Evil Lady
It was a peaceful afternoon at the NSYNC house (that’s a first!) well…. I guess it was peaceful because Chris went to his friend Henry’s house (we all still think he’s imaginary…), J.C went to go “HANGOUT” with Jerome, and Joey went to the mall to try to pick up girls.
Justin: FINALLY, a day where we can have some peace in dis house
Lance: REALLY
Teresa: (from upstairs) oh LAAAAANNNNNCCCEEEEE… I’ve got a surprise for you
Lance: OH YEAH!
Justin: forget ah said peaceful…
Lance goes upstairs
Emma: it’s aiight juju bear, (frisky) yo know, WE can have some of our own fun to make yo feel better
Justin: OH YEAH YO!
They go upstairs
ONE HOUR LATER
Lance: I LOVE surprises
Teresa: I knew you would like that one
They go downstairs
Teresa: let’s see what’s on T.V
Lance: OK
Justin and Emma come down
Emma: we get dibs on da t.v! brotha’s in da hood is on!
Teresa: not this time! It’s our turn! You’ve watched brotha’s in da hood three times in a row now!
Emma: ……..so?
Teresa: so me and Lance get it now
Emma: aiight aiight
Teresa: thank you
She flips through the channels
Teresa: (laughing) OH NO….
Emma: what?
Teresa: it’s the episode of South Park with the lacness monsta
Emma: (starts laughing) Yeah!!!! let’s watch it!
Teresa: OK
They watch it for awhile then J.C comes in
J.C: hello
Teresa and Emma: HI
J.C: (mean) I was saying hi to Lance and Justin, I wasn’t TALKING to you two
Teresa and Emma: FIIIIIINNNNE!
Lance: (to J.C.) what’s with YOU?!
J.C: NOTHING!
Lance: whatever you say….
Justin: J.C, if yo can’t say anything nice, just don’t say anything!
J.C: FINE! (goes upstairs)
Teresa: we didn’t even say anything BAD to him!
Lance: I know babydoll, he’s just a crackhead
Teresa: you can say that again
J.C: (from upstairs) I HEARD THAT!!!!!!!
Teresa: I DON’T GIVE A CARE!!!!!!
A door slamming noise is heard
Justin: ah hate it when he get dat little attitude of his
Emma: meh too!
Chris comes running in
Chris: HI GUYS!
Everyone: hello
Chris: where’s BUSTA????
Emma: we dunno
Chris: OH NO! (runs upstairs)
Joey runs in
Joey: YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!!!
Emma: what?
Joey: I GOT A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: (can’t believe it) what?!
Joey: she’s outside! Can she come in?!
Justin: aiight sure
Joey: COOL!!!!
Joey walks out and comes back with a girl who’s about 5”5 with blonde hair and blue eyes
Joey: Vicki, this is Teresa, Emma, Justin, and Lance
Vicki: hello
Everyone: HI
Emma: so your Joey’s girlfriend huh?
Vicki: yeah, we met at JC Pennies in the mall
Emma: cool
Joey: I knew when I first saw her it was love at first sight
Teresa: that’s sweet
Vicki: I know, Joey’s just the sweetest guy I’ve ever met
Joey: OH and guess what
Teresa, Emma, Justin, and Lance: what????
Joey: Vicki is a singer too
Justin: cool yo
Vicki: yeah, here’s one……(guitar music. She sings) There’s got to be a morning after, if we can hold on to the night
Joey: (cuts in) we’ll have a chance to find the sunshine
Vicki and Joey: so we can wait till morning comes
Emma: that was nice
Vicki: thank you. Joey, we better get going
Joey: OK. Bye you guys
Everyone: bye
They leave
Lance: she seemed nice
Teresa: yeah
Emma: she can sing good too
Justin: yeah
A FEW WEEKS LATER
Justin: ANGEL
Emma: yeah???
Justin: where is dat brotha’s crusin in da southside of da hood tape?
Emma: ah’m not sure
Justin: darn….ah wanna watch dat…..
Emma: oh wait a minute… ah think we left it ova at Joey’s. Remember when we went ova there?
Justin: OH YEAHHHHHHHH… ah’ll call him up
Emma: aiight
Justin: (calls) hi Joey
Joey: oh hi Justin. listen I can’t talk to you right now. I gotta take Vicki to the mall, then I gotta take her to the craft store, and then I gotta take a walk with her in the park
Justin: Joey, yo NEVA liked dat type of stuff
Joey: I know, but Vicki wants me to. She’s so amazing
Justin: yo not even gonna stop anywhere fo’ lunch?
Joey: no. Vicki says I have to stop eating so much.
Justin: why?
Joey: because she said so
Justin: dat neva stopped yo befo’
Joey: yeah but this is VICKI. Doing it makes me a little miserable, but I think I can live
Justin: just because she says to stop eating so much doesn’t mean yo HAVE TO. She don’t own yo
Vicki: (from the background) C’MON JOEY! WE’RE GONNA BE LATE!
Joey: gotta go (hangs up)
Emma: is it there?
Justin: ah didn’t git a chance to ask
Emma: why not?
Justin: he had to take Vicki places. And HE don’t even like goin’ to them places. Not even wit past girlfriends
Emma: that’s WEIRD
Justin: yeah. ah think Vicki’s controlling him or something
Emma: by the sounds of things ah think so too
Justin: yo think we should do something?
Emma: maybe
Teresa and Lance come in
Teresa: hi. What’s up?
Emma: we think Vicki is controlling Joey
Lance: really?
Justin: yeah yo (explains why)
Teresa: but why would Joey wanna do those kinda things that he don’t like just for Vicki?
Justin: ah dunno, when ah talked to him he seemed like an empty shell of a man
Lance: that can’t be good
Justin: nope
Emma: yo know, maybe we’re just jumping to conclusions. Let’s just see how things go and then we’ll judge things
Justin: yeah. Maybe yo right angel
The Next Day
Lance: I’ll call up Joey so he can give me your video
Justin: aiight yo
Lance: (calls up) Joey?
Joey: HI Lance
Lance: do you have Justin’s video?
Joey: I think so
Lance: can you bring it over
Joey: I will when I get done with some stuff. I’ll be over at about 2:30
Lance: OK. bye
Joey: bye
Lance: (hangs up) he said he’d bring it over at about 2:30
Justin: sweet yo!
That Night
Justin: HE BAILED ON MEH YO!
Lance: c’mon we’re going to his house!
They go and knock on his door
Joey: OH, hi Justin and Lance
Justin: AIIGHT YO, yo said dat yo would bring mah video ova about 3 HOURS AGO
Joey: oh im sorry… I forgot
Justin: yo FO’GOT…
Joey: yeah, Vicki came home and surprised me and took me out to dinner. She’s so great…
Vicki comes over
Vicki: oh hi, sorry, looks like I stole Joey away from you again…
Lance: excuse us please, we’re having a dude moment here
Joey: you guys, I have some great news!
Lance and Justin: what?
Joey: me and Vicki are gonna get married!
Lance and Justin: WHAT?!
Justin: BUT YO’VE ONLY BEEN DATING FO’ A FEW WEEKS!
Joey: so?
Vicki: oh my gosh this is so exciting! Let’s sing!
Her and Joey sing their hippiefied song again (lol)
Joey: sorry but we gotta go (closes the door)
Justin: dat bitch!
Lance: she’s controlling him! I just know it!
Justin: c’mon let’s go tell Teresa and Emma
Lance: OK
They go back home
Lance: Teresa!
Justin: Emma!
Teresa and Emma: yeah?????
Lance: we got some proof that she IS controlling him
Teresa: how?
Lance tells them
Emma: whoa….
Teresa: they’re getting married ALREADY!?
Justin: yeah yo! Can yo believe it!?
Emma: but they’ve only been dating fo’ a few weeks!
Justin: dats what AH said
J.C comes in
J.C: what’s going on?
Lance: Joey’s getting married to someone and he only dated her for a few weeks
Justin: yeah yo, an’ she be keepin’ him away from everyone an’ won’t let him do da things dat he wanna do
J.C: oh you mean the whole SUCCUBUSS thing…
Justin: da WHAT?
Lance: what the hell’s a succubus?
J.C: a succubus is a woman sent from hell to come and take the life out of a man
Teresa: those things are REAL?
J.C: of course, im talking to one aren’t I?
Lance: SHUT UP J.C!!!!!!!
J.C: MAKE ME!!!!
Lance chases him until he grabs him and pounds him into a wall
J.C: OW!!!!!!
Lance: NOW LEAVE TERESA ALONE! SHE DIDN’T DO OR SAY ANYTHING TO YOU SO JUST LEAVE HER ALONE!
Emma: REALLY!
J.C: oh no…succubus #2 is gonna speak up now
Justin: EXCUSE MEH!!!!
Justin chases him around until he grabs him and runs him into a door
J.C: OW!!!!! STOP HURTING ME!!!!
Justin: NOT UNTIL YO STOP BEING MEAN TO TERESA AND MAH ANGEL!
J.C: WHATEVER! (storms off)
Teresa: (pissed) I REALLY DISLIKE HIM!!!!!
Lance: calm down babydoll…. I took care of it
Emma: (pissed too) BUT STILL…! IF HE DON’T STOP DISSING MEH AN’ TERESA,AH’M GONNA KILL HIM!!!!
Justin: ah got an idea yo
Teresa and Emma: what?
Justin: when he starts sayin’ all dem things to yo, just ignore him, act like yo didn’t even hear him. Meh an’ Lance will do dat too. just kinda hide yo anger
Emma:…………….we’ll try
Justin: thank yo angel
There’s knock on the door
Emma: ah’ll git it
Emma opens the door and standing there is Vicki
Emma: oh hi Vicki
Vicki: hi. I decided to make you all a pie
Emma: cool. Come inside
Teresa: um Vicki…. We got something to ask you
Vicki: yeah?
Justin: why do yo got Joey kept away from us?
Vicki: well because, boyfriends….or should I say, FIANCE… should spend time with their other half
Lance: well we know what you are lady
Vicki: excuse me?
Justin: yo be a blood thirsty SUCCUBUSS
Vicki: WHAT THE…..? now you guys……don’t you know how STUPID that sounds? I mean, I know Joey’s your friend but he loves me and I’ll TRY to have him do other stuff he likes too. NOW do you think im blood thirsty?
Lance:………I guess not
Vicki: good. Oh, and you guys…
Justin: yeah?
Vicki: im GOING to marry Joey (her face morphs to a demon looking face) AND THERE’S NOT A THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Everyone: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vicki leaves
Teresa: OH MY GOD!
Emma: she IS a succubus!!!!!!!
Justin: we gots to go talk to him FIRST THING TOMORROW!
The Following Morning
Everyone went over to Joey’s house and knocked on the door. An older man answers it.
Emma: HI. We need to talk to Joey
Joey’s Dad: well, come on in then
They all sit on the couch facing Joey’s mom and dad
Teresa: so when should Joey be out?
Joey’s Dad: oh in a little while… hey, you all wanna hear about the time I saw the lacness monsta?
Emma: well…..
Joey’s Dad: it was one night in December when me and the misses were out on a boat. Then the water started rumbling and out came a crustacean from the Pezadoic Era
Joey’s Mom: (cuts in) oh it was so scary, lord have mercy, we was so scared
Joey’s Dad: and I said “what do ya want from us monsta!?” and he said……..I need about tree fitty…
Joey’s Mom: TREE… FITTY….
Lance: what’s tree fitty?
Joey’s Dad: three dollars and fifty cents
Teresa: he wanted money?
Joey’s Dad: yep. And I said “I ain’t giving you no tree fitty! Get your own god damn money!”
Joey’s Mom: I gave him a dolla
Joey’s dad: SHE gave him a dolla!
Joey’s Mom: I thought he would go away if I gave him a dolla
Joey’s Dad: well of course he’s not gonna go away if you gave him a dolla! He’s gonna bug you for more!
Joey’s Mom: well I didn’t know
Joey’s Dad: and ANOTHER time we saw him, there was a knock on our door, I opened the door and there was this cute little girl scout
Joey’s Mom: oh she was so adorable with the little pigtails and all…
Joey’s Dad: she said how would you like to buy some cookies? And I said what kinds you got? And she said gram crunchies, cinnamon swirl, chocolate chip….
Joey’s Mom: raisin oatmeal…
Joey’s Dad: raisin oatmeal, and vanilla. And I said we’ll take a gram crunchie. How much will that be? And she said……I need about tree fitty
Awkward Pause
Joey’s Dad: well it was about that time that this girl scout was about 10 stories
tall and was a crustacean from the Pezadoic Era. I said DAMN IT MONSTA! IM NOT GIVIN’ YOU NO TREE FITTY! And he said how ‘bout just two fitty? And I said OH NOW IT’S JUST TWO FITTY? WHAT IS IT? A SALE ON LACNESS
MUNCHIES OR SOMETHING?
Justin: uh, we gots to go now yo
Joey’s Dad: OK. See you later….crazy old monsta
Back Home
Teresa: hey guess what
Everyone: what?
Teresa: I saw these books on evil creatures at the library once, since the wedding is tomorrow, me and Emma should check them out and we can see how to stop Vicki
Emma: good idea
Lance: yeah, go while they’re still open
Teresa: OK
Teresa and Emma get ready and leave
Lance: I hope we can stop her
Justin: yeah yo
After awhile Teresa and Emma come back
Teresa: we got some
Justin: let’s git to reading
Many Hours Later
Lance: there’s TONS of stuff about succubuses, but nothing on how to stop them
Emma: hey look! Ah found something! (reads) succubuses sing a haunting melody that attracts males and succubus can only be killed if the melody is played backwards
Justin: what’s dat song she always sings?……..there’s gotta be a morning after…
Lance: ………if we can hold on to the night
Justin: yeah! dat’s it. we gots to learn dat song backwards yo
Lance:……..in three hours
Justin: den we betta get to work
After 3 Hours at the Church
Lance: man… I can’t keep my eyes open
Justin: we gots to stay awake yo. If we don’t go through wit dis Joey will still be married to a succubus
Lance: I’ll try
On the other side of the church…
Joey’s Dad (talking to Justin and Lance’s moms): and that was the 5TH time we saw the lacness monsta…I was at home and Joey was just a little boy, he comes up to me and says DADDY DADDY! And I said what do ya need Joey my boy? And he said…….I need about tree fitty. And it was about that time I got suspicious. I said JOEY….why do YOU need tree fitty? And he said my imaginary friend boo boo the dinosaur wants it! And when I go up there you know what I find? It was that god damn lacness monsta. And you know what he wanted?
Joey’s Mom: tree fitty
Joey’s Dad: now let me tell the damn story woman! He said tree fitty, but then I said DAMN IT MONSTA YOU STOP BUGGIN MY CHILDREN NOW! I AIN’T GIVING YOU NO TREE FITTY!
Joey’s Mom: I’ve already given him tree fitty the last time
Joey’s Dad: WHAT?! you gave that monsta tree fitty?!
Joey’s Mom: he tricked me….
Joey’s Dad: well no wonder the damn monsta keeps coming back! You keep giving him tree fitty! Crazy old monsta. Now don’t that just beat all?!
Lance’s Mom: I meant to ask you before… what’s tree fitty?
Joey’s Dad: three dollars and fifty cents
Joey’s Mom: tree fitty
Lance’s Mom and Justin’s Mom: ohhhhhhhhhh
Back With Lance and Justin
Justin: look here she comes…
Vicki comes down the aisle
Lance: c’mon let’s take our places
Lance and Justin creep to the far side of the church
Priest: do you Vicki take Joey as your lawfully wedded husband?
Vicki: I do
Priest: and do you Joey take Vicki to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Joey: I….
Justin: now Teresa!!!!
Teresa is asleep on the side of the pew
Lance: NOW Teresa!!!!
Joey: YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!
Vicki: I’LL take care of them! (advances towards them)
Lance: Teresa wake up!
Emma whaps Teresa upside the head
Teresa: OW! OK im awake! (turns on music as Lance and Justin sing the song backwards)
Vicki: AHHH!!!!!!!! STOP!
Justin’s Mom: what in the…….?
The tape starts to make funky noises
Teresa: Oh no the tape’s jammed!
Vicki stops and her demon self comes out of her human body
Joey’s Dad: SHE’S A GOD DAMN SUCUBUS!
Joey’s Mom: THAT’S SUCUBUS IS TRYING TO TAKE MY BABY!!!!!
Joey’s Dad: wait a minute let me see if I have tree fitty here...
Teresa: (fixes the tape) IT’S WORKING!
Lance and Justin start singing again and Vicki falls into a fiery pit and then the pit closes
Lance’s Mom: (coming back up from ducking behind the pew) well, you don’t see that everyday…
Justin’s Mom: REALLY
After everyone gets home
Justin: are yo gonna be aiight Joey?
Joey: yeah I’ll be fine. You know now that she’s gone I don’t know what I ever really saw in her
J.C: and I don’t know what you two (pointing to Emma and Teresa) ever really saw in these two morons (points to Lance and Justin)
Teresa: um J.C….
J.C: what?
Teresa: turn around
J.C turns around and there are Lance and Justin’s moms standing there glaring at him
J.C: …….uh oh….
Justin’s Mom: you know what we like about you J.C?
J.C: what?
Lance’s Mom: how your so easy to BREAK
They start chasing him around attempting to beat his butt. After awhile they succeed
J.C: OWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lance’s Mom: a job well done….
Justin’s Mom: oh yeah
---THE END---
