var quotes=new Array()

//change the quotes if desired. Add/ delete additional quotes as desired.

quotes[0]='They say a picture is worth a thousand words, yet the guy at the gallery wouldn\'t trade me that painting for my newspaper...';

quotes[1]='If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.';

quotes[2]='A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.'; 


quotes[3]='98% of the time I am right. Who cares about the other 3%?';

quotes[4]='Elevator music is one of the Nine Great Evils.';

quotes[5]='FAKE FINAL EXAM QUESTION: Define the universe. Give two examples.';

quotes[6]='Why can\'t Mr. Fork and Mr. Electrical Socket be friends?';


quotes[7]='Stand in everyone\'s view acting pretty normal for about 3 minutes. Then start twitching suddenly, subtle at first. Then go into extreme "convulsions". As your "convulsions" get worse and worse, knock stuff over and tackle an old woman. Finally grab a banana and attempt to rob the store of all its air. By: torn_apart_by_life';

quotes[8]='I am awake today due to the heroic efforts of my alarm clock.';

quotes[9]='ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.';

quotes[10]='If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?'; 

quotes[11]='I\'ve discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.';
 

quotes[12]='Bad spellers of the world, untie!';

quotes[13]='Only in America do banks leave their doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.';


quotes[14]='If history is doomed to repeat itself, bring on the beheadings!';

quotes[15]='In the two-year period between 2001 and 2003, professional atheletes have killed 3 birds.  Source:  Buisness Week May Edition.';


quotes[16]='If ignorance is bliss, why aren\'t more people happy?';

quotes[17]='I hope I can settle my internal conflicts without bloodshed.';

quotes[18]='Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.';

quotes[19]='Give me liberty, or give me a bran muffin!' ;

quotes[20]='Deja moo: The feeling that you\'ve heard this bull before.';

quotes[21]='I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. -A Beauty Pagent Contestant.';

quotes[22]='Chaos, panic, and disorder... My work here is done.';

quotes[23]='Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are. -Dave Barry';


quotes[24]='Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?';

quotes[25]='You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.';

quotes[26]='Instant human! Just add coffee.' ;

quotes[27]='Eat cows, alien scum!';

quotes[28]='My road to success is under construction';


quotes[29]='No, I\'m not feeling violent, I\'m feeling creative with weapons.' ;

quotes[30]='Support bacteria - they\'re the only culture some people have.';

quotes[31]='Money can\'t buy happines, but asparagus sure can!!';

quotes[31]='"I want to be hated for who I am rather than be loved for who I\'m not." -Kurt Cobain';

quotes[32]='"Mankind is plagued by a desire to constantly over-water their plants."-Antman';

quotes[33]='If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.';

quotes[34] = 'Get fed up with someone, get fed up with everyone, become depressed, become angry, become insane, take over the world. -Cheeseon';

quotes[35] = 'Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see. - Meow the ninja AKA Flaming Gazebo';

quotes[36] = '"The sum intelligence on the Earth is a constant,the population is growing." - Cole ';







 var whichquote=Math.floor(Math.random()*(quotes.length))
document.write(quotes[whichquote])