.:Nillenthirwen's Poems and Songs:.

I Apologize

I apologize for
This kiss I’m about to steal.
I apologize for
Showing you how I feel.
I apologize for
Leaving on a short note.
I apologize for
My love giving you such a jolt.
I apologize for
You having to read this.
I apologize for
This kiss.

-Chris, This was for you.
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Jeff Hardy

Just another guy - not!
Everything I want in a man
Funky hairdo - very unique
Funny - sometimes

Has several very good qualities
Answer to my prayers
Ready for any match
Deserving of any title belt
Years of pain got him here
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Keep Writing

Illusions block our eyes,
Are you an illusion?
You don’t block my eyes,
You block my mind.
My mind is filled with thoughts of you.
I can’t stop thinking of you.
You are what I dream of every night.
Your face appears before me in school.
The words change into you.
Everything holds me back,
But you push me forwards.
Your mysteriousness beckons me.
I want to know about you.
To meet you, I would do anything.
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Life…

Don’t want it.
Don’t need it.
Don’t have to.
Don’t wanna know.
I have no feeling in,
My heart.
Cannot just be a part
Of this.
I need to find someone
For me.
Can’t you please
Help me?
In love I will
Never be.
I want you to
Take away
MY LIFE!
I have no feeling
in my heart.
Cannot just be a part
Of this.
I need to find someone
for me.
I wanna ask you a question…
Is it fair that we all lie?
Just to be a part in this so called life?
I wanna know the truth
Cant you just give me this one last wish
For this dying girl?
What the fuck is going on this world today?
How the hell will we ever know?
I have no feeling
in my heart
Cannot just be a part
Of this
I need to find someone
for me like me
I need to find someone
Just like me
Just like me
Just like me
I need to find someone for me just like me.
I wanna know will I ever
Find someone just like me
Just for me
Just give up on this life
I wanna I need to
Just give up on this LIFE!!!!!!!!
How far will I got?
What can stop me?
Who has the power,
To overtake me?
My life.
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Life within this dark earth is beyond me

Life within this dark earth is beyond me.
Never telling the truth but only the lies of it all.
People going are going in different directions.
Stopping the hope of all existence for us.
When it stops who will care?
Is it really us or another life source?
No one is polite or well mannered.
Everyone has their own way of doing things.
Life is useless.
Life beyond this point confuses me.
What happens to the soul when we die?
Who decides when we die, is there someone named destiny?
The beginning of life and the ending.
Is it the best or the worst thing in this world?
Can something so bad get any worse?
Most of the time it is the mind that is the problem.
Computers aren’t the only things that breakdown.
It is our bodies too.
A silver lining is what we see when we take the glass away.
The mirrors cannot disguise.
Life is not worth living in a world that has a cause.
Who has the power to give life only to take it away?
The best thing to come out of life is death.
Within this dark life force is love.
Whatever can be done is further than I will ever know.
How will we ever find perfection if the government won’t let us look?
LET US BE WHO WE WANT TO BE!
The best thing in the world is what we choose it to be.
However we can do, as we like until we have gone by our limit.
We have never seen a power as strong as mine.
How far will you go for love?
Will you go all the way?
Or just as far as your heart wants to go?
Be who you want to be.
The end is near and I have not met my standards.
The last time we have met was when we were kids.
Ha ha my life is now complete.
The last one to defy me cannot tell you what happened.
He has not died but he cannot be in the best condition.
Life within this dark earth is beyond me.
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Love or Infatuation?

How does he do it?
He makes me feel so good
My eyes on him, my soul with his
He makes me feel so light-headed.
Is it love or just infatuation?
What is love anyways?
Is it how he makes me feel so happy?
Or how his smile melts my heart?
Is it when I feel giddy
Or when I feel at peace?
Why do I feel this way?
Who has control over feelings like this?
Infatuation, what is it?
Is it the lighter side of love
Or the beginning of it?
When I see his smile,
Is he smiling at me
Or just for the sake of it?
How could it be some one so pure
Could win my heat so quickly?
What do I see in him?
Is it his colored hair or deep eyes
Or his personality?
He is so unique.
At what point in time will I understand how I feel?
Why do I feel this way?
I haven’t even met him!
If I ever met him, would he like me?
This love or infatuation is hard to pass by.
My heart is with his on Cloud Nine (or is it?)
He takes his looks into consideration
When he does what he does.
What is this state of bliss?
Does it happen to others?
Does he feel the same way
Or is it just me?
Has he found his soul mate?
For some strange reason, I think he is mine.
Is it love when I think of him everyday?
Oh, how I wish I could meet him!
I LOVE YOU JEFF HARDY! (I think…)
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Love is…

Liking someone for who they are.
Over looking their flaws.
Veering past what they look like and going to their personality first.
Evenly caring for them and yourself.
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Love me

I would give up everything to show you my love.
I see you across the way looking as good as you always do.
Making an excuse just to get near you.
The power of love that I can give is endless.
I would give you everything
I need you to see how much
I care and how much I love you.
The happiness we could share.
Is only in my mind and that’s where it will stay.
You will never see nor read this so let me take the time to give me a chance to try
I need some time to try and figure my life out and answer some of my own questions
I need some time to myself.
What will you do if I ever left you permanently?
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New Beginnings

Young mother nestling her chicks,
Chirps coming from close branches.
Young gophers running over the ground,
Waking up from a long nap.

Blue song birds in a secluded tree.
Young man and woman stroll through the park joined at hands.
Bees performing mating dance.
Cere on budgie suddenly gets brighter as he waits for a mate.


Baseball practice out on the diamond
Crack of a ball on wood
Men, women, children of all ages running
Coaches barking orders
Spring, a time to begin.
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One Day at a Time

Six in the morn;
Bright, golden sunlight shining through
Burgundy blinds;
Light breeze flowing through open window.

Outside,
Slushy puddles galore,
Ready for school.
German Shepard chases, muddy nose.
Take off blue windbreaker,
Step over grayish melting snow bank

After school,
Step off bus
A once sheet of ice,
Turns socks to cold, soggy cotton
Brand new sketchers immersed in water,
Avoid wet snow and mud in alley.
Home.
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Ode to Otown

Otown, Otown they’re so fine
They can show it all the time
One of them I just can’t pick
Well I’m not a choosy chick!
Nothing really puts them down

This is just my ode to otown!
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At the Park

The child,
Sloshed through the snow.
Strong aroma of diesel fuel fills her nostrils.
Down the slide at Westmount Park,
Landing in the puddle, which spreads almost to the sides of the sandbox.

Boys playing chicken on rings over a puddle.
Older girls on gym talk about clothes,
Both wearing short sleeved shorts and light pants.

If anything, the man sitting on the park bench was the oddest
His scraggly gray hair,
Crooked nose,
Almost toothless grin.
Heavy navy blue winter coat, he adorned.
Smiled at the girl and her younger sister.

Bell rings
Back to school,
Finally way from the teens and the creepy man.
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Peace Love and Harmony

Why these days do
we all fight?
In our heads
Are we alright?
Peace love and harmony,
Is all we need,
To live out
God’s special deed.
Peace is from our soul,
Love is from our heart,
Harmony is from our mind,
They’re all way up their on my chart.
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Questions

What is the meaning of this?
I demand an answer!
What have I done to make you so mad?
What is the fact behind what I haven’t done?
Who is behind all this matter?
When will I know the answer what is that thing lurking behind you?
Who are you?
Why do you want to hurt me?
When is the last time I will see the light of day?
Who else is here?
LET ME GO!
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This Is For You

This is for you.
This is for the times that you have made me feel whole
This is for the times that I was out of control.
You made me feel right.
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Carolyn

Sitting at a lonely kitchen table
Wondering how fast time has gone.
Fur Elise blaring from the next room,
Young lovers alone in a room.
Digits on ivory.
Man sits.
Eyes on screen
Men in shorts pummel each other.
Blood shed
A fallen soldier.
Infant stares longingly at a piece of toast.
A ravenous dingo wanting to pounce.
Four boys alone in the yard.
All yearning to be explorers,
The youngest falls down and cries.
All enter house.
Leaving a trail of mud,
Clean later.
A long wait until tomorrow begins.
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to be as she

It is a night of subtlety, a song of ethereal pain,
wolves vent their pain. The dark one
awakes.

Wisps of death shrouds her brooding form,
an impatient wanting.

Her ebony hair cascades over
pale and delicate shoulders, and her
full scarlet lips part slightly, to taste the
darkness streaming from the
pale flesh beneath
her.

Now a night of vitality,
I thirst.
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Dark Betrayal

Around, all around, the dark memories gather.
My dread grows as the dagger of your words falls against my heart.
It severs me, and darkly my
blood drips
to the broken ground.
In horror I try to run
while my doom approaches.
Now alone, my cascade of tears falls upon dead eyes.

This is because of you
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Alone in Darkness

the night falls with a silent sigh, cold and alone are we.
the emotion for which you lust
flares once, then dies,
swept away by your obsession.
all hope must die.

your heart desires no more.
how could you abandon me?
lost souls surround us, cryin,
we have lost our way.
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innocence lost

I am dying here, lost in blackness:
hurtling through this darkened tomb,
heart so torn and bleeding.

this life so severed,
a tragic abyss,
thrown away;

yet I wish for
your touch so warm.
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Denial

Slender beams of light enter
this darkened chamber as I kneel,
always a slave, always forlorn,
frozen here,
waiting.

Tortured forms wrought in panes of glass loom as
dust dances in the air,
forming an image in my mind,
infiltrating my darkened soul.

Paleness on humanity's face.

I raise my head, now defying
this oblivious darkness.
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Look Down

Look down
But don't forget what's up
Stay down
But don't forget to just keep holdin' on

Everytime
You begin to hold your nose up
You lose time
With your valuable friends

One day, I was
Sittin on a bench
Looked 'round
Noticed a handsome face
Looked away
With a red blushed face
Looked back
Must've gone away

Look down
But don't forget what's up
Stay down
but don't forget to just keep holdin' on

Every time
You begin hold your nose up
You lose time
With your valuable friends
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Away

Close my eyes
And let me go
Rise above all
the chaos and anger
fall away from it
screaming as I go

Slowly I fall
away from it all
Into an abyss
Away from the darkness
Slowly I fall
away from it all
Into an abyss
Away from the darkness

He walked away
and just like a puppy
I followed
he pushed away
and i came closer
to him

Slowly I fall
away from it all
Into an abyss
Away from the darkness
Slowly I fall
away from it all
Into an abyss
Away from the darkness

My momma cried
when he walked out
I lost my father
I lost my sanity
all in one day
it's all gone

Slowly I fall
away from it all
Into an abyss
Away from the darkness
Slowly I fall
away from it all
Into an abyss
Away from the darkness

Slipping away
Away from my sanity
Slipping away
away from my family

Slowly I fall
away from it all
Into an abyss
Away from the darkness

Falling away
Falling away
Falling.... away
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My Star

Closed and deformed
I let myself drift
Drift away into an abyss
Closed and deformed
I go
I go unto the star
The star which lightens my life
Him
He lightens my life
He lets me go and do my thing
I love him.
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Death

Death the sweet release
The onyl thing to let us go.
Keep the knife close
Keep the gun closer.
Hold onto that thread, fates.
My fate is in my hands.
My gun is in my hand.
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Crashing

I am
Slippin'
away from the light
Slippin'
won't put up a fight

I am
Crashing
This here car
Crashin'
Now I"ve gone too far

Let me have this peace
Lete me go, please?
I never hurt anyone
I never touched anyone

Motor gone, the car has struck
Board gone, he just hit a truck
That's what's wrong
That's what's wrong with the
world today.
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Pain

Pain fills what life misses
He can't fulfill what he ditches.
Closing on a chapter of life
Opening on a period of strife

Shouldered baggage from a past life
Dropped on sand in this new life
Chosen are what messages given
Chosen are what pain has taken

Close are your friends
Close are your enemies
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Drunk Driver

Baby gone
All alone
Drenched in blood
And in crud

Holding on
By a thread
Is the mother
Almost dead

All because
Of that drunk driver
The baby's gone
So is the mother
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No Reason

Faltered by the last minute pain
Changed by fast falling rain
Garnished in self doubt
Only wanting to get out
He lied
She cried

Laughter, it's all gone
After the pain
Happy, it's all gone
NO reason left to cry
It's the last time
She'll have to
Put up with the destruction

Slowly going down
Far beyond the pain
Into the darkness
No one to complain
Held up by simplicity
Goin' on through life
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Behind Me

Opening the door,
Closing the window
Opening my heart
Closing my senses
It's all one never ending process
Let it all go
My life is being held back
Held back my myself
And being held back by you
You never let me go
You hold me too tight
I can't do my own thing
WIth you behind my every move
I still loe you though...
Behind me
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Peices

When he told me he loved me I believed him,
He took me in his arms and said I love you
That was the night that he left me
My baby made my heart break in two

Peices of my heart are scattered baby (scattered baby)
Peices of my soul are everywhere
Everything you gave me fell into peices (peices, yeah)

Everytime I saw him, I felt down
When I saw him with his new girl at the mall
When she saw me she began to kiss him
I don't want his love at all

Peices of my heart are scattered baby (scattered baby)
Peices of my soul are everywhere
Everything you gave me fell into peices (peices, yeah)

Who said I loved you?
I only went with you 'cause
It was a dare
Fast forward, play, record, pause

Why, why dont' you love me?

Peices of my heart are scattered baby (scattered baby)
Peices of my soul are everywhere
Everything you gave me fell into peices (peices, yeah)
Peices of my heart are scattered baby (scattered baby)
Peices of my soul are everywhere
Everything you gave me fell into peices (peices, yeah)

-- This was the first song I ever wrote in my life...
It was written for my band:
"Backstreet Boys and Girl Band"
When I was 12 or 13....
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Tears

Falling into a pit of anguish
Closing off from you
Slipping into sadness
Letting go of it.

Multiple tears falling for you
A watery grave is my place
The day of your death
Stopped this wild goose chase.

Pleasantries is nothing
The black abyss of pain
Your death did the same thing
I'm standing in the rain.

Multiple tears falling for you
A watery grave is my place
The day of your death
Stopped this chase.

The blood keeps falling
From my deep cut wrists
Never gonna do it
No longer in bliss.

Multiple tears keep falling.
All down my cheeks
They just don't seem to be slowing
As I cry all these tears for you.
You.
You.
All these tears for you.
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Fantasy

Slowing down to that point
Holding on to that signal
Stop it
Don't need it
Don't want it
Just wanna use it

Fantasy Island is the place to be
Fantasy baby pulling away from me
Closing off my life
Closing off my mind

Low down on the beat
Now one left to greet
They've all gone away
For yet another day
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Man's Best Friend Kills

Tears falling onto silkpillows
She cries for her
A child lost

A single shot from the gun
She's gone
All because of a dog
Man's best friend
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Broken Up

It kills me to know how she has you
Wrapped around her little finger
The ring on that finger was meant for me
You told me the night you left

You took you heart and ran
You took my heart and left
There's nothing left for me
Nothing left to hold on to

Everything you said to me is dead
It' all died the day I found you

You killed me
She took you
It's all over now

It's all your fault
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The Manor

Life is a barren palace
With ivy covered walls
And dark storm clouds
A courtyard of graves is my decoration

Shaddows creaming through every corner
Dead eyes fallow my every move
Under the covers lie nightmares
Blackened walls and even darker windows

Up on a hill lay a lonely stone
My head rest, my stone
I lie with my eyes open
The product ofa murder

My manor was my life
It's protection is my death
They came, my husband slain.
My children slain as well

We are all gone.
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Falling

Flowing through the cracks
Rivers of the life source
Many times it's the man's fault
Her death, her loss

The leap was miraculous
A butterfly which hadn't bloomed
A silent fall
No one knew at all

She said yes
He said no
It's all his fault

GOod bye cruel world
A world of sadness
A world of grief.
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Dead

Darkness will swallow all which comes along
It is a dark hole of madness
The blood drpping from red lines
Into a pool of crimson

Sadness follows a discovery

Blood down the drain
Blood falls like rain
A white pale face
One down from the race

She's gone
Nothing can bring her back
It's her own fault
No one could stop her

She's dead
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Lost Angel

Passion falls from the earth
She dies and goes to heaven
His love is gone
Her soul cannot rest
It could not from birth
She's lost herself in a coven
Her star is the brightest shone
She did what she thought best

She put it all away
She's misguided for him
She's just a misguided angel
A misguided angel who's lost

He falls to his knees and cries
Her body lay cold in the bed
She's lost to the world
But she's still with him
He's lost in all her lies
He asks, but she's cold and dead
Her hair remains curled
A beautiful angel still, to him

An angel fallen from mercy
An angel dead
Her crown of thorns
Her blackened wings
Empty eyes
Perfect lies
She's gone
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