I have been asked to prepare a report on the function of Mr Peter Q****, or C**** (I can't remember which).
In between midnight and 00:20 several requests were made of people to begin drink up.
After 00:20, having shouted at least three warnings that drinking up time was passed, I announced that if a drink was not in the process of being drunk then it was not going to be getting drunk.
Having reached, and breached, the twenty minute drinking up time I went into the members lounge and began to lift drinks from tables. During this time I was subjected to abuse from a person who was attending said function.
(It makes you wonder how long I can keep up this legalese sounding nonsense, without dropping to a more guttural turn of phrase. in fact I cant keep it up any more so I'll just write it as I saw it. apologies to the committee for my more colourful description of the night).

As the senior member of staff in attendance that night I felt that, having reached drinking up time, I was perfectly within the law to ask people to relinquish their glasses so the hall may be cleared and the bar staff could get finished.
As I tried to bring in the glasses I was hampered by one person who not only refused to give up his drink but decided to tell other people in attendance not to give up theirs.
He also felt that it was pertinent that everyone in the hall should know that he felt I was of doubtable parentage.
(Personally I do believe that Alan Douglas is my father, even though I only have his word for it).

To put this persons attitude bluntly. If he had talked to me in the street in the same way he talked to me while I was in the process of doing my job, I would have crushed his kneecap with the instep of my boot and would then proceed to giving him a quick lesson in the difficulty of making a living with broken fingers. (Once more apologies to all in attendance.)
If the member who booked the hall was in attendance the problem that this person was causing could have been avoided.
The hall was, eventually, cleared at (roughly) 1am.
As stated in the rules for usage of the function halls the hall should be cleared at 12:30 and this is plainly being flouted.

Not only did the person who was acting in an aggressive manner cause this trouble, but he refused to leave until he decided that he wanted to leave, I would have escorted him from the premises but I'm not willing to risk my own safety or that of any member of staff, but on the way out of the club the founder members lounge door was kicked several times either by him or his friends.
Who were also hanging around making it plainly obvious that there was far too much testosterone, and alcohol, in themselves.
Which, I felt, was an attempt to cause even more trouble.

After the hall was cleared all the members of staff expressed their concern to me with regards to the care taken to ensure their personal safety.
It was also raised by members of staff that this seems to be a recurring problem as we have lost two good members of staff in recent months to this phenomenon. But unlike the aurora borealis, the Loch Ness monster, Jimmy Hoffa's disappearance and JFK’s assassination it is a problem that can be remedied.

Here’s hoping that this report lets you know the general feeling of the staff attending that night but also serves as a warning never to write a report to your employer after eight or nine rum’s.