tHE VenT AppRoACH

by English Teacher K

There are so many approaches and methodologies that the ESL teacher need only memorize a few of the names to appear well-informed and in-the-know. Which says, in essence, that none of us take much time to keep up with them. Let's face it, as techers we do what's easiest, what works, what entertains while giving the appearance of learning, and what takes up the most time in class.

Any approach, in this writer's view, should only be a practical ADDITION to one's own teaching style. That is exactly what the Vent Approach is.

In the Vent Approach, the teacher simply adds a ventriloquist dummy, commonly known as a vent doll, to his in-class presentations. The approach was originated in the 1920s by Heinrich Gernfeld, a vaudevillian actor and escape artist who, in the latter years of his life, used his ventriloquist skills in spreading Nazi propaganda through small towns in the Bavarian Alps.

The approach has only recently been applied in the field of language learning, most significantly by Huber and Clark (2002).

What are the implications for language learning then? Research suggests that the use of vent dolls in the classroom lowers the affective filter and makes for a more relaxed atmosphere. Studies show that in speaking and writing to vent dolls, learners are willing to produce more English to "real humans, e.g. their teachers" (Condee, 1999). Furthermore, in a recent study at Zhiang Yu University, students exposed to vent doll speech scored higher on the TOEFL listening test than students who took a traditional approach to preparation. This is because the "two-voice" aspect of the Vent Approach trains the ear better than a conventional teacher's "single-voice" method (Shriver, 2002).

Most importantly, the Vent Approach offers several key opportunities and advantages for the X-style Teacher.

X- VANTAGES


1. Vent Dolls are Cute

My vent doll is named Dr. Aldous Puppi. When I present him he is universally adored. "He's so cute." Cuteness is an important phenomenon in the classroom.

2. Team Teaching (Time Wasting)

Just taking your vent doll out of the box and setting him on your knee can waste several minutes. Everybody wants to ask you or your vent doll a question. Sometimes you vent doll answers, sometimes you do. It's like you've suddenly got two teachers. Team teaching. Two opinions on everything. And that wastes twice as much time.

3. Vent Dolls Vent

Are you sometimes tired of teaching, tired of lazy-ass students and crappy pay, tired of a class that has too few girls in it? Of course you're NOT. YOU are a nice guy. But your vent doll... Oh, Christ. That guy... You should hear Dr. Puppi sometimes. He rants and raves. He tells exactly what's on his mind, even when I try to stop him. And it's okay, because he's cute (See #1). Sometimes he really lets go. Learners think that's funny. Actually though he's being serious. He's being a total prick (See #4).

4. Vent Dolls Are Pricks

You can't stop them. They're pricks. That's both good and bad for the teacher. It's good because this prick says things that you would like to say but can't. It's bad because this prick knows the limit, he knows the border of what is and is not acceptable, and he WILL cross it. He'll push the envelope, but you will always come out clean because...
5. You Didn't Say It

The bottom line is that YOU didn't say it. He did. The prick. And if you are a good ventriloquist (you don't need unmoving lips for this; you just have to believe), your students won't ever blame you. Which is how it should be. It's the little prick's fault, and "If he offends you, well, we just won't invite Dr. Puppi to class anymore." "No, English Teacher K, no! Please bring Dr. Puppi back."

6. Vent Dolls Come On Strong

Vent dolls are extremely sexual beings. They can't hide it. It's their nature.

The first time students meet me and Dr. Puppi we usually do a Tonight Show-style interview. That is, Dr. P and I are sitting up front in a chair, and there are one or two chairs on either side of us for our "guests."

The guests come up and asks questions: "Where are you from?" "What kind of doctor are you? "What's your favorite kind of beer?" etc. But ,without fail, the line of questioning veers very quickly in this direction:

Female student 1: You are married?

Dr. P: What the hell for? [Gestures to English Teacher K] Not even that loser's married.

EnglishTeacher K: I guess I'm still look--

Female Student 2: [to Dr. Puppi] What kind of girl you like?

Dr. P: [looks her up and down, long, slow. Laughter from class] Not that kind.

English K: Hey! That is not very nice. Lina is a very attractive girl.

Dr. P: She's far too attractive for you. She's out of your league.

Female Student 2: What means "out of league?"

EnglishTeacher K: It means that you're too good for me.

Dr. P: It's true, right?

Female Student 2: Maybe... not.

EnglishTeacher K: I think we should change the subject.

Dr. P: Who's that one? [scanning the students in class]

EnglishTeacher K: Who?

Dr. P: The one with the skirt. And the legs. In the second row.

EnglishTeacher K: That's Daniela.

Dr. P: Hey, Daniela. Want to come up here? You got some questions for the doctor?

Daniela: [Taking a seat]. Hello, Dr. Puppi.

Dr. P: Move a little closer, will you? [he puts his hand on her knee. Laughter from the class]

What do you like to do in your free time, Daniela?

Daniela: I like reading. Walk with my dog. To eat pizza.

Dr. P: You got a boyfriend?

EnglishTeacher K: Hey! Dr. Puppi, what did I tell you about asking personal questions?

Dr. P: What's personal? It's yes, she does, or no she doesn't. [to Daniela] So what is it, sweetheart?

Daniela: No.

Dr P. [looking at her face longinly] I want to kiss you.

EnglishTeacher K: Dr. Puppi!

Dr. P: It's not a personal question. It's a fact. I want to kiss her.

Dr. Puppy almost always gets his kiss. So you see how the skilled Vent Approach teacher can elicit from his/her students.

The Vent Approach is no revolutionary method. Nor does it propose that teachers abandon what already works best for them. Rather, it is away of upping the volume of speaking in any given lesson, and a way of digging deeper into the personal lives of attractive students, without getting blamed for it.

How will this affect the field of ESL in the long run? Only more research will bear this out.

I know Dr. Puppi is ready.

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