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2003 Journal is on another page. It is in ascending order. 2004 is below in descending order. (the most recent is on the top). 5-29-04 I haven't written since 5-19. I am going to try to go back and fill in some missing days. Today I did some laundry and cleaned my room some. I looked around on the internet for ways of converting the signal coming from a copy auditing machine that normally goes to a text printer to a text file. I think I may have found the solution. 5-28-04 Friday. Today was an ok day. I worked a full day today. I finally called a counselor that has been advertising in the paper. He called me back and we talked a bit. I plan on seeing him soon. 5-27-04 Thursday. Today was a good day. I worked my regular job and also helped out someone in the office with sending some advertising materials to a list we downloaded from a database. I played around a bit with writing a macro to automate some of it, and I got very close, but did not complete it. I figure I can complete it now that I have put some thought into it. 5-26-04 Wednesday Today was an ok day. I worked a full day. I went to counseling today and actually made it on time. 5-25-04 Tuesday. Today I dreaded going into work a bit. But I did go and I seemed to do a pretty good job. I went to go take care of the elderly woman I help take care of. I did not do as good as I job as I would have liked to. I went to the Mexican restaurant that I have grown to like too much. I spent way too much money. I went over to the elderly woman's son's house for the first time in a very long time. I was amazed at the amount of work that needs to be done over there. There is so much disorganization. It reminded me of my room! 5-24-04 Monday. Today was a good day. I worked a full day. I stayed a little late finishing things up. 5-23-04 Sunday. I hung around the house most of the day. I played with my digital camera some. I went over to take care of the elderly woman that I help take care of. Other than that, I didn't do much. 5-22-04 Saturday. I did not do much today at all. I did some laundry. I went shopping at a little computer store that was going out of business. I bought a few things including a cheap digital camera. 5-21-04 Friday. Today was a good day I guess. 5-20-04 Thursday. I finally went to the doctor again. I got another round of antibiotics and some more antihistamines. I told him how much pain I was in with my back and tense muscles hoping to get maybe a muscle relaxer or two. Instead, he told me to go get a massage. 5-19-04 Wednesday. Today was an interesting day. I woke up not wanting to go to work, dreading the day. The feeling went away before I left the house.. I got on the road and the traffic was horrible. There was a wreck on Eastbound 635 at Jupiter and it shut Eastbound down to one lane and Westbound was at a near standstill with the on-looker delays. I sat for a while in traffic, and not knowing a good alternate route and already feeling pretty rotten, I turned around and went back. I set an appointment with my doctor. I went back to work around noon and did the end of the month billing. 5-18-04 Tuesday. Today I went to work for a few hours for one boss and then went to take care of the elderly woman. I did not do a great job, but I tried. I can't seem to focus. 5-17-04 Monday. Today was a very busy day. I did not do a great job at either job. I took to long to get what I got done done.Back To top 5-16-04 Sunday. Today was a good day. I went to work for about an hour and then came home and had lunch with my mom, dad, and an aunt and uncle I hadn't seen in a while. I went back to work and then went out to eat with a friend in celebration of his birthday. I came home exhausted. 5-15-04 Saturday. I did some laundry and some housework. I worked on the lawn some. I went to the Reunion Tower for the first time in my life. I drove there and did the valet parking thing. I helped a friend make photo buttons from about nine PM till midnight..Back To top 5-04-04 Tuesday. Today was a strange day. I slept in a bit. I went in and put a couple of hours in then went to go visit my elderly friend. I then went and had a chicken chimichanga and a sangria swirl. I drank too much again. I went back over to my friends house and chatted a bit and fell asleep. I went back to the office and made sure the cell phone I activated was working and added some contacts to it. I came back home around 8PM. It is nearly 10 and I am going to bed soon. 5-03-04 Monday. Today was a good day. I felt like I helped some people. I like it when I am in the right place at the right time to help someone in need. I stayed a bit late after work just cleaning up and organizing a bit. Back To top 5-02-04 Sunday. Today I got up and fixed me some pancakes. I sat around the house in the morning. I listened to the DJ Encore fan station on launchcast. I also contemplated going back to school. I don't know if I want to try to study software engineering or marketing. I am not sure where to go next with my life.. But I know one thing I need to find a bit of a different direction. I feel as if I am headed straight ahead the wrong direction. I went out to eat with my grandparents. I had some enchiladas and a margarita. My grandmother had a sangria swirl...that's what I should have ordered. I went out looking for a drink and a good time around 5 pm. I drove around pretty much lost down town for a couple of hours. Around 7, I popped in at JR's and had a few drinks. I had a couple of sex on the beach drinks and then something with rum and some other stuff...I don't know it was about a shot and a half of rum.. it was the perfect icing on the cake. My boss called me and asked if I would do a quick check on things in the morning. I said no problem, got you covered. Ahh.... another expensive weekend, but it was FUN!Back To top 5-01-04 Saturday. Today was a good day. I did some house chores and some laundry. I got up late. I had a good breakfast around noon. I skipped lunch. I went to the mall with a friend and we split and wandered around a bit. I found the Earthbound Trading company especially intriguing. I got a chess set from there. It is nice because it is portable....the pieces fit in the folded up board. We went out to Friday's and had a couple of drinks with our dinner. We split some quesadillas and I had a burger. I was feeling like partying a bit more, so I went out had had another drink an couple of hours later at Clicks. 4-30-04 Friday Today was a good day. I came in a bit later than usual. I seemed to get quite a bit of stuff done. I tried to stay calm and relaxed. Back To top 4-29-04 Thursday. Today was a very busy day. I was expecting to have the afternoon off, but I wound up working. It was ok I could really use the extra hours. After work I stopped to have a drink and a couple of tacos at Taco Cabana. I was pretty much disappointed with both. I wandered around some shops but really kept to myself. 4-28-04 Wednesday. I came home a bit late and finished fixing the toilet. Back To top 4-27-04 Tuesday. I seemed to get some stuff done. I saw Wilma today. She was in a good mood. I came home and fiddled with the toilet after work. I got frustrated with it. 4-26-04 Monday. Back To top 4-25-04 Sunday. Today was an ok day. I slept in today. I went over and visited Wilma. I went to Wal-Mart and did a little shopping 4-24-04 Saturday. I went out and spent way too much! Oh yea, and I also went to Cici's and had all you can eat buffets for 3 with drinks! (18 with tax) Damn I really do myself in sometimes ; ). Its ok, time spent with friends was well worth it. Back To top 4-23-04 Friday. Today was an ok day. I worked most of the day. It was a busy day at work. I seemed to get quite a bit of work done. I came home in a party mood. I didn't party any really. I made some dinner and hung out around the house and contemplated going out. I was concerned about going out in strong storms. 4-22-04 Thursday. Today was an ok day. It was a bit frustrating. I was having a difficult time figuring out what needed to be done next. Back To top 4-21-04 Wednesday. Today was an alright day. I was pretty tired. I was busy all day. I tried a date for Saturday, but didn't have much luck. 4-20-04 Tuesday. Today was a good day. I won a couple of tickets from KDL today :). It is a concert a the Liquid lounge. Some friends came over late night, and I stayed up a bit too late. Back To top 4-19-04 Monday. Today was a busy day. I think I got quite a bit done. I worked a full day today pretty much non stop. 4-18-04 Sunday. Today was an ok day. I got up on time and made it to church. I talked to a deacon about some of my lack of self control. He prayed with me. I went had a good lunch with my elderly friend. I had chicken, squash casserole, broccoli, carrots, cornbread and some chicken. I got sleepy and took a bit of a nap.Back To top 4-17-04 Saturday. Today I woke up a bit early and did some laundry and some house work. I went out to eat and spent way too much on margaritas. I walked to a friends house and visited her a bit while I let the alcohol in me metabolize some. I walked back to my car and drove home. I came home and slept some more. I spent way too much time in bed this weekend and too much time in front of my computer. 4-16-04 Friday. I slept in a bit late, because it was Friday. Today seemed to be a good day. I seemed to get quite a bit done. Back To top 4-15-04 Thursday. Today was a was an ok day I guess. I woke up at 5 in the morning to the sound of an alarm clock across the hall. I tried to go back to sleep, but didn't really accomplish it. The alarm kept going off. It wasn't terribly loud, but more that audible. My bird flew into the window a few times and I was really afraid she had hurt herself bad this morning. She seemed to recover. I went to work and put a few hours in. Afterwards, I got a huge cavity filled. I was so glad to have it filled. I am so thankful. Back To top 4-14-04 Wednesday. Today I worked a full day. I seemed to have had a pretty good day. I had dinner with my family. I went to bed really late. 3-13-04 Tuesday I woke up and made a trip to the store to get some juice. I am going back to sleep at about 1 AM. The remainder of the day was ok. 3-12-04 Monday. Today was a good day. I made it to work a bit early. I saw a wreck on my lunch break. After work, I was tired. I went to bed and slept a few hours right after dinner. Back To top 3-11-04 Sunday. Today was my grandfathers birthday and also Easter. It was a very good day. I got to spend time with my family and extended family. We had a huge lunch, it was enough for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! It was nice visiting with the family. 3-10-04 Saturday. Today I am feeling the pressure to get out on my own. I am looking at apartments and looking for a better car. I am thinking that if I stay here for a few more months, really watch my spending, I can have 1,200 saved up for a decent cash car. After I have a good car, then I can consider spending a higher monthly rate for a place to stay. It is going to take some definite discipline! I stopped by a friends house and gave her a little Easter present. I gave her a little mug with a little stuffed bunny in it. She liked it, it made me feel good :). Back To top 3-09-04 Friday. Today was an ok day. I worked a full day. I was lazy this morning. I didn't leave on time. I wasn't too late to work, the traffic is not that bad later in the morning. There were not many people around the office today. I am chilling with a Budweiser listening to the radio. I am hearing a song on 106.7 KDL Take me to the clouds above? I start to pray. I start to feel the presence of God in my life. I feel the spirit flowing through me. It was the guitar of U2 mixed in with something else. I am praying for God to help me find direction in my life. 3-08-04 Thursday. Today was a good day. I worked a few hours and then went to the dentist. I got my teeth cleaned and found out that I had about 500 dollars worth of work that needed to be done on my teeth. I wasn't too surprised, actually I was surprised it wasn't more. I am going to take care of the most important teeth first. I had dinner with my family. Back To top 3-07-04 Wednesday Today was a pretty good day. I got up on time and I drove to work and made it fine. It was a bit foggy. I worked a full day. I seemed to get some stuff done. I went to counseling after work. I came home and had some chicken strips. I drank a Kirin Ichiban and talked to some friends on the phone. 3-06-04 Tuesday Today was a bit of a frustrating day. I wound up staying a little late at one job. I think I learned some at work today. I was very sleepy when I got to my second job. I had a pretty good lunch, I had some tacos, rice, and beans. 3-05-04 Monday. I was a bit sore today from moving so much junk around in my room. Back To top 3-04-04 Sunday. Today was a rough day. I woke up this morning unable to find the left lens of my eye glasses. I spent all day, from about 8:30 AM until about 5 PM looking for the lens. The good thing was I did find the lens and I am able to return back to work tomorrow. Unfortunately, my brother wasn't able to find a set of tires for his car. I didn't work today or make it to church. It was a bit of a frustrating day. 3-03-04 Saturday. Today was an ok day. I left the house around noon to go visit an assistant pastor from the church in the hospital. He seemed to be doing ok. There were some complications that needed to be resolved before he could have his surgery. I brought him a couple of things and prayed with him. I wished that I could really break through and truly pray with him like I can pray in solitude. That is something I still need to work on. My brother got a flat tire in the evening, but I did not know how to help. My Dad wound up bringing him a spare tire from my mom's car. I sat at the house and drank a couple of beers. 3-02-04 Friday. Today was an ok day. I worked a full day. I finished up what I was working on yesterday. Back To top 3-01-04 Thursday. Today was an ok day. I spent the majority of the day trying to help my boss get a handle on his tax paperwork. 2-31-04 Wednesday. Today was an ok day. I went to work and in the evening I had dinner with a friend at Marcos. I had a slice of pizza and a margarita. We talked for quite a while. I came home around 8 PM or so.Back To top 2-30-04 Tuesday. This morning I was feeling really down. I called a friend and asked him to pray for me. He said he would. I started feeling a bit better as the day progressed. I had an ok day. It could have been much worse I am sure. So, anyways, it wasn't too bad of a day. I made it through it. Hopefully soon, I will have another enjoyable day. Back To top 2-29-04 Monday. Today wasn't a bad day. It was a long day. I woke up really early. A friend of mine called me around four in the morning. I talked to him for about thirty minutes. I hadn't talked to him in a while. I didn't get back to sleep and I got up and went to work. I worked a full day and came home, and I tried to help someone out with their computer. I spent some time with it, got tired, and gave up pretty much. Most of the day I felt fine. Towards the evening I started feeling down. I am going to bed late, going to get up early, work for about 7 hours and go home and probably going to crash. 2-28-04 Sunday. Today I woke up around 5:30 AM for no apparent reason. I was feeling a bit nauseated. I feel like there is so much I need to do, but I am not getting it all done. I am feeling a bit frustrated. I think I am making too many poor decisions. Instead of going out and having enchiladas and a margarita and being self indulgent, I should have found a way to go visit pastor Dean or someone in the hospital that could use a visit! I am dreading going to work already. This is a never ending cycle it seems. I feel lonely, but I am surrounded by people that really do care about me. How is that so?! People around me have more respect for me than I do myself sometimes. I guess I need to read that feeling good book some more. I am so lazy when it comes to helping myself.Back To top 2-27-04 Saturday. I got my hair cut today. I walked around the Habitat for Improvement store in Garland that benefits the Habitat for Humanity projects. It is a neat little store. They have some really nice stuff a very decent prices. And, the coolest thing is that it all goes to benefit Habitat for Humanity. I called someone that I have been talking to online some, and he was between stores. He asked if he could call me back and I said sure. I didn't hear back yet. I went out to eat with my friend Deb. I had a Meltdown margarita with Mariner. It felt really good and it was really fun at the time. Back To top 2-26-04 Friday. I went to work today. I worked a little late. A co-worker was having a panic attack, so I stayed with her a bit and tried to calm her down some. I was a little help I think. I tried to explain what diaphragmatic breathing was and how it can help. I came home and had a can of Ravioli and then drove up to Lewisville to visit a friend I hadn't seen in a while. We had a good visit. We went and shot a couple of games of pool and I had a margarita. We were about an equal match at pool. I came back home around 1AM. I tried to call the guy that I am a bit attracted to, but he didn't answer.Back To top 3-25-04 Today I finally made it to the doctor. I came back with antihistamines, decongestants, and antibiotics. Hopefully I will start feeling a little better soon. 3-24-04 Wednesday. Today wasn't too bad. I worked a full day. I went out to lunch with one of the guys from work. We had a good lunch. We talked a bit about work and my stressing and all and how I would like to change my career, but I am not sure what I want to change. I also talked some about the adversity I have overcome, the event where my dad saw Christ, and some other stuff. I was late to an appointment. I really love my birds. It is so nice to have them around.Back To top 3-23-04 Today wasn't too bad. I woke up still feeling the gloom of the night before. The gloom started going away around 10AM or so. I seemed to get some accomplished. I made it to the bank today and deposited a check. I went to Wal-Mart and bought some clothes and some food. I spent probably two hours there looking around. There is so much stuff in Wal-Mart that I would like to have. I wish my budget wasn't so limited sometimes. I need to learn how to be more prosperous. I had dinner with the family. I talked online with some friends. I don't know how to handle all my emotions. There is one guy that I am really attracted to, but I am afraid to peruse it for various reasons, one his age. He is a few years younger than I. Sometimes I think he is a bit too feminine, but he is soooooo cute! I am also attracted to another guy, but I am not sure he would like knowing that. I think the other guy is closer to my age. I have had my eye on him for about 3 months I guess. I used to see him often at the bank I went to. And then, there is my ex... I like so much about him, but he is just not physically what I was looking for. Though, I have fallen in love with who he is. Bottom line: I see guys I want to date, but am afraid! I live my life in fear, yet I am so bold in other ways! Not only do I have to make up my mind which one I pursue, I also have to make up my mind if it is worth risking being kicked out. I made an appointment with my physician finally. Hopefully I can start feeling a little better soon. Back To top 3-22-04 Monday. Today wasn't a great day, but I guess it wasn't too bad. I heard that the father of someone I work for passed away the other day. I wish I could so something to help, well I guess I could just do a better job, but I am having a difficult time even doing that. I worked a full day. I came home and had dinner with the family. I started feeling a bit sick this evening. I don't know if it is just stress, anxiety, and depression, or something else. I just feel nauseated and I feel chilled. Back To top 3-21-04 Sunday. Today was a good day. I made it to church. I got to see a good friend I haven't seen in a while. I visited an elderly woman today and did some laundry. I did some work around the house. I didn't have much to eat. I had some donuts for breakfast and a grilled chicken sandwich for lunch. Back To top 3-20-04 Saturday. Today was ok. I woke up at my friends house and hung out with her until about noon. I came home and had a very light breakfast. I was pretty tired, so I laid around a bit. Later in the afternoon my brother invited me to go out to eat with him. We went out and had some Mexican food and a couple of drinks. It was a nice drive home. There was lightning dancing around us. We drove over the lake and back.Back To top 3-19-04 Friday. Today wasn't too bad I guess. I seemed to get quite a bit done. Though there was still more to be done. It was hot at work today. The air conditioner wasn't working. A friend called me this evening and invited me to stay with her her last night in her apartment. I went and we had a fairly good visit.Back To top 3-18-04 Today was a rough day from the get go. I was a bit late to work, and I didn't seem to get everything done that needed to be done. I was late for my appointment after work. Thankfully, though, I made it without an accident, there were some tricky spots. I was really frustrated with a project I had to do at work. I have decided to start taking better care of myself. Within a month, I plan to stop smoking. At the least I will see what life is without it again for a while. 3-17-04 Today was a very nice day. I have been praising God all day. I made it to work ok. It seemed that I got quite a bit of stuff done. I spent some time basking in the light of the sun and the Lord praying today. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. On the way home from the grocery store, I saw a rainbow. I at the time also heard What if God Was One of Us at it was 5:21 PM on mix 102.9. I had dinner with my family. I am trying to prepare myself mentally for a full day tomorrow.Back To top 3-15-04 Today I woke up with a deep cough not feeling too well. I am debating whether or not I should go to the Dr. and see if he can help me get over whatever I got a little faster or just rough it out. I just hate to spend the money. I think I am just going to rough it out. I went into work a bit late. I worked a full day. I kept having troubles with the printer and had other interruptions. I made it through the day though. I got good news about my mom. Well at least some good news, I still have concerns for her health, but some news was not as frightening as it could have been. What made me most relieved was that she was in good spirits.Back To top 3-14-04 Today has been a very good day so far. I went to church this morning. I felt so much love there, as always. I found out an interesting connection with someone in the church. I was so happy to see all my friends at church. I took the afternoon off because I have had a bit of a cold and don't want to risk infecting an elderly woman. I am going to try to spend some time with my friend who is town this afternoon. I wound up going to the Zoo with my friend as a spontaneous thing. I got to hang out with my friend some more, and I called up a friend and he called up a friend, and we had a pretty nice get together. Unfortunately, though, I think the cold night air did me in for a day. Back To top 3-13-04 Today was an ok day. I was still feeling a bit "under the weather". My sinuses and allergies are giving me fits. I cleaned my bathroom, did some laundry, and got some rest. That was about all I did today. I ate my leftovers from Chili'sBack To top 3-12-04 Today was a good day. I was lazy this morning. It is nice getting an extra hour in the morning. Friday's are casual for me. I got some stuff done at work. I went out to eat at Chili's I was going to go to Uncle Julio's, but the one I went to wasn't there anymore. Chili's has gotten expensive. Just for an order of quesadillas, fajitas for two, and a beer... it was $32! Its ok though, I had a good lunch and I even had leftovers. This evening, a good friend of mine that lives out of state called. She told me her father had another heart attack so she came down to see him. I got to visit with her some. Back To top 3-11-04 Thursday. Today was an OK day. I seemed to get some work done. I felt a little sick, my sinuses and allergies were bothering me quite a bit. But, other than that, it was a good day. I got something returned that I needed to, got my taxes done, deposited a paycheck, paid some bills. Overall a very productive and good day. I also heard a friend of mine got a job which really lifted my spirits. The weather was beautiful.Back To top 3-10-04 Wednesday Today wasn't a particularly productive day, but it wasn't bad. I was much happier today than I have been in a while. 3-09-04 Tuesday.. Today I woke up feeling like it was a terrible day. I dreaded going into work. When I got to work, it seemed as if I did a good job. I had an alright day. The day was very beautiful weather wise. I heard from a few friends today. It really lifted my spirits some. 3-08-04 Monday. Today was an ok day. I went to work and got some stuff done. I didn't do much after I got home. I read some of the feeling good book. My heart is racing a bit and I am not feeling too hot...but I bet I get over it.Back To top 3-07-04 Sunday. Today was an OK day. I didn't go to church. I went to work a bit late. I almost fell asleep at work. I stayed a bit late. I came home and read some. 3-06-04 Saturday. Today was a good day. I had breakfast with someone I had met years ago while working for Office Max. I was sleepy in the afternoon, felt quite drained. I then talked to another friend that invited me to go to a football game with her. She had some free tickets. I had a couple of beers and watched the game. It was something different to do.Back To top 3-05-04 Friday. Today was an ok day. I went to work a bit late. I got quite a bit of work done. I deposited a couple of checks to the bank. I paid my rent. I tried to get my headlight working, and I figured that there is a short somewhere I can't seem to identify after poking around with a continuity tester. I was going to just wire the bulb straight to the battery with a fuse in between, but I couldn't seem to splice the wires together too well. Sheesh, I hope I can get a new car soon.Back To top 3-04-04 Thursday. Today was not a terrible day. I got some stuff done. I made it to the tax office and registered the hunk o junk I call a car. Back To top 3-02-04 Today was another very trying day. The first couple of hours was ok, but by 5 PM I was extremely beat down. I need to take care of some stuff and I am having troubles. I can't seem to get what needs to be done done.Back To top 3-01-04 Today, I worked. I had a fairly productive day. I felt really good most of the day. 2-29-04 Today, I got up very early. I did some laundry and cleaned my room up some. I am making very small bits of progress. My room is still a disaster, but it isn't quite as bad as it was. 2-28-04 Today, I did not do anything much really. I played around with this website some. I slept in very late. I didn't really call anyone. I felt this overwhelming sense of anxiety and depression. I did do a little grocery shopping. Back To top 2-27-04 I worked a full day today. I felt like I did a fairly good job, I at least got quite a bit done. I didn't get everything that needed to be done though. I ran into problems like running out of toner in the middle of a huge printing job. After work, I came home for a while. A friend of mine called me and said that she the bus never came and wasn't able to make it to home from work. She talked me into going and getting her from the Microsoft building in Dallas. It was a treacherous drive in my old beat up car with one head light and busted CV joints. I got a bit inspired and hopeful that maybe some day I might be able to get on with a great company with opportunities to really grow. 2-26-04 I went to work today. It wasn't a particularly productive day, but it wasn't too bad. I got to talk to my friend that I haven't heard from in a long while. Her phone had been disconnected, and her truck was broke down, and she lives all the way in Colorado. Fortunately, now, her truck is working, she has a phone, and she still has her job. I was very glad to hear the good news! Back To top 2-25-04 Today I went to work. I got a thank you note from one boss. I went to counseling and I felt like I just did not get anything worked out. All I could say is I don't know... 2-24-04 I worked a partial day today. It wasn't a bad day, although it wasn't a highly productive day either. Back To top 2-23-04 Today I woke up at 4:30 am not ready to face the day. I was awake for about thirty minutes and am going to try go to back to sleep for about an hour. We will see how the day goes. Well, never got back to sleep.. I took a shower at 4:30 when I woke up. I laid around a bit, and I made it to work on time. I came home after work and did not do much. On the way to go turn in some tax paperwork and lost control of my car. I think it had a whole lot to do with the rainy weather, the poor shape my car is in, and dodging a crater in the road around a curve. Thank God I survived unscathed! I went to Dairy-ette and had one of their famous root beers trying to avoid going for a beer. Well, on the way home.... I stopped in for a margarita. SHAME SHAME SHAME on me!Back To top 2-23-04 Today was a very busy work day. I made it to work on time. I worked all day, and even stayed late. I helped close out the billing cycle by running reports on the copiers and stuff. I came home and had a few hot dogs and that was about for the day. Someone called me looking for the originals of an invoice I had done a year back, and unfortunately I couldn't find it.Back To top 2-22-04 Sunday. I missed church again. I did not get up in time and I had laundry to do. I worked for a few hours. I was very lonely around supper time. I wanted to go out to eat, but I couldn't find anyone to go out with. I came home and had a few pieces of pizza and some shot of vodka in a glass of orange juice. I hate alcohol, but still I can't make myself throw away what I already have! Crazy huh! 2-21-04 Saturday. Today was a very good day. I went and visited my grandparents with my family. We had a very nice meal and a very nice visit. I got another letter from my friend thanking me for the valentines heart and the pictures I brought over. She also asked that I not come around or call.Back To top 2-20-04 Friday. Today I woke up at 4:00 in the morning again. I was unable to go back to sleep. I did lay in bed for about four hours. I did not go to work on time, but it wasn't a big deal. I seemed to have a fairly productive day at work, however little things kept slowing me down. I called my friend's mother and what she had to say angered me. She said that I was more negative than positive and that she recommended that my friend not be around me because of it. My friend wrote me a letter because her mother has convinced her she should not be around negative people and that I am a negative person saying she did not want any phone calls or visitors. It really angered me because I feel that there is a wall between someone that I am really close to and I. I was also told that a gift that I gave was unappreciated.. that really gets under my skin.. I try to do a good thing for someone as a show of love and I get told that was not a nice thing to do!! I did get some laundry started and started cleaning up my room. On a scale of one to ten, one being depressed, and ten being happy, I was about an 8.Back To top 2-19-04 Thursday. I woke up at 4:30 this morning for no reason and stayed awake though trying to go back to sleep. I was nauseated again this morning so I waited until after I worked a couple of hours to have breakfast. 2-18-04 Wednesday. Today was not a great day. The morning was rough. I went in to work late. I did make it to counseling. 2-17-04 Tuesday. Back To top 2-16-04 Monday Today I had the day off. I did not do a whole lot. I did get my hair cut, but it was screwed up. My mom helped by fixing it. I got a box of chocolates for my friend from the valentines clearance. 2-15-04 Sunday Today I finally made it to church. The theme was Love. The scripture reference was 1 Corinthians 13. It was a good sermon and a good service. The pianist, Antoine Spencer, really knocked my socks off today. I experience tears of joy and all other emotions when I am there. Most of all, I feel a deep sense of love. 2-14-04 Saturday the 14th. Today, I woke up at 5 AM.. My father woke me up telling me that it was snowing. There was snow covering even the streets when I woke up. Its a white Valentines day. I had fallen asleep with my glasses in my bed. I rolled over them and my lens popped out . I spent an hour looking for the lens this morning. I am going to try to get a wink or two of sleep before I try to figure out whether or not I can make it to counseling because of the weather. A couple of my friends tried to get a marriage license, but were denied. Had they been in California or Massachusetts, they would have gotten married. But, this is Texas. They instead had their application torn up and told that same sex marriages are not recognized in this state. 2-13-04 Friday the 13th before valentines day. I had a very productive day at work. I feel like I picked up some slack from what was left over the day before. I worked straight through with no lunch break, and I go so much done. I sent out over 250 Letters, printed several brochures, and entered a good bit of data. A friend of mine said that I should try to get on with her company hired by Microsoft to do technical support. I am not sure that I want to try it, but I guess I don't know why not. 2-12-04 Thursday. Today was a fairly productive day at work. Not everything went right, but at least some things did. 2-11-04 Wednesday. Today did not seem as productive at work. The afternoon seemed more productive than the morning. After work, I was going to go to counseling, but I missed my exit and it was raining and the traffic was terrible. I just could not get back going the direction I wanted. I came home feeling absolutely terrible, at the end of my rope I guess. I went straight to bed, skipped dinner, and stayed in bed the majority evening. 2-10-04 Today was a good day. It seemed to be a highly productive day at work. I was, however, frustrated and tired buy the end of the day. I did a load of dishes when I came home. I need to take care of quite a bit of stuff. I need to pay my credit card, pay my taxes, go to the grocery store, get some film developed, get my car registered, get it fixed up a bit, and well some other stuff to. Hopefully I can do it all. It is a constant battle sometimes. My thought for the day was.... If it always seems like you are trudging up hill, then one day if you are persistent you will reach the top! 2-9-04 Monday. I got up early today. It is raining this morning. I feel alright I guess. I am trying to make myself go to work. I will leave soon, hopefully I can manage to eat some breakfast before I take off. I did. I had an egg sandwich before I left for work. I made it to work ok. Traffic wasn't as bad as I expected. Things seemed to go ok. My boss came in frantic looking for paperwork he had misplaced. He found it. I worked through the whole day. I think I did an ok job. I came home and realized one headlight on my car is out. I wasn't able to figure out what was causing it. It could be a loose fuse, a messed up wire, a bulb, or something else. My high beam indicator suddenly quit working to. I sure wish I could afford a good car. Back To top 2-8-04 Sunday. Today was a good day. I went over and spent some time with Wilma. I should have gone to church, but I slept in instead. I needed to clean my room some and do some laundry, but I didn't do that either. I was pretty much lazy today, recovering from a busy weekend! 2-7-04 Saturday. Today was a good day. I slept in in the morning, got up around noon. I went and drove around a bit and hung out near Cross Roads market for a while. I ate some enchiladas at Busters and had a margarita. Then I went out to the movies with a few friends. Afterwards, we went out for a couple of drinks and then to a club. I got to shake hands with and meet someone I had really wanted to meet. If only I had asked him to dance! I got home around 2 AM. Back To top 2-6-04 Friday. Today was a good day. I went to work and seemed to do some good. I went out to the velvet hookah with some friends after work. I also went to the thin room and Cafe Brazil. 2-5-04 Thursday. Today I felt terrible when I woke up. I drove to work in the rain and traffic, tried to work, but got very little done. I came home early and went to bed. I did not get any sleep really, just some rest. 2-4-04 Wednesday. Today felt like a very productive day. I stopped by and saw an old friend at his work. We had a pretty good conversation. I was wishing that I had his phone number, I gave him mine.Back To top 2-3-04 Tuesday. Today was an easy day. I only had to work half the day. 2-2-04 Monday. Today I think I got quite a bit done. I sent some letters out and did some stuff around the office. 2-01-04 Today I am going to go see a friend of mine get baptized. On the way to the baptism, I almost ran out of gas. I ended up at pump #7 with 77 miles on the trip odometer. , I heard Bob Marley & The Wailers--Get Up, Stand Up on KDL. Then Fragma--Toca's Miracle (miracle Radio Edit) came on. : ) Then I will visit Wilma for a while. I talked to my friend and told her I was there for the baptism, though I did not get to say hello to her.Back To top 1-31-04 Today I went and saw a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I have been real busy and haven't wanted to make the drive out to see my friend. I took her out for dinner. We had a good dinner. 1-30-04 Today was an alright day. It seemed to be a relaxed day at work. I felt like I got some accomplished. I got to hang out with a good friend of mine and we talked about a whole lot of what has been on our minds. I felt like we had a good visit and we worked through a whole lot of what has been on our minds.Back To top 1-29-04 1-28-04 Today was a not so good day. It seems as if I made some progress, but the day did not go perfect. I went to counseling today. I think I have worked through some of what has been keeping me awake at night. I am so indecisive! 1-27-04 Tuesday. Today was another not particularly productive day. I did, however, have a good visit with my friend Wilma. 1-26-04 Monday. Well today I woke up at 5:30 AM. A friend called me back concerned about me. I feel like I should be sleeping, but I don't think I can go back to sleep. I need to be at work at 8:00. I am having a very difficult time dealing with life right now. I know I have to continue to work, but It is getting more and more difficult every day. I am glad that I have sought come counseling, I wish I had done it sooner. I never ate a good dinner last night. I am really worried about my friends, but maybe if I can just take care of myself my friends will be alright. As a few tears roll down and Elton John plays in the background, I try to smile and continue on. Back To top 1-25-04 Sunday. Today was an alright day. It was drizzly most of the day. I woke up early but kept going back to sleep. I did not make myself go to church this morning. I did go to work however. I talked to my friend who is having a difficult time. I feel like my indecisiveness and inability to make myself do as sometimes I feel I am led to do is hurting others. I had a margarita for dinner. 1-24-04 Saturday. Today I did not do much. I went to see a counselor for the first time in a very long time. I was glad that I was able to find one I could afford without insurance. A friend of mine was supposed to meet me for lunch, but she did not make it. I also made it to the office of my physicians and picked up a couple months worth of samples for the medication I am on. I was quite thankful for it. 1-23-04 Friday. I feel like I got some accomplished. I was somewhat disappointed thought that there were some things that I hadn't accomplished. Back To top 1-22-04 Thursday. I had a difficult day today. I did seem to get one small task accomplished at work. 1-21-04 Today was the work day from Hades. Well the morning was anyways. Things just did not go right. The afternoon went ok. 1-20-04 I had a decent day at work. I came in tired because I really did not get much sleep. Things didn't go exactly right but I seemed to make progress.Back To top 1-19-04 Today was a good day. I had a meeting with my boss and it seemed that we got some stuff done. Afterwards, a friend of mine called me and I came over and we decided to go to the movies. We went and saw Big Fish. I am so confused as to what I want in my life as far as relationships go, it drives me nuts, not to mention my friends! 1-18-04 Today I worked a few hours. It was not bad. 1-17-04 I took the day off today.Back To top 1-16-04 I worked today. It was a good productive day I think. 1-15-04 Today I was given a day off and I took it. I am still trying to recover somewhat from whatever hit me on Wednesday. 1-14-03 Today, I did not feel well. I got up early trying to make myself go to work, but instead I just laid around a bit for a while. I did go to work for a half day. I did not feel as productive as I normally am, but I did get some stuff done. Back To top 1-13-04 Today was a tough day. I worked a few hours at the office and then went to go take care of an elderly woman. I started feeling sick around noon I guess. By three I was barely able to move. I went to bed and stayed in bed until the next morning. 01-12-04 I worked a full day today. I got some stuff done. I had a great birthday. Someone took me out to dinner and my family came along. I played a few games at the arcade. I got a few presents. It really made me feel special.Back To top 01-02-04 Well I am still laying around enjoying the New Year. It is like my weekend just started. I tried to get some work done, but I haven't gotten anywhere because the person I was working with hasn't returned any calls. 01-01-04 Happy New Year Everyone! Well it was a good new years. I woke up very late, about noon actually. Well I woke up before that, but laid around a bit. I got to spend new years with a very best friend. Back To top |
