Today at lunch, we continued our week-old tradition of playing what we warmly refer to as "The Cap Game". How it works is we save the caps from water bottles and roll them across the table and someone hits the cap with their fist. Sometimes we achieve delicious results and the cap goes flying in a random direction into any of the tables around us. It's become a national hit because we are really starting to piss off everyone around us because they are sick of being hit with our caps. If we cared, it might matter, but we don't. The tables around us are full of any of the following types of girls: stuck-up, jock, reject, ugly/fat, and this one girl with a mouth so big that it could swallow the seven seas. The past couple days Duane the Graphix Guy (I used the X because graphix is KOOL!) has been standing at his trusty lunch duty post near our table. This almost brought an end to The Cap Game but then we decided we didn't really give a shit and The Cap Game is more important than getting in trouble. Today I hit a cap and sent it hurtling through the air about 20 feet across the cafeteria and also in the line of sight of Duane the Graphix Guy (who from now on will be referred to as Duane). After a pause of about 15 seconds to see if anyone would go pick it up, Duane comes over and confronts us. He asks if one of us is going to pick it up and says "If you're going to play games, pick it up." Good job Duane, you just unknowingly allowed us to play The Cap Game as long as we pick them up. This is not the last of his verbal blunders however. After he asked us, Jackie the Janitor just happened to be sweeping the floor by our table prompting me to tell Duane "She's taking care of it for us." Duane has a stern look come across his face and replies "That's not her job!" Who's a jigga-wha? Are you telling me that it is not Jackie the Janitor's job to clean up the cafeteria after us? So I reply "Uh, she's a janitor..." Duane says "Don't get smart or you'll spend the rest of the semester eating lunch in the office." Almost choking on my own desire to laugh hysterically, I say "But it is, actually, her job." Duane says "If you want to keep it up you can go to the office right now, SHUT UP." Duane, Duane, Duane, you just made a fool of yourself and want to punish me for it. Not only have you shown us that you don't know what the simple duties of a janitor consist of, but you have also threatened me with a punishment that I could care less about. Last time I checked, there were 5 days in the semester, and even if you eliminate my precense, The Cap Game will go on. Now, we've been here before. Last semester we always found ways to get under the skin of the lunch duty assholes (including Tator Tot-gate) and we were threatened several times with lunch in the office, none of which ever came about. So not only do we know that you're an idiot, we also know you're full of shit. We were even threated that our entire table would be eating in the office (they even gave it a fancy nickname: The Office Lunch Group) but that didn't happen because we would cause even more hilarious problems in the office. So Duane walks away knowing that he just got owned by my supreme intelligence and goes back to his post. The cap remained on the floor.
I just want to know one thing. Why does our school have so much sympathy for our janitors? I think that their job description might include something to the effect of "Clean up after shithead high school kids that are slobs and leave things all over the floor." So we are simply providing them with work. If we sat on our hands all day and ate through straws, our school wouldn't even have a need for janitors. Regardless of if we play The Cap Game or not, the floor will still be swept and made all nice and clean again, and the janitors will receive their $50 at the end of the week. So what is the goddamn problem? I think they realize that if they didn't do so much acid in high school and studied instead of beating off profusely, then they wouldn't still be in school picking up our messes. Theres even one janitor that graduated after 1st semester THIS YEAR. I'm graduating early and if I'm cleaning up after the people I used to make messes with, I'm sitting in my garage with the car running. Plain and simple. Janitors are there to do monkey work because they are too worthless to do anything else. All the free food from the lunch line and chances to sit in on the Lunch Ladies' pot rotation wouldn't get me to sweep floors, take down Vic signs, wash cupcakes off of the girls bathroom door, and scrub the dreaded mysterious purple substance off of everywhere in the school. No, f'n way. A couple summers ago, I got the pleasure of hearing someone complaining about cleaning the school over the summer. More specifically, they referred to how hard it was to scrape all the encrusted peanut butter off of the underside of the tables (ah, I miss my old habit of sticking bread with peanut butter on it to the underside of the table). I almost shit my pants it was so funny. This person was especially stupid too so I enjoyed the thought of it.
The Cap Game will continue on until we ride off into the sunset in the summer. Duane just might be a little edgy because he can't get the gerbil out of his intestines and he needs to take it out on us. Duane, go back to tickling your boyfriend's anus with your silly little mustache and leave me the fuck alone.
Duane the Graphix guy isn't turned on by Jackie the Janitor