
I don’t know why this should be, but there seems to be a tremendous amount of alcholism in this trade. I suppose that the business might well drive people to drink, but more likely it’s just that a lot of alcholics fall into this line of work, as they fall into restaurant, janitorial, and police work.
With that in mind, I’d like to discuss a subject all too near and dear to the hearts of many teachers:
Teaching with a hangover.
So the alarm goes off at eight. You stopped drinking at about three thirty. Your first class is at nine thirty. You feel like boiled shit. Your tongue lacks even a trace of moisture. Your head is pounding. Your guts are roiling. Hopefully you are not lying in bed next to a transvestite.
In short it’s a typical morning.
The first step is rehydration. Guzzle a huge amount of water. Actually it’s even better if you do this before you go to sleep, but you might be so busy with the transvestite you won’t have time. Those electrolyte rehydration mixtures can be useful here, or soluble Vitamin C tablets. Alka-Seltzer or just plain baking soda will stop the bad stomach in many cases. Drinking a lot of water will often partially reactivate your “buzz” also. That’s a help.
Vitamins are a vitally important part of an alcoholic’s regimine, actually. Some people will tell you that you need a lot of Vitamin C when you’re hungover, others will tell you that you need Vitamin B-12. I say play it safe and take a lot of all the fucking vitamins, a good multi-vitamin with huge amounts of all the vitamins and minerals and a few herbs to boot. Something that will turn your urine bright fluorescent yellow.
Most people go for the traditional remedy of a few aspirins and a lot of black coffee. Personally this doesn’t work much for me, it just makes my stomach hurt. But coffee or tea, or of course a diet pill or too, will ensure that you have some energy in class.
Should you be lucky enough to have a shower of your own, you can luxuriate in a hot shower for a while. A cold shower is recommended by many, but I find this just makes me cranky. Maybe blast yourself with cold water, if you’re feeling really desperate, and then with hot. A noted alcoholic colleague of mine recommended “’havin’ a good wank” as a hangover remedy. Hey why not, if you’ve got the time.
And if the transvestite didn’t wear you out.
You should eat something too. Something spicy is a good idea, if it won’t make you vomit – it’ll speed up your metabolism and stimulate you. Fried rice with loads of chilli pepper was one of my favorites in Thailand. In any event don’t just eat a chocolate bar or a bag of chips – try to eat something substantial, even if it’s just a peanut butter sandwich. If you’re lucky enough to be able to buy peanut butter where you live.
Another important thing is to try to avoid reeking of alcohol. The shower might have done the trick but if not, you can splash yourself with hydrogen peroxide. There is a school of thought that oxygen can be absorbed through the skin this way and have health benefits, but that’s probably just a bunch of hippie crap. It will clean the alcohol out of your pores though. Of course if you smoke a lot, you can just have a few cigarettes and you’ll stink of smoke and not alcohol. Taking a lot of B vitamins should stop you reeking, too.
Try deep breathing. Take a deep breath, hold it as long as you can, then release it slowly. Do this until you’re thoroughly dizzy. It helps clear the head.
In class, you should have some “emergency” activities ready, if you can’t face the normal lesson. Do a lot of pairwork activities where you can just sit there and suffer in silence. If your class allows you to play videos, a grueling hangover is an excellent reason to show an entire one. Try to keep moving around, keep your shoulders back and your head high. Like strangely-proportioned self-help guru Tony Robbins recommends – use your body to convince your mind. Acting not hungover might actually make you feel not hungover. Or at least less so.
So. There you are. Foolproof remedies to prop up your dumb hungover ass.
And if all that doesn't work, just have a few beers before class. Or shoot up some smack.