So, about a month ago I am sent down to the office to speak with Vic (all because of that ball tickler Mr. White and his bullshit, but that’s another story). I’m sitting there, with nothing to do, and I pick up a copy of Newsweek to pass the time more comfortably. I lounge in the office, waiting for Vic, reading some filth about organic foods. While reading this, I am seriously wondering if this pile of bullshit I’m eating is actually my life. For those of you who are unfamiliar with organic products, they are foods grown without the use of pesticides, hormones, and all that other good stuff. I read the following words, “At best, organic food can be as good as traditionally grown food”, or something to that extent. What? And people pay extra for this. I’m not getting it. Why would you want to pay more for most likely shittier food? I think it’s because these are the same retards that burn themselves with cigarettes, get piercings, read Nietzsche, and jerk off to animal porn. This is what the USDA has to say about organic products: Organic meat, poultry, eggs, and dairy products come from animals that are given no antibiotics or growth hormones. Organic food is produced without using most conventional pesticides; fertilizers made with synthetic ingredients or sewage sludge; bioengineering; or ionizing radiation. And then follow up with: USDA makes no claims that organically produced food is safer or more nutritious than conventionally produced food. Now, does anyone else see this? They don’t give their animals any hormones or antibiotics? I’m confused, doesn’t that just make the animal healthier and better fit for slaughter? Of course not, because that would make sense, and trust me, if it’s not completely ass backwards, it doesn’t sell. If it’s low-grade shitty steaks you like, then organic is for you. Also, how the hell is anything synthetic? It all has to come from somewhere, it’s not like scientists and researchers just pull these chemicals out of their asses. Unless you mean these ingredients are rare, and not found alone in nature, then doesn't that make them bad? No, it just gives these neo-hippies one more thing to fill their existence with and bug me about because their lives are void of anything that isn’t two steps from senile. Sewage sludge? Who cares? They use feces, the same as your organic foods do. It’s not like there’s some tube dumping waste straight from the sewers onto a row of vegetables. And bioengineering is just one more method used to make food more nutritious, so what are you bitching about? When I saw the ionizing radiation thing, I nearly went through the roof. “Oh, boo hoo, ionizing radiation hurts the atmosphere….” BULLSHIT! Pay attention here, all your organic food requires a label, stating that it is organic, printed at some factory in China that puts unholy amounts of pollution in the air, thus killing us all, while you drive your car, use electricity to light your house, drink bottled water, and all other kinds of shit which, in turn, produces nuclear waste which gives off more ionizing radiation. Way to be a hypocrite. It’s a good thing your food is so much SAFER AND MORE NUTRITIOUS! Oh yeah, I forgot that your products suck anyways. I can only imagine the marketing ploys we’ll all be seeing on those guilt trip commercials or billboards.
Would you pay a dollar for me to kick you in the face? Or would you pay nothing to keep your face fine and without my shoe jammed in it? Same philosophy, but mine has less hippy bullshit. As long as we’re (I’m) discussing blatant stupidity, how about this for a dandy idea, introduce biological control agents, such as birds, to kill insects and not use unharmful pesticides. That way you only disrupt an already teetering eco-system more than pesticides do, instead of having to wash your apple in the sink before you eat it. But then again, you’re right. Pesticides shouldn’t be used on bugs, they should be used on the assholes who thought this whole thing up. If you’re so against pesticides, I guess you have to ban swimming pool chemicals, bug repellent, ant traps, roach killer, and every other thing that deals with preventing, destroying, or repelling pests. Doesn’t that sound stupid? That’s the same idea you’re diet is based on.
And I thought vegetarians were bad.