You'll never see me make the same mistake twice, you'll never see me quit, see me disengage, you'll never see me spit in your face out of rage....FAMOUS LAST WORDS!! So Anyway...I decided to change all this website shiznit....For any of you who don't already know (well the Decatur folks anyways..) I live in springifeld now....Not that it's really any different AT ALL from the D-town, but I guess maybe it's closer to somewhere I didn't really want to be in the first place....I feel very Angsty today (*nods and thanks Adam for that word*) So I have decided that I no longer wish to try hard, No longer wish to be stepped on, no longer wish to feel like I am being Disengaged....No longer feel the need to worry about people except for those who are important to me... "When all this is over, Heaven's knows I'm going nowhere, I was only dreaming, sent here for a deeper meaning" Thanks to Zeromancer for being so Fucking awesome and coming up with that line for me... I think about all the people I have known and lost contact with...I miss all you guys...If some day you stumble across this call me 217-454-7123... I hate the things that I feel, the recent nothingness that has bound to become my future, I have changed so much I feel like I am only a shell of who I used to be, And I hate it..It makes absolutly no sense to me...Why have i changed so much to become this person I absolulty can't stand anymore.....Well that's not true, because if it truly were I wouldn't be this neo-hypocritical egoist that everyone has learned to know and love...I guess.... Why can no one (and I mean absolutly no one) come up with a reason that I can accept as to why i am so fucking special...yeah so I'm nice yeah so I'm 'special' but you can't answer a question with a part of the question right?? You are Andreah you just are....yeah ok thanks I think??!!!??? Down, Down, Down give it up.......Die of a broken heart.. So how exactly can one be a neo-egoist and think the way I do??? Is it perhaps I really don't know who I am in the first place?? Maybe I have left that up to you to decide for me....But who the hell are you??? and when and where do I know you from.....And why the hell do I think that one day I will meet you and all the answers to my life will be solved....maybe I am too lazy to think up who I may be on my own.... I do know a couple things though....I'm gonna talk about you now *you know EXACTLY who YOU are....You frustrate the piss out of me...no matter how hard I try I still feel like you are not here with me.....you could fade into the Zerospace someone else has, I turn around and there you are, but why are you here.....? why do you care what I think EVER it'sjust that i don't understand why i can't walk away....and maye\be I never will.....I'm not going anywhere though and I hope you're not eithire.....you are my star.... 11/14/04: So anyways I really like this song "Gone to your Head" by Zeromancer....It makes me think, I don't like to do that very much...I gotta go to work... 11/15/04: I wanna go to Canada.....I wanna go to Canada.....I hate it here....I hate Springfield....I just had a dream and I'm not sure exactly what it was about but i made me think and i don't like to think that much,only gets me in trouble...... 11/24/04 So I want to Quit my wonderful job at denny's, but everyone begs me not to....Hmm seems funny that they're not the ones suffering, I am.....Adam broke up with me today too.....but were back together thank god, Except for i left him at Quik-n-EZ because he didnt want to drive with me anymore, I hope he's ok...I would feel terrible if he wasn't.....I'm glad I made it home safely even tho my windshield wipers STILL don't work.....I really hope adam's ok.....GODDAMN my whole entire body hurts......I HATE MY JOB!!! 11/25/04 well it's almost 6 my last three days sucked, first my car got tooken for no reason then i had to fuk about with getting that taken care of, then I have nothing to do for thanksgiving, nobody loves me I am all alone,and all's I had to eat today was a sesame seed bage from panera bread, half of one at that... Things have to get better because i don't know if I can take them getting any worse, but at least i still have feelings they can never take that away from me ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I guess that sometimes I am better off to pretend to be happy so that it doesn't start problems with everyone. It's so fucking annoying how overly annalyitical I am, I even annoy myself soemtimes...why exactly do I have to take the worse possible case scenario and make that the "end all" for what the fuck really happened...Maybe I need to improve upon my life choice to really be happy.....hmmm????------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------So i've decided that there's something seriously wrong going on in this whole "bad feeling thing" i've had for a while...I don't know what it is yet but i think i have decided that i know what I want to happen but I have to work on it...I'm so fucking tired of being underminded and underappreciated...I think that I am Quite a bit of a special person and I feel that since I treat people that they are sepcail to me that I can be treated specail too...I don't think that's too mcuh to ask at all and I am getting super sick of the people around me treating me like shit so FUCK IT!!! i don't care anymore I am gonna become the bitch that everyone thinks I am....for a while untill I start to hate myself...again
