Mourner #1: she’s gone to a better place now vicar.

Vicar: She’s dead, she’s not on holiday in Florida.

The mourner walks away in disgust.

Mourner #2: she’ll be up there with her mother now vicar. (looking skyward)

Vicar: they better not be stealing the lead of the roof.

Mourner #2: no vicar i meant she’ll be in heaven with her mother now.

Vicar: not if my prayers have been answered, her mother was a bitch.

The mourner walks away, also in disgust.

Mourner #3: (a frail old lady) Death comes to us all sooner or later.

Vicar: with you its a case of sooner rather than later.

Mourner #3: i beg your pardon?

Vicar: you can beg all you want, God didn't make me immortal so why should i put a word in for you?

Mourner #3: excuse me (slightly irate)

Vicar: certainly not. now fuck off.

The old lady kicks the vicar squarely in the balls.

Mourner#3: cheeky bastard.

Back to Comedy Sketches

Back to Front page