We tried not to think about our guys when we were searching for the survivors, but I still hoped to see the them walking around the corner any second. I don't feel lucky to be alive, I just wondered why the others had to go.It's not fair. Why them?
Throught out all this chaos, my biggest fears was that my son , who's two and a half, would see it all on TV. He's at the age he doesn't need to know that firemen can die.
We spent day after day at those buildings. Everyday,the same people would say good morning to me when they where heading to their offices. Now I picture their faces and wonder if they're alive.
The first day I was there 20 hrs,I took a short nap and went back. That's what everybody did it was chaoctic. Anything that didn't fit into someone elses job fell to us.
I pulled myself off medical leave and hitched aride on a tugboat to Manhattan, knowing that everyone I worked with was in the buildings. I had to go. There are so many young guys on the job now, older guys like me have to show them the ropes, it's a tradition in the fire department. Now's not the time to leave.
I was numb to it at first. But it hit me when we found 8 firefighter's together in a stairway void. They were still holding their tools, still had their helmets on. Seeing mourners is tough too. At the Ground Zero family service, a little kid asked me to give him a rock from the pile, and my knees buckled.
I didn't see the second plane, so I'm standing there wondering one plane hit both buildings. In the confusion, I couldn't tell through the smoke cloud that an entire building had fallen down. At one point I thought I heard gunshots. Then I realized it was bodies crashing to the ground. I was watching people jumping out of windows. Here I am a police officer, and there was absolutely nothing I could do for those people. That hurt so much. Being there was like one big case of helplessness.
We knew the tops of the buildings would eventually collapse, that was the worst case scenario. We didn't expect the towers to collapse the way they did. After the first tower fell, we kept searching for people, Was I wary of the second one coming down? Yes. But we don't abandon people
People who had lacerations were sent off as walking wounded to ride to the hospital. The mass of casualtie's was horrendous. I responded to the World Trade Centers bombing in 1993, where 1,000 people were injured and that was nothing compared to this.
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