I needed to write you this email because I really needed to get some things off my chest, and I just can't do it on ICQ. Sorry if this is a bit disorganized, but my thought process is jumping all over the place right now.
I know Amanda told you about our conversation and all that, but I guess I needed you to hear (well read) it straight from me. The thing is until Thursday night, I didn't have these feelings for you. Sure I always thought you were fun to chat with, but you were just another one of my "friends" on my ICQ list. But then Thursday night, when you introduced yourself, and I heard your voice, and saw you for the first time, it was like the flood gates opened. I never really believed in love at first sight until that night.
It was like, until I could actually see you for real, in person, you didn't seem real. On the net, you were just words on my screen. But you became real on Thursday, and so did my feelings for you. The thing about me is I don't "fall" for girls too easily. Sure I've had crushes, and been attracted to alot of girls, but I've only ever "fallen" for one girl my entire life. And the reason I know that it's the same thing is because of the feeling I got when I first met you, was the exact same feeling I got whenever I'd talk to her. It's a feeling I haven't felt in about 5 years.
The problem for me right now is trying to explain exactly how and why I have these feelings for you. I mean, to you, I'm just some guy you chat with on ICQ, so I don't really know how to describe the reasons for how I feel. I really don't think I ever will be able to tell you WHY I feel like this, or what exactly caused it, but I guess the best way I can describe HOW I feel is, exactly what you and Moe have. You say he's your soulmate, that he's the perfect guy for you. That's what it felt like for me when I saw you, that everything just came together all at once. All the stuff I liked about you when we chat, all your beliefs, you're likes and dislikes, everything just came together when we met, and I knew right away how I felt.
Having said that, I also realize that you're in love with Moe, and that although you're being nice about it, knowing someone you barely know confessed these types of feelings for you probably has you quite freaked out. I think that's my biggest regret from telling Amanda how I felt about you. I knew what your response was gonna be. I knew you wouldn't have feelings for me all of a sudden. So after I told Amanda how I felt, I realized that I've pretty much fucked up our "friendship" too. Having feelings for you and having them rejected I can deal with. Knowing that I've probably freaked you out beyond comprehension, and having to deal with the fact that I can't even have you in my life as a friend, is something I don't know if I can deal with. But I guess I'll have to.
I guess what I want to say to end this email is that I am so sorry for making you uncomfortable or scaring you with my feelings, and when I felt I needed to tell you, I was just thinking about MY feelings, and needing to do it for ME. I never thought of how YOU'D feel, and whether YOU would be uncomfortable with it. So I think it's time I did something for you this time, which is I promise you won't have to deal with me anymore. I'll get out of your life for good, so you don't have to worry about some stranger with strong feelings for you.
I really do hope you and Moe have a great life together. I'm sorry for messing things up.