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What I have to say...

Daily Logs

Saturday, May 3, 2003
What do you want from me??? I'm sick and tired of giving all the time.. Why do I always have to give up and be nice?! What did I ever do to deserve this?! this pain..is too much of a burden on me..

Sunday, May 4, 2003
Ahhhh.. headache.. Why do I feel so much hate.. I wish I could bunch it up and throw it out in the garbage.
wow.. I don't think I felt this shitty in a while.. going out tonight to see a movie.. maybe it'll help..
keke Even before I go, I get in trouble.. oh my! I didn't tell my dad which theatre I'm going to. I deserve to die.
after the movie: Well, I did feel a little better after the movie. heh

Monday, May 5, 2003
lots of crying, lots of dreams.. I fell asleep crying. I couldn't sleep for a while but I guess I was tired enough to fall asleep. 3 days of constant tears and heart ache might've got me exhausted.. going to get my hair cut today.. Maybe I should cut it all off..with my anger and pain.. but no, my hair's too precious..
after the hair cut: I just ordered some pizza.. Canadian and stuffed crust with pepperoni & bacon.. mmm~ so hungry..can't wait! I hope I don't get in trouble for ordering pizza. hmm.. I look kinda weird with the curls the stylist put on at the salon..
aww boooooo dad's home already.. It's only 12 o'clock. I bet he wants me to go out and work now. arghh..my stomach hurts.. maybe I ate too fast. I guess I better go work..
after work: my heart was crushed today.. I was shocked by unexpected words.. I'm so confused..
O_o I called my sweetie, still angry and hurt..but the moment I heard his voice..everything was ok..
SIGH.. I think I found myself^-^

Tuesday, May 6, 2003
bleh.. I have to work from 2-6:30 today. O_o
after work: Dad wanted me to drive to another store since he had some things to take care of. On the way there, every lights we passed by, he told me I can go.. the first two times I didn't mind because the lights were about to turn yellow.. but the third time..the lights were green and when he said "you can go" it bugged the hell out of me. He let out a big sigh, a sign of his disapproval of my driving.

Then when we were finally there, he told me to go in to take care of some business and he just stayed in the car. When I got back in the car, he told me to stop by our store before going home. After this, I started to get really angry. But what's the use..I can't even show my anger. I was on highway 2, and there were 2 cars, each on the fast and the slow lane..they were both going slow, blocking the road. I was on the right lane, going right on the speed limit, and there was another truck catching up on the left lane.. The truck was tailgating the van in front of it. My dad got excited or something and he chuckled and said "that lady's pissed off, she's tailgating." I wondered why the white van didn't look in the rearview mirror and go into the right lane. Then there was a small gap between the car in front of me and the white van that was going slow. My dad told me to speed up. When I hesitated, he yelled at me so I sped up. He told me to pass the white van..there was very little gap between the two cars..but I was scared that he'd yell at me again so I passed the white van. I heard hunking from the white van, it must've scared him cuz I was so close and it was dangerous. I went kinda fast cuz I was embarrassed and I didn't want the white van to catch up. My dad kept telling me I was going too fast. I kept looking at the mirror checking if the white van was behind me.. and I sped up every time I saw the van come close..until I was worried about my dad gettin mad at me for speeding this time. The white van eventually caught up with us though..it was right behind us.

At the lights, when we were stopped on the red light, he told me to go closer to the car in front of us. So I did. Then on the next lights, he told me to slow down cuz I can't go..cuz he thought the lights were gonna turn yellow.. but it was still green light..so I went..course, my dad had to tell me to go again.

When we went past the last lights in downtown, closer to our store, I was on the right lane because before the lights the left lane is for left turns only. Since we have to make a left turn to get to the store, I was about to change lanes. Before I could even signal, he yelled at me once more cuz I didn't change lanes fast enough.

It's always like this.. heh.. When we finally arrived to our store, he had to say that I have bad driving skills and shook his head. Then he talks to me with an attitude, like I've done something terrible.."carry this", "go get my jacket from the car"...

Oh Daddy.. I'm tired and stressed out..

Wednesday, May 7, 2003
I got really pissed off at work today. This guy was buying a newspaper, The Toronto Sun. While I was ringing it in the cash register, this lady came in and said "It's always thoese black people causing trouble," referring to the front page article with a picture of a black man who committed the crime. The man who was buying the paper said "Yeah, that's the problem with our Jamaican community, and a lot of them are in the country illegally." Then the lady says "Yeah, then they pick on the people who are actually following the rules." My blood's boiling up again..grrrrrrrr!! Okay, the lady was a racist bitch and the guy.. haha how does he even know that guy is Jamaican! wtf?? just because our small town, Trenton, has blacks who are mostly Jamaican? Some people are so shallow.

After the guy left, she put a packaged brownie on the counter. It had a price sticker on it; 79 cents +tax. I rang it in the cash register, and the lady said "85 cents?" I said "It's 91 cents." She gave me a weird look and said "How can it be 91 cents from 79 cents?" Then I said, "That's how much it comes to with tax." Then while she started putting change on the counter, she said she dropped a dime. She said "I can't pick that up but count that dime." hehe.. hehehehehehehehehe.. HAHAHAHAHA O_o

Monday, May 12, 2003
Ahhh~ I'm so full. I had at least 10 chicken wings, and they were 5 inches long. *-* My mom called me a pig... ^o^ hoho
rain rain rain.. When is it gonna stop :/ Maybe if i start to hop? O.o yeah.. I'm not very poetic o_o
I'M NOT MAKING DECISIONS FOR MY SISTER! SHE MAKES HER OWN! I JUST DON'T LIKE TATOOS! CAN'T I EVEN HAVE AN OPINION?? WTF!! WHY SHOULD I TAKE HER TO GET IT DONE WHEN I DON'T WANT TO? I DON'T HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING YOU ASK! I CAN REFUSE IF I WANT TO! DON'T MAKE ME A BAD PERSON JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT DOING WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO! and don't piss me off
I've been nice for too long. People try to take advantage of me and I'm sick of it.















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