TeECHUR TiPZ

ASIAN CULTURE AND YOU: A QUICK GUIDE


It seems that a good number of people who want to teach English abroad first do so in east Asia. Thailand, China, Japan, Korea . . . they conjure up images of misty mountains, cherry blossoms falling in peaceful Buddhist temples, and of course, Jackie Chan running through a crowded market kicking people. While the cultures of all these places are considerably different, there are some inherent similarities that can be addressed here.

The first thing to be careful about is your physical appearance. This is vital in Asian cultures. The first and most important thing is that you must resemble, as much as possible, Leonardo Di Capprio. If you are unable to do so, Jim Carrey is a good second choice. Beyond that, you might consider Ricky Martin. If you’re a female, you have only two choices – Pamela Anderson or Britney Spears. If you have to try looking like Madonna you’re probably too old to get a decent teaching job in Asia anyway.

Also, try not to stink.

You should carefully consider your clothing. Dressing in jeans or other casual clothing will cause great offense, as it indicates you are not a serious individual and thus not fit to be a teacher. Dressing in a shirt and tie, on the other hand, indicates that you are too serious and “cold” to be a good teacher. Dressing in clothing that is cheap, worn, or strangely colored will offend your students greatly, but of course dressing in clothes that are neat, clean and expensive will insult your students by making them feel that you are trying to “show them up.”

Dressing in, for example, a gorilla outfit or a Batman costume might be a good compromise, and will almost certainly please most of your students.

Your facial expression is also of great importance. Not smiling will certainly offend a great number of your students. Smiling, on the other hand, will probably offend them too, as it may be interpreted as nervousness, embarrassment or the desire to change the subject or soften bad news.

A terrified grimace is probably the best solution. It will at least match your students’ expressions.

There are also some important rules of conduct in the classroom. The first and most important rule of Asian culture is that you must never ask a person a question that they don’t already know the answer to. Otherwise you will be making them “lose face”, a very offensive and serious matter in Asian culture. It’s equally important not to ask someone a question that they DO know the answer to, as you will then also be making them lose face as well as boring them, and establishing yourself as inferior to them.

This is equally true with writing activities, exams, homework, listening activities, grammar activities, role plays, pair work speaking exercises, and group projects. They must all be avoided as potential causes of loss of face.

You must definitely not criticize students in any way – even if they attempt to kill you. Attempting to explain something in class will cause great loss of face also, as it implies that the students do not understand something. At the same time keep in mind that you should never ask a student to explain something in class, as this would cause you to lose face and would thus mean you are a bad teacher, as well as making the student lose face.

It is unlikely that the students would ask you any questions of a grammatical nature, but you should not attempt to answer them if they do – this will cause the student to lose face. Failing to answer questions, however, especially the ones about why you aren’t married yet, will likely cause the students to complain about you as cold and unfriendly. And cause you to lose face.

Asking the students to play games, listen to pop songs, or watch films on video is likely to cause loss of face, since it will make the students feel as if you think they are children, incapable of serious study. Omitting these activities, however, is likely to cause loss of face because the students will feel you consider them in need of serious study.

Essentially, you must remember to do nothing else in class other than jump around and act stupid while talking about yourself and telling jokes. However, be advised that on some occasions this is likely to cause loss of face.

Arriving early in class is a definite no-no – that would indicate that you are not important. Arriving late to class is also offensive, as it would indicate that you think you are superior to whichever students arrived first. Arriving on-time is also a bad idea, as it would indicate you are inferior to the students who arrived late, yet superior to whichever students arrived early. This would cause a general loss of face.

A good way to please everyone is to skip class entirely, and don’t penalize your students for doing so.

Social relationships in Asia are an extremely complex and important part of life. Going out with the students and trying to shag local women will cause great offense to your students – they will consider you to be dishonorable and not serious. Failing to go out with students, on the other hand, will almost certainly offend them as you will be considered prejudiced against the local culture.

Speaking the local language is a sure way to cause loss of face – by this you are implying that the person you speak with is incapable of understanding English. Failing to speak the language will however cause immense offense to your students – why would you come to their country without learning the language? Getting drunk while in the presence of students will certainly offend them, and cause you to lose face, while failing to be as drunk as the students will cause them great loss of face. Drinking exactly the same amount as the students, however, is likely to cause you to lose face, and will offend students when they realize they are drinking with someone who has lost face.
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Some Final Thoughts In short, each and every thing you attempt to do is likely to cause the students to lose face, or for you to lose face. Failing to do certain things, however, is a sure way to cause them to lose face, or for you to lose face, which will cause them to lose face. Nothing is more face-losing than being taught by someone who has lost face. At the same time, having students who have lost face may cause you to lose more face, and a vicious circle may ensue from which one will never recover.

The best way to solve this problem is to stay home, keep working at the Kinko’s copy shop and just go to an Asian restaurant for lunch every once in a while.

Otherwise – good fucking luck, you poor fool.

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