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Origin of Clan Flaws
By Dan at
Edited for entertainment purposes by Chris and Jon

Ventrue: Okay folks, we have another problem. The "kids" want to know how we will tell eachother apart; what makes us unique.

Toreador: That's easy, we are all unique... special... beautiful in our own way we--

Brujah: Shut the hell up. He means like what separates CLANS you pantywaste.

Malk: Never waste panties... They tell me magical things.

Ventrue: Yes Brujah. What makes us... fit into a category. What makes us... CLAN.

silent pause

Brujah: Yeah... just another way for the "man" to beat us down.

Malk: Which man would that be, mon-capitan?

Brujah: Shut up before I mash you, kook.

Ventrue: *sighs* Any suggestions?

Toreador: Signature clothing?

Tremere: Necklaces? Mystical pendants?

Malk: Derangements! Different derangements assigned to each clan! There are so many different types to chose from, you know.

Brujah: *looks to Nosferatu* Yeah... lemme guess who the Narcissist is...

Nos: I heard that.

Ventrue: I was thinking more along the lines of a weakness... a subtle flaw.

Malk: Oh yeah, silly me, insanity isn't a flaw. Hey! Can my flaw be Kyptonite?

Brujah: *smashes him on the head* I must have a Kyrptonite fist.

Malk: *insane laughter*

Ventrue: Okay Brujah, yours will be a nasty temper. For obvious reasons.

Brujah: TEMPER!? WHAT TEMPER!? Fucking suits... You'd be pissed too, if you had to sit next to Nos and Malk.

Ventrue: *coughs* Torrie, since you love beauty so much, you will be mesmerized by the sheer beauty of the world.

Everyone looks at Nos

Toreador: Tragic, yet beautiful. Agreed.

Malk: I don't know about you all, but I still want Kryptonite. I mean, I have to have something to balance out my insane merits.

Brujah: *SMACK* God damn psycho.

Malk: *supresses a grin but breaks out in mad cackles*

Nos: *Scratches his chin, causing skin to flake off* And my flaw?


Ventrue: *shivers* We'll get back to you. Gangrel, yours will be: everytime you frenzy you will look more like an animal.

Gangrel: WHAT!? What do you mean "You will look more like an animal!"

Ventrue: It starts off small, you know... fur, deep voice, maybe horns.

Gangrel: WHAT!? Oh come on! Torrie gets to moon over stupid drawings and I get a fucking BEAK!? Yeah, that's real fair... *growls*

Hassim: And I?

Tremere: You can't drink kindred blood. *laughs* It's poison; your hair falls out and you look like him. *points to Nos*

Ventrue: Agreed.

Nos: Still waiting.


Malk: *giggles*

Hassim: Why does Tremere get to pick my weakness?

Tremere: Ever heard of Blood Magic, heathen?

Hassim: *licks his lips* Me? Never.

Ventrue: Tremere, if Assamite can't drink kindred blood, then you have to drink from all of your elders.

Malk: Speaking of Kryptonite... *claps his hands and jumps in jubilee*

Brujah: *Pounds Malk* Temper.. love it.

Malk: *whispers to himself and then smiles at Brujah* Donna knows where you live.

Ventrue: Lasombra... hmm... you will have no reflection.

Lasombra: *scoffs* You should give that to Nos.

Nos: Why?


Ventrue: *coughs* I will be right with you, Nos. Is that acceptable, Lasombra?

Lasombra: Yeah, but you guys have to tell me when I have blood on my chin.

Ventrue: No problem. Tzim... Your weakness will be...

Malk: Having some sort of other-dimensional virus that is slowly eating your soul? That, and having a name you can't spell or pronounce? *chuckles*

Ventrue: Yes. I mean, no. You must sleep in your native soil, or at least have some in your coffin.

Gangrel: WHAT!? I get WEBBED TOES and she has to sleep in dirt!?

Tzim: Agreed.

Gangrel: I want a new one.

Nos: Ventrue, I am still waiting. Have you forgotten me?


Ventrue: Moving right along. Giovanni *thinks* Your Kiss hurts; there is no pleasure in your bite.

Toreador: You can say that again. *coughs*cappaWHAT?*coughs*

Room looks at Torrie

Toreador: Oh... sorry. Was that outloud?

Giovanni: Get drunk one night and it plagues you for the rest your unlife. *sigh*

Ventrue: Ravnos, you are a criminal by nature.

Ravnos: *hands Ventrue back his wallet* Sorry.

Ventrue: *blinks after his hand passes right through it* No. I meant... *shakes head* give me the real wallet, and the money too.

Ravnos: Oh, sorry. Here. *mumbles something about reality being so horrid*

Nos: When do I get my flaw?

Brujah: Heh, at your Embrace.

Stifled Laughter

Ventrue: *coughs* Set, yours will be that you don't like the light.

Gangrel: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I get a set of BAT WINGS and he doesn't like bright lights!?

Malk: I want my Mummy!

Brujah: *raises his fist at Malk, who simply smiles*

Set: *grins* Agreed. Fair and just. *winks*

Gangrel: *points* He winked! You two had A DEAL SET UP!? *growls* Fucking snakes.

Nos: If you continue to ignore me I will be forced to get UGLY.

Malk: Too late for that now.

Stifled laughter

Ventrue: Am I missing anyone?

Malk: Well, I'm gonna be as strong as Caine if you don't give me Kryptonite.

Tzim: *chuckles* You, little man, have quite enough problems; you don't need an additional flaw.

Ventrue: Then it is settled.

Nos: You have forgotten the two of us, Ventrue.

Brujah: Yeah, Mr.Picky, What is your flaw.

Ventrue: *smiles* I am picky... about what I eat.

Gangrel: *stands up, throwing her chair back* I am leaving! *points around the room* I get udders like a fucking COW and you get to sleep in DIRT!? YOU are a fussy eater!? YOU Get to look at art!? YOU... *finger stops on Nos* Okay, I guess it could be worse. *sits back down, apparantly mollified*

Nos: I get it! You fear my knowing too much, that's my flaw.

Brujah: *laughs* Yup, that's it.

Ventrue: *looks at Nos nervously, then clears his throat* Meeting adjourned!