cut to inside the hall.
there is a crowd of people mulling around.
there is a stage at the end of the hall. drawn curtains cover three quarters of the stage.
an elderly gent moves onto the stage and approaches the microphone.

the gent clears his throat to get the attention of the gathered masses.

Gent; (in broad Scot's dialect) “ladies and gentlemen welcome to inchmuckerie village hall. tonight’s entertainment will begin shortly with the raffle."

the elderly gent is joined on stage by an elderly woman. she is holding a cardboard box.

gent; “and here comes Isa with the raffle."

cut to a table over in the corner of the room. several youngsters are gathered around looking bored. they have raffle tickets in their hands. the elderly gent can be heard reading out numbers.

youngster #1 “anither night at the village hall man, a’hm totally pished aff wi this. how come we canny go tae the disco at Inverness. they’ve got a group on the night as well.”

gent; “number 315 salmon pink.”

youngster #2 “aye but it’s bound tae be some shitey group fi the ‘80s, whae did they huv last month?”

youngster #3 “Shakin’ Stevens.”

gent; “number 235 green.”

youngster #1 “aye man, and nae wonder he wis Shakin, he must huv been at least sixty five and he didnae huv his Zimmer frame to help him stand.”

gent: “number 186 blue.”

youngster #2 pointing to his friends ticket. “you’ve won man.”

youngster #3 “aww shit, I bet you it’s bath salts again.”

youngster #1 “I'll bet that it’s one of them Barbie dolls that fit’s over the spare roll of bog paper that old Jeannie Douglas knits for everyone at Christmas.”

cut to later.
the bingo is being called.
there is a tin can sitting in the middle of the table.
the youngsters are staring intensely at it.

youngster #3 “can you smoke asparagus tips?”

youngster #2 “afraid not man.”

all youngsters together; “shit.”

a young man approaches the table.

all 3 youngsters; “awright Hamish.”

Hamish “awright boys.”

youngster #1 “no bad man.”

youngster #2 “been worse.”

youngster #3 “still breathing so no complaints.”

Hamish “a've no missed the musical extravaganza for the night huv I? ah wis sittin’ on the train fi Edinburgh just drooling with excitement at what super-group of the 70’s and 80’s they’d managed to coax out of retirement to do one last farewell gig before they join the choir eternal.”

youngster #1 “nah man, they’ve no wheeled them oot yet”

Hamish “i wonder who it is this week? any bet’s?”

youngster #3 “I'm in for that, fiver say’s it’s bucks fizz, they done a show at Portlethen fete last month.”

youngster #2 “I'll have a fiver on it being Alvin Stardust, it’s about time he sunk as low as this place judging by those crappy green cross code ad’s he done in the prime of his career.”

youngster #1 “i’ll bet a hundred quid it’s no Gary Glitter.”

all the boy’s laugh uproariously.
bingo players {all together} SHHHHHHH ...

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