AUSTIN 3:16

”Austin 3:16” plays as Stone Cold comes out from behind the curtain. The crowd jumps up and starts going crazy. Stone Cold came marching out to the ring. He was coming down in a pair of jean shorts, with his knee brace on and his “Austin 3:16” shirt. He rolled in the ring and stood up on each of the four turnbuckles throwing his middle fingers up in the air. The crowd was going crazy when Stone Cold got down and grabbed a microphone.
Stone Cold: Now if you all are about ready for someone to come in here and raise some hell give me a hell yeah!
Crowd: Hell yeah!
Now I know I do not need an introduction. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, but I am back. If you want to know where I’ve been I’ll tell you. I was at home watching television, drinking a few beers. Then I took part in some extracurricular activities, like Hunting and drinking beer. Fishing and drinking beer. Driving my truck around…and drinking beer. Then I’d go back home and quickly do some beer drinking. All of this beer drinking made me think I better do some more beer drinking. Then it hit me, I haven’t had a good beer drinking while doing some @$$ whooping in a long time. So I thought, hey, I’ll give that Tony Ikeda a call and see if he had any cold beer. He told me to come on back aboard and I could get some beer drinking all across the nation, and I thought that was a hell of an idea. So here I am ready to beat the absolute hell out of any piece of trash here who thinks they can bring a whooping on ol’ Stone Cold. The EBWF is full of guys who are just asking to have the tar beat out of them, and there’s nothing that does a better job than the bottom of my boot. There sure as hell ain’t a man here who can stop me, and if any one of those little S O B’s think they can then they can take their sorry little @$$es and come right on down to the ring and say it to my face. I’m not scared of one of those pieces of trash standing around in the back, scratching their @$$es while calling themselves fighting superstars. I say a lot of those guys back there are the sorriest, lamest excuses for Wrestler’s that ol’ Stone Cold has seen in a long time. Just maybe it’s time for a wake up call, so everyone better listen up if you’re back there. You better go back to your little hotel rooms, double check your alarm, be sure it is in the on position, for you illiterate S O B’s it’s the one with two letters, not three. You be sure you set that alarm to three sixteen, and wait for that little buzzer to go off, because when it does, you’ll be hearing the shatter of glass, and you’ll know that it’s your @$$, Because Stone Cold Steve Austin is coming out to give you the biggest beating of your life, guarand@mnteed!
Which brings me to my first match right here on Monday Night Raw when I have to go up against that meedly mouthed son of a b!tch Sting. Mr. Black and white. Now Sting, you can come down here with your little black bat and you can rest assured Stone Cold is going to take that bat, and lodge it straight up your back end. Son, you aren’t prepared for the kind of match that you are about to get. You don’t drink enough beer, and you haven’t fought enough red necks to be prepared. Hell son, I will kick your @$$ in your backyard. I will kick your @$$ in my backyard. Hell, I will kick your @$$ in anybody here’s backyard. I’m not afraid of the big black bat, or the little white skunk that you are. Hell son, I’ll beat your @$$ clear from pillar to post and up and down every single aisle in this arena if that’s what it’s going to take. You don’t know how long it’s been since ol’ Stone Cold has had the opportunity to just beat the ever loving hell out of an opponent, and you’re just number one Sting. Hell son, I think you’re such a number one that I think you’re number one twice over in Stone Cold’s book. Stone Cold held up two middle fingers to the camera’s. So there’s to ya, a couple of free salutes just for you. You like to be cool in everybody’s books around here, well let me tell you a little story about Stone Cold’s book. You open it right on up to chapter three, you check out verse sixteen. That’s my favorite verse in the book of Austin. It states very clearly that I have just whipped your @$$ and you remember that for after Raw, when you tuck tail and run back to your car to get he hell out of here thinking that crazy redneck son of a b!tch there’s nothing he won’t do, and you’re d@mn right, there’s not a thing I wouldn’t do. Hell, I ain’t stupid son, sometimes you have to go at all costs to get the win, because you sure as hell can’t trust your opponent to not go all out by any means necessary. You learn real quick to not trust anyone around here. The only person I trust on this planet is one Stone Cold Steve Austin, because he’s one hell of a guy. No maybe you think I’m a little rusty, have to shake off the ring rust, get back into the swing of things. Maybe you think Stone Cold just can’t do what he did in the past. Do you think I can’t fight tough? You think I’m a pushover? Is that what you’re thinking? Well eh EH! HELL YEAH SON I can beat your @$$ just as easily today as I could five years ago, because for me handing out a good @$$ whooping is about like riding a bike or opening a can of beer, you just don’t forget how to do it. It doesn’t just slip your mind. You can bet your @$$ that I know just what in the hell I am doing when it comes put my boot on your scrawny little @$$ in the ring. You had better bring a camera, because I hope you can take a picture of the ceiling in the arena, because it’s about all I’m going to be letting you see. You can eat your wheaties or whatever it is you eat to start your day, I prefer beer, but what’s going to end your day is one heeping helping of a spoon full of whoop @$$ straight from the can. It’s only a matter of time before I open it right on up and serve you the entire serving. Just don’t be sad though that I kicked your @$$ just be glad that I didn’t kill ya. You already know that I’m going to drop you on that stack of dimes neck of yours and you will be out just like that, just like every other sorry son of a b!tch that has gotten in my way. In case you haven’t noticed Sting, I don’t give a d@mn who you are, where you came, what your deal is, or how silly you look with all of your make up on your face. Hell son, what is all of that for anyway? Does it make you more aerodynamic? Does it help you fly? Swim faster? Jump higher? I just think you once had color on your face then you learned that you would be fighting me and all of the color drained out of your d@mn face. I don’t blame you for being scared, hell I’m a little squirrelly, a little drunk, and have a short fuse, you just never know what in the hell I’m going to do. I’m just a crazy son of a b!tch. I know it, you know it, we all know it, I just don’t give a d@mn, never have never will. So all you can guarantee yourself is that I’m going to beat your sorry @$$ and that’s the bottom line ‘cuz Stone Cold said so!
”Stone Cold threw the microphone down. He jumped up on the turnbuckle and threw his arms into the air. The crowd went insane as he then went to the back.

OOC: Very lackluster...but I have to get some of this ring rust beat off first I guess. I could have gone with the unbeatable one liner, but I didn't want to cheat. Good luck Brian...hopefully we'll match up again once I'm back in the swing of things...if that ever happens.

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