I took a trip to Washington DC in mid-April and now I know why their mayors smoke crack and run brothels. As the supposed neutral seat of the national government, the city sure comes off as a grab bag of liberal airheads and pseudo-enlightened college students (the ones to claim to have achieved perfect mental self awareness and a general understanding of the universe, all while barely managing to crank out a degree in holistic medicine or energy healing in 8 years). One would think that the people living in the political center of the country might have a fucking clue about anything inside their little bubbles they regard as their opinions, but a severely retarded head shop employee expressed otherwise.
This is the reason why I only pop out a new column every two months. It turns out that I wrote something down there that I completely forgot about, so this is how I wrote it a few months back.
In case you didn’t know, I’m in Washington DC as I write this (I was planning on putting the date in parentheses somewhere in this sentence but I have no fucking clue what the date is). Bush just gave his press conference addressing the resistance that US troops have been receiving in Iraq, in which he said something along the lines that the Almighty bestowed freedom on the USA to spread to the world and shit like that, though a higher being has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Just repeat these words, “The devil made me do it.”
Seeing as how DC is a pansy ass liberal town run by conservative rockheads, a slew of 20 something airheads are bitching this fucking instant about how the “Almighty” has nothing to do with Bush and that he is not speaking on behalf of the our diverse religious background which is 83% Christian anyways, so fuck off. Apparently he is turning the war on terrorism into more of a crusade than he denied it was. This leads to more bitching about the Pledge of Allegiance and “In God we trust” shit. At least the heat will be off me for skateboarding at DC’s finest concrete jungle Pulaski Park tomorrow while everyone is boo-hooing about religion, thus I don’t have to waste a perfectly good fake name to avoid a fine (300 dollars is a lot of money just for riding a piece of wood). However, that doesn’t change the fact that there are a bunch of church addicted hooligans outside my hotel doing exactly the opposite of shutting up.
In the midst of all of blubbering and crybabying, this staunch atheist has one thing to say to those sons of bitches pissed off about “Under God” this and crusade that; no one gives a flying fuck. Really, think about this here. If I, the most devout atheist I’ve ever heard of, doesn’t mind using American tender and receiving a “God bless you” after a sneeze, then why the hell should anyone else? As if someone talking about God automatically is a threat against your beliefs, whatever they may be. Just shut up, it doesn’t matter at all. It doesn’t hurt a god damn thing and you know it. Jews in the 3rd Reich were killed for their beliefs, but all of a sudden it’s SUCH AN INJUSTICE that you have to pay the cable guy with Christian money so your pathetic daytime can be wasted away watching Dr. Phil. Personally, the only thing to repent about in this whole ordeal is the lack of evolution in our species.
Whenever I bring that up, it’s always the same argument, “Not everyone believes in one nation under God, or any manifestation of Christian morals associated with crusading, and it’s in the Constitution that church and state should be separate and blah…” Yes, I completely agree that church and state should be separate in all governmental appendages, BUT, I haven’t heard of any court sentencing someone to death at the stake for impiety, so what’s the big fucking deal. If I was stoned to death for being blasphemous (which I’m not in any way), then I would be pissed off about the separation of church and state. However, until that starts happening, people have no reason to whine. So Bush slips God into every speech, it may be annoying and repetitive, but no one gives a shit. It’s true that not everyone has the same idea of what one nation under God should be, but so what? If you don’t trust in God, then don’t, I choose not to as well. It’s not like we’re bound to our money’s religious beliefs, unless they’re stupid, which I’m not ruling out. Dumb fuck college students and liberal airheads can’t seem to figure out that one can function under Christian people as an atheist, history has proven it. Bottom line is, though I may not be very happy with America, on thing I appreciate is that Congress can have it’s beliefs, and our Arab population can have theirs to, and it completely does not hurt what I choose to believe. Again, if that ever changes, I’ll probably be out with those lame ass college students fighting “the man” and pushing for further separation of church and state.
The underlying point here stands that by bitching about one person’s use of the word or concept of God is offensive, and if they feel that they should stop this person from using God in his speeches, then they are really just hypocrites for trying to control the beliefs of one man. Dumb as our president may be, it doesn’t mean that he can’t believe that God will help him not look like a moron. There’s yet another reason that God doesn’t exist. One moron fucks up, saying that we will conquer terrorism and spread freedom, and when he realizes that he’s full of shit, he asks God to intervene and help him out because he couldn’t keep his fucking mouth shut. And we all know how things went after he placed us on the side of God…
People are just that stupid that a couple slip ups from a notorious speech pushover can send them into fits of riot over something as trivial as two words in a press conference that they completely miss the big picture. I move to ratify the constitution with something I like to call “Separation of balls from body”, which ensures that these logically challenged twats won’t breed more pathetic crybabies like themselves.
Mass sterilization fucking rules.