Why should we even help sick people anyways? What was the last thing a cancer patient ever did for you? All I've ever seen them do is sit around in their beds, bald, because they are obviously to good to have hair. They don't do shit except sit around and bother celebrities. I'll be damned if they ever get out of bed or get their own food or change their own diaper, let alone do my homework, pay my insurance, or do my laundry. If they did that I'd be glad to give a few bucks to finding a cure for cancer. Or maybe not. Fuck cancer patients. I am reminded of some sketch on Chapelle's show where Dave Chapelle beats the shit out of some kid in NBA Street Hoops. That kid, named Billy, thought he could hang. That kid had cancer, and clearly sucked. He got his ass whooped by Dave. Halfway through the game the little shit faked a flat liner, probably just to get Dave to let his guard down. That's what cancer patients will do to you. They'll whine about malignant this and "I need my medication" that. Fuck you. That's my medication, bitch. That came out of my paycheck. You don't have a job, you don't pay health care or social security, you lose. I get all the medicine I can steal from you socio-parasitic assholes. Man, I kick ass.
One time I saw a monk in the hospital. At least I thought he was a monk. He was bald and wore a robe. I was disappointed because he wasn't doing any of the cool things that monks do, like breaking boards over there heads and shit. I heckled him for a solid 20 minutes, while he fake slept. I got impatient so I decided I would take matters into my own hands and break a board over his head. There were no boards to be found, so I used the metal pole that nurses hang the IV bag on. It didn't break, the stupid monk just cried and begged for me to stop. That was about when the police showed up and tackled me. I would have none of this, so I straight jacked all their asses, fool. Actually they just shot me up with a bunch of easily found morphine. I decided that I liked that plan better. I went from shouting "HEY, THIS IS BULLSHIT! THAT MONK IS A FUCKING RIP-OFF! WHAT THE FUCK DO I PAY TAXES FOR?" to sitting by the wall petting bunnies and singing to children. That was when those asshole doctors told me that the "monk" I beat the shit out of was actually an 11 year old with cancer. Like I gave a shit. I'm not mad anymore, monks suck anyway. Ninjas are where it's at. Ninjas rule. If I was a ninja, I'd go back to that hospital and storm all the floors. With my katana and shuriken (ninja throwing stars to all you dumbasses) I imagine it'd take about 2 days to secure the whole place, after limitless flipping, slicing, hiding, ass kicking, and laying my (ninja) mack down.
It takes about 2 days for me to lay my ninja mack down.