Tom Green: Welcome yet again another addition of the NEW Tom Green Show, I'm your host Tom Green of course with my Co-host Glenn ' The Cat F (beep) er ' Humplick.. You like to F (beep) cat's, isn't that right Glenn?
Glenn Humplic : Oh Shut up Tom, I do not..
Tom Green: Oh yeah, if you haven't heard already Glenn likes to F (beep) cat's..
Glenn Humplic: No I dont, I just really like cat's..
Tom Green: Uh sure, that's what they all say Glenn.. However the topic of our show tonight, fortunately, isn't about Glenn F (beep) ing cat's.. I mean who wants to see that anyway, I know I don't.. Anyway tonight we've got a very special show lined up for you guys at home.. Isn't that right Glenn..
Glenn Humplic : We sure do Tom..
Tom Green: Tonight we've got three very special guest, we've got the recently self proclaimed "Master and Ruler of the World" Sycho Sid Vicious, along with his two close companions, his Good Friend Stephanie McMahon and Close Friend from the Conan obrien Show.. Triumph the Insult Comic dog.. How do you like that Glenn, Triumph? Kind of a catchy name isn't it.. House, it sounds like something you'd name your dog..
Glenn Humplic : Ha ha ha ha.. Oh yea, yea, very catchy..
Tom Green : Or maybe something you'd name your cat, you'd like that wouldn't you Glenn? A big F (beep) ing pussy named Triumph..
Glenn Humplic : Oh my God.. Ha ha ha..
Tom Green: We'll be back after these commercial breaks, stay tuned..
MTV cuts to a commercial break as Tom Green walks over to his desk and Glenn takes a seat on the coach next to Tom.. After a few minutes MTV comes back from commercial breaks and the director says action.. Tom takes a drink of his coffee and then looks into the camera ready to talk..
Tom Green: Welcome back and thanks for joining us here on the NEW Tom Green Show, I'm Tom Green and this of course is Cat F (beep) er Glenn.. And our first guest here tonight night is the President and Head of Secuirity of the Sid Vicious Fan Club.He's also a filthy, foul-mouthed, dispicably cruel genius of a dog, who loves nothing better than to talk poop, and insult anybody and everything he comes face to face with...Everyone Please welcome Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to the show..
Triumph the insult comic walks out from behind the curtain wearing a Tie.. He goes over to Tom Green and Glenn and shakes both of there hands, Glen scoots over one and Triumph takes a seat next to Tom..
Tom Green : Well Triumph, it's great having you on the show, I've heard a lot about you..
TRIUMPH: Really?
Tom Green : I know you're very concerned with personal grooming...
TRIUMPH: I lick myself from time to time, yes.
Tom Green: Does DOG FANCY Magazine say that you should shave a dog's coat in the summer to keep it cool is that true?
TRIUMPH: Listen, listen. I do not believe in dogs being shaved. Now shaving a pussy... (pauses, barely heard over the Laughing crowd ) cat on the other hand... What? Cat! I said pussy cat! That's all right!
Glen leans over smacks him with a rolled newspaper.
TRIUMPH: By the way, by the way, thanks for sticking me next to Humplic. It's the first time no one's going to blame me for Farting!
Once pandemonium dies down...
Tom Green: Triumph, Can you tell us about the Eminem incident at the MTV music awards?what happened?
Eminem/Triumph(click here)
Triumph: By now everyone knows what happened on the video awards. I bear no anger toward Eminem, who, as I've said in the past, I have great admiration for, particularly his smooth white hair, which resembles a beagle's nutsack. I'm also glad to see him prove he can act. He played a white rap artist...quite a stretch. Maybe I can do a movie about a guy who licks his balls. I'm kidding. Eminem was clearly confused...he had never seen the Conan show, and who can blame him? It's like staring at your own poop for a whole hour. Without getting to eat it.
Tom Green: what is it that you do in your line of work, I know that your a world Famous Entertainer.But you are now the President of The Sid Vicious fan Club and Head of Security as well but, what kind of activities does that kind of work involve?
Triumph: Oh, lots of stuff..
Tom Green : Really?... Ha ha what kind of stuff, is a lot of stuff?
Triumph: Sex...you know With poodles,Great Danes..Madonna,Shakira
Tom Green : Wow, isn't that exciting
Triumph: Yeah and the best part is I get to Sniff the Ass of a pretty Hot Bitch named Stephanie..
Tom Green : Well Triumph, I can't say that I'm jealous of your job but, thanks for coming on the show anyways..
Triumph: No problem..you know this is a very nice Show..FOR ME TO POOP ON!!
Tom Green : Glenn, give this Dog a bone for me.. Now speaking of Stephanie, she just happens to be our next guest on the line up and boy am I ever glad to introduce her.. Ladies and Gentlemen, the ex Wife to Triple H, Stephanie McMahon!
From out behind the curtains steps out Stephanie McMahon to a crowd filled of whistling men ,Stephanie -who is wearing a sparkley pink top and a short pink skirt, takes a seat next to Tom as Triumph and Glenn move over..
Tom Green : Steph it is a pleasure to have you here on the set of the NEW Tom Green Show and welcome..
Stepahnie: Thanks Tom, it's a pleasure to be here..
Triumph:. Hey Steph, can I smell your ass?
Stephanie: (Laughing) Triumph!Will You Stop?
Tom Green:Well Steph, you are here tonight representing your Friend Sid vicious , who will be joining us here in a few minutes.. Can you tell us a little about Sid before he comes out here and introduces himself?
Stephanie McMahon: Tom to tell you the truth, Sid is a man that needs no introduction, despite what many think he is quite the party animal.. Many say he's a Big,mean,cocky, overconfident man but, I think he's earned that right.. Sid is a very talented wrestler and in the Raw tournament he's going to show everyone just how talented he is.
Tom Green : Oh that's right, he's in the Raw #1 Condership Tournament Opening Round match against Pezzer .. an ex-Boy Friend I believe..
Stephanie: Yes Tom, Pezzer is my ex-Boy Friend.
Tom Green : Do you mind letting the us know what went wrong in that relationship?
Stephanie: Actually Tom, I just got fed up with the type of person Pezzer turned into, after becoming a Legend Pezzer changed.. All he cared about was that Gold, he lived, breathed, and ate Gold.. All of the sudden I became his second priority instead of his number one priority..
Tom Green : Oh wow, that must have been tough.. What kind of an idiot would leave a babe like you, I know I sure wouldn't in fact it would probably the other way around..
Stephanie: Probably so..
Tom Green : Ouch.. Anyway, changing the subject, your ex-Boy Friend will be going one on one with your Friend Sid in what is his biggest match in the WWF to date.. And Pezzer being a Legend, I'm assuming this must be a big match for Sid..
Stephanie: Yeah it's quite a big match for Sid, this is he's Biggest Match Since he Fought Shawn Micheals in the old WWF at Survivor Series 1996 and he almost destroyed him.. we're looking for the same sort of success against Pezzer.
Tom Green : Yeah and that would be a booster for Sid's career in the WWF wouldn't it?.
Stephanie: Of course it would, in fact a win over Pezzer on Raw would definitly give him a career booster in the WWF, having beatin a legend..
Tom Green : Wow, that's real interesting, I mean he's only in the WWF a Week and already he's getting put over as a top player in the WWF..
Stephanie: Yeah Tom and that's the type of man Sid is, unlike many other wrestlers, it doesn't take him long at all to reach the top of the industry.. His Charisma,Talent and his Hard Work drives him all the way to the top, so don't be surprised to see Sid in the near future as the World Heavyweight Champion..
Tom Green : I'll definitly make sure to look out for that.. Stephanie, I again must say it's been a pleasure having you here tonight on my show and good luck on Raw, I hope everything works out..
Stephanie: Thank you Tom, it's been fantastic..
Tom Green : Well boys and girls, the moment you've all been waiting for has finally arrived, the next person that will be steping out from behind those curtains will be our guest of honor.. I'd like to welcome Sycho Sid Vicious!!
I am a Real American,Fight for the Rights of Every man,i am a Real american,Fight for what's Right,Fight for your Life!
The crowd erupts in a Huge reaction as Sycho Sid Vicious steps out from behind the curtains wearing a blue jeans trousers, Black vest and the European Gold around his Waist.. A spotlight is kept focused on Sid as he makes his way onto the set, Tom extends his hand for the shake but, Sid just looks at it. passes Tom by and takes a seat in between Stephanie and Tom's desk, the crowd settles down and the lights turn back on as Tom starts talking..
Tom Green : Well Sid, it's an honor having you here on ' The NEW Tom Green ', I do believe you are the biggest star we've had on the show yet..
Sid: Of course I'm the biggest STAR you've had on this show and I'm probably the BIGGEST STAR you'll ever have.. Because,Bitch they don't get as big as Me, besides who'd want to be on this show with a crappy entrance like that you have me?
Tom Green : Sorry, Sid we'll try better next ti--..
Sid: There isn't gonna' be a next time jackass, you've gotta be crazy if you think I'm gonna come back to this dump again.. Hell if you didn't even have the decency to get me a personal announcer for my introduction, you didn't even get this fire crotch fat jackass sitting over there to introduce me..
Tom Green : What kind of introduction were you expecting?
Sid: You could have at least said something like, The Master and Ruler of the World...And the Future World Champion.
Tom Green : Wow, well thanks for the tip..
Sid: No problem Jackass, that's how it should always be done and don't you for get it.. Well at least until I completely humiliate Pezzer in the Raw number one Contendership Tournament for the World Title and practically insure my shot at the World Title.. And then before you know it, it'll be I who is the World Champion..
Tom Green : Sid, it certainly looks like your dressed for the show tonight, what are those trousers?.
Sid: Are you kidding me?! Of course I'm well dressed tonight, when it comes to Representing Raw on shows like yours I always dress like this .. I mean when you've got an Incredible body like mine it doesn't hurt to dress in style and just wait until I give Pezzer a beating in this Tournament.. I'll treat myself to a beer drinking spree that'll make New Years eve look like a Picnic!
Tom Green : So you'd say your like a fashion Guru, type person..
Sid: Sure..I maybe a Brawler but i've got Style, hell I've also got CHARISMA and a dedication to Wrestling.. I was born to be Champion and completely humiliate Jackass's like Pezzer in front of millions and Millions of people! And Jackass, that's exactly what I plan on doing on Raw..
Tom Green : Now Sid, I understand that this Tournament match against Pezzer is your Biggest match in the WWF2k3.. How does it make you feel walking into a match this HUGE!..
Sid: I think they couldn't have picked a better man to finally SHUT GOLDIE UP! After all who better then another Legend like Sid Vicious to beat the LIVING HELL out of Pezzer in a HUGE TOURNAMENT MATCH like this?! This might only be My second match in the New WWf Jackass but, it sure as hell won't be my last.. Whether or not Pezzer requested to fight me in the Tournament is none of my damn concern, because no matter who i face -good guy or bad guy, at the end of the night I will be The Last Man Standing!..
Tom Green : Well Sid, thanks for being on the show, it's been an honor having you on.. Until next time folks, I'm Tom Green he's,Sycho Sid Vicious and this the ' NEW Tom Green Show '..
Sid: Who hold on a second JACKASS! I wasn't finished yet, you don't cut off me like that, are you out of your damn mind? , these people here want to see me, they don't want to tune in to some TRL re-run, they want to watch me!
Tom Green : Sorry Sid but, we've run out of time..
Sid: SHUT UP JACKASS!! Of course you've got time for ME!
Sid stands up and pulls Tom out from behind and pulls him across the desk as the fans erupt.. Sid then lifts up Tom and sends him flying into the wall backstage, the fans can't stop cheering, Glenn and medics walk over to check on Tom as Sid makes his way behind the desk.. Sid takes a seat behind the desk and starts writing something on a piece of paper and then tapes the paper to the front of the desk.. The paper read " THE NEW SID-SHOW! " Stephanie doesn't know what to think, Sid tells here to scoot over where he was previously sitting..
Stephanie: Sid what are you doing?!
Sid: What I should have done a long time ago Stephanie, getting my own Late Night talk show with ' Sycho Sid Vicious as the host.. Now Steph, we've only got a few minutes before the GOD'S GIFT TO NETWORK TELEVISION ends so I'm going to ask you a few questions and you better answer them right baby..
Stephanie: Okay Sid..
Sid: Steph, you know as well as I know that this Tournament will be all about ' .. Do you actually think that Pezzer stands a chance against a Monster like myself?
Stephanie: Well Sid --
Sid: OF COURSE NOT!Pezzer doesn't stand a chance in hell against me!.Steph, you know and I know that it won't be long before that precious World Title will soon be proudly worn around this WAIST!
Stepahnie: Let's hope that's the case Sid..
Sid: And when it's all said and done and When i have put that old boy friend of yours in his place .I will make sure that he'll learn that why i am the Master ...
Stephanie: Sid..
Sid: WOULD YOU SHUT UP?! Damn it, are you trying to rain on my parade?!
Stephanie: No Sid I'm just saying..
Sid: Triumph, come on lets get the hell out of here, I've got a Tournament to win , and oh by the way there's a Daschund waiting for you outside.
Triumph: Ahhh Daschunds...the only dog that's shaped like it's own poop.Well Good Night evreybody,Thank You You've been a great audience....
FOR ME TO POOP ON!
Scene fades to Black