Now Playing: Should Trans-Folks Kill Puppies?

So I'm on this email list. It states that it is "a discussion group for political, social and cultural advocacy and issues affecting transgendered, transsexual, intersexed and all other gender variant people... Please keep your discussions respectful of all transgender/gender-variant identities, and do not overreact."

For the past year or so, I've limited myself to skimming the posts. I get tired of the infighting- the "transer than thou" arguments. And, quite frankly, the immaturity.

So after a few weeks of arguing over whether or not trans people should be working together with glbq people and whether or not transsexual people should be lumped together with transgender people, I wasn't excited to skim the digest version in my inbox this morning. And then I saw this (I did ask permission to repost this- identifying information has been removed):


Subject: Should Trans-Folks Kill Puppies?

Seriously. What have puppies ever done to advance trans-rights? Nothing. So why should we allow them to live?

Absurd, heavy sarcasm? Attention getter? Yes. But it's necessary because so many people here seem to think that exclusionary practices are justified based on some sort of semantic moat they've carved around their existence. Never mind the fact that we're all in this ride together, for better or worse.

Some things you do because it makes sense as part of common decency and the shared human condition. No, neither I nor anyone else can make you do anything. But the hypocrisy it takes to sit there and spout some tread-worn crap about WBT or "TS not TG" is amazing. It's rank idiocy. It's high school clique bullshit that should have been left in high school. F***ing grow up and show a little maturity.

Meanwhile, when we are faced with the greatest opportunity in the last 30 years to make a positive difference and significant progress in the rights of LGBT people, I'm seeing the same petty bullshit issues being argued about that were being argued 10-15 years ago--argued by some of the same people using the same tired, long-refuted arguments--but no progress or way forward.

Jimminy-freaking-Christmas.


I couldn't have said it better...

HRC Rolls On

It amazes me the attitude people can cop- especially when they are in the wrong. Even more amazing to me are the people who come to their defense.

Saying "I am sorry" means nothing if you can't say *what* you are sorry for. It just comes off sounding like a general "Oops. My bad," without taking any real responsibility. You need to really own up; specifically name the wrongs you have done, apologize for each in a sincere way and do something concrete to change what had caused the problem to arise in the first place.

I'm not saying I am perfect. Hell, we all have our faults and we've all done some nasty things (whether intentional or not). But I've really tried to take a good hard look at the things I may have done- the people I may have offended- and done my best to make things right. You can't fix the damage that has been done, but you *can* choose to do your best to make amends and move towards a true healing.

I am, of course, referring to the HRC.

There is still a lot of anger over the HRC boldly lying to the trans community- and rightly so! Some claim that the HRC has apologized and that we should let it go. I don't recall an apology. Not a real apology- the kind of thing that says "Wow, we really threw you under the bus and that was wrong," in a just as public and loud way as the HRC proclaimed to be championing trans rights.

What we got was a, "I am sorry for misspeaking." Exactly how did Joe Solmonese misspeak when he stood at the podium of the Southern Comfort conference to say:

We try to walk a thin line in terms of keeping everything in play and making sure that we move forward. But always being clear that we absolutely do not support- and in fact oppose- any legislation that is not absolutely inclusive. And we have sent that message loud and clear to the hill.

Well forgive me for not believing your apology.

There is discussion about whether or not the trans community is weaker because of their rejection of the HRC. Some seem to be suggesting that we have a snuggle fest, proclaim HRC good as new and just move along. But these people aren't looking at the bigger picture.

Aside from ENDA, one of my major beefs with the HRC is the same beef I have with places like WalMart, etc. HRC comes into communities, sucks the money out from the locals, then distributes the money however they see fit. Local non-profits and grassroots activism organizations are left floundering with fewer resources.

Those who say we are weakening our community by not forgiving and working with the HRC are missing this point. They are missing that the HRC gives a paltry amount in grants to local organizations each year when compared to the amount of money they are bringing in.

The money trail is easy to find. HRC is required to file From 990s which are public tax records. You can also take a peek at how much money HRC had to work with during the 2007 fiscal year:

http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=search.summary&orgid=6229

or

http://www.guidestar.org/pqShowGsReport.do?partner=grantexplorer&npoId=476613 

(This link is particularly interesting, since it shows the HRC's objectives for the 2007 year and includes all 990 forms)

So let me see if I've got this right: HRC woos the transgender community to secure more donations, actively throws trans people under the bus, sucks all the money from local grassroots organizations, then gives money to local organizations of their choosing and claims victory when the local organization is successful in their venture.

Yeah. We sure are hurting ourselves.

Before I will ever listen to someone (whether they be part of the trans community or not) advocate that we "move forward" and "bridge the divide," I will wait for a real apology and a little action to back it up.

More on Beatie
I've had a lot of non-trans friends asking me for my $0.02 on the whole "pregnant man" issue but have found myself so overwhelmed by the response *in* the trans community to even properly respond.

Sadly, most of the people asking me this are working hard to be true allies, and are perplexed by what they feel might be the "correct" response to the media circus and backlash. So they are trying to "get it from the source," and the source is overflowing with frustration.

While I personally wouldn't choose to bear a child, I'm also in a position where I don't feel the necessity. I'm lucky enough to have a partner who wants to do so. I'm lucky enough to come from a family where I am the only biological child and I was always taught that family is more than genetic ties; that adoption is just as "real" a choice as having a child of your own flesh and blood. So who knows what choice I might make if none of these things were true.

Aside from the pregnancy, there is an uproar over Beatie showing chest surgery scars, or giving out other information that might "help non-trans people identify a transman." I've even been directly given the argument of:

showing your surgery scars on national TV could get a rural stealth man recognized as such, and lead to his violent murder. I think if you're going to be in the media, you really ought to care about that sort of thing (perhaps its an assumption on my part that we don't want to indirectly contribute to the death of another?)

My response? Twofold:

1) I am seeing sweeping statements which imply that stealth men are at far greater risk than those who are out. Who is determining this? What validity (if any) is there in this argument? Am I not just as at risk for being open about my trans status?

2) I think it's pretty obvious that the purpose of educating people on trans topics is not to get someone killed.

In the midst of all the uproar, I notice no one has called that Transster be taken down, that transmen stop posting "passing information" on their websites, that informational videos like this one be immediately struck from YouTube. This is not the first public exposure of FTMs and will not be the last.

The real assumption I'm seeing here is that people are too dumb to do a Google search. It's not like no one has ever heard of transpeople. And there are plenty of conservative groups/people who have already spent years making a personal past time of trolling websites and online forums to gather information about the "evils" of being trans.

I do get that an Oprah show is going to get the attention of many more people. But there's no one checking gender at the door when accessing the massive amount of information on the internet. Whether intended for other FTM guys or not, it's still there for anyone to look up as they please.

Sadly, there will always be those who have no experience with public speaking who give TMI. That is a mistake that most make only once. That said, I've met many people who do trans education in the most amazing and self-respecting ways.

My issue here is that the public needs to be educated and there are people willing to step up and do the task. No, they are not always perfect. No, they do not always reflect every aspect of the FTM community. But how could they? The best they can do on that front is make sure that people understand that they are sharing *their* story and not necessarily a common narrative.


The bottom line is that every one of us has the right to decide what we do with our bodies. After all, isn't that what we are saying when we lobby for health care rights/employment protections/etc.? And that includes proudly baring our chests- scars and all- or choosing to defend our reproductive rights.

Beatie may not speak for everyone, but he has the right to speak for himself.

RAWWRRR!
Topic: Politics
If I have to listen to one more person kick and scream about another person's right to determine what happens to their own body, I'm going to vomit. And goddess help the next trans person who tries to tell me that they have the right to dictate who is and isn't a "real transsexual" because they've had "all the surgeries."

Newsflash, people: There isn't ONE way to be trans or to transition or to live your life once you've medically transitioned (if that's the path you choose)!

There are plenty of times I see trans people in the media and cringe at things they say. But you know what? They have the right to their opinions and their own personal truths. Same right as the one I have to speak about my experiences openly and honestly.

I could go on and on but I'll stop before my head explodes...

Happiness is...
...hearing your little brother's voice over the phone after a long period of only emailing or exchanging facebook messages. It's amazing, this connection we have, and it never ceases to make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

I should note that C is my chosen brother. We became friends during my senior year of high school, a year after I had come out to the entire school as a dyke (which made me rather infamous, as the first out person at my school). One weekend after graduation, we met for lunch and he confessed that he was gay, too. My response was, "Well, duh!"

A few years later, I called him and said, "I've got something to tell you."

"I've got something to tell you, too," he said, "but you can go first."

I told him I'd been thinking a lot about gender and had come to the conclusion that I needed to transition. He said, "Me too."

He's taken a longer road, but is coming into his own. And I can't describe how happy it makes me to see him expressing himself freely now. It's amazing how someone else's happiness can mean so much to you...

Gender and ID
Right now I have a lawyer looking into the complications of getting legally married here in Massachusetts (something we've been meaning to do for a long time). No matter what happens with gender markers, we can be legally married. Not an issue. But I was worried that if I had to show my birth certificate for any reason I'd be in a mess of trouble.

Why? Because Texas will not change my birth certificate. But because my WA state license had a big fat M on it, Massachusetts gave me an M, too. I was able to satisfy their documentation requirements without having to produce my birth certificate or name change papers and just left the gender boxes blank on my application. Gee, how nice of them to fill in the spots I missed! lol

So back to marriage... If the birth certificate comes up for any reason, MA will then change my drivers license back to saying "F." And wouldn't that be nice and safe? I haven't been stopped by cops very often, but I really wouldn't want to see what would happen with an F on my license. And don't get me started about travel. I've already put off applying for a passport long enough.

Hopefully the lawyer will have good news on this front. Of course, that will only really help me for another couple of years because of this:

New Rules For Driver's Licenses Unveiled

The Homeland Security Department revealed new rules that will require younger Americans to provide more information when getting driver's licenses. NewsCenter 5's Steve Lacy reported that by 2014, if you want to get on an airplane or enter a federal building, you'll have to present a REAL ID.

The push for stricter safety requirements was prompted by the Sept.11, 2001 attacks. On that day, one of the hijackers was in possession of four stat driver's licenses and three state IDs.

All people born after Dec.1 1964, will have to show a new secure, REAL ID before boarding a plane. The IDs would be issued by each state and will have a number of security features that ensure only legal U.S. citizens can acquire government ID. The card would require states to check the Social Security number and immigration status of all applicants.

Massachusetts has already implemented many of the new requirements, but the state plans on taking a wait-and-see attitude before deciding whether to comply with all the federal regulations, officials said.

According to the state's under secretary of Homeland Security, Massachusetts already has one of the most secure driver IDs in the country. States have until 2111 to be in compliance with the rules.

Civil liberties advocates blasted the new regulations.

"The so-called REAL ID is the first-ever national ID card system which would irreparably damage the fabric of American life," the ACLU said.

"Whatever they do, I think they should do it consistently and in a reasonable way, versus arbitrarily, which seems to be the way they do things now," traveler Marika Sine said.


Two steps forward, three steps back...

Loss of a Community Member

Saturday, someone in the local trans community took their own life. I am sad, angry... just overwhelmed by the loss of yet another community member. By someone who was doing their best to help others even while they were struggling. If you are in the area and have the chance to attend the service, please do.

Obit notice here: http://obits.masslive.com/MassLive/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=100932086

Survey for Therapists
I created a survey for therapists re: working with trans clients. So far, I've gotten a good number of responses. You can check it out at:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=LE8lbsLVmzscTWQQPpjc9Q_3d_3d

And please feel free to pass it on to mental health professionals or others in the community who might want to pass it on to their therapist.

Reincarnation?

Ok folks. I'll try to start from the beginning.

Here are some basics of what I believe about reincarnation: I believe that the soul is eternal and that our bodies are merely the vehicles we use. I believe that each lifetime has a teaching and/or learning opportunity. I also believe that we are sometimes able to "peek in" on other lifetimes in order to bring relevant information to our current lifetime. Lastly, I believe that each lifetime is an opportunity to step closer to the ultimate fulfillment of the soul.

I wasn't raised to believe in reincarnation, but for some reason it has always fascinated me. When I was young, I had a book that Time-Life put out called "Mysteries of the Unknown." Reincarnation was always my favorite subject in the book.

When I began considering transition, reincarnation became a central spiritual question for me. I wondered: Did I choose to be trans in this lifetime? Did I choose to be female and somewhere along the line give up, deciding I could learn the lessons I needed to learn some other way?

It's something I ponder often. What are your thoughts?

Day of Remembrance
Tuesday was the Trans Day of Remembrance in Amherst. Since I missed the one in Springfield (stupid headaches!) I was determined to make this one.

The march was bitterly cold, but it felt good to be outside. People were genuinely curious about what our vigil was for and were respectful when we told them or gave them flyers about the TDOR. While we walked, Kat and I noted that we've spent a good portion of our time together marching at night with candles in our hand. We joked that if we ever had a kid, they might recall that they spent a lot of their childhood marching in vigils or protests. It wasn't necessarily an unpleasant thought.

Back at the Unitarian meeting house, the service/meeting commenced. One of the speakers from Boston wasn't able to make it, so the emcee asked if I'd step in and say a few words. I didn't say much, but it was nice that he asked. People shared a lot of wonderful sentiments and powerful poetry and I was very happy to see 3 of "my" youth there. I was also happy to see more family members and other allies present.

I hope that someday there is no need for such a gathering.