Document 6 (optional) – still a bit rough

Why Me?

After you have read all my essays anyone would be greatly impressed by the sacrifices that I have made for God. Many of you might think of me as a spiritual Jesse Owens or spiritual Audie Murphy. It's imperative that I will tell you my entire story, and thus deflate this larger than life image! Let truth reign!!

In 1978 as you know I was blessed with that Judgment Day Experience (JDE), and then given another chance to live again! In that blessed experience I had the good fortune of being baptized by fire – experiencing the same grace as the disciples experienced on the day of Pentecost! A rare blessing indeed!

On account of that blessed experience, plus one year later I was living in a certain spiritual community where I went through an intense spiritual purification . . . because of both blessed experiences I had attained a rare level of sanctity (purity of heart). The psalmist declared, “The whole earth is full of His glory” . . . and that is precisely what I started seeing with my mortal eyes . . .and all the time! Also, I started seeing that the light in men was the light of God . . . I started literally seeing God in my neighbor.

Then, came my mega-blunder!

I had made a terrible mistake by getting involved with the wrong lady (I honestly believed that the Lord wanted me to be with this lady . . . but back then I didn’t pray much, because in my JDE the Lord didn’t educate me about it. Rather, He educated me on the priceless value of right action).

In the beginning I only had sex with this lady because she needed it, because at that spiritual state I wasn’t lusty. But sadly, on account of my being unequally yoked with her and beginning to have regular sex, and arguments. . . . I gradually became carnal again). That relationship with that woman became the major factor in my BACKSLIDING.

Regretfully, I backslid for a number of years, then got right with God again, then backslid still again! This second time I backslid (1986 -1987) I hated my second wife so badly that I not only wanted to kill her, but yearned to slowly slice her up into countless little pieces!

I not only desired to do this . . . but yearned to do so . . . it was the deeepest of hates! Just as there are different heights of love one can ascend to - there are also different levels of hate one can devolve to.  I slid so far into darkness that I almost attained hell prior to bodily death! (Fortunately, through the worse of this ordeal I always had some relationship with God. This relationship with God gave me the anchor to prevent me from carrying out the violence of what my heart was conceiving).

I became so far gone that to me it looked like it would be glory to do these terrible things to my wife. That is how far I had descended into the abyss!!!

I’m sure that every now and then you read in the newspapers a story of how someone commits an especially grizzly murder against their wife and you think, “How can anyone even think of such a thing?”  I’m a person who knows! I know what goes through the mind of a man who carves up his wife into little pieces!!

Anyways, back at that time I was working a certain job and a lady from work invited me to her church. I felt the hand of the Lord reach through her to me and I readily accepted her kind invitation. Then she loudly exclaimed, “Now I know the reason that the Lord led me to take this job!” I praise God for the mercy He showed me in my time of need!

Her church was a spirit filled to the brim, possessing an exceptionally powerfully anointed praise and worship service. I recall as I began regularly attending the spiritual strength that I received there gave me the power within myself to withstand the fiery darts emanating from my wife, so I would be able to overlook her abuse, and not continue hating her for it.

The people I met at the church were slapping me on the back and encouraging me to keep coming back (their services were 3 times/ week).

> Actually in hindsight I came to know that it was the Lord who was working through those dear ones.  He was inspiring them to motivate me to keep going there 3 times/ week. This was His heavenly prescription that was required of me to break the newly formed chains of hate that had not yet strongly entrenched themselves within my temple. Sadly, at the time I didn’t realize this fact, so instead I would go to church only once or twice/week. The anointing of once or twice/week wasn’t strong enough to break the most powerful cords of hate that had just recently entrenched themselves within me.

(I’ve discovered that it takes some time for repressed hate to gain a strong foothold in one’s temple. If one deals with it early before it hardens, it sanctifies out fairly easily. If one tarries in dealing with it too long the darkness within becomes entrenched. ).

Like a woman who conceives a child, because of those prior deep hating spores I had earlier conceived and did not get purified of, in time an evil alien thing began growing within me. As this evil was germinating within, the LIGHT inside me was proportionately shrinking. As a consequence I began to rapidly slide deeper and deeper into darkness. . . without me doing further wrong.

As the holy ones grow from glory to glory towards heaven, I was now rapidly growing in the very opposite direction . . . towards hell! Within just a few months, I devolved into a person who was very much like Darth Vader from the famous Star Wars movie (For those of you unfamiliar with the movie, Darth Vader represented the prince of darkness). Wherever I went I had a black shadow or black cloud that followed me! Also, it appears that this deep hate of mine acted as a conduit for demonic spirits. I was once almost as pure as an angel, and now I became thoroughly polluted within. I became inhabited not by a demon, but by a "legion of demons!" I became similar to that demon possessed fellow in the Bible who lived in the graveyards and was found cutting himself with stones!

Actually, I was on my way to attaining hell, and attaining hell prior to bodily death . . . and I knew it! But there seemed to be nothing I could do to stop the downward process. None of the people at Church understood me. I even visited the Indian Saints whom I had spent time with in years past and they didn’t understand me either. I was so far gone I was out of the realm of  everyone’s understanding. I became a hopeless case . . . in fact no mortal understood me. But thankfully, the Lord understood me!

I’ve discovered that the Lord loves a repentant soul so much that He will custom carve a way back just for him! That is exactly what He did for me!

GOD IS THAT MERCIFUL TO THE REPENTANT SOUL!!

It may sound hard for you to believe, but the Lord insists that I say this. Next to Adam (from the garden) no man in history has experienced the terrible fall from such a high level of purity to a grotesque place of depravity that I had experienced, nor returned from the dark-place which I have come out of. If not for applying the spiritual practices that I will be speaking of, I never would have made it back to the land of the sane (The spiritual practices to which I am referring all involve suffering and humiliation).

During that time I was in and out of mental institutions for about 1 ½ years. As the Word states, “God’s mercy is greater than our sins . . . and I experienced the truth of that scripture passage. As my spiritual state had been worsening, the Lord’s way to save my soul from my worsening condition changed. Now, instead of directing me to go to church 3 times / week the Lord began asking of me far more difficult things . . . some very unusual things / humiliating things . . . many in public. I was doubting that I was in fact hearing from God, but at that same time my younger brother handed me a book entitled, “The Little Flowers of St. Francis" by Raphael Brown. (Actually, my brother was being used as an instrument of the Lord).

I started reading about the lives of St. Francis of Assisi and his companions (the early Franciscans Christians . . . 13th century saints). They were among the greatest Christians who ever lived! Those Franciscan-Christians attained the radiance of the original Apostles . . . and some of them did similar types of things as the Lord was asking of me . . . so now I knew for sure that it was God who was speaking to me, not the enemy! When I started doing enough of these types of things, I started coming out of my sins . . . where the most powerful praise and worship hadn’t the power anymore to make me free of those now deeply imbedded cords of hate (It's akin to a situation when the drain in your sink at home is clogged with heavier than normal waste, and the normal cleanser isn’t strong enough to unclog it anymore. But only when you use industrial strength cleanser does it unclog! Doing penance is akin to using industrial strength cleanser on the stain of mortal sin within. . . as is the finest antidote!)

*Note: The difference between me and someone like Nicky Cruz is that I knew the Lord. . . I was a backslider. . . and a backslider from a very exalted state.  Mr Cruz did his big sinning before he knew the Lord. Through my personal experience I’ve discovered that evil gets deeper entrenched in a backslider than in someone who never knew the Lord.

When the Bible states, “Though your sins be as red as scarlet, I will make them white as snow” . . . in practice most of our deeper sins (mortal sins) don’t become white as snow, but rather pinkish! The reason for this being most people do not do penance for their sins! (For this same reason King David was not allowed to build the temple because there was "blood on his hands." Once a person becomes very dirty like the warrior King David, its very difficult for them to become pure again. Performing worthy penance is the way to become pure again!). Being "partakers in the sufferings of Christ" or doing penance is what has the power to make the sins white again! And white faster than any other means!! It even worked for someone as red as I was!

Just as industrial strength cleanser has a greater power to unclog heavier debris in our drain – only doing penance (suffering / humiliation for the faith) has the power to make the deeper sins (mortal sins), white as snow!

(To digress one minute I want to state the fact that those who teach that in the eyes of God that all sin is the same is false doctrine for sure. You are hearing this from the lips of an authority on this subject. When the Apostle Paul called himself chief among sinners he wasn’t being humble, he was telling the truth about himself! He was chief among sinners . . . he murdered Christians! Not all sin has the same weight before the Judge of our souls)

Now, by speaking of the early Franciscans and performing penance I’m not trying to make anyone a Catholic here, as I’m not one, nor do I have any desire to become one. I’m not into religion, I’m into anything that will help me get closer to God (becoming pure and developing virtues). I’ve discovered that some of the practices that the early Franciscan did were special holy things, and sadly these things are not preached over any pulpit (that I know of) , nor even understood. The Lord desires to change all that!

Some of you have heard of St. Francis and the early friars, and you may believe that their secret to sanctity was their asceticism. That is but part of it, and not all of them were ascetics. I’ve discovered that a more powerful part of what they did was that they were masters at humiliating themselves.

When someone lives a humble life for years it has the power to restore purity and humility to that soul. The good that takes many years of humility to accomplish for our soul, can be accomplished with humiliation in but a few months. Why?

Because humiliation is lower than humility.

Doesn’t the Word admonish us to be "partakers in the sufferings of Christ?". . . stating that “Those who suffer with Him will be glorified with Him?” Humiliation was an important aspect of His passions.

(To learn the ways that the early Franciscans publicly humiliated themselves, and how this humiliation was instrumental in making them the men of holiness that they became, you will have to read that book that I mentioned The Eternal One has taught me many other ways to experience public humiliations that are not listed in that book . . . ways that will not get you in trouble with the authorites).

When we read of Paul, we read of a man who suffered a whole lot for the gospels. He was beaten, stoned, whipped, hated, persecuted, etc. In those ways he shared in the sufferings of Christ.

The other type of suffering that happened to Jesus on the Cross was humiliation. He even became as a leper for our sake! Thus, humiliations are the other side of the gospel coin of the sufferings of Christ.

 I certainly don’t have the purity of Mother Teresa, but I’m certainly not nearly a Darth Vader anymore either. What has the power to transform a Darth Vader like myself, can make a nominally polluted believer, probably like yourself, into a pure vessel faster than any other means . . . much faster than even prayer and fasting!

After I was delivered out of my living hell (about the year 1989), for a number of years I stopped doing heavy penance. Instead, I performed easier services for God. Then about the year 1997 the Lord began telling me to do dangerous things for His sake. In a worried fashion I was praying over this matter and the Lord spoke to me clear as words, and here is exactly what He told me, “I expect more out of you - because I chose you, you didn’t choose me!” I stopped praying and pondered the message that had just come to me from Heaven. I  realized that God was being perfectly fair with me.

After I fully accepted the fact that I was going to have to pay this higher price for my faith, without complaining I began walking this harder road that was being asked of me. As I did so and suffered my spiritual life eventually became like a fairytale existence! The doors of heaven opened up for me! I walked into the life of miracles!! Then I came to realize that I had been introduced to "True Christianity!" True Christianity is a lost art!! Just as in the case of an iceberg most of it is hidden beneath the surface of the water. If all you have experienced is only the "Church Christianity," you believe that is all that there is . . . but my experience is that the real richness of the faith is hidden, and the Lord only reveals it to those who have proven themselves through sacrifice and / or suffering for the faith.

*May this kernel of wisdom be a guiding light for all zealous souls: I only walked the hard road because I was ordered by Heaven to do so. If I would have volunteered to do this without being ordered, it would have been far more meritorious in the eyes of our Heavenly Father!

Now, instead of me continuing on this unconventional path of purification, coupled with more conventional street ministry which I was doing, the Lord insisted I change direction by becoming a motivational spiritual writer and try to bring this sacred spiritual project before the entire church now, since we are living in the last days, and there is not much time left. The Lord desires to resurrect this lost wisdom in these end-times . . . so those Believers who desire to go all the way with Jesus will have the clearest roadmap we can give them!

Another important matter I am going to divulge is that since my hate was so intense at that time (1986-1987), that the repressed hate that was not purified out of me, after a few years, something most odd started to happen to me. At the times the Lord sanctifies me I began to know it, because I started making a "grunting-like sound." Thus, by the volume and depth of this "sound," I’ve developed unmatched wisdom on the sanctification process (I’ve discovered that all the darkness in our temple is glued together by repressed anger).

Now I am going to make a bold statement that will make me look vain; but I am merely speaking the truth. Because of this unusual gift there is probably no person in the world who has the depth of understanding on this subject matter (the sanctification process) as I have . . . that is perhaps the main reason that the Lord has chosen me. Also, that I walk the hard road for the faith is another prerequisite.

There are some people who are so deeeep in sin that they give up on God. If one "gives up" even God Himself can’t save them! God’s heart really goes out to these perishing ones. But if that same person was to persevere even though it appeared hopeless . . . it may take years, but eventually that soul will overcome and win,  because God’s mercy really is greater than our sins!  My living testimony of coming out of near-hell is proof in the saving power of our Heavenly Father, and the resurrecting power of one who does penance for their sins (where I am weak He is strong). Plus the fact that the Lord is working closely with someone such as myself is proof to all that He does indeed forgive if we do penance for our sins. That is another reason that our Heavenly Father has chosen me.

Sincerely, Daniel Rosenblit,  Email: lovetruth2005@hotmail.com