Clumsy

 

Throw away the radio

Suitcase

Keeps you awake

Hide the telephone, telephone,

Telephone in case

 

Zack banged into the apartment, the door banging off the wall and leaving yet another hole in the plaster. Zack slammed the door behind him and kicked off his too loose and too big boots. They weren’t his, so he didn’t care that one boot went flying into the wall to get stuck in the plaster. Zack was prone to making holes in any kind of wall that wasn’t titanium. Everything seemed too loud to him at the moment. The sound of little plaster grains falling sounded millions of times louder. Zack had been having trouble sleeping since he was really little, but tonight, he knew he would break the record. His thoughts were going haywire.

 

You realize that sometimes you’re just

Not okay

 

The bedroom door opened slowly, due to the hinges that were tight and horribly oiled. The noise of the scraping metal hurt Zack’s overly sensitive ears, but he managed to gather his thoughts and not cringe away from the imposing sound. His eyes were watering and Zack’s skin was tingling from the events of a few minutes ago. He could recall all too well the childish blue eyes and boyish blonde hair tilted upwards to his face. The eyes were too mean, too malicious to have been the Cloud that Zack knew. The words had hurt, downright stung. But it seemed the stinging from Cloud only reopened scars that Zack swore would never open again.

 

You level off, you level off, level off

But it’s not all right now

You need to understand

There’s nothing strange about this

You need to know your friends

 

The telephone screeched and Zack couldn’t bring himself to pick up the receiver. He kicked the phone over and under the bed, before falling onto the dark blue covers of the bed. Zack covered his ears and curled up into a ball, hugging himself tightly as his tears seeped from the corners of his eyes. His black hair was pulled free from the stubborn elastic and his black hair flowed around him like liquid darkness. Zack’s sharp blue eyes closed and Zack’s own stubborn will was making him choke on his own sobs. His mind couldn’t stop clicking through the argument and harmful words from Cloud’s mouth. Zack couldn’t staunch the flow of tears, but wouldn’t let up, so he continued choking and sobbing, staining the bed with a combination of tears and sweat.

 

You need to know that

I’ll be waving my hand

Watching you drown

Watching you scream

Quiet or loud

 

Zack couldn’t wrap himself around the concept of why Cloud had said what he did. There seemed no reason for it. Zack knew he was being stupid and that he should stop worrying and remember that he was a SOLDIER and Cloud was pretty much insane. The line of thought that brought him to made Zack cry even harder. Why was Cloud insane, and why were Cloud’s insanities being directed at Zack? Trying to recall the words, Zack calmed briefly, though the words slipped through his mind and only the image of Cloud’s irate face was there. Zack’s calm dissipated and he wrestled with his pillow to restrain the emotions that were building.

 

And maybe you should sleep

And maybe you just need

A friend

 

After getting his emotions in check, Zack sighed and wiped his face. His expression was far from serene, but it was peaceful enough to mislead anyone into thinking that Zack was okay. The same person who had just ruptured his remaining cool even more had done away with his remaining okay-ness long ago. Fights were Zack’s forte, but battles of words were his weakness. Zack knew that wounds from words never healed, and discerned this from experience. He avoided tossing insults or words meant to hurt at all times, though sometimes he did slip.

 

As clumsy as you’ve been

There’s no one laughing

You will be safe in here

You will be safe in here

 

Zack closed his eyes in a futile attempt at sleep, but his thoughts plagued him worse than ever. No one but three people had ever broken Zack’s façade, and it seemed that those three people, Cloud, Sephiroth and Aeris, were determined to pull it down for everyone to see the raw and naked Zack. Each one had hurt Zack in an unspeakable way, leaving him for the vultures. First Aeris and her harsh words in the Church, then Sephiroth with his cold eyes raking over Zack’s abused form, and now Cloud, with his painful words and irate expression. Zack had been turned away by each and every one of his friends. Never being very good at self-sufficiency, Zack slumped, his once bright eyes now cold and expressionless.

 

Throw away this very old

Shoelace

Tripped you again

You try to shrug it off, shrug it off, shrug it off

It’s only skin now

You need to understand

There’s nothing fake about this

 

Cloud watched Zack’s retreating back with contempt. He could see the harm he had done; the pitiful bruises on Zack’s chest and arms. Cloud hadn’t been able to reach anywhere else. But the true harm lie in what had been said, each untruth curling around the other and making a stinging maelstrom of lies and deceptions that ravaged Zack to the core. Cloud had never acted on jealousy before, but now that he had, he wished he hadn’t. The wounds reaped him too, harsh and cold, and that only made Cloud wonder exactly what he had just put Zack through.

 

You need to let me in

I’m watching you, and

I’ll be waving my hand

Watching you drown

Watching you scream

 

The tiles of the floor and the dull sand was suddenly very interesting to Cloud as he walked back to his barracks. The scratchy wool of the blanket on his bed seemed uninviting and foreboding, but Cloud sat on it anyway to sort out his thoughts. He could barely figure out what had happened. One moment they were talking, walking down the hall, the next Cloud put forth a question and Zack got defensive. Cloud shot words and Zack parried every one until a lie slipped through his defenses. That left open a considerable gap that Cloud had taken advantage of. Perhaps too much advantage. 

 

No one’s around

And maybe you should sleep

And maybe you just need

A friend

 

Zack’s eyes had reflected hurt and pain beyond Cloud’s comprehension. It was as if Cloud’s previous onslaught had never been forgotten, though Zack swore up and down it was behind them. Cloud picked at a loose thread and sighed heavily. The barracks were mildly chilly, but anyone knew that it was from the broken freezer in the corner that seemed to emit an interesting frosty mist. Cloud found himself deserving of the chill, wanting to suffer like Zack. Maybe this time he had gone too far. Maybe he had said too much. Maybe.

 

As clumsy as you’ve been

There’s no one laughing

You will be safe in here

You will be safe in…

 

Cloud wanted to go to Zack and just listen to him. Zack had a habit of letting his mouth chatter on while Cloud didn’t pay attention and just punctuated with a few ‘uh-huh’s, ‘yes’s and ‘cool’s. Cloud had always taken Zack for granted, that he’d never lose him. But now, Cloud’s own feelings of superiority had ruined everything. Cloud stood and began pacing restlessly, wondering if it was too soon to go to Zack and apologize.

 

I’ll be waving my hand

Watching you drown

Watching you scream

Quiet or loud…

 

Bobbing his head up and down, Cloud ran for Zack’s apartment, almost clear across the plate. Zack’s car was gone from the Shinra parking lot, but Cloud took no notice. He ran as fast as he could. People gave him dirty looks as he almost bumped into them on the streets, but Cloud was set. His apology would probably mean nothing to Zack, but it would ease Cloud’s burden, if only a little. Cloud knew he was being selfish, trying to lessen his own guilt rather than comfort Zack, but he couldn’t help it. Zack’s apartment was up ahead, and Cloud ran right in.

 

And maybe you should sleep

And maybe you just need

A friend

 

Zack looked to the door; someone outside it was banging on the door much too loudly to be comfortable in Zack’s ear. He brushed off the annoying ringing and opened the door. Cloud jumped in and almost tackled Zack in a desperate flurry of apologies and tears. Zack’s own tears had long since been exhausted, and no new ones were shed at Cloud’s revelations. Zack stood impassively as Cloud spoke on.

 

As clumsy as you’ve been

There’s no one laughing

You will be safe in here

You will be safe in here

 

Cloud noticed Zack’s unemotional stance and quieted immediately. He turned to leave, his face showing his disappointment. Quiet as a cat, Zack kneeled down and hugged Cloud from behind. Apology accepted. Cloud smiled and looked up into Zack’s eyes. Cloud had always considered Zack selfless, and this was a perfect example. Zack’s eyes were still unforgiving and sad, but he was easing Cloud’s guilt for the sake of Cloud. After the hug, Zack smiled half-heartedly and sauntered off to the kitchen to make something to eat.