungarian tourist (John Cleese) approaches the clerk (Terry Jones). The tourist is reading haltingly from a phrase book.
Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
Clerk: Sorry?
Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
Clerk: Uh, no, no, no. This is a tobacconist's.
Hungarian: Ah! I will not buy this tobacconist's, it is scratched.
Clerk: No, no, no, no. Tobacco... um... cigarettes (holds up a pack).
Hungarian: Ya! See-gar-ets! Ya! Uh... My hovercraft is full of eels.
Clerk: Sorry?
Hungarian: My hovercraft (pantomimes puffing a cigarette)... is full of eels (pretends to strike a match).
Clerk: Ahh, matches!
Hungarian: Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Do you waaaaant... do you waaaaaant... to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?
Clerk: Here, I don't think you're using that thing right.
Hungarian: You great poof.
Clerk: That'll be six and six, please.
Hungarian: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I... I am no longer infected.
Clerk: Uh, may I, uh... (takes phrase book, flips through it)... Costs six and six... ah, here we are. (speaks weird Hungarian-sounding words. Hungarian punches the clerk.)
(Meanwhile, a policeman (Graham Chapman) on a quiet street cups his ear as if hearing a cry of distress. He sprints for many blocks and finally enters the tobacconist's.)
Cop: What's going on here then?
Hungarian: Ah. You have beautiful thighs.
Cop: (looks down at himself) WHAT?!?
Clerk: He hit me!
Hungarian: Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait 'til lunchtime. (points at clerk)
Cop: RIGHT!!! (drags Hungarian away by the arm)
Hungarian: (indignantly) My nipples explode with delight!
---
The Holy Grail
MORTICIAN:Bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead!
[clang] Bring out your dead!
[clang] Bring out your dead!
[clang] Bring out your dead!
[clang] Bring out your dead!
CUSTOMER: Here's one -- nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
MORTICIAN: What?
CUSTOMER: Nothing -- here's your nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
MORTICIAN: Here -- he says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not!
MORTICIAN: He isn't.
CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER: No, you're not -- you'll be stone dead in a moment.
MORTICIAN: Oh, I can't take him like that -- it's against regulations.
DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go in the cart!
CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.
MORTICIAN: I can't take him...
DEAD PERSON: I feel fine!
CUSTOMER: Oh, do us a favor...
MORTICIAN: I can't.
CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
MORTICIAN: Naaah, I got to go on to Robinson's -- they've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER: Well, when is your next round?
MORTICIAN: Thursday.
DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look, isn't there something you can do?
DEAD PERSON: I feel happy... I feel happy. [whop]
CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.
MORTICIAN: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
CUSTOMER: Right.
---
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your king!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
---
BLACK KNIGHT: Come 'ere!
ARTHUR: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible!
ARTHUR: You're a loony.
---
NARRATOR: The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King Arthur's knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow: Sir Launcelot the Brave; Sir Galahad the Pure; and Sir Robin the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Launcelot who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor,who had nearly stood up to the viscious Chicken of Bristol and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill; and the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries, the Knights of the Round Table.
---
GOD: Arthur! Arthur, King of the Britons! Oh, don't grovel! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
ARTHUR: Sorry!!
GOD: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'. What are you doing now!?
ARTHUR: I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord.
GOD: Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms -- they're so depressing. Now knock it off!
ARTHUR: Yes, Lord.
---
NARRATOR: In the frozen land of Nador they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. And there was much rejoicing.
ALL: Yay!
---
ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?
TIM: It is the rabbit!
ARTHUR: You silly sod! You got us all worked up!
TIM: Well, that's no ordinary bunny. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.
ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer!
GALAHAD: Get stuffed!!!
TIM: It'll do you up a treat, mate!
GALAHAD: Oh yeah??
ROBIN: You mangy Scot's git!
TIM: I'm warning you!
ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?
TIM: He's got huge, sharp-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!
TIM: Look!
[squeak]
BORS: Aaaugh!
[chord]
ARTHUR: Jesus Christ!
TIM: I warned you!
ROBIN: I done it again!
TIM: I warned you! But did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same, I always--
ARTHUR: Oh, shut up!
TIM: --But do they listen to me?--
ARTHUR: Right!
TIM: -Oh, no--
KNIGHTS: Charge!
[squeak squeak]
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh! etc.
KNIGHTS: Run away! Run away!
---
'And it came to pass that Saint Victor was taken from this place to another place. Where he was lain to rest himself amongst sheets of muslin and velvet.
And there stroked was he by maidens of the Orient.
For sixteen days and nights stroked they him, yea verily and caressed him.
His hair, ruffled they. And their fingers rubbethed they in oil of olives, and ranneth them across all parts of his body for as much as to soothe him.
And the soles of his feet licked they. And the upper parts of his thigh did they anoint with the balm of forbidden trees.
And with the teeth of their mouths, nibbled they the pointed bits at the top of his ears. Yea verily, and did their tongues thereof make themselves acquainted with his most secret places.
For fifteen days and nights did Victor withstand these maidens, until he cried out, saying: 'This...is fantastic! Oh...this is *terrific*!!*'
And the Lord did hear the cry of Victor. And verily came He down and slew the maidens. And caused their cottonwool bugs to blow away, and their Kleenex to be laid waste utterly.
And Victor, in his anguish, cried out that the Lord was a rotten bastard.
So the Lord sent an angel to comfort Victor for the weekend.
And entered they together the jacuzzi.'
Here endeth the lesson.
---
Homer: Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
Homer: Awww... 20 dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo hoo!
Marge: [writing] The magic of the season has touched us all.
Homer: Marge, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet?
Marge: [writing] Homer sends his love.
-- Marge writes the family Christmas letter,
``Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire''
Dasher... Dancer... Prancer... Nixon...
-- Homer lists Santa's reindeer, ``Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire''
Sign at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
VISITORS WILL BE *SHOT*
Bart: "Won't you help a poor blind boy -- hey you in the hat! I'm talking to you."
[later, Marge has finished many drinks]
"I'd like to visit that Long Island place ... if only it were real."
Homer: Dog for sale! Dog for sale!
Hibbert: How much for the dog?
Homer: Oh, he's not for sale.
Homer: Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! [kids bewildered] Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous.
Lisa: Why don't you go see Grampa?
Bart: What can do?
Lisa: He'll give you good advice. He's the toughest Simpson alive.
Bart: He is?
Lisa: Yeah, remember the fight he put up when we put him in the home?
Homer: Everybody ready?
Bart: I hate this. I don't want to go.
Homer: That's the spirit!
Marge: Bart, assume the position.
Bart: [turns and leans against the wall, legs spread]
Marge: [frisks Bart]
-- Leaving for church
Homer: The first meeting of Hell's Satans is called to order.
Ned: I move we reconsider our club name. Make it something a
little less blasphemous. After all, [chuckles] we don't
want to go to Hell.
Lenny: How about the Devil's Pals?
Ned: No.
Moe: The Christ Punchers.
Ned: The Christ ... I, I don't think you understand my
objection.
% The newly-christened gang rides around town. Homer is on his red
% Harley, while Moe has finally resurrected his old motorcycle. (Or
% maybe not -- it still trails a cloud of black smoke.) Carl has a
% yellow scooter he rented from Hertz. Flanders is on a child's
% bicycle. [*cha-ching!*] Lenny brings up the rear in a riding mower.
Waiter: Ahoy! I spy the children's menu!
Bart: Ahoy! This place bites!
Marge: Bart!
-- A visit to the Rusty Barnacle
Homer: And, I made reservations at Chez [pron. /chez/] Paree!
Marge: Oh, but Homer, that's expensive!
Homer: It matters not, mon frere!
-- A night on the town with the boys?
TV host: Okay, the capital of North Dakota was named for what German ruler?
Homer: Hitler!
Marge: [coming in with food] Hitler, North Dakota?
-- watching "Grade School Challenge"
Bart: Do it again!
House: What?
Bart: Make the walls bleed.
House: No!
Bart: Hey, man, we own you. Let's see some blood!
House: I don't have to entertain *you*.
Bart: Come on, man, do it. Do the blood thing. Come on, do it.
Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!
-- Bart talks to the "Bad Dream House" in "Treehouse of Horror"
Mrs. Lovejoy: Honey, wake up. Honey, it sounds like Ned Flanders is having some sort of crisis.
Rev. Lovejoy: Oh. Probably stepped on a worm...
-- Flanders calls in the middle of the night, "Dead Putting Society"
* Destroy All Violent People
* Death Isn't Funny Anymore
-- Protest signs against Itchy & Scratchy, "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
Barney: Hey, Homer, you're late for English!
Homer: Pffft, English. Who needs that. I'm never going to England.
-- "The Way We Was"
"I like big words and I can not lie..."
--Kara, imitating Sir Mix-a-lot
"Ah, yes, setting people on fire. Lacks subtlety, but always a crowd
pleaser."
--Kim, responding to a possible method of victory
"No, Conor, I don't know where to obtain a small tactical nuclear device."
--Kara, responding to Conor trying to obtain unusual merchandise
"And besides, it's very important for fairytale children/animals to lose
their parents, so that they can strike out in the world and become plucky
orphans."
--Kim, during a discussion on Bambi and related things
"You're forgiven for not being a vivacious F-cup. I like you anyway."
--Bob, dispensing mercy
"I'm not drugs, I'm Kevin!"
--Kevin, rebutting someone else's 'Just Say No To Kevin.'
"It fell in the custard and it's still unscathed - it must be magical!"
--TJ, MST3King Supergirl
"I like waking up in the morning and talking to my roommate. I just don't
like falling asleep listening to her having sex. It's kind of like
peaceful ocean sounds, only not."
--Rachel, pining for a single
"I felt violated but I don't know the Thai to tell someone to stop
masturbating when he's driving."
--From an overseas friend
*loading a shotgun* "As I always said, live and learn. I'll live and they'll learn."
-- the Drew Carey Show
"My fish smells like Bounce!"
-- Gloria, teaching the fine art of being a bagger
"No Trespassing. Survivors will be prosecuted."
"My Spam has moved beyond annoying and into the realm of the surreal."
-- Penny Arcade
"If true happiness can only be achieved through a state of nothingness, you're going down the right path."
Angelfire 404
"Great, now you've done it. You've broken the internet. Way to go!"
Another Angelfire 404
"Hahaha! You'll never figure out who this is! You'll never figure out that this is Manny!- Oh shit!"
Manny, who isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer
"Happy Birthday. You's a ho."
Written by Wayne in Maggie's planner on her birthday
"You're not going to get it back! Ow! Yes, you are!"
Brandon, who had the top to Maggie's pen
"Jesus died for someone's sins...but not mine."
Amy
"Are you trying to kill me?!!"
"With the White Out?"
Maggie's throwing White Out at God
"My sexual preference is not you."
God's shirt wins
"John's like a Disney movie: a song for every situation."
Ms. Smith
"In the name of God, ::smack!::"
Yeah, Mr Marr was talking about the way kids get beat up and shit in catholic schools.
"I need you to tell the freshmen that i'm hard as hell and a bitch."
Ms. Griffin doesn't want many students in her classes next year.
"And he's running around like a chicken with his legs cut off!"
"...his legs?"
"Yeah, legs."
"...you mean head? You can't run without legs."
"...Whose classroom is this?"
Savino and some random student
"If enough children around their world could just believe, Lenin would get his wings back." -Misha
Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN!"
~Calvin [c&h]
"Oh, shit. I'm forced to side with France on something."
"Hey, Mr. President. When even the Germans don't want to fight, take the fucking hint."
aa4785: okay... so we report to the Alcove that the Bickering Baseball Cohistorians spent forty five minutes arguing because we misunderstood what we were arguing about?
I lived in Eastern Europe. How could I not get raped by Mongols?
-Leonid
"Epistemological Denotation Warning:
The consumer must understand that due to the a-priori impossibility of assuring a shared denotation amongst independent agents, none of the advertising material, product literature, instructions, or safety warnings (including this one), associated with this product may contain what the consumer perceives to be factual information."
SAM: "I'm Sam. He's Max. We fight crime."
MAX: "And we like long walks along the beach."
"That's the most disgusting bathroom I've ever seen! Don't you ever clean it?!"
"We tried, but the bacteria ate our sponge."
-- the Drew Carey Show
"No, she is the Undead!"
"She's alive?!"
"No! She is Nosferatu!"
"She's Italian!?"
° Dracula: Dead and Loving It
"I'm Chaos and he's Mayhem. We're a double act."
° Lethal Weapon III
"Sir! are you classified as human?"
"No! I'm a... meat popsicle!"
° The Fifth Element
"Whoa!! You're shooting a gun at your imaginary friend, who is standing in front of a van loaded with 400lbs of nitroglycerin!"
° Fight Club
"I think we better split up."
"Good idea. We can do more damage that way."
° Ghostbusters
TheSupremeSoviet: An unsuspecting slice of pie has somehow migrated into my room, and now the hunter keeps to slow movments as not to frighten his prey
TheSupremeSoviet: slowly, he gains the pie's trust and before the peice of pie know what hit it: BAM! Bluebarries everyware and the hunter feasts on the carcess, devoring the pie whole
MindInLimbo: i knew you were just using me for my body! Hmph!
"Hand me my wallet"
"Which one is yours?"
"Its the one that says 'bad-ass motherfucker'."
-Pulp Fiction-
"I believe that every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
--Neil Armstrong
Bacon Good For You, Reports Best Scientist Ever
ROCHESTER, MN -- Bacon, long believed to contribute to heart disease and obesity, possesses significant health benefits, according to a study released Monday by Dr. Albert Gruber, the best scientist ever. "My research has found that three strips of crispy, mouthwatering bacon every morning can actually reduce cholesterol and help slow the aging process," the awesome Gruber said. "What's more, the bacon's positive effects are enhanced when combined with milk shakes and/or marijuana." In 1997, Gruber, a Mayo Clinic cardiologist, was awarded nine Nobel Prizes in Medicine for discovering that frequent oral sex with models cures cancer.
A Loud Smile: Watch your mouth.. er, fingers
The great hero Kikkoman!
Soy sauce makes the difference
Pour it, taste it, be amazed!
Restaurants are no match to him
Take his blow the "Kikko-punch"!
(Eat sunny-side up with soysauce!)
Show me Show you Kikkoman Kikkoman
Show me Show you Kikkoman!
The Star of Soy has sent him here
The cool guy called Kikkoman!
Try soy sauce and be healthy
Did you know that it kills germs!
Sauce? Ketchup? Nonsense!
Vanish them with "Kikko Beam"!
I said eat eggs with soysauce, idiot!
Show me Show you Kikkoman Kikkoman
Show me Show you Kikkoman!
Alright!
This is your brain:BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
This is your brain on drugs: bweheheheheeeeee???????
"Normally both your asses would be dead as fuckin fried chicken but you caught me in a transitional period"
"Ok we all gonna be cool, we all gonna be like the Fonz"
“There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the U. S. and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos and entertainers. Their Satanic music jazz and swing, result from marijuana usage. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers and any others.”
-- Harry Anslinger
Emperor Nick IX: omfg a swimn chat
Bastet0330: omfg I am creaming my panties because there's a swimn chat
Leading causes of death among Sea-Monkeys
9% Spillage
10% Slain for pelts
11% Fall from castle tower
22% Pipe-smoking-related emphysema
20% Insufficient return postage
17% Introduction of Kool-Aid into water supply.
6% Cat.
5% Microwave.
TroubledLupine (2:23:35 PM): LOL...we're trying to decide what it's look like if Curtis taugh sex ed
MagicBlackbird (2:23:42 PM): LOL
MagicBlackbird (2:23:46 PM): Tell>
TroubledLupine (2:23:56 PM): "Now...when you want a kid, you put your little meep in the girl's poomhole"
TroubledLupine (2:24:06 PM): And curt's like trying to demonstrate with action figures
I come first. You wait. I'll let you know when. Don't rush me. "For gods' sake, give me my space man!!!!!!!!!!
[Who are you talking to?]
....
and caring, then turn, turn and give you the cold, cold - shoulder(and then some!!!!!!!!!!!!). Ha Ha Ha BITCH!!!!!!!!!!
[This very special "What the Fuck?" moment was brought to you by the makers of Prozac.]
**********
I'm not a bitch, I just specialize in pissing people off!
[Any fool acts like a parrot can annoy you. You've got to do better than this. I've been more pissed off at lampshades.]
**********
One Liner:
When Life thinks it has you down, kick it in the groin and laugh.
[I think Life wears a cup.]
**********
i hate people who think there better then everyone.
[We hate you back.]
**********
I refuse to let myself be marked as my husband's property.
[I think they stopped the mandatory branding last year.]
**********
..he didn't say shit..he didn't say yes..he didn't say no.."I surprised him"...well..it was over after that.
[It was over BEFORE that. It takes that long for light to get to your planet.]
***********
"I would... mmmmmm.
[You'd think that was an orgasm, but it's the sound of her brain short-circuiting.]"
***********
One Liner:
My dick has more mass than a cathedral!
["Contents measured by weight, not volume; some settling may occur." That explains why the fucker's so short.]
***********
...no one ever could tell me how to go on, and no one ever will come through my way.
If I wanna put a tree to the Mars, I´ll do it.
[You think this would make more sense in German?]
************
He is now divorced. I fell hard for a single guy, who was determined to marry another woman who had dumped him. I did him anyway, but he eventually persuaded his dream woman to wed. A year later he was back in town saying it was all wrong, that he had never forgotten me, could we be "secret" friends? I slept with him again. Six months later, he was divorced. He now lives across the country and has a girlfriend, but will be visiting next month.
[Welcome to another episode of "The Elderly and Promiscuous."]
************
My prayers hath fallen to deaf ears. But not to fear- I hath gone to the shop (a local satanic giftshop in Vermont)
[I have long suspected that Vermont was the vortex of evil.]
************
because i use them skrow them and brouse them
[Let's just make up verbs. Snickerydong!]
************
..do i look intrested? NO... Oh you mistook that laugh as flirting sorry i was making fun of your face.
[Look, asking you to move is not the same as asking you OUT. ]
************
OR "I swear meetings are really just excuses for idiots to get together and mate."
[Whoa. Sex goes on at your meetings? Where do you work? What are you complaining about?]
************
through which gifts received by them had allowed me access to a wealth of natural and personal resources, demanded that I give of myself and said blessings onto others more unfortunate than I and in need.
[What arrogance to think that anyone needs you in this way. Are you getting the picture as to why you're frequently sans friends? Who is demanding that you do this? Nature? God? She-Ra? Elvis? McCloud?]
In so doing, I was required to accept these disturbing and unpleasant women into my friendship and to listen to them and their neverending complaints, rumours, nasty gossip and ill informed views of life and to smile at their nonsense.
[You're false through and through. I'm not really clear on who is requiring this of you? Your toaster?]
************
One Liner:
Malls and Men FEAR ME!
[How in fuck do you scare a mall?]
************
im a man. i suck. deal. boooooooooobieeeeeeeees!
[The war cry of the involuntarily celibate and willfully stupid.]
************
the ones that think life is about making money and being rich, possessions making up for lack of character. boring is not taking risks and adventure when it's staring at you in the face. Boring is being afraid and scared of what people think. Boring is not copping a smile at the silly and mundane. Boring is not grabbing Life by the neck, slamming it against the wall, breathing heavily in its ear and saying, "you're mine for the taking Bitch!"
[Okay, I was with you until you started smacking Life around like it stole something from you. Don't rape Life, man.]
*************
TAKE A PICTURE IS LAST'S LONGER,BETTER YET GIVE ME A NAKED PICTURE OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND
[God, you lame people could screw up an anvil. It's "have any nude pictures of your girlfriend? Want to buy some?"]
*************
One Liner:
Have no smypathy for gaggling babies and dottery old grannies how can't tring together a proper sentance.
[No, continue. You were saying something funny here.]
*************
GelflingFemme: my we're contrary today
a Gnostic Gnome: no, we're not.
MagicBlackbird (4:41:44 PM): Southern accents bother you?
Sternitor (4:41:55 PM): Some more than others, but yes.
Sternitor (4:41:59 PM): a whole lot.
MagicBlackbird (4:42:01 PM): Well, yeah.
Sternitor (4:42:02 PM): They sound like harmonicas.
*************
Heartless bitches is a fkucking waste of time you pathetic asshole.
[Wrath is gifted with a silver tongue and a way with the ladies.]
**************
RovingFun: Kara... let me explain this again. Just because you fished a tire rim out of the dumpster, and affixed it to your skull with duct tape... does *not* mean you have a halo.
**************
Gay men or not gay all them is you need to harp at them to do things nor matter what they are all like kids!!!!
[I can't even figure out where to punctuate that to make it make sense.]
**************
I am a heartless bitch cause i like to men and women alike to cry by through reality into their faces....
[??? You haven't had a history of making sense, but this is surely a record for you.]
**************
phone.Every night I would stay over till she fell asleep in my arms then I would tuck her into her bed and give her the sweetest fairy tale kiss right on the center of her fore head.
[You are the equivalent of tying a plastic garbage bag over my head.]
**************
One Liner:
HERES A BITCH THERES A BITCH
[Everywhere a bitch-bitch. Old McDonald....]
**************
I just love to see the others...completly possessed by me...
[Oh, that's all we need. The Stupid Exorcist.]
**************
You should bow down to me, I am the ultimate Queen Bee Bitch. Be afraid fucking loser-ass-dickheads
[Amazing, you can actually SEE her medication wearing off.]
**************
PetitChou11: he was mullet boy one day...then cut it off, and became....DAMN SEXY!
Madoka Wakamatsu (11:14:33 PM): Emergency Mandible Feder...oh, jesus
Madoka Wakamatsu (11:21:50 PM): Girls, girls, you're both beautiful
aa4785 (11:21:56 PM): *isn't a girl*
Shrdlu87 (10:39:46 PM): I've decided to call you Stoct, on the theory that if you can't spell, I shouldn't bother to spell your name
mastr414 (10:42:33 PM): "we can't just stare at our hands for hours... *hours later* I konw htey're called fingers but Idon't see them finging, oh wait, htere they go"
Sternitor (10:46:39 PM): Silly pedophile, kids are for kids!
Sternitor: Have you seen the Minister of Education's new proposal to increase the hotness of our citizens?
Odd Meals (12:56:44 AM): Geeks program? Who knew?
Odd Meals (1:15:31 AM): And then, the lord did pass 'round the plate of tabular fries.
Odd Meals (1:15:40 AM): And he said unto his gathered apostles...
Odd Meals (1:15:42 AM): ...EAT ME
Odd Meals (1:33:38 AM): For the longest time, the only thing I could utter in Spanish (never mind Portuguese) was 'I have a toilet seat in my shirt.'
"Don't stir it up. It may come whiffling through the tulgey wood after your ass." -Cheshire Cat, Sign of Chaos
"Madness waits for some. It creeps up on others."
"Almost all of the first British "human shields" to go to Iraq were on their way home last night after deciding that their much-heralded task was now too dangerous."
> B-B:
> I suggest you post the novice game privacy code to the list.
I'll hold off on it, thanks. I prefer not to give certain individuals
the ability to sign up, since signing them off myself is impolite and makes
baby Jesus cry.
-- B-B doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings
Odd Meals (1:42:42 AM): I tend to prefer my men with breasts.
nw4052 (1:56:45 AM): beat it 'till it's clean.
MagicBlackbird (1:56:54 AM): Does that work with kids too?
Sternitor (2:52:00 AM): [pulls up a rocking chair]
Sternitor (2:52:06 AM): [gets out his corncob pipe]
Sternitor (2:52:09 AM): way back in the day
Sternitor (2:52:16 AM): back in nineteen-dickety-two...
nw4052 (2:52:18 AM): eek! he took the rocking chair out! duck and cover!
Sternitor (2:52:35 AM): [Unca B-B whaps Nelson with a wooden spoon]
> (Also, is there ever going to be another Senate coffee
> hour/ice cream social/quilting bee/whatever? It was a
> cute idea.)
I certainly hope so. Don't forget the Imperial Senate sock hop and
Sadie Hawkins dance!
fsgmafiaUFO: Cool, I wonder if everyone here is american
Odd Meals: Only by birth - we're geeks by choice.
fsgmafiaUFO: oh my...what have i got myself into
fsgmafiaUFO: are you all drunk?
Madoka Wakamatsu: Welcome to SWIMN.
Odd Meals: I don't think there's a need for an official Imperial position on Your Mom.
MagicBlackbird (8:22:14 PM): how was dinner?
remfan55 (8:22:21 PM): i had a cheeseburger
remfan55 (8:22:25 PM): and fries
remfan55 (8:22:42 PM): but i think the cheeseburger ate some of my fires while i wasnt looking
MeepZero (10:38:29 PM): ok well tell ya what, to keep the sneekeyness, ill act like im talking to this stuffed cheeze, and you talk to the sombrero on the wall over there
TroubledLupine (11:39:54 PM): LOL Zan! your shower has two settings! Cold and Cold
"Thank GOD for the power cord!" -- Steven Tyler
"I think he was trying to show that he's such a big star he doesn't even have to be in his own videos anymore."
"Of course, I am always happy to get commendations from you, or anyone else, from that matter. They're collectible, like POGs, only infinitely cooler." -- B-B
"I thought it was the Mongols who ravaged half the world"
"No, it was the Alaskans. Those damn Eskimos!" - RISK
Me: You moved the couch.
Julian: No I haven't. It's always been like this. C'mon Alex, you know this room.
Me: Nope. Tended to avoid the "Make-Out" Room due to occupants inside it.
Q: Why does George Lucas have to put his name on his own underpants?
A: So he doesn't lose them at filmmaker's camp.
Q: He goes to filmmaker's camp?
A: Oh, yes! Him, and the Coppola guy...
Q: And Spielburg?
A: Yes, and Scorsezie. They all go to filmmaker's camp together. It's where they got all edgy and textural. They go to filmmaker's camp and do trust falls with their cameras.
(R points my laser at B's forehead, she shies away)
L: B, what's wrong?
B: She blinded me with science!
"It happens to the best of us..."
"You sound like you're talking about erectile dysfunction or something"
remfan55 (8:31:33 PM): i pushed a llama once. it stumbled a bit.
remfan55 (8:31:57 PM): well, it ate my brother's hat
Odd Meals (11:26:54 PM): Dearly bewildered, we are gathered here today to..
Odd Meals (11:35:53 PM): My hair is Godlike in its perfection. Truly it rules you all.
Odd Meals (11:35:55 PM): Worship it.
ArabianRose127 (11:36:05 PM): No way, man!
ArabianRose127 (11:36:16 PM): You've got cool hair, but it looks like straw.
Odd Meals (11:36:38 PM): My hair still loves you. Its love is infinite, and all-forgiving.
Profound saying:
Never mistake for malice what can be ascribed to laziness.
Never mistake for kindness what can be ascribed to convenience.
Never mistake for hatred what can be ascribed to ignorance.
Never mistake for inner peace what can be ascribed to just being tired.
"greetings, earth children!"
"where are you from?"
"...earth."
bursar42 (9:41:09 PM): Are you the First Consul, and do you know Latin?
bursar42 (9:41:36 PM): Is "Legatus Segundus Consulis Maiis" legitimate?
MagicBlackbird (9:41:58 PM): Umm. I'm not sure.
MagicBlackbird (9:44:57 PM): I actually took Latin at CTY, and it was the only course I ever passed there.
MagicBlackbird (9:45:03 PM): But I've forgotten it all now.
MagicBlackbird (9:45:14 PM): OH! And I WAS in Latin 4 my junior year..
MagicBlackbird (9:45:16 PM): all year..
MagicBlackbird (9:45:21 PM): and I still don't know any.
remfan55 (10:12:17 PM): where do they get all those virgins anyway?
MagicBlackbird (10:12:28 PM): Allah makes 'em.
MagicBlackbird (10:12:32 PM): In his workshop.
remfan55 (10:12:43 PM): eh, i bet they just buy em at the virgin megastore
Away message: Then, suddenly, without warning, I became mesmerized by my own bellybutton.
Sternitor (8:36:07 PM): You basically settle strikes and things like that.
Sternitor (8:36:13 PM): Preferably not resorting to strikebreakers.
Sternitor (8:36:18 PM): Like the ones formerly used on the tumbleweeds
Sternitor (8:36:25 PM): who demanded equal rights and equal pay
Madoka Wakamatsu (10:06:11 PM): Uh-oh, acronyms, better turn off brain
Sternitor (10:54:40 PM): See, SWIM'N chats are so much lively when we're talking about getting super-freaky.
nw4052 (11:02:15 PM): I think I'll try and invent religious calvinball.
Sternitor (1:17:47 AM): Anyway, thank God for the self-inflicted purge of 02.
Sternitor (1:18:00 AM): Some summers are "The Summer of Love".
Sternitor (1:18:06 AM): That was "The Summer of Banishment".
"You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war!"
Sternitor (1:55:02 AM): Sarandon hasn't been a babe since the 70s
Sternitor (1:55:06 AM): and that was in one scene
Sternitor (1:55:09 AM): with good lighting
Sternitor (1:55:12 AM): and by good I mean dim
stop making up countries!!!
so.. this... "cambodgia" u speak off where is it?
Yurgurl99: yes your muscles are incredibly amazing
Odd Oboe 3: AMAZING muscles
anhinga215: your muscles are as large as my knowledge of programming
Faramir417: Yes, your muscles are quite astonishing......and by muscles i mean layers upon layers of uncharted fat
Bucca 2785 (11:09:48 PM): Goodnight
Bucca 2785 (11:09:51 PM): sleep tight
Bucca 2785 (11:09:55 PM): lookout for the %*(#@ing bedbugs
cakedAMBer (2:41:02 AM): hey wait...
MagicBlackbird (2:41:06 AM): What?
cakedAMBer (2:41:09 AM): you stole my shit!
MagicBlackbird (2:41:16 AM): *blush*
MagicBlackbird (2:41:33 AM): *flirts madly in an attempt to forestall suage*
cakedAMBer (2:41:38 AM): "Wrokming. Hbrad. Really Really Hbrad. I Swmear"
cakedAMBer (2:41:43 AM): that's all mine
MagicBlackbird (2:41:48 AM): *flirtflirtflirt*
MagicBlackbird (2:41:53 AM): *please don't sue me*
MagicBlackbird (2:41:56 AM): *or stop liking me*
cakedAMBer (3:05:01 AM): it's amazing how a procrastinator par excellence like myself can get his act together when the promise of action is at stake
cakedAMBer (3:06:09 AM): mind you, i don't get my act together very often at ALL
MagicBlackbird (11:03:34 PM): Oh, can my character be an assassin? Pleease?
HeroPiccolo (11:04:37 PM): Hrrrrmmmm
MagicBlackbird (11:04:49 PM): A good assassin.
MagicBlackbird (11:04:55 PM): Part time assassin.
MagicBlackbird (11:05:07 PM): Only assassins on the weekends.
MagicBlackbird (4:10:19 AM): what would be in it?
Sternitor (4:10:38 AM): the appeals system, initial jurisdictions, unconstitutionality, equity, and, perhaps, the role of the Senate (court of equity?), confirmations
Sternitor (4:10:51 AM): all kinds of things about the SCGSE.
MagicBlackbird (4:11:10 AM): Oh, I see.
Sternitor (4:11:30 AM): Yeah.
Sternitor (4:11:40 AM): A sexxy topic.
TroubledLupine (9:29:59 PM): I got half a pool cue I use for thumpings. Someone pointed out it was a nigger beater. I disagreed with that term, and i made a more socially acceptable term
MagicBlackbird (9:30:05 PM): lol
MagicBlackbird (9:30:08 PM): What's the new un?
TroubledLupine (9:30:28 PM): The TAACB Tool for African American Correctional Bludgeonings
"If you leave this web site, I will kill this defenseless toilet."
HeroPiccolo (5:48:43 PM): I am too funny, i kill people with guns, then I laugh....
HeroPiccolo (5:50:26 PM): sometimes I dont wear pants.
MagicBlackbird (5:50:32 PM): OH, CHRIST
FlowerBudMan64 (5:50:51 PM): The worst part is, he doesn't wear pants when I'm over.
Tomoyoisyerhomie (9:39:35 PM): i can't wait til my killing spree that'll be keen
Bucca 2785 (9:47:56 PM): Am I the only one who wants to take an X10 camera, shove it up the ass of the inventor, and give him a pro bono colonoscopy?
Bucca 2785 (9:49:08 PM): In fact, we specifically researched a way to burn sand.
Bucca 2785 (9:49:16 PM): Then we burned his country like a roman candle
Bucca 2785 (9:49:22 PM): Now we're researching a way to do it again.
Bucca 2785 (9:49:41 PM): So that we can scorch the words "Suck it, Trebek" onto the Persian Gulf desert
Fenix I3e74 (9:44:58 PM): aaron said "you know guys... im not gay or anything... and i wouldnt sleep with any of you... but i would sleep with brad pitt in a heartbeat"
MagicBlackbird (9:45:05 PM): LOL!!
Fenix I3e74 (9:45:10 PM): all while he was a giant lump of drunk on the floor of his house
AurochAurochsson: Dude, how can you NOT have a mead hall?
AurochAurochsson: You never know when several hundred foul-smelling Vikings are going to come over for a few drinks.
I'm having trouble with inanimate objects. They keep biting me.
Damn those Peruvian fishermen! They're all... Peruvian! And... fishing!
"The moral of the story is 'Safe sex is having your mother kick you in the groin'"~Gina Marie
"Back in high school, I brought a new meaning to 'smoke yourself retarded'"~Ian
"Don't get too close, ladies; you might get pregnant..just from listening.."~Brian
Bucca 2785 (9:47:50 PM): trying to do homework...
Bucca 2785 (9:47:53 PM): textbook on lap
Bucca 2785 (9:47:58 PM): CAT ON TEXTBOOK
Bucca 2785 (9:48:00 PM): CAN'T READ!
Bucca 2785 (9:48:19 PM): Following the war, economic conditions in Fra-CAT
Bucca 2785 (9:52:06 PM): cats are only percieved when they want to be percieved
Bucca 2785 (9:52:13 PM): they're the Stealth Bombers of household pets
remfan55 (6:11:05 PM): sup?
MagicBlackbird (6:11:15 PM): Not much.. just pondering my Future..
remfan55 (6:11:23 PM): ur gonna die
MagicBlackbird (6:11:32 PM): well, that's a load off my mind.
remfan55 (6:11:41 PM): glad to help
"The only better than eating lobster is eating lobster and hauling ass!" -- That 70s Show, "Dine and Dash"
Fenix I3e74 (9:19:57 PM): well, ive gotta go
MagicBlackbird (9:19:58 PM): It really pisses me off that he thinks I'm going to hell.
Fenix I3e74 (9:20:10 PM): good luck with that whole hell thing.
HeroPiccolo (10:45:40 PM): Hair isnt for masturbating zannah...
remfan55 (8:49:53 PM): im a baseball werewolf
remfan55 (8:50:05 PM): during full moons, i become sandy koufax
remfan55 (8:50:45 PM): yeah, he's always surprised to vanish from wherever he is to wherver i am
remfan55 (9:10:45 PM): well, honus wagner and i are old cronies
MagicBlackbird (9:10:52 PM): Are you now?
MagicBlackbird (9:10:56 PM): Drinking buddies?
remfan55 (9:10:57 PM): yup
remfan55 (9:11:13 PM): he was playing pool with me today
MagicBlackbird (9:11:20 PM): Isn't he dead?
remfan55 (9:11:45 PM): yeah, he's pretty good at pool despite that handicap
TroubledLupine (10:12:14 PM): Oh, wow. LOL I'm a music whore. I molest music like you molest books.
MagicBlackbird (10:12:18 PM): LOL!
MagicBlackbird (10:12:24 PM): I don't MOLEST BOOKS!
MagicBlackbird (10:12:33 PM): LOL
TroubledLupine (10:13:00 PM): Like, a book sees you, and you're all, "I'm done" and the book's all like, "But, it was so fast!" and you're all like "deal with it you thread spined bitch"
MagicBlackbird (8:19:38 PM): *laugh* SHE pisses on Brendo's shoes.
Fenix I3e74 (8:19:45 PM): ahh, ok.
Fenix I3e74 (8:19:47 PM): lol
Fenix I3e74 (8:19:52 PM): probably wanted to make them smell better
TroubledLupine (10:57:21 PM): It's probably a fuel delivery problem, and I hope nothing more.
MagicBlackbird (10:57:30 PM): I hope so too.
MagicBlackbird (10:57:46 PM): I'm sure everything will work out.
TroubledLupine (10:58:45 PM): *shakes fist* it better, or i'll give it SUCH a fist shaking
Fenix I3e74 (1:13:57 PM): Aaron just limped
Fenix I3e74 (1:14:09 PM): the Kinser motto, If it hurts, walk on it
MeepZero (6:50:54 PM): I AM CAPTIN ASSHOLE!! (woah that sounds reeeealy gay)
Risley Cabaret:
Play with your friends!
Play with your neighbors!
Play with yourself!
Away message: I am playing a game that takes up the entire attention span.
Jason: "I just inherited a sweet stereo system last summer...the speakers are over four feet high."
Chris: "jesus"
Jason: "yeah, he can hear it too...he's called to make requests"
Sternitor (11:14:21 AM): My modem could be charitably described as retarded. That or my ISP. While reconnecting just now, it reported "Error 676. The line is busy. Try again later, bitch."
MagicBlackbird (11:14:27 AM): LOL!
Sternitor signed off at 11:17:36 AM.
Sternitor signed on at 11:17:38 AM.
Sternitor signed off at 11:19:01 AM.
Sternitor signed on at 11:19:04 AM.
Sternitor (11:19:06 AM): Rarely in my remembrance has my modem been so fucking stupid as it is being right now. It seems to have somehow developed fetal alcohol syndrome.
Bucca 2785 (11:44:16 AM): Elvis lives on in our hearts, in his music, and in a small trailer park in Minnesota
remfan55 (9:05:03 PM): plus, what if the camel lured the bull into the desert....
MagicBlackbird (9:05:08 PM): Bull in ten minutes.
MagicBlackbird (9:05:11 PM): LOL!
MagicBlackbird (9:05:27 PM): Once the bull kills the camel, he can get out of the desert
remfan55 (9:05:47 PM): the camel would run till the bull got dehydrated
remfan55 (9:06:04 PM): plus, he's got the advantage of longer limbs
MagicBlackbird (9:06:05 PM): Then the bull would give up and let him stay in the desert
remfan55 (9:06:24 PM): i dont think the bull is THAT smart
MagicBlackbird (9:06:34 PM): I don't think the CAMEL is that smart
remfan55 (9:06:54 PM): course he is, the camel is a mets fan
"Since this book is not a multimedia product, you'll have to use your imagination to supply the appropriate Twilight Zone music."
a footnote in my Number Theory textbook
"Shop smart! Shop S Mart!" -- Evil Dead
remfan55 (10:00:02 PM): like cows
remfan55 (10:00:08 PM): theyre just asking for it
MagicBlackbird (10:00:16 PM): they're not ASKING for it!
remfan55 (10:00:26 PM): yeah they are
remfan55 (10:00:33 PM): in cow language, 'moo' means 'eat me'
Sternitor (8:15:10 PM): I like how we're supposed to be discussing a treaty, but since we don't have a quorum, we're comparing booze
MagicBlackbird (8:15:20 PM): LOL!
Sternitor (8:15:21 PM): just like real Senators!
Sternitor (9:24:34 PM): Consul, please continue with your xenophobic speech
MeepZero (11:21:45 PM): but the point is that i think it would be realy funny to have you eat some soap
Sternitor (11:25:08 PM): at least you two aren't still dating
Sternitor (11:25:27 PM): that'd be really bad
Sternitor (11:25:39 PM): imagine if octavian and mark antony liked doing each other in the butt
Sternitor (11:25:43 PM): Rome'd have been doomed.
