First off, I'd like to say happy 4/20 to everyone. Also a special happy birthday wish to Hitler, mein fuhrer. But you guys, seriously. How could such a great bunch of people come to an end? No, I'm not talking about the purple-wearing man-munching football team. I'm talking about the real bearded badasses, the REAL Vikings. These guys kicked so much ass. If they were still around, I would be in Norway in a second wearing the skin of a bear that I killed with my bare hands and rowing one of those ships with a million oars on it. If you saw one or several of those ships on the horizon, you knew you were fucked. Vikings don't come to make deals with little villages full of dirty peasants. They come to steal and bust shit up. What better life could there be? Build one hell of a ship then get together with all your good buddies and travel to Small Coastal Village X and pillage, kill, and rape. Nobody could stop this shit. They had big-ass hammers and double-sided axes and crazy helmets. They would go to a village, go through houses and take everything that was worth anything, chop in half whoever got in their way, burn the houses, rape the virgins, then go get drunk and celebrate. Hell yeah, they had it all. Screw pussy terrorism, this is downright "We can kick your ass and we're going to" action. They didn't celebrate by dancing around like fairies either. They drank beer and wine by the gallon, ate raw meat of whatever animals they slaughtered, and pissed on the ruins of the village. Then they went back to Norway to re-stock their beer supply only to go own some other shitty farm community. They traveled with just men too. They left their bitches at home if they had them. It's hard to maintain a killer instinct with a wench nagging in your ear that you need to trim your beard or stop drinking or wash yourself. Another thing about the Vikings is that their gods kicked ass too. They didn't take crap from anybody. They had hammers and axes and kicked other god's asses too. They didn't have the pussy gods of today that forgive everything and love everyone no matter how many times you say "God damn cunt-stabbing son of a nipple biting whore". I really need to research what caused the demise of the Vikings because nobody could stop that shit back then. Maybe they just ran out of places to pillage and all their ships sunk because they had too much gold and beer and raw meat and virgins. That would suck. If anyone knows what happened to these legendary ass-kickers, let me know, otherwise I'll post it on the message board when I find it.
I'm this close to resurrecting the Viking way of life