"Toasted", my ass
Subway Still Sucks
One fine day during my lunchbreak from college, I stopped at Wal-Mart to purchase a lighter to light my bowl with before I got some lunch.
Since Subway pretty much shares the same parking lot, I decided to eat there since it was close and I'm lazy. I normally won't eat at Subway
because if Quizno's were caviar then Subway would be a baby's dirty diaper. However, convenience wins more often than not in my life. As I
approached the door, I saw a sign advertising their new "Oven Toasted Subs". Knowing how good Quizno's toasted subs are, I decided to give it
a shot. I was drawn in by one sub in particular: The Chicken Bacon and Ranch. Awesome ingredients piled together make a great sandwich. When
the chick making it went to toast it, I realized what Subway's method of toasting their subs is. She put it on a tray and set it in a device
called the "Subway High-Speed Toasting Oven". This innovative machine is known to us common folk as a "microwave". Except this particular one
was minus a window to hide what was actually going on inside from the customer. As I sat down to my sub, I could immediately feel that the
bread had that tough feeling it gets when you microwave it. As I bit in, I could tell that the ingredients had that forced-together
flavor that you get when you microwave them. Way to go Subway, not only did you copy Quizno's idea, you did a really shitty job of it.
That's like looking at someone else's answers on a test then changing them to the wrong answers. After a few bites, I actually took a look at
what I was ingesting. The magical "toasting oven" had turned my Italian Herbs and Cheese bread into something that looked and felt like a dead
fish.
Deceased goldfish or Subway sandwich?
Next I inspected the chicken (I use the term "chicken" loosely here). While a select few chunks looked like a chicken should, the other pieces
were suspect. I had no doubt in my mind I was eating some sort of land mammal that they shot behind the store 20 minutes ago. I think I even
heard a muffled squeak as I took a bite. Disgusted after 4 inches of sandwich, I couldn't eat anymore. Hoping to get some sort of salvation,
I picked the bacon off and ate it. The bacon was promptly given my Mediocre At Best award (the same award I gave to the newest Slipknot CD). To make things worse, there was a baby crying
in the store, which extends my "consecutive weeks out to lunch where there is a whiny kid" streak to a whopping 5. Parents, please do your part
as a citizen and leave your children in the car with the window open a crack so I can eat peacefully for once.
What they're really trying to say with their retarded slogan...
"Me and my ridiculously huge pants may end up in the 'toaster oven' if this doesn't work out"
Subway, you need to learn that if you're going to steal someone elses idea, you're supposed to IMPROVE upon it rather than throw out a half-assed
attempt at deceiving us. But it won't matter because you'll be out of business when I call the health inspectors and tell them about your
solution to the rodent problem.
At least Quizno's rat meat is ACTUALLY toasted.
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