rules for halloween: to have a nice, safe, horror-movie-like experience free halloween, follow these simple rules
1. when it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead
2. never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke
3. do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out
4. if your children speak to you in latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediatley. it will save you a lot of grief in the long run. however, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. this also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice
5.when you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go alone
6. as a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to hell
7. never stand in, on, or above a grave, romb, or crypt. this would apply to any other house of the dead as well
8. if you're searching for something which caused a loud noise, and find out that's its just the cat GET OUT
9. if appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out
10. do not take anything from the dead
11. if you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. don't stop and look around
12. don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing
13. if you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more ify ou're female. also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. if your companion suddenly begins to exhibit uncharacterestic behavior, such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediatley
15. stay away from amityville, elm street, transylvania, nillbog, anywhere in texas where chainsaws are sold, the bermuda triangle, or any small town in maine
16. if your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. if you think it's strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself. you are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten
17. beware of strangers bearing tools. for example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions
18. if you find your house is built on a cemetary, move. this also applies to houses whose previous inhabitants went mad, comitted suicide, died in some horrible fashion, or who performed satantic practices
19. when investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a filmsy negligee. and carry a flashlight, not a candle
20. do not mention names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard
21. do not go looking for witches in the maryland countryside
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