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When I was younger I hated going to
weddings ...it seemed that all of my aunts
and the grandmotherly types used to come
up to me, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped that sh*t after I started
doing the same thing to them at funerals



Rules For Dormitories

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out
some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking the rules will be
fined $20 the first time."

He continued:

"Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

"How much for a season pass?"


Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran
into each other later the first old lady said. "My! Did you see that
statue of the naked man back there?" The second old lady replied, "Yes! I
was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! My gosh the
penis on it was so large!" And the first old lady blurted out, "And cold,
too!"