People are stupid. There's no way around it, we've all seen it, this site is pretty much devoted to pointing it out. It's no big secret that I KICK ASS, so I've taken the liberty of explaining to you why.
People have no fucking clue what they are talking about, ever. I don't count because I'm God. Charlie and Levon don't count because I said so, and my word is gospel, but otherwise pretty much everyone else is an obtuse, suck-ass crybaby. I swear, the next time I'm sitting at work and someone starts talking about honoring our fucking coupons, I will start my killing spree. You see, the people who print coupons for the place I work at fucked up and left some stuff out on one particular coupon, probably because they are inferior shitheads who fuck toasters in the bathtub. Whenever someone brings in the coupon, we have to tell them what it is meant to say. So a couple of days ago some dipshit comes in. He orders and gives the manager (who was at the register at the time) the misprinted coupon. He explains to the guy, a balding, bad-ass biker who stood at an intimidating 5'7", that the coupon was wrong. The guy fucking freaked, it was sort of funny because he was swearing and yelling and there were children around, but he ruined it when he got quiet and polite. He was convinced that since we printed the coupon, we were supposed to honor it. I hope everyone caught that part where he thought WE printed the coupon, when really some magazine printed it. A fact that was brought to his attention 5 or 6 times. "We didn't print that fucking coupon!" He threw a fit right there. At many points during that fit I could have sworn he was going to start crying. Then he pays anyways and leaves with his food. 'The hell's wrong with people? The guy had no clue what he was talking about, and had to throw a fit for 15 minutes before he'd admit he was wrong, considering I pointed it out several times. It's bad enough that he was talking out of his ass, but that was the 5th person since August to do the same exact thing. SOME LADY DID IT TWICE! On two separate occasions, she came in and complained about the fucking coupons. Then she came back again and asked if we took coupons that expired in May. Do I really have to say any more?.
Then today, one of my loyal concubines was feeding me bacon while giving me a back massage when she dropped a piece of bacon on the ground and my stupid cat got it. I threw a lightning bolt at the cat (hey, I am God), and then ran it over a few times with my car. I proceeded to yell at my concubine for being a stupid bitch and wasting pig flesh. She gave me some line like, "I'm sorry, I have ADD and I was up all night because my kid has smallpox and blah blah blah." Who does she think I am? If I had a nickel every time I heard that one. ADD is no excuse for being a stupid whore. I mad her eat a bacon strip's weight of Strychnine after that. Her kid too. Actually this whole paragraph never happened, but what a story it would have been had it happened.
What the hell is ADD anyway? I know what it stands for, so don't even bring that up. When I was little, I knew a flat-footed, stuttering bafoon named Tony. I forgot his last name, but he was a dumbass. Whenever my friends and I made fun of him he would say something stupid to the extent of "Don't make fun of me! I'm not dumb, I have ADD!" Having some kind of disorder doesn't mean you're not an incompetent, bumbling fool who still wets the bed and cries when I throw rocks at you. I'm sick of people's shitty excuses for everything. And puss-ass administrators and school board members think that even if someone is mentally retarded or has one of those stupid disorders like ADD that they deserve to have the same chances everyone else does. No, they don't. What a lack of judgment our school has shown by employing these morons in our school store and as teacher's aides and putting them in normal classes. If you're stupid, you're stupid. It doesn't matter how or why you got stupid, you're still pretty much destined to fail. Unless you're a lucky tard and I hire you to piss on people while they're mowing their lawns. I'm getting really tired of doing that myself.
I have to give credit where it's due, however. People usually know when they say something stupid. But instead of admitting it, they come up with some shitty excuse to cover their asses. I mean when people say extremely stupid shit and follow it up with "It's not right or wrong, just an opinion." So what? Having an opinion doesn't make you any less of a moron. They could say the stupidest thing in the world, and when you tell them they are wrong, they whine about their retarded "opinions". For example a person may say "It's my opinion that Powerslave is the best Iron Maiden album ever" when they've never even heard one song from that fucking album. Then when you say, "No way, you've never heard anything from it, why are you talking out of your ass?" they get all bitchy because you crossed their opinion. In order to have an opinion, you must at least know something about the topic. Too many people have no or bad information about most everything they choose to talk about. Being one of Slinger's resident assholes, I frequently have to call people out on this. Common intercourse will usually be me swearing or something, followed by the "you're wrong, dipshit." Then I am informed that it is JUST YOUR OPINION, and no matter how little you know about anything at all, it is still an opinion and is not wrong. Crock of shit. Who said opinions can't be wrong? If I said that it was my opinion that Abraham Lincoln was the 19th president of America, does that make it not wrong? By adding an "It's my opinion" clause doesn't make whatever follows it void of critique. People know that they fucked up so they quick have to throw the whole opinion clause out there. I have plenty of opinions, but you know what I do when I don't know what I'm talking about? I shut the hell up. None of this "It is not wrong it's my opinion" bullshit. You have no excuse for being a misinformed dumbass.
I'm not saying that there aren't opinions which are neither right nor wrong. If a person had listened to some of every Iron Maiden album and chose Powerslave to be the best overall (which it is) and someone else disagreed, no one is right or wrong. Unless this involves me, because I am always right. What does make someone's opinion wrong is by being an inadequate fuckscab who talks out of their ass incessantly. It is one thing to have an opinion, but it's a completely different story to use some stupid phrase to try to protect yourself.
I have a solution. What we could do is bring back Hitler. That would rule. Hitler didn't take shit from anyone. The world needs a few good, blood thirsty dictators to keep morons in check. The penalty for talking out of your ass would be a one-way trip to Treblinka, followed by a bon-fire . I think that's a great idea. I'm sure a lot of people would back me up, and my Personal Communications teacher already said she'd like to be Hitler. It all works out, thanks Mrs. Niceman! Details will be further developed at Hitler Convention 2004, hosted by Charlie and I.
Hitler will probably send your ass to Treblinka.