Finally, an ugly fashion trend that did not start in France.
Normally silly trends (like recreational pedometers and pogs) and their bullshit, though being the hottest commodities on the mainland, are paradoxically unnoticed to the general public. What I mean is that though one sees the trend on a daily basis, they don't stop to ponder for a minute exactly what their friends, family, coworkers, and even what they themselves are buyimg into.
Allow me to further clarify:
Finally, an ugly fashion trend that did not start in France.
Repulsive yellow wristbands known as the LiveSTRONG bracelet, how you've cheated us all! Everyone from George W. Bush to Vin Diesel and all the way back down to Jessica Simpson adorn them IN PUBLIC. This is the first warning sign. Celebrities and government officials remain as some of the most hair-brained people on the planet. Just because someone on TV wears a hideous yellow wristband does not mean that if you and your cheerleading squad do it you will be rich, famous, and spoiled too. The consumer mob will do just about anything to believe that they live the life of a pampered Hollywood star and not of a lonely investment banker. If they saw their dentist wearing one of these they wouldn't rush out and buy 30 of them to hang on the altar in their living room, would they?
LiveSTRONG is run through LAF, a foundation fronted by Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong, a famous survivor of prostate cancer. The money he raises goes to fund cancer research, a tour across the nation, administration of the product, media coverage, equipment and uniforms for their national cycling team, and numerous plaques and awards given to goons who use these as cock rings. The going price for the bracelet is about 1.00 USD. Let's think about this. If Lance Armstrong puts out a rubber bracelet for one dollar, about 4 cents of that would go to cover the plastic, 6 cents to necessary costs including machinery, electricity, licensing, and maintenance, about 5 cents to workmen's wages, and another 5 to cover unemployment, plus 1 cent for the crooked union fee. Figure in about 1 cent per unit sold paid to each of the 19 administrative officials in addition their cushy salaries, 25 cents to cover staffing, equipment, travel, and promotion to cover the Bristol-Myers Squibb Tour of Hope and it's national cycling team, 10 cents to cover the website and store, 5 cents to frivolous lawsuits involving cats choking to death, 10 cents for celebrity endorsement, 5 cents for smack and hookers, 4 cents for awards given at banquets to buffoons who give bracelets to schoolchildren to bait them, and what's left to fund cancer research?
*Note, these are approximations, so don't whine to us about how there was no union and the labor was done in prison or a sweat shop.
The point here is that through all of the promotion about the bracelet a significant portion of the money useful to cancer research is squandered in administrative fees. Sure, cancer research facilities could use some extra cash (and a thorough ass bruising), but do they really need the matching homo-erotic uniforms and bikes, too?
40 million sold and still paying this one off.
The biggest reason that people buy into this is pure guilt. Lars von Shiteater goes to the hospital to get wart treatment and sees little Billy Leukemia and feels that his sinful lifestyle is somehow responsible for cancer, AIDS, and the bubonic plague. Lars feels the need to make amends with terminal illnesses, but he is a tightwad and extremely fake, so he grudgingly spares 100 pennies for a rubber band. He then places it around his neck and cuts off all circulation to his brain. Now he can brag to all of his coworkers about how much better he is than them for battling cancer, and put them on guilt trips much the same as his so they all go out and buy one. What bothers me is that if these people really, truly want to help cancer research they'd maybe make a direct donation to a research facility, university, or care center instead of taking their 800 dollar paycheck, squandering 799 dollars at the titty bar and one dollar on rubber blasphemy. And the money that is spent on the tours, events, and promotions could be cut dramatically without really hurting sales thus putting more money to research. The people responsible for this and many other products are simply playing your emotions like a harp.
Think before you buy into this shit, seriously. Why buy this ugly bracelet when you could cut a check to a cancer patient for one dollar to help pay for his treatment? Would that not be several times more helpful? It would, but dumbasses need a crutch to help them give to a cause. No one could just give without expecting something in return, could they? That's why these corporate jugheads rely on celebrity endorsements for their dirt cheap product, because people think that it's more valuable if it will make them cool or look like a star. Then the case is not to give benevolently, but to think that they are making out by throwing a dollar to some company and a few cents to cancer if it means gaining status. Thus, they are the moral equivalent of a sell-out.
Just when I think my bullshit meter is about to top out, new bracelets jump on the bandwagon. Support-A-Cure, tsunami relief, MADD, germ warfare, and capital punishment bracelets are flooding the market into consumers with open arms and closed eyes. And of course, there are the 'Support Our Troops' magnetic ribbons that follow the exact same philosophy. Those magnets are going to buy pornography and moonshine for our men overseas. And some jackass in New York is sitting in his office right now smoking a cigar, laughing at us all while his niece does the unimaginable underneath his desk. There are terms for these kinds of products. Indulgence comes to mind.
One interesting fact I learned while researching this topic was that hospitals are covering the LiveSRONG bands because they could be confused with the Do Not Resuscitate bright yellow wristbands worn by Jehovahs and the like. The Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) or Comfort Care Only wristbands are used to fulfill a patients wishes when they drop out on the operating table and don't come back. Certain people don't believe that they should be revived or held on life support when the body dies. Both bracelets are bright yellow and there is some paranoia that patients with the LiveSTRONG bracelets might be confused for wearing the DNR bracelets, thus not being revived in time when their body dies but brain remains living (very primitively in a bracelet wearer's case) and thus opening up a plethora of bad media exposure and perhaps causing a surgeon or two to lose their job. I haven't heard of any fatal mishaps yet, but I'm still holding out. I say, fuck 'em, let 'em die on the table. If these derelicts were kept alive and allowed to roam free they'd probably step out into the middle of traffic on the only road leading to a large Christian music festival. That would just cause a mess. So in summation, surgeons, caretakers, and citizens of the USA out there, if you get a flat liner, or your buddy gets hit in the skull with a softball and stops breathing, do not revive them if they wear a LiveSTRONG, Support-A-Cure, or tsunami relief bracelet. They're not worth it.
I think I've exhausted cancer by now.