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Saturday, 6 September 2003
Summer in Boston
Boy, am I an idiot. I left my journal at school before vacation by mistake. So I've got a lot to catch up on here. I stayed in Boston over the holiday. With the money my father left me I was able to afford stays in a few different hotels... some of them nicer than others. Some muggle git attacked me outside Fenway Park and slashed my leg.. moron. And I cut my hair... if Mum happened to be there there was less chance she'd recognize me, I've always worn my hair long. The streaks are gone because I can't use magic outside school... although, I'm not sure if the Restriction of Underage Wizardry applies in the U.S.... but I wasn't about to risk it.

I was able to scrounge up some extra cash to see Pearl Jam in Mansfeild in July... that was amazing. Four shows, count 'em, four. Their entire songbook, only one repeat, Yellowledbetter. And an hour-long acoustinc set on the fourth night. My Dad got me listening to Pearl Jam... he would've loved those concerts...

There are a few other things, but I won't mention them right now, I don't have the energy to write it down.

Posted by falcon/skyephoenix at 10:32 PM EDT
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Thursday, 21 August 2003
Worst Fears Realized
Ben's dead. He's dead and it might as well be my fault. I know why she killed him. Why she finally went and offed him. To keep me under control, uder her thumb. Control. That's what she wants, control. She lives on it, thrives on it. She gets some sick high from keeping my within her grasp. She knows what's going on in my head, knows how hard it is it simply disregard the ideals that were beaten into me. Ideas of my own worthlessness and eventual downfall because of my muggle blood. She knows, and she savors it.

She killed Dad to capture me. And she killed Ben to keep me in her clutches. Who's next? Will she just shoot anyone and everyone I get close to? I wouldn't put it past her. She's a heartless monster who cares only about her own standing.

Bt she'll see the light one day. I'll make her pay. And she'll see, she'll see the mistake she's made. She'll be sorry.

~SO SWEET~
Vengeance so sweet
I shall taste it.
Mercy, forgiveness
I shall ignore.
Avenged shall they be
You're hapless pray.
Destroyed will you be
Tyrant no more.

You had me under your thumb
You had me controlled by fear
Almost convinced me that
I was less of a witch

You've dropped the last bomb
The straw that broke the camels back
You've gone one step too far
And you cannot turn back

I'll grow stronger
I'll train harder
You'll cower
I'll stand tall
You'll reason
I'll cry out
You'll beg
The spell so strong....

You had me under your thumb
You had me controlled by fear
Almost convinced me that
I was less of a witch

You've dropped the last bomb
The straw that broke the camels back
You've gone one step too far
And you cannot turn back

Blinding light
You're screams
My laughter
lifeless you'll fall
Vengeance so sweet...

You've dropped the last bomb
The straw that broke the camels back
You've gone one step too far
And you cannot turn back

Vengeance so sweet
Like clover honey
Blood flowing crimson
Like an angels salvation

Oh it's so sweet...

The price shall be paid
An eye for an eye
Judgement now passed
Before the court of your soul

Oh Lord how sweet
Crimson blood like honey
Screaming, beggin for life

Do you see it now?
Can you feel it now?
Are you sorry yet?

You've gone one step too far
And you cannot turn back

Vengeance so sweet
I shall taste it.

I shall taste it and savour it's sound...

Posted by falcon/skyephoenix at 9:00 PM EDT
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Saturday, 16 August 2003
Centaurs
I had completely forgotten about this until recently. I was standing by the edge of the forest shortly after the first attack and a Centaur appeared from the forest. Our conversation went as follows, I remember it clear as day:

"Time is of the essence, as valuable as gold to your kind," Jiena said as she silently emerged from the trees. She raised an eyebrow and observed the young girl. "And time may be what separates you from life and unpleasant death. Best you leave the forest before its dark trespassers consume you."


"You're right, or course," Skye said to the centaur. "But the Death Eaters wouldnt dare emerge from the cover of the trees, they're not as fearless as they'd have everyone think. We should be fine so long as we don't venture ino the forest itself."

Jiena narrowed her eyes at this girl, and stared at her as if seeing something she had not noticed before. Suddenly her hard face broke out into a smile. "Pray tell, what is your name, human?"

Surprised by the centaurs smile, Skye faltered a moment before she spoke. "Skye Phoenix," she said finally.

"A pleasure. I am called Jiena." She bent her front legs and bowed to Skye. "You are bold, Skye, but not arrogantly so, like the rest of your kind." She sighed and pawed the ground restlessly with a hoof. "But most bold ones reach violent and painful deaths. Be wise as well as brave, and you will not fall to the darkness that has tainted these woods. True, you may not be within the trees themselves, but all foul presences have a way of spreading their poison to the outside."

"My duty is to the welfare of the forest, not for the good health of your race. It is your own fate that is written should you choose to stay. And if trouble catches you, I will not come running." Jiena adjusted her quiver of arrows and turned to go. "May our paths cross again, Skye Phoenix. Farewell." With that, she galloped off and vanished in the shadows of the trees.

Skye smiled faintly after the centaur called Jiena.

"Maybe they're not as arrogant as I first thought," she said quietly to herself.


Even now the centaurs words resound with stark clarity in my mind. 'Be wise as well as brave, and you will not fall to the darkness that has tainted these woods. True, you may not be within the trees themselves, but all foul presences have a way of spreading their poison to the outside.'

As I walked rom the forest, I spoke these words to myself: 'But it's not just the woods that are tained. What happens when the darness leaves a stain the soul? A stain that can never be erased... no matter how hard you try....'

And they keep coming back to me, and the thought of the stain that is forever upon my very soul... the stain left by my mother, that unwanted feeling of betrayal to her that lurks, like a disease, just below the surface...


Posted by falcon/skyephoenix at 11:20 PM EDT
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Bitter Roots, Unanswered Questions, and New Beginings
I haven't written in some time, there's been so much going on I guess it just slipped my mind. Something's happened to Ben, I can feel it. I wrote him a letter and Erenoin came back not having delivered it and acting strangley, screeching and carrying on. I sent him out again and he's yet to return. I think Max knows something, he came up to me in the Great Hall and asked about 'im. Asked if I was worried... as if he cares. Lousy high-minded git. Then he said it was my fathers fault that he got shot, it took everything i had in my not to curse him s traight to hell. He knows full well who klled him. He knows she did it... knows what she is, just like his father, who, I love to remind myself, is in Azkaban, convicted of muggle-killings by order of voldemort.

And now Weegie's just told me that my mother is in Hogsmeade, Max told her, when he was buying his supplies. I'd been starting to convince myself that she wasn't one of them, that she wasn't one of the ones in the forest. But now... I'm not so sure. I mean... if she's in Hogsmeade... I can't stand to think about it.

A peice of parchemnt taped to the page beside this entry:

Dear Skye-

I go to sleep just so you can be in my dreams. To see your sparkling eyes, to see your beautiful face. I'm crazy about you, and though I can't show it all the time, it's still true. I probably wouldn't have had the guts to write this to you, had I hadn't been encouraged, and I'm going to have to thank them for this later. If you don't feel the same way, then I'll understand, because I only want to see you happy. Your happiness is beauty and it radiates from you. Well...I'm going to end this letter before I begin to think of myself as an idiot, so...please write back.

Love always,

Chaz

Posted by falcon/skyephoenix at 11:09 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 6 August 2003
::Grin::
I don't beleive it. Chaz Banges kissed me on the cheek. I don't think he even realized what he was doing. He looked at his watch, said he had to go, stood up... and he kissed me. Oh, i turned as red as a tomatoe.. at least according to Jaques. My stomachs doing little flip flops as I write. And of course Jaques was more than happy to blurt the news to Mei as soon as she walked in, making me go red again. I can't stop smiling...

Posted by falcon/skyephoenix at 9:48 PM EDT
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Sunday, 3 August 2003
A New Year
Well, I'm officially a second year. Theyear went by so fast, too, I can't beleive it. I've met a few of teh new Ravenclaws already. There's Chaz Banges, he seems cool. And Aurora Brealin, she seems nice as well. Occidit's in Ravenclaw as too. I saw him telling of Venifics Malfoy and her friends in the Great Hall the other day, he's got the measureof them qite well. It was quite amusing.

Well, not much else to tell, really. I'm a second year ::is ecstatic:: and, well, that's it for now, I guess. Off to meet new faces and make new freinds.

My God, how corny did that sound? Please shoot me, someone, anyone....

Posted by falcon/skyephoenix at 9:18 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 30 July 2003
Prophecies an Remembering
Death Eaters at Hogwarts, a student attacked, and centaurs speaking of a prophecy. Something is very wrong in the wizarding world. I was ear the edge of the forest, and voices carry, I heard a centaur, and some students. The centaur spoke of a prophecy, and all I could think of was what my mother told me about Lord Voldemort and Harry Potter. She told me that Voldemort had tried to kill Harry because of a prophecy, a prophecy that foretold the time and manner of his birth, and the fact that he would be able to defeat Voldemort. Could it be that another prophecy has been made? That another Dark Lord has arisen? I hope not, I hope with every fiber of my being.

It's funny. My mother hates me for what I beleive, she thinks I've betrayed my family. Yet she tells me things that most my age don't know. She tells me about Voldemort, and the Death Eaters. I could probably give you the names of fifty death eaters, and more than a few of them would surprise you. My life is so fucked it's not even funny.

But my mind has been put slightly at ease. Kiari is all right... well, at least... well, she's not dead. And I suppose that's something. I don't know what her condition is, only that she's alive. But I'm still not sure I'll ever be able to speak to her. I can't help thinking... what if my mother was one of her attackers?

I think I think too much.



~Remember~
You tell me things I shouldn't know
Of secrets best left buried
Of death and torture
Darkness and evil
of the darkest wizard kind

You tell me I'm not good enough
That I've a foolish mind
That I will be the first to go
The first to find the light
Of heavens shining gate

You preach your song of rightousness
Of pure bloods great and gone
Of murder for your master
Though he is dead, destroyed
And you alone, deserted

But you can't see what lies in me
The power of the mind
The magic of the heart
You know not the magic I posses
Held hanging by my chest

You fool yourself with cliched claims
Of supremacy and good
Of purity and power
Yet you know deep down
You should be what you bound yourself to be

You know deep down you should become
What you can never be
Your conscience you denounced
Long, long ago
Yet at time it whispers,
Oh so loud
just to let you know

To tell you of the wrongs you've done
The hearts you broken
The minds you've burned
To tell you what you need to be
To tell you what I need

'Tis a secret I shall never tell
The thing you most want buried
'Tis the darkest thought within your heart
The thing you have denied

You'll never speak
I'll never tell
Loyal even now
Loyal to the final breath
This one secret I shall keep

These words that haunt your darkest sleep
His name, it haunts your dreams.

You loved him once,
I know you did
I've his words to prove me right
His words I carry even now
When you've abandoned love

"Dreams can drive you oh so far,"
He told me late one night
"They'll carry you through thick and thin,
And right across deaths door.
They'll make the wrongs forgiveable
The let down lighter still
They'll bring those gone across the veil
Back to your aching heart."

I smiled then and asked him
"What do you dream at night."
He smiled weakly, held me tight
And whispered in my ear.
"I dream a dream of love so sweet
She's not the heart to share.
I dream a dream of days gone by
When stars glistened in her hair.
I dream a dream of love so sweet
To share it with my girls
A dream a dream where darkness deep
Is known solely to the fairy tales."

Remember mommy when you laugh
And cackle in the Dark
Remember every time you kill
Or break another heart
Remember what you did to him
To me, to us, to you
Remember that he still could live
And love, and talk and laugh.

Remember what you've done to me
Remember how it felt
Remember how I cried at night
Remember what you said

The crimson flowing from his heart
The steel imbedded there
The scream, the howl
The cried surprise
The feined greif I saw there

If ever I should fall to dark remember just one thing
That everything you've done to him
You did it twice to me

Posted by falcon/skyephoenix at 10:07 PM EDT
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Death Eaters At Hogwarts
Death Eaters at Hogwarts and Mums disappeared. I can't stop thinking that she may be one of the ones in the forest... on e of the one's who's probably tortured, and maybe even killed, Kiara Mikal. If she is I'll have to leave the school. I couldn't stand it, especially since Max's showed up... people know what my mother is. Maybe I shouldn't have told them what I did. It's too late now though...
"makes much more sense, to live, in the present tense" ...I can't change it.

Everything's so wrong. I thought coming to Hogwarts would be my way out. My chance to escape life with my mother once and for all, my way to escape my conscience that tells my I've done wrong.. that I've betrayed her. Maybe I'll end up like the fictional me in my song. Maybe I'll end up turning to my mums ways just to stop the screams in my head that tell me I'm worthless. Or maybe I'll just go mad...


She lays alone,...
waiting. For the sun,
to set.
The day a song of darkness,...
Only night,
can end.

Her heart betrays her mind,...
Where loyalties,
now twisted lie.
Pride flies in,
an univited friend,...
Her pasts undoing hand.

She's a child, of the night
A victim, of the fear
Her parents, cowards hearts..
She's a child, a child, of the dark,.....

Green skull starry in the sky,...
Shattered lives hang below
She sits,
she sits and wonders why
She is lost,
she is cursed,
by the devil in their hearts

Fallen came their leader,
Her parents ways,...
they fell
As the boy wizard Potter
Comes the downfall,....
the downfall of the dark

She's a child, of the night
A victim, of the fear
her parents, cowards hearts..
She's a child, a child, of the dark,....

Thirteen years
too short
The darkness
grows again
The Lord Voldemort
once more rises
The tale begins again...

Now grown she is tortured
By the choice she must make
To walk her parents path
Or to cheat the hand of fate,....

She's a child, of the night
A victim, of the fear
her parents cowards hearts..
She's a child, a child, of the dark

Some escape the dark
Some follow in it's wake
Some succumb to the madness
They couldn't cheat the hand of fate

They are children of the night
Victims of the fear
Their parents cowards hearts
they are children, children, of the dark.

They are children of the dark.
Couldn't cheat the hand of fate
Children of the dark
Follow in it's wake
Children of the dark
Escape the draw of fate
Escape the draw of fate...

She falls
disheartened
Her parents path she treads
Screaming
she is taken
The hell of
Azkaban
Azkaban
The hell of
Azkaban...

She's a child, of the night
A victim, of the fear
her parents cowards hearts..
She's a child, a child, of the dark

Succumbed to the draw
Couldn't escape the hand of fate
Succumbed to the draw
Couldn't cheat the hand

No, she couldn't cheat the hand
She couldn't cheat the hand
She couldn't cheat the hand of fate...

Posted by falcon/skyephoenix at 3:26 PM EDT
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Sunday, 27 July 2003

I wrote this last night...


You Don't Know
You don't know who I am
Beyond my face and name
You don't know what I feel
Beyond my anger and a smile
You don't know what I want
Beyond the basic human need

I'm a stranger to you
But you're so familiar to me
I'm a mystery to you
But I've got you figured out

I know more about you
Than you know about yourself
I know what you feel
Without a hint or a trace
I know what you want
What you want for me

I'm a stranger to you
But you're so familiar to me
I'm a mystery to you
But I've got you figured out

I've figured you out

You're so set in your ways
You'll never change
You're so sure of your faith
You'll never think
You're so self assured
You'll never see fault
You think your blood
Makes you superior
That mine makes me less
You don't think I know
Know just who you are

I'm a stranger to you
But you're so familiar to me
I'm a mystery to you
But I've got you figured out

Yes, I've figured you out
But you...
You just don't know
You'll never...
You'll never, never know...

Who I am,... (Know yourself,)
What I feel,... (but know your)
What I want,... (enemy better.)

I'm a stranger to you
But you're so familiar to me
I'm a mystery to you
But I've got you figured out
I'm a stranger to you
But you're so familiar to me
I'm a mystery to you
But I've got you figured out

I'm a stranger to you, a mystery
You're familiar to me, I've got you all
All figured out

But you... you don't know

Posted by falcon/skyephoenix at 11:59 AM EDT
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Saturday, 26 July 2003
My First Entry
I've never thought about keeping a journal before, but the more I think about it, the more I think it would have helpd me a great deal if I had sarted doping so earlier in my life. I think I've been keping everythin bottled up in side for far too long. My fathers death... my mother's trn to the Dark Arts... my brother, my big brother who'snow nothing but another Dark Wizard, cowerin in fear that he'll one day return, yet knwoing he never will. They all wait, lifeless, for another Dark Lord, another leader to come along. They've given their lives over to the Darkness, never to be regained.

But I won't let my mother make me what she's become. No matter how hard she tries. No matter what the cost...

I wonder if anyone at Howarts knows what this is like? To feel the burden of you family's past... a past connected wth the Dark Arts, to be pressured to follow in the accepted path.. yet at the same time to despise it nd want to escape the route your family has st out for you. I also wonder if anyone at school saw that 'Child of Darkness' was about me when we did it at the Battle of the Bands. Heck, I don't think my bandmates even knew it was about me.

And Joe... I didn't know him... but seeing everyone's reactions has ot me thinking about my father. The only member of my family who I don't hate. I tink she killed him, I really do. I don't know why... but I've gotthis sick feeling in my gut that it was her, that she wasn't really in London like she said. Maybe Max knew too. I just don't know what to think. Was he already getting ino the Dark Arts four years ago? Or even before that, when Voldemort was still in power? Could he have becme my mother that long ago? Lord, I hope not....


Posted by falcon/skyephoenix at 11:01 PM EDT
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