*Dark, quiet room*

*Artesania walks in* *cue spotlight*

*Artesania motions for the spotlight to be on her, not the dustmite chewing on a mouse carcass*

Artesania: Well, folks, as those of you who have been here for a while may have noticed, I have not updated this site in a while…*shuffles feet* weeeell, see, I have a bit of… “news” for y’all…

Phantom audience member: Are you pregnant?

Artesania: *blink* Far from—why do—never mind.

PAM2: Are you sick? Dying?

Artesania: *opens mouth*

PAM3: Of an STI/STD?

Artesania: *breathe* No, dear darling children, no. I am not—any of those things. In fact, this has nothing to do with me.

PAM2: HURRY THE HELL UP!!

Artesania: *snap* YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!! I’M TRYING TO TELL THE REST OF THE DECENT WORLD THAT THE AUTHOR IS NOT CONTINUING HER STORY DUE TO THE FACT THAT SHE’S 16 YEARS OLD AND TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF HER BABY AND AND THUS SHE’S NOT GIVING ME ANY MST MATERIEL AND I’M SOMEWHAT PISSED AND…AND…and…and…right.

All: …wow.

Artesania: *curtsy* That’s all, folks! *blows kiss* I wuv you all!!

PAM2: Even me?

Artesania: SHUT THE HELL UP!! *chipper smile*

*curtain falls*