Little bits of....er....wisdom, I guess. Mostly from neosiggies, but some I got off that great, wide expanse we call the internet. I present to you...


The Best One-Liners On The Web
Now in some sort of order!


If life Gives You Lemons...

• When life gives you lemons, find a kid with a paper cut
• If life gives you lemons....keep 'em! Hey, free lemons!!!
• if life gives you lemons make lemoade spit in it and give it to everyone who ticks you off
• when life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand oranges
• When Life gives you Lemons,get sugar and water and make lemonade.
• When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you lemonade, you're screwed.
• When life gives you lemons wing em right back and get some lemons of your own.
  
  Inspirational/Pensive
• If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
• Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
• I trust everyone...it's the devil inside them i don't trust
• "Why do you ask him move heaven and earth To prove his love has worth?"-Clay Aiken
• "The web of our life is a mingled yarn, good and ill together."~Shakespeare
• Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven But No One Wants To Die
• Never fear shadows. They only mean there's a light shining somewhere.
• 'I see' said the Blind man to his Deaf son
• I Hate it when people say its always the last place you look. Of course it is; why would you keep looking after you have found it?
• Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. *Jules de Gaultier
• If your mind isn't open, keep your mouth shut too -elsknan
• Dont feel sorry for me because I have nothing.Feel sorry for yourself when you lose what you have.
• If you want to enjoy the rainbow you gotta endure the storm
• The last thing I taste will not be my blood, it will be the sweetness of revenge.
• Friends are like stars, you don't always see them but they are always there
• A mind is like a parachute, it only works if it's open.
  
  Funny Things
• i love animals...especially in a good gravy
• Before you critize a man, walk a mile in his shoes, that way when you do, you are a mile away and have his shoes.
• Be yourself, no one else wants too.
• I knew I was a nut the day the squirrel started looking at me funny.
• Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience!!!
• there are 3 kinds of people in this world. people who can count and people who can't.
• why let a good thing like insanity go to waste?
• Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work is done here...
• Do not run from your enemies... it draws their attention.
• Somethings wrong with my eyes, because when I look at the sun, I gotta squint
• I was standing in the park,wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer.Then it hit me.
• I prefer to solve my problems through non-physical means, like bribery and cunning.
• ok theres a deer season, a turkey season, and a tourist season...so why can't we shoot them??
• Do not meddle in the affairs of a dragon, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
• Has anyone seen that fire faerie? I thought she was being...o__O Who wants lunch? -icedude912
• the only thing to fear is fear its self...and me
• I may look like an idiot, i may act like an idiot, but don't let that fool you.... I am an idiot!!
• Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
• Are you really going to remember to stop, drop and roll when your on fire? I THINK NOT!
• "Gift" is simply the German word for "poison".
• I have gone to find myself. If I come back before I return, keep me here!
• If you dont like my driving stay off the sidewalk
• "I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained." -Steven Wright
• I had a dream about death, death had a nightmare about me
• I love the unknown! Its so predictable!
• I have a short attention spa........ Oh look a butterfly
• Keep the earth clean, eat a pigeon.
• You can't lick your elbow ........... but i bet you just tried too.
• I'm not lazy, I'm just on a perment break.
• Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• He who laughs last thinks slowest...
• I'm not lost! I'm just taking the creative way there!
• im the most popular kid in school...too bad im homeschooled
• The nice people came and gave me a stylish white jacket.Then they put me in the nice cushiony room.Yay! I can fly!!
• "Beauty is only skin deep, but then again, who needs an attractive liver?"
  - The Dead Sea Files
• "If nobody's perfect, and I'm a nobody, does that mean I'm perfect?"
  - Anonymous
• "Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugarbowl's empty and so is your head."
  - Anonymous
• "I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate."
  - Spaceballs