Mentos: Just a damn mint!

A nice young couple sit at a French style open-air cafe'. The couple are TRYING to order drinks, but to no avail. The evil waiter will not allow it! He keeps ignoring them and helping out the no doubt less fresh patrons. So, as any young man would do in this situation, he pops a Mento in his mouth, no doubt to give him the extra boost he needs to invent something to impress his date. So, he stands up, with a fresh look at life, takes the tablecloth from the still-empty table, and wraps it around his waist. The perfect disguise! Now, he can pass for one of the waiters! In his brilliant costume, he marches up to the counter and gets he and his lovely date the refreshments they desire. On the way back though, the waiter sees them. But just in time, our hero pops a Mento into his mouth. The waiter shoots a look of understanding at him and can only be thinking, "I wish I had the power to be so fresh!"

This, my friends, is the script to one of those stupid fucking Mentos commercials. You've probably seen them. And if you haven't, consider yourself lucky. These commercials are trash. They are misleading. Popping a mint (which isnt that powerful of a mint to begin with) into your mouth will not make you do extraordinary things that you wouldn't normally do. Theres only one thing on this planet that will make you do extraordinary things to impress your date and it's called alcohol, kids. It will also make you more attractive, a much more interesting person, the life of any family reunion, and a better driver. Those stupid sorry excuses for mints wont do shit for you other than get you hit by a bus if you ate one and tried to save an old lady or some shit. Then what? Your breath may be slightly fresh but you are street pizza and when you pushed the old lady out of the way, she broke her hip, had a stroke, went through menopause, and died. Wow, THANKS MENTOS! In this scenario with a bottle of Jack instead of shitmints, the buff stud sprints out, sticks his hand out and stops the bus, punches through the windshield to give the driver a black eye, and moves the old woman to the sidewalk to safety. The old woman then takes off her disguise and it's a hot blonde in a bikini. Wow, the wonders of alcohol. But this wouldn't happen because no one cares about old people any way. The commercials that really piss me off are like the ones where some nerdy ass guy helps out some chick in distress cuz he took a mentos. This is bullshit. If you wanna impress a chick, bong 12 beers at a party, then she'll show you whats up.

I was on mentos.com to look for the picture seen above and i noticed an online game they have. It's called 'FreshWorld' and it looks like The Sims except I think you walk around and meet actual people and play grab-ass or something. So now, these mentos losers have a way to meet each other on the internet and i'm guessing the probably pop a mentos before 350 pound fat guy asks 35 year old virgin fugly bitch to be his internet girlfriend. Upon further investigation into Mentos on the World Wide Web, I came across a site called 'My tribute to Mentos' made by some hoe named Rachel. This is her awesome poem that she wrote:

A Mentos Poem
by Rachel from Michigan

What can I say about Mentos,
They make my life complete.
They taste nothing like pimentos,
And is why I will eat.......them

Wow, if that isnt the stupidest poem that I've ever read. Rhyming Mentos with piMENTOS. That takes brains right there. Then complete and eat. Another great rhyme. Throwing the ........them on the end, PURE GENIUS! Wow, i think this may be published in the 2003 edition of Internet Poems by People That Have No Life. Good luck with that Rachel from Michigan, I'm pulling for you...

Losers have scored because of Mentos

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