London vs. Edinburgh


Scene: a street in London.

Man: (In a very English accent) “London. Dick Whittington thought the streets were paved with gold and in a way he was right. Money can be made here in many ways. (Indicates a man walking past a suit) in banking, (indicates a nearby cafe) in the restaurant or catering trade, the entertainment trade (indicating a one-man band) or even in the redistribution market (indicating a beggar sitting on the pavement).
London is a sprawling metropolis of people of all cultures and beliefs. Whether you are a Christian, a Moslem, a Hindu, a Jew or a gentile you and your views are welcomed in London with open arms.”

The man approaches a waiting taxi. he gets in.
we see the taxi go past a road sign. It reads; Edinburgh have you had your innoculations?

cut to taxi pulling up in Edinburgh.

Man; “Edinburgh, a city where the streets are paved with shit. (he looks down at his shoe and makes a face of disgust. he wipes his shoe on a beggar that is sitting on the pavement) shit of many kinds.
the flotsam and jetsam of society gravitates towards Edinburgh like seagulls are attracted to fishing boats. like fleas are attracted to dogs. like blue peter presenters are attracted to bags of cocaine and hookers. but for two weeks every year Edinburgh is transformed into a borough of London.
A beggar steps in front of the man

Beggar: (in strong Scottish accent) “Spare ten pence for a cup of tea mate?”

Man: (to beggar) “Fuck off you filthy Scottish piece of excrement.” (looks back to camera) “The Edinburgh festival is a truly international event with talent scouts and agents coming from all over the world to see the latest creations of the most talented English thespians.” (He sits at a table where a young woman is reading a book) “perhaps i could ask you a few questions miss?”
Young woman; (in English accent) “yah, sure.”

Man: “What do you think of the festival?”

Woman: “Apart from the fact that it is held in Edinburgh i think it is really good for the arts. in it the cream of media, theatre, comedy and drama students are given the opportunity to showcase their latest creations, drink heavily, have random sex with TV executives and treat the natives of the city like second class citizens.

Man: (to camera) “The true spirit of the festival indeed.”

(He hands the woman a card) “That’s my private number i’m sure we can work together” (He walks away and stops a passing man “Excuse me sir, do you have time to answer a few questions about the festival?”

Passer by: (in Scottish accent) “Sure”

Man: “What do you think of the festival?”

Passer by: “Well to be honest i think it has become nothing more than a sponsorship vehicle for multinational corporations to hawk their product to the herded masses. Just another example of how our modern civilized society has lost it’s sense of self. We are conned into thinking that our lives are not complete unless we are wearing a certain product or drinking a certain type of bottled French water. It’s all a sham now when you think about it.”

Man: “You're not Scottish are you?”

Passer by: “Yes. i’m a resident of Edinburgh”

Man: “Then what makes you think what you have to say matters? go on. piss off you bloody philistine”

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