Can we all just agree that it would hurt more to have a flap of skin chopped off of “handsome” than it would to have cramps and bloating? I hate circumcision, totally. I’m so anti-circumcising that when I was circumcised, it grew back just out of spite for the stupid sons of bitches that thought they could touch handsome and not get away with it. I re-circumcised them just for the trouble. Assholes.
I mean, what the hell? The world is completely backwards. Why are we chopping men’s foreskin off? THAT’S THE ONLY FLAP WE HAVE! For Christ’s sake, if anything needs a good circumcising it’s a vagina, what with all the hoopla they have flapping around down there. Male circumcision is like pruning a palm tree. Hell, if women were circumcised we wouldn’t have to hear some crusty wench whining about the latest fad infection she got from the peat bog brewing under her labia. No feminine discomfort could ever amount to the psychological harm bestowed upon a man the day someone puts clippers to his johnson, it haunts you the rest of your life.
We need to start raising awareness to the uncircumcised minority to quit lurking in the shadows and janitor’s closets. I feel that the entire world is hood-ist. Have you ever seen an uncircumcised vibrator? No, and it sickens me that everyone could be so ignorant. And just when I thought the human race could not get any more insensitive, my grandma showed me a fishing hook she had with an uncircumcised penis! I was so offended for my friend Pitor. I told her to shut up, just because he’s Hungarian does not mean that he needs to be discriminated against. Then I set her up against a wall and ran into her with a shopping cart going fifteen pushes fast.
I blame all of these new fangled smut magazines and porn shops for the corruption of today’s youth’s warped views on sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll. It’s not the graphic nudity and violent sex footage I’m referring to, because only kids with stupid parents see that shit. It’s the lack of appropriate uncircumcised representation on the dirty key chains and sex toys that a child’s friend steals from his parents to show the kids at school that I’m worried about. Actually I support violent sex, especially with farm animals. I’m considering picketing along with the other hooligans outside those stores. I actually tried to picket with them yesterday, but I didn’t have a sign. I punched some guy in the face and took his, it said “God knows what your doing in there!” but I realized that I didn’t even want to picket, and he didn’t even have a sign, it was a new born baby. I thought about picketing the baby, but only against the side of a building.
I think that the world should combine my views on porn shops and adopt my general ideology totally, that way it won’t be so awkward when I make everyone dress like me and hate what I hate. I’m envisioning a new nation for the upper Midwest area, where children finally don’t have to live in fear of the bit of extra skin on their peckers, and entire families can visit the porn shops, peruse the circumcised and uncircumcised goods, and even enroll in NAMBLA’s own Father-Son Swingfest 2005. How come John Kerry hasn’t come up with that idea yet. I heard NAMBLA is looking for a new president, too, and then he wouldn’t even need to use me as a reference on his application.
I hold a lot of clout in NAMBLA, but if I tell you why I’ll get my hand broken with a hammer.