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Sawmill Gazette

 

 

 

 

 

19-Apr-05

The First of the Firsts

 

 

Sawmill Softball’s first game sadly ended as expected, with a loss to the home team Big Dogs.  As always with the lighthearted Sawmill Softball team, there is a silver lining to everything.  The true battle of this game was to be the first of the firsts.

  Leading the way was super speedy minus 2 steps, Jason Liner.  He set the tone with the first hit for the new season.  He finished the game 5 for 5, truly a well-spent $25 for the new bats.

  Following Liner was “drunk Niki’s” husband, Bill Speri.  He was the first to reach base on an error, first to score a run, and first to take the woman way out and take a walk (2 for the game…hmmm living with 3 chics will do that to you.)  Speri didn’t stop his tirade of first there, it’s noted that he was the first to make an infield error; I believe he followed with number 2 and 3 as well.

  Making his mark on the firsts was lumberjack Jimmy Everett; he was the first to whine about not getting his error recorded in the book as a hit and since he really sucks, the first the official stat keeper felt sorry for and changed the error to a hit.  In the field, Everett was the first outfielder to be burned.

  Making his first on the game was slightly balding Bob Moffett.  He used up his $25 on the first RBI.  He later added the first outfield error; almost didn’t count as an error because it was Bob.

  With truly the best first of the firsts was skillz McGill Hudson Veal.  Displaying the ability to create hurricane force winds, Veal swung, put his head down and walked back to the dugout with sound of the umpire ringing up his “K”.  Luckily that wasn’t the only first for Veal, he was the first to go 0 fer in a game, first pitcher to lose a game, and on the bright side, first pitcher to strike out a batter.

  Adding a quite first only seen by this writer was Hassan “Osama” Elfaysal.  On a ball hit to his left, he avoided an error by making a spectacular run and dive over the ball, almost as if that was how the game should be played. 

  Getting into mid-season form first was anti-speed Jeff Sharp.  He was the first to fly out to an outfield.  Getting the most out of the new bats…priceless.

  The final first of the new season was a team effort, which in itself is a first.  Baiting the hitter by playing short was outfielder Liner.  After the ball went over his head, he retrieved it, threw it to the cut off man Speri, who then threw it in the general direction of Sam “Icebox” Serad.  Serad used his acting ability to fake the runner into believing he had the ball.  Once the runner realized the ball was overthrown he attempted to take home.  With the alertness of a deaf sleeping cat, Sharp pounced on the ball and threw it to Mike, the butcher, Smith, who held onto the ball, another first of the new season, and gave a heavy blow to the upper body of the runner for the out, thus completing the routine 8-6-5-3-2 play.  Look for this play over and over this year.

  If you are a fan of good entertainment, then you must come out and watch the amazing talents of these players.  You won’t be able to take your eyes off the field.  You will see some difficult plays not made and some routine plays made hard or again not at all.  Truly a testament of the skill set possessed by this remarkable team.

 

 

01-May-2005

by: sub-reporter

The Speri Effect

 

Raleigh, N.C. - In classic Sawmill Softball fashion the Home team put up a nice effort, but weakened when faced with adversity and stiff competition. "We had them right where we wanted them" was the quote from acting coach Speri.  Down 0-2 in the bottom of the first with a man on second and No outs, Sawmill began it dissection of the opponent.  A classic Weaver blooper, intended to confuse the opponent I'm sure, fell right between the SS and RF.  "Two-step slower" Speri on 2nd, mustered up enough strength to advance to 3rd and force a throw.  A throw that went straight threw the 3rd baseman's legs and into the dugout.  Or did it?  Many would attest to this fact, but those who counted said it did not.  The ball bounced back onto the playing field (off the bench mind you) and as Speri walked toward home, he was tagged out.  The ump later would say "I probably missed it, I was covering my head to make sure I didn't get hit by the ball", and people say there is no honesty in America.  The second umpire was comfortably STILL standing between 1st and 2nd base and could not be reached for comment.  He may still be there, no one can attest to the fact he moved the entire game. Back to the action, the game was essentially over from there.  Sawmill was able to advance Weaver home on what will certainly become a 'Tap Room' menu item with the next printing, "The Sac Fly".  In the end, momentum had been ripped away and though Sawmill put up a valiant effort with only 9 players, they succumbed to the superior team and lost 13-2.  Speri remarked as he walked off the field, "losing by 11 sort of takes away the effectiveness of my 'protest'.  I think I'll withdraw that Mr. Umpire."

 

NOTES:

Mike Smith re-emerged from his brief slumber with his first hit and RBI of the season. New addition Kern Campbell deftly demonstrated his power with 3 singles.  Hassan Elfaysal claimed credit for bringing Kern to the squad.Bob Moffett caught every ball he could get to, ran after many he could not, and did not once hit the cut off man.  The Sawmill infield surrendered an infield hit (no errors) to a '300 plus pounder' when they all decided simultaneously that the outfield grass was the place to be.  Next time someone will be sure to be able to actually cover a bag… For the first time this season no one swung and completely missed the ball.  It's the little things people.