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| Here I write what I'm thinking, what I'm wishing and sometimes what I'm doing. Mostly this is just a collaboration of my thoughts on certain people, places, ideas, etc. etc. etc. I'll try not to turn this into a typical teenage page of what I bought today in the mall and what Bob Smithers told me in science class. I'm writing out my thoughts, and I'm sorry if they offend you. They offend me sometimes, too. Take some of this in jest, most don't. I'm trying to write my emotions onto a digital post-it note. Welcome to my head, don't move around too much you may very well be crushed by wandering ideas and traversing thoughts. No guarentees, though. | |||||||||
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March the 16th Good Morning Son I am a bird, wearing a brown polyester shirt. You want a coke, maybe some fries? The roast beef combos only 9.95. It's ok.... you don't have to pay.. I've got all the change. Everybody knows it hurts to grow up.. everybody does. So weird to be back here, lemme tell ya what, the years go on and we're still fighting and we're still fighting it, and you're so much like me, I'm sorry. Good morning son in twenty years from now maybe we'll both sit down and have a few beers, and I can tell you about today and how I picked you up and everything changed. It was pain, sunny days in rain, I knew you'd feel the same thing. Everybody knows it sucks to grow up and everybody does, so weird to be back here. Let me tell you what, the years go on and we're still fighting, we're still fighting it, and you'll try, and you'll try, and one day, you'll fly away... from me. Good morning son, good morning son, good morning son, good morning son, good morning son... I am a bird... good morning son, good morning son... It was pain sunny days in rain, I knew you'd feel the same things. Everybody knows it hurts to grow up, and everyboody does, so weird to be back here. Let me tell ya what the years go on and we're still fighting and we're still fighting it and we're still fighting and we're still fighting it and you're so much like me, I'm sorry... Excuses I realized that almost this entire page is an excuse to take the responsibility off of me, and putting it on others. The dating thing was just a complex way of saying I'm a wuss and afraid to get into a relationship, because in the back of my mind I know I'll probably fuck something up. The chick will probably find something wrong with me and she'll tell the entire world. Or worse... I'll keep all this up for entertainment reasons, and for those of you who have probably realized this already, I finally understand. This won't stop me from doing the same thing in the future, I'm human and it's human nature. Shit, that right there was another example. I just accept my actions as my human nature thinking I can't do jack shit about them. Fucking, this sucks. March the 15th RIAA Shit I am sick of the Recording Industry Association of America's (RIAA) bullshit. I'm going to copy a piece I wrote on the ChicagoGamers message boards: Yea it's just a dying corporation trying to hold onto it's main capitol interests. Although easy to understand, it's nearly inconcievable how much of the IT industry their willing to slow down and developments their willing to sacrifice to hold their middle-man position, of which it is obviously profiting. They counter a legal file-sharing system, being used illegally by individuals, by encroaching on the end-user's fair use rights? Oh wait, let's not forgot that it's illegal for the RIAA to make audio CD's unplayable on one specific medium (the PC), let alone not labeling them as such. Oh wait, let's not leave out their lack of a viable alternative for getting music on your computer. By copyrighting the CDs they have ruined the user's chance of legally backing up his newly-purchased music CD on his computer. They want music on their computers, on their $400 Mp3 players. Where are they to go but a P2P service? "Oh no! They do have online music sites like Rhapsody and eMusic!" The day I pay a dollar for every song I want to burn on a CD, legally purchased music at that (Which technically should become your property and fair use kicks in), I'll die. "But they're not selling alot of CDs anymore, you're stealing!" No I buy CDs, but very few because the artist selection is piss-poor for most music nowadays and the illegally price-fixed costs of buying one CD. If a CD were to pay most of the profits directly to the artist, I may actually buy more CDs. As most people here know, I have quit a large collection on my computer of digital music, alot of which I don't own. But, I own about 110 legally purchased CDs. Now some of you may say that's not alot. But let's take a guess that all those CDs averaged out to 15 a piece, pretty kind considering after taxes most are 17 or so. But at 15 with 110 CDs all purchased within 2 years (I started listening to music at 13-14), I have payed.... $1650 to the RIAA of my money. Once again, some may say that's not alot. But for a student with no job, that's an incredible sum (I'm 16, so yea that's amazing even to me as I multiplied it) of money. I'm sorry on the long post, I have an incredibly angry opinion on the subject of intellectual property laws. Just for some alternative sources of independent artists, here's some links of good places to listen to some. http://www.awarestore.com/ http://www.garageband.com/ http://www.dmusic.com/ http://www.mp3.com/ http://www.iuma.com/ Oh and for all the news on the RIAA and it's downfall, take a glance here. http://www.boycott-riaa.com/ I feel that we have, as now-educated consumers, a right to protect other consumer's rights as a citizen of this country. All you self-declared patriots of freedom, I challenge you to stand up with me against corporate greed. Oh, corporate greed? What could that be. Could it be this? Those aren't monoplies now are they? We need to fight against price-fixing, and old corporations like the RIAA undermining the entire purpose of the most significant technological revolution of our era, the internet. The internet was our revolution, the people's revolution. Don't let the RIAA undermine the entire purpose, freedom from the current world of corporate monoplies and, most importantly, censorship. No longer can the law stop corporations, they have the money, they have the lawyers. We, the people, the consumers, must do something. They pray on our innonence and ignorance, and always have. The cigarette companies do it everyday. I am suggesting a protest of purchasing music, a boycott. We are high-schoolers, their target audience. We are more intelligent than they assume, so let's do something to show them. If you know me in real life, which I assume most here do, let's talk about this, in specifics. I have thought of Tower Records, they're CDs are ridiculously overpriced. If you're reading this and wondering what the hell I'm talking about and what I'm protesting, read the article above. Illegal price-fixing, attempting to take control of digital media in all it's forms, preventing users from listening to music on whatever medium they choose, in spite of fair use laws. Not labeling the previously-stated copyrigthed CDs as unplayable on PCs. Refusing to give a viable, and most importantly reasonably-priced, online alternative to Peer2Peer systems. The average price of a music CD has jumped up a dollar per year since 1998. Please talk to me about this, if we could get enough people in on this we could truly do something that make's a difference. And for those of who are just saying to yourself that you don't care, please reconsider. I beg of you. The internet has the possibility to become more than just another distirbution medium for big business. It started as a people's revolution, let's continue this way. If we don't make a stand soon, everything you now take advantage of on computer's could die off, very soon. Don't let it happen. It has to start somewhere. It has to start sometime. What better place than here? What better time than now? All hell can't stop us now. March the 13th I'm A Liar I'm back, I couldn't just quit that post I was actually going somewhere. By the way, read the post below this first, if you haven't. I have no idea where I'mg going with this, so I'll just let my fingers speak their peace... I am fat, am becoming so very fast, and truly don't care. I'm kind of content right now, with life in general, which is very odd because my brain would never let me be content, and it shouldn't. I'm pessimistic and tend to always find a negative in something. Don't know why, but it's my nature and I'm sticking to it. I guess you could say I used to be content in not being content (notice I'm using that alot? I just did..), but now I've become... dare I say... happy. I'm doing good in school, which is a first, literally. Actually, when I say good, I mean better than usual, which is still not good in the eye's of my parents and peers, but who gives a shit what they think about how I live my life? Not me. Well that sounded a little ignorant but it can be expected from any teen, and I'm not out of the norm by any means. I realized that despite knowing the hazards and typical downfalls of being a teen, I can do absolutely nothing to avoid them. I've tried and tried but I can't stop human nature. I realize I'm a teenager, and although I realize I'm not invicible, it's incredibly difficult to shred a care to safe living. Back to happy, that's me recently. As I said, I'm doing "well" in school, I'm having a fun time socially, and to top it off I don't care. I find it hard to ignore myself, my nature of finding things wrong, but it seems to be ignoring itself recently. It's weird though, I kinda feel like my life's in a dream and some angry guy is just sitting below it with a needle, waiting for the perfect moment to pop my hopes of ever being satisfied with life again. Then I kinda realized (I'm doing alot of that too, although I'm kind of afraid that these are all false...) that the guy below the dream with the pin was me, just a physical form of my subconscious saying I can't possibly be happy. Funny thing, I just typed that, never "realized" it until after I had typed it, woot. I would love to take my gym teacher and her little bitch assistant head-on in an arguement in front of an administrator, concerning Southard's recent punishment. Kids like Eric Berehns and Tony Anfeldt are going to be, or are depending on how you view it, the downfall of our society. Little cocky shits who care for no one but themselves serving nothing but their interests. I never liked Eric, but I always thought Tony wasn't an asshole. Guess I was wrong, huh? Then there's this spanish kid named Nick, his last name starts with a 'P', I think... He's a cocky little shit as well, but for no reason. Could he beat some kid up? No, not at all. He thinks he's cool as hell, he must have stroked his ego for years to become this much of a not-cool-but-think-I-am fuck. By the way, I realized that for someone to "Not be cool" to me, they have to be either ignorant, an asshole, or both. They usually come with both flavors of idiocy though... Speaking of idiocy there's this little kid on my bus, oddly, also named Eric, who is the biggest asshole I've met in a while. I'll give it to Eric, atleast that kid can push his weight around when needed, same with Tony, but this kid is a little weak shit who couldn't box his way out of a fucking paper bag. He's a freshman who acts like an asshole to every person I've ever seen him interact with. Never, have I seen this kid be even the slightest bit kind to any living thing, hell even non-living things. He's an ignorant loud-mouth fuck, and he angers me more than other person I know. I would love to get in a fight, even if I got my asskicked. I'm not looking for one by any means, but I need to let my anger out. I find that when I get angry during school, it ruins my entire day. I realized that I have so much pent-up emotions that it's a floodgate whenever a negative feeling arises. I can't even summon the emotions if I wanted to, they only come out when someone says something to me that is assholish, or even just an undeserved (many times deserved but unneccesarily bad timed) criticisms. I really think that if a friend is an asshole, he ceases to be a friend to me. I can't befriend bad people, no matter how hard I try. I can't stand being an asshole myself, and I can't stand seeing others be so ignorant to people's feelings. I have alot more I want to say, but I can't think of any words to describe them. I'm really looking forward to the next time someone pushes me over the edge outside of school, no matter how insane I sound. Well, to end this so far angry and dissapointing post, I'm going to go pretend to be non-chalant while secretly hiding any feeling that arises a back where it came from. Nitey nite. Wow... It's been a long fucking time since I updated. I even said fucking when refering to how long it's been. I would say I'm back by popular demand but as far as I'm concerned this site has 1 view, and that's from me. Anyone else is just taking a glance, seeing they disagree with me and leaving. Yep.... I decided to delete the counter on the bottom, I realized it only made me wish I was cool. Well, to start things, my monkey died. Yea, that sucked. Wait, this is starting to sound like a diary. Fuck, what have I done, this post is over! Febuary the 10th My Dream: After thinking about it a lil today, I have finally decided upon what I would do if I could do anything in my life. I would have one acoustic guitar, a spiral notebook and an expensive-ass pen, and I would wander around Europe and other more majestic landscapes doing nothing but playing music. Mind you, I can't play the guitar, I can't sing, and I can't write music, but this is my dream and I'll do what I want. For any of you who have seen Lord Of The Rings, it'd be like a ranger, never staying in one place, wandering the world with a constantly expanding knowledge. Just years to think about things, work on things that I need to work on, etc. All the while wandering beautiful landscapes that make you wonder how the world came to be so majestic. Ahhh, so soothing. Whatcha Doin Naw! (subtitle: Dating): Well my life has seemingly shot by lately, although I can't think of one significant thing I've done in the past week or so. I was talking to a Mr. A. Wolff today and he happened to mention Orchesis, who were performing in front of us. He asked who I would be most comfortable dating. I told him *whisper whisper* (none of your damned business), and then stated that would never happen though. He asked me how I could refuse some fine loving, and I told him it would be hard but I'm going to do it. So here's what I explained to him, and now to you all. Almost everyone I have seen who has been in a major or minor sexual relationship has gotten hurt somehow, or has had a ton of stress added to his or her life. And afterwards one of the people (usually, the chick), gets hurt badly. Now I'm not one to lie and say I wouldn't love to have sex if there were no consequences, any man who said that would be lying. Rather, that I really don't care. If a chick comes along and happens to be so cool that I simply can't stop from dating and not much stress is added, all the better for us. But that will probably never happen, there's always strings attached. I have enough fuckin' stress as it is, although it may not seem like it. Right now I'm going through a period of my life where I'm figuring out what I want to do with my life and what the point of my life is. The last thing I need is to be waiting by the phone so I can call my girlfriend at 9 o'clock on the dot, not to early as to leave a window for too long a conversation nor too late to leave a window too small. I really could care less. And that's how most high-school relationships are run. Sure, they're learning experiences but ones that I will be sure to get later when I have things figured out. Don't take me for one of those abstinence types, I'm never going to do something like this so I can "save myself for marriage", that's just dumb. Fooling around and having fun are experiences everyone is going to have at some point, and are usually high points in that person's short life. So what I'm trying to say is that I don't plan on following through with any major relationships until I have my own life figured out. How soon this will happen, I couldn't tell ya. But the day you see me getting all lubby-dubby with a girl, you could probably come to the conclusion that I've got a pretty firm grip on my life. Or that my penis finally conquered my brain. Congratulations Mr. Dolan, more boobies for you. Febuary the 1st About The Dates: Well I figured that since it was a new month I'd post, so here it is. I know February is spelled with an 'r', but I refuse to spell it that way. I grew up spelling it how it's pronounced, I never hear Feb-RUH-ary, so I'm not going to write it that way. Oh and if any of you have ever been to Max and Erma's restaurant and met the balloon guys, you know that, for the most part, they suck. Well I am now a believer, of what I don't know. But this is how my conversation went so try this next time, maybe you'll end up with a kick-ass monkey like me: Balloon Guy: What do you fancy son? Me: Well, I don't fancy much, but I think I could use a monkey right about now. Balloon Guy: Oh ya monkey's make people laugh and feel go.. Me (interrupting): No, I want people to piss their pants when they see my monkey coming at them. Balloon Guy (kind of shocked): Oh dear.. I think I can do you one better. And this, ladies and gentleman was the result. Disclaimer: His awesomeness may blind you. He r0x0rz me. January the 27th School System: I realized that my previous post today was pointless and was exactly what I told myself I wouldn't post, so I deleted it. Being that last week was finals, I had to defend my non-studying position to my parents, mainly my mother. Ick. She had no defense other than she wanted me to "succeed", which I find dumb as hell. Oh and I officially won my dad's arguement, he told me to study alot for math, I said no. He started yelling and finally set me over the edge. Here's the basics of what came out of my arguements: Study Habits: I refuse to let studying become a general habit for me. The only reason you should be required to study is if you are having difficulty with the material being explained in class. This should not be expected of students, because most students don't struggle much in classes, or don't allow themselves to. So why has studying become an expected task among all students? Especially for finals. Almost everyone I know studied for them, but for what? Finals are a review of what you learned that semester. If you don't remember the teacher apparently didn't do their job. I can understand reviewing some tough vocab or hard formulas, but alot of the students I know had to go back to the first chapter and re-read much of the book. Where the fuck did this come from? If you are having trouble remembering the basics of a class, you are most likely no the root of the problem. I went into finals having not studied, not because I was lazy, but because I felt that, for the most part, I had a strong comprehension of most of my classes. Atleast enough understanding to get me a 'B', which is what I was shooting for. I had almost no difficulty on my finals because I've switched my schedule to get good teachers and get rid of the bad ones. I'll use names for this one. Had I had Mrs. Zinger for the whole semester, there's no doubt I'd have had trouble on the final. Why? Because Mrs. Zinger is a horrible excuse for a teacher who does nothing more than teach to the book and expect kids to learn the material at home and do pointless and fruitless labs in class. Luckily I dropped "advanced" Chemistry and got a teacher who understands that teaching is done in class and that she is teaching human beings, who may have trouble with the material being taught. Now how far that understanding extends based on the subject being taught, but the fact that it's there motivates me to actually try. Now onto the grading scale. The Grading Scale: I feel that the grading scale used currently is very faulty. Just because a student maintains an 'A' average doesn't mean that the student is that kind of worker. He may just be taking easier classes and not applying themselves. Often a student with a 'D' average may be giving four times as much effort as an 'A' student, but they are never given the time or day by colleges. Most children who get C's are dissapointed with that grade, while some are joyously happy. A 'C' should not be a shameful thing, it merely says (or should say), that you are average in that specific subject. But most parents refuse to accept that their child may, in fact, be average, so they angrily storm the school looking to find somebody they can blame so they don't have to accept a truth. Likewise, A's should not be expected of a student, because most kids are not (as it says on the report cards) "excellent" in most subjects. And if they are, odds are they are not being challenged enough by the current material. There are few people in the school system that truly deserve the 'A' average, yet it is a common label. Why? Because there are so few people in life who are truly good at everything. Perhaps I'm just being too analytical, but if a grading scale were true to it's nature, about 70% of the population would be C's, 20% B's, and that last 10% A's. Because if the majority of people aren't average in intelligence, what are we basing our standards on? Which leads me to the next subject.. Standardized Testing: Standardized testing is such an amazingly dumb concept, it's amazing it's so widely used. People preparing and studying for an intelligence test, see the irony here? If a test is supposed to measure a person's intelligence, why the fuck would you study? It defeats the entire concept. I always thought intelligence relied on mental ability and how you are able to deal with everyday situations. Admittidly true intelligence may be hard to measure, but testing based upon memorized facts proves very little if anything. I don't mean to push an ego on others, but I have a few friends who I consider amazingly intelligent, but not on the same scale that the school measures with. He may not do well in school, but if I gave him a piece of paper he could memorize anything and everything on it. If I give him a song, he could give me a philisopical analysis of it within a minute. If I put him into an everyday situation that may result in a fight, he could probably talk or laugh his way out. Now his parents yell at him because he doesn't do well in school? I may be mistaken, but he has probably come to the same realization I have, there is more to life than how well you achieve in school and your job. He probably came to this conclusiong much earlier than me, but this is how I'm choosing to express it. It's horrible that I would guess that on a standardized test given to find intelligence, this person would not be ranked in the top percentile in the state. Finally to my last subject, short and sweet, the subjective views of success. Most people view success as going to a good college, getting a well-paying job and getting married. I'm amazed this remains the general views of the public. With movies like American Beauty approaching the subject of finding true success as viewed by one's self, I thought people would change their views. Sadly, as usual, I was mistaken. I believe the true meaning of my life is to find my personal meaning of success, and when I do, carry it out. If this is done, I will be content with life, and thusly, content with death. For the wise person sees, while the fool is blind. Yet I saw that wise and foolish people share the same fate. Both of them die. Just as the fool will die, so will I. So of what value is all my wisdom? Then I said to myself, "This is all so meaningless!" For the wise person and the fool both die, and in the days to come, both will be forgotten. January the 20th War, What Is It Good For?: We have had more wars in the twentieth century than any other. Yet after a century of losing so many people to what ended up a lost cause, we still manage to sacrifice lives in the name of patriotism, and our country. If human beings could unite for one day, put quibles aside, we could solve many more problems than we have, thousands more. Yet we continue in our small commodity wars over natural resources that are already dangerously low. And those who speak out against war in foreign lands are labeled as unpatriotic? Perhaps one of America's most acclaimed writer's can put it to words. My kind of loyalty is loyalty to one's country and not to one's institutions or officeholders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing to watch over. Its institutions and clothing can wear out and become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease and death. To be loyal to rags, to shout for rags, to worship rags, to die for rags, that is a loyalty of unreason. Go Do It Now: You all need to go visit ArtPolitic, now. I'm not a political activist, by any means, but there some things which need to be fought for. January the 17th The Litte Thingers: Well nothing much new has happened, not sure if that's good or bad. It's probably bad, I'm very bored now. Here's my new background , it's better not to ask where I got it from. I'm adding the entire Abandoned Pools CD to lyrics, I love their (his) style. I was going to post on what I'm doing this weekend, but realized I never read that shit on other sites. Ask me if you want to do something, I'll probably say yes. Weeeeeeee! As long as man has the ability to have hope in the hopeless, we will continue to find satisfaction in life. Anything that bring's life will ultimately wield death. January the 15th Perfect: Well this is going to be short. Nothing that seems perfect is, no one you think is perfect ever is. I hate it, I hate the shattered ambitions that line my head. I don't know why I don't learn, but this vicious cycle never breaks. Trying doesn't seem to help, it only leads to doing less. I really hate moods, moody people, moody me. I'm sick of hoping that something may be good enough for me to not find any flaws, only to find one staring back at me. I need to quit having these fake hopes and ambitions for others, for myself. Everything in the world balances itself out, whether or not you want it to. You fall, you get back up. You jump too high, you fall too fast. If I could only get this engraved in my head I wouldn't dream like I do. Dreamers can never accept reality, and it pisses me off. I won't explain because, frankly, I can't. If you keep looking up you never see what you fall upon. I don't mean for this to be poetic or me trying to make quotes, cause as I read it seems like I am. I'm writing one of my many moods, constant dissapoint with life in this world. No I'm not suicidal, I don't want to take my life out of this place, I just need to readjust. I'm just writing out my thoughts, hoping maybe they'll take some thoughts with them. This babbling may not seem coherent when reading it, but it's helping me sort out the thoughts in my head. Thanks for your time, I'll see you all tommorow night. Same time, same place, different mood for me. Some Things Never Change: I'm sick of all the shit people do to make themselves feel better around others. It truly sickens me. People you think you know will disregard all common sense to score a good point with their "friends". I'm fucking sick of it. Those people aren't your friends if they're judging you by how phony you can act. They are horribly stereotypical high school kids with an agenda that probably doesn't have success written in it. This concerns, namely, close friends or those that I thought were close, acting like complete dicks to me even when I'm not around. What the fuck is up with this. You think you're somewhat cooler since you've managed to score points against me with somebody else? How the hell do you think that makes the other person feel? I'm not taking this shit anymore, if you act like a piece of shit I used to disregard it. But no more of that shit. I'm fucking done with it. It's beaten down my self-esteem for the past 8 years and yet I did nothing about it, No more. I'm sick of people I call friends treating me like shit when others are around. Once again this is targeted at a single person, and I'm not so much of an ass to tell people his name. Although he seems to have no problem doing that to me. I don't know why I fucking bother. I haven't made fun of someone in a long, long time, if ever. Of course there are a few comments that have nothing behind them and are said for amusement, but I am trying to stop altogether. I know how it feels, and it's the worst feeling you can possibly have. To think that you're not good enough for other people's standards, it's just a horrible feeling that I never want to leave anyone with. I try and look as everyone as being on the same level as me, none above or below. Sadly some, most, people I know don't see it this way. It's a shame, because they are truly wasted potential of what could have been a kind human being. In fact I removed this from the site, wondering how other people might view it, what might happen to me. Fuck it, this is my site, this is how I feel. If you don't like it, stop reading this. If you don't like me, then please talk more shit if it makes you feel like a bigger man. Don't expect me to fight or do anything physical, I hate being confrontational and know that I really don't impose anything physically. Just don't try to say hi to me in the halls, because frankly, you're no longer a somebody to me. You've become a typical nobody, trying to climb his way up his delusional status ladder. Bye bye. By the way JJ, thanks for that comment. It truly made my day. January the 14th And Hi, I'm conceited!: Alot of people were masks, whether they cover a better interior or one that sucks is often hard to tell. Sometimes I make mistakes on who I assume is either a) not wearing a mask, or b) is better on the inside. More often than not, I assume wrong. People who I've known for months end up being little conceited bitches. I don't know if I'm just cursed, but it seems like that, or maybe I'm just really fucking gullible and dumb. Sooo onto my topic, conceited girls that can't see further than their own goals and aspirations. Although I would guess that a majority of girl's think this way, subconsciousely or not, I am talking a little more specific. Rohan warned me about her month's back, and I figured maybe she wouldn't be an ass, but.... I was very wrong. Not fun to talk to, not fun to be around because 99% of the time she's the topic. Oh wait let's not forget how everytime I mention something she's not afraid to tell me how stupid it is and how she's better. My friends do this in a joking manner or not, but I take their's in jest. I've known them for years, her... I started speaking to her 4 or 5 months ago? Oh let's not forget how she said before I wasn't cool enough to know her, I wasn't in her league for a friendship. Anyone who has a fucking league for their friendships is a horrible person. Dating is accepteable for leagues, but I can't get over how much I despise that trait. It's fucking horrible to tell a person I used to be too good for you but know you're ok I guess. I try not to put myself in a situation where I am talking down to another person, that's just retarded. Yet chicks like you put people into situations where they feel uncomfortable and make people fucking insecure. I am insecure because of you? No, because personally I don't give a shit anymore. You want to act like an asshole? You're not going to fucking do it around me. I watched you make fun of some very cool people who I would consider friends, thinking nothing of it. No fucking more, you're fucking done. I'm not taking any more crap from you, I'm sick of it. If you guys detected a slight hint of anger in there, you're spot on. But, for the most part, I'm expressing how frustrated I am with myself for letting it go on this long. Sorry Rohan for not heeding your "warning". God January the 13th Second-Hand Observations: Am I the only person who just loves to observer high-school romance? I mean everything that goes on is so predictable but they (we), continue on our little cycle of flirting, mistrust and rampant sexual hormones. There's nothing we can do about the third one, but those first two can be worked on. It's so fun to watch how two people who know they like each other conduct themselves when the other party is around. They kind of exchange glances, but never make much direct connect knowing full-well that it may be awkward. I mean I'm no exception to this, but that doesn't stop me from noticing it quite often. I really wonder if there will ever be a generation that breaks from these trends and may become.. oh I dunno.. mature about love. I know that we're not quite immature, but we're not mature either. But it's very easy to understand why we act the way we do. For one, we still have alot to learn about the other sex and ourselves. Two, each individual has little idea (or in many cases have heard rumors) about how far the other individual has "gone", and how far they're willing to take the relationship. Three, they're isn't a set tone for how a relationship goes. Once you get in your 20's or so, a pattern starts to develop, you move from the stage 'A' date, dinner or a lunch, to a stage 'B' date, movies or a dinner at a more romantic restaurant. From there the scale just involves more money being spent until an expensive ring is bought to top it off. Of course, sex is a common-place event along this relationship, it's more or less expected. High-school relationships have none of these consistencies, and thusly tend to be more complicated and it's sometimes hard to know how to further progress. But this is how we learn, so I guess it's not such a bad thing. I mean one-third of the Mp3s in my playlist involve either teenage love or troubles. Youthful love is a kind of love never experienced again, it can be a wonderous and mysterious journey at the same time. Will this type of love ever die? Not as long as a boy is brave enough to invite a girl over, and the girl foolish enough to think he'll call the next day. During my youth, Love will be my teacher; in middle age, my help; and in old age, my delight. - Kahlil Gibran January the 12th New Music: I'm really getting into music nowadays, not sure what brought it on but I really just love to chill to it. I'm open to almost every type of music but find myself sticking to certain genres. I really need to fix that. It's like I go through random phases, I.E. a week of nothing but Dave Matthews, then the next week KoRn has a certain appeal to me. Right now I'm really diggin the Seattle early 90's grunge rock scene. Not so much Nirvana as early Radiohead, Soundgarden and Audioslave. Not to mention Alice in Chains (thanks Chaz, just got one of their albums ;) ). Last night I was surfing FTPs and found that Puttz's was open. So I went on and downloaded random albums. On happened to be Counting Crows - August and Everything After. Well I'm in love folks. I love their styling, instrumentals, everything. One song specifically just spoke to me, Butterfly in Reverse. Go download it! Well here's my background. He freaks me out. 5 dollars to the person who can guess who that is. From a movie btw. January the 11th Umm Cancer, is that.. like.. Ice Cream?: Your life will not end if you suddenly aren't popular. There is more to life than how your friends see you. Take some of that energy you constantly put into thinking about little crap high-school status and put it into something useful. Cancer isn't solved yet, for example. Did you know that? Or were you to busy bitching at a guy because he didn't call you one day out of the entire fucking week. Start living life instead of putting it under a fucking microscope and finding the small flaws that may have such dire side effects as: -Not being completely oblivious to mental pain and anguish. -Having the complete spectrum of human emotions, ranging from happiness and excitement to anger and resent. For the love of god people, pain is not an emotion common only in your life. You see that person in the halls with tears in their eyes because they just broke up with their boyfriend. Then you see another person smiling and not doing anything out of the ordinary. His mother just passed away. The only difference between these people is how they express their emotions to others. Of course that person who's smiling is feeling mental anguish and sorrow, but he choses not to push his sadness on others. So while miss emotional thinks her life is ending, that boy's may very well be. Do you want to be remembered as a typical whiny teenager with nothing more to do than cry about how unfair his-or-her life is? I sure as hell don't. | |||||||||
| Copyright Ryan Dolan, so-and-so year. This shit is mine, if you take it then you'll get your ass kicked. But not by me, because I'm a wuss. Ya shut up, just don't take it. |
