Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035:

- Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world.......... California.

-White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.

-Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

-Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

- Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon).

- Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

- George Z. Bush says he will run for ! President in 2036.

- 35-year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

- Texas executes last remaining citizen.

- Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

- Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

- Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.