Loooong Story
Ok. Not everyone I know is suposed to know this so don't go spreading this around. Veeeery few are gonna be
shown this entire version of what's been going on. As of the typing of the Long Story only 4 people are going
to have access to it. Maybe 5. More know bits and peices, but for your eyes only .... the entire Long Story.
Well, to start at the begining....what to call the begining. I can trace events all the way back to 1999.
Aaaaaall the way back to Mr. Moore's math class with Jay, Tim, and Gitlin. Anyways. These things are mildy
important so I'll just be brief.
Winter 99 - Gitlin and Jay form thier Evil Sphere. Me and Tim, fed up with being stabbed by Gitlin create
The
Network Sphere. We never really did anything but make a crappy webpage. But I learned HTML basics
(*key!*)
Around Jan/Feb 00 - I get bored with The Network Sphere so created a website devoted to my all
time favorite cartoon - MASK. This site was really awesome. I got associated with a mailing list on the then
Onelist, now eGroups, now something owned by Yahoo. The list was pretty coo.
Late Feb 00 - I had a lot
of good stuff going with my site. It was soooooo coo. But then Hytac and Hitman decided to be evil. Incredabley
evil. There were a lot of reasons but I ended up telling them off and quitting, effectivly ostrisizing myself from
the entire MASK community which consisted of about 17 people. That effectively shut down my site. You can
go look at what it was. I left it all up.
Copy of the Origional Index Index now
March 00 - Bored with not having a website or a mailing list, I wander around Onelist and find a Play by email
Role Playing Game. (*key!*)
Mar - May 00 - I float around on a number of RPGs on the now eGroups and
make a few web sites that fall thorugh and are nothing to speak of.
May 00? - I don't exactly rember when
this was but while trying to get an anamation independant study with Carter, like jeremy Chapman has, due to
things i can't control, he decided to not do it with me. He said I couldn't find him. Of course I couldn't when he
hides his sorry ass in the school somewhere. Then i got sick for a couple days and then my mom's van broke
down and I had to go get my mom in East Lyme rigth after school. SO he bitches and me and it takes all my
will power to not tell him off. Anyways the key part with that is that the first of the Fate poems stems directly
from all that fun stuff. The whole concept of that makes me depressed off and on for a while.
Mid summer
00 - Once again bored and just having quit a bunch of eGroups, I find this RPG that's based on the cartoon
Beast Wars. To get in it was complicated and it took me a long time. And when I did start it was even more
complicated. Normally I wouldn't've bothered but for some reason I felt I should with that one (*KEY!!!*)
End of July 00 - People on the Beast Wars list start to post AIM screen names. I stick mine up for the hell of it.
Once again I don't usualy do that but I did anyway. Soon after one of the RPers, Jen from Scottland, starts to
IM me and we become friends. Soon after that Jen introduces me to Simone, another RPer. It just so happened
that my charactor was going after hers.
Ok. Now that I've gone through the simple events. It's time to
get complex. You're gonna have fun with this.
Here goes. This first part is gonna span from Sept to
the middle of november.
Throughout this whole time me and Simone chat a LOT and RP a LOT
Almost everyday and we never ran out of things to talk about. Ok. For a bunch of the summer I really
liked Elyse. It was one of those things where it's like, "woah, can't stop thinking of her" type of deal. A bunch of
times she'd come down to talk to me and a lot I'd just wander off and talk to her upstairs. I really liked her and
damn Fate gets into my way again. I finally get teh courage to ask her out and then she's on vacation so I
don't see her for 2 weeks. So in that space i lose all corage i had. Jay is getting pissed off that I don't just do it.
But what he still doesn't understand (and yes i know you're reading this!) is that he's like that. . .i'm not.
Anyways. Jay is saying I should do it and then one day I'm working the day shift and I happen to see Barbra
coming in. She comes right out and asks why I haven't asked her already and that she would go out with me
if I asked. This sends my mind into a whirl. But still. I'm a dumbass and don't have the courage to do anything.
Finally one day I go on break with her (again). For a couple weeks i've been talking to her and going on breaks
while at work with her and I kept trying to ask. Sometimes another person or a customer would show up at the
exact right time. So by this point when I see her, I'd get soooo nervous. Once I even walked smack into a rack
of clothes. Anyways. That day on break I was waaaay more nervous then usual. I was working the night with Jay
so he didn't care how long I took. So coming back into the store at the last possible moment I have, I spit it out.
She said yes. I was all happy then. Jay's just like "finally" and everything was all good at the time. Now seeing
as I'm not really the type of person to just come out and say things like this, I didn't bother to tell my parent's
about it until about 2 hours before our date. The date went real good. Or at least I thought it did. We went to
an awesome pizza place in Flanders. After that we went to downtown Niantic (the hood!) we ended up getting
Dairy Queen and then seeing Scary Movie. We then drove to her house and just sat outside and talked. I
thought everything was great. All in all that lasted about 5 hours. (and damn do i wish I could get those 5 hours
back) A couple days later I spent the day at her house and we watched some movies. We did stuff like that a
bunch of times. We went out on another actual date to Charlies. It was real coo. Everything was all good in my
mind and I was going to get Smash Mouth tickets for us to go to. Then all of a sudden we're online chatting
and BAM! She dicides it's over. This shocks me to no damn end. (shut up Jay! i know what you're thinking) This
tears me up inside. Almost in total panic, I ask to give me another chance. I get the "It's not you it's me" and the
always fun "I'm not ready for this". All of this is online which many tell me just makes it a LOT worse. Simone
and another online RP friend Leah are there and really help me though it. Though Simone a lot more then
Leah. I'm totally wreakd but in my muddled state I accept this and then become
massivley depressed. But that's not the worst part. The next day at school, I don't bother to drive right there.
I drive around the Montville and Waterford back roads in such a way that poor Sara has a death grip on the
arm rest. At least twice I almost crashed and died. I don't remember. I started getting sleep deprived and don't
remember everything. So once I do get to school I happen to see her in the hall. Well it didn't look like she saw
me at all. She looked through me like I wasn't there. This hurt me to no end. I almost just walked out and went
home right there. Ah but wait! That's not all! Turns out that she didn't tell ANYONE! Not Martha or Barbra or
any of our mutual friends. Later that day me and Tim were walking the halls and her brother tried to hit me up
for money. I kinda joked with Tim about it but is hurt inside. I kinda felt sorry for her brother. Lucky me when
driving hom I got stuck behind her bus and I'm sitting there in my car as she's getting off. Still doesn't even
aknowledge that I excist. Poor Jon didn't know what the hell was going on. Anyways. As much as people told me
that she was beign evil about it, i couldn't do anything to not like her. I mean no matter what I coulnd't stop
liking her. heh. Many a gym class was filled with talk of that eh Laurel? Anyways, everything I did, didn't help.
I couldn't even email or IM her. And (no offence jay) Jay always seemed to have that look of "yeah sucks to be
you but *I* was right! ha ha!" no offence jay but i hated that and it didnt' seem to go away for weeks. See, he
kept saying that "oh stuff's not moving fast enough" well we DID only go on 2 real dates. Ah well.....It still sucked.
Anyways, I'm compleatly wreaked by this. About a week later I'm at jay's house and he says that the actual
reason was cause of just that. hense the look that i hated (still no offence) I was real pissed off that she lied to me.
I mean she didn't even tell me the real reason. (since then she's said otherwise but i still believe jay) Anyways.
That just made me angry and I got over that soon after. Tho to this day I still get depressed thinking about it.
whew. Finally a new paragraph *takes deeeeep breath*....Ok. So I'm still a bit wreaked over this
but always thorughout my depression I put on a facade that everything's normal and ok. But a few see what I'm
really feeling. And two people really help me with this more then any others.
Simone and another....which I end up falling for. I can't say who even here
because even people here can't know. A few might I told and a couple might have figured it out. Maybe even
the girl in question. I could never figure out if she did or not. Anyways. I can't go to far into the situation because
of what I just said. Anyways I fall for her hard. But due to that situation I can't get into, she's outta my reach.
This adds to my depression that never went away from the horrid events with Elyse. So I go more and more time
with this massive depression. Anyways. There are a scant few people there for me that I can just tell a lot to.
Simone. Jay. Laurel. And I'm pretty sure I told a lot of stuff to Melissa too. Anyways. Due to a lot of luck and
twisting of events by me, I get to spend a bunch of time with the one i really like. Unfortunatly the only time I
spent with her alone was when I was giving her a ride. Well, we talked a lot and stuff and after I dropped her
off I realized that, "I don't really like her in the way I thought I did." This made me real depressed on top of
what I was feeling before.
But every night I would go online and chat with people I know. There was
Simone. Sarah and a few other people I know from Texas. A fellow RPer from Scottland and another from
New York. Now when I think about it, I realize that this was when I was content. from the start of my depression
I would stay up til 2am everyday. I'm probably sure that a bunch of people noticed. At certain points it cought
up with me. Melissa would remember the time in the library in French when I just about passed out. I think at
one point, due to lack of sleep, I halucinated for about 2 days straight. It really sucks when taking Math tests and
when driving. It looks like the road is moving up and down and I was sure Alex's head cought on fire. Anyways.
Periodoicly when chatting Simone would ask how I was feeling, knowing that I was extremely depressed. Well
one day when I feeling kinda ok I just said 85%. (key!) Made things easier. Things went on like normal for a few
more days. Chatting late at night. School. Work. and getting a new surge of depression everytime I saw either
Elyse or the other girl I fell for. Unfortunatly that was a lot. Even now when I see Elyse or my friends mention
her, I just get real angry in my mind for all that had to happen. Me being a bad typist and all sometimes when
I type the words "else" or "eyes" my bad typing reminds me and i just get mad and sometimes that anger
just leads to depression. Tho the depression comes a LOT less now and not as bad.
Nov 6 - During a
chat with Simone we're talking about a character that I was resurecting (literaly) on the origional RPG I played
on. So we were talking like normal. about my job a bit. About the terror that we were going to unleash on
EverQuest. We were chatting about what kind of character we were going to have and Simone mentioned
the Dark Elves. I said something that they were evil in a not coo way and she said something about me admitting
to being evil and cynical (which I am really) so I say that I'd like to be more like that char I reserected. and well
i'd be easier for me to just cpoy what was said then. Note the timstamp.
Littledarkdragon (11:19:14 PM): aww... don't wanna be someone else.... You're prrfect the way you are ^_^
skyshroudranger (11:19:34 PM): really?
Littledarkdragon (11:19:41 PM): yeah! you're coo!
skyshroudranger (11:20:49 PM): that's got to be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me
skyshroudranger (11:21:00 PM): i mean. . .no one's said anythign like that. . . Br>
Littledarkdragon (11:21:38 PM): no one? not even your girl when you had her? aww... well I mean it! you're really coo!
skyshroudranger (11:22:21 PM): . . .you've managed to get me speachless. . .that takes a lot. . .
Littledarkdragon (11:22:33 PM): really?
Littledarkdragon (11:23:29 PM): in a nice or not nice way?
skyshroudranger (11:23:42 PM): yes it does! not when i (regretably) asked elyse out. . . not when martha was saying she was all concerend for me when i almost passed out in french. . . .i mean it. . .not ever. .
skyshroudranger (11:23:56 PM): it's in a damn good way. .
Littledarkdragon (11:24:20 PM): aww well I mean it. And I think its a shame that no one else said that!
skyshroudranger (11:25:09 PM): . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Littledarkdragon (11:26:09 PM): heh.... *smile* you a little happy now? Or should I call Azure/Mandaria?(note=very lovelorn char's of her's)
skyshroudranger (11:26:26 PM): yeah. . i'd have to say that everything is damn good now. .
Littledarkdragon (11:26:42 PM): nearing the 90% ?
skyshroudranger (11:27:02 PM): beyond the 90%. . . .better then it has in a looooooong time. . .
skyshroudranger (11:27:15 PM): i just apericiate what ya said sooo much
Littledarkdragon (11:27:38 PM): then its good! I'll say it again in person when I come ta visit ya!
Note that
we were both planning to visit each other since about august or september. I mean, why pay for a guide or
wander like a schmuck when ya have a friend out where you're going? Anyways. That wasn't the end of the
chatting that night.
skyshroudranger (11:31:34 PM): ya know you're one of the absolute best people i know too . . . .
Littledarkdragon (11:32:29 PM): thanks.... *silent* ....thanks *smile* that is something I've never heard...*silent*
skyshroudranger (11:33:41 PM): ya know you should hear that kind of stuff too. no one's as nice to me as you are. . . . .so it's my turn to talk with myself? :)
Littledarkdragon (11:34:27 PM): *silent* *smile*.....again... thank you.... now lets start the conversation again...
skyshroudranger (11:34:44 PM): heh. . .back to the both of us talking, eh? :)
Anyways. After that we went
back to our regular chatting. For yet more unknown reasons, I decide to save this chat. Hence I am able to
put up parts of it.
Then comes the fateful day of November 9th. The day started out find and dandy. It was a very
normal Thursday. I got up. Went to school. Came home. Chatted with my friends online. And went to work.
Now for a key thing. While driving thorugh the parking lot of the mall, I was listening to FNX radio like usual.
The song "What I've Got" by Sublime comes on. Before I never really liked that song. For some reason on that
day i turn it up and every word of the entire song runs correctly thorugh my head. I didn't think anything of it.
Most songs that play on FNX I know the all or part of the words. So another normal day at the "Friendly"
World of Sears ensues. Anyways everything is cool until it's time to go home. I turn in the cash bag upstairs and
go grap my jacket. I'm coming the little mini-flight of steps and lo and behold! Who's right in the line I have to
cross to leave the vile place? Why it's none other the very one that started my extreme depression. I walk by
right in front of her cause there's no other way. I surpress the anger when it doesn't look like she even saw anyone
walk in front of her. I punch out and I leave for teh long walk to the employee parking, cursing in my mind the
entire way. I drive home more agressivly then usual.
I get home and what else do I do? I go online.
Simone is online. I think Keona might have been along with Leah and Jake, people I don't talk to nearly as
much. So I'm chatting away with Simone. I'm rather pissed off that night because I found out that Sears said
they weren't going to cover teh taxes for my TV I won from them. Later they gave me the money like they said
they wouldn't but that's another story. At one point I actyally said this - skyshroudranger (10:22:01 PM): fucking sears. . .fucking irs. . .
.fucking fuck - Isn't that a wonderful line? We continue chatting. Simone poses the question if I'm happy.
I was in the middle of typing that i was 100% happy. Truely happy chatting and RPing with her. When a cold
shiver runs down my spine. So strong I visably shudder. At 1040 Elyse decides to IM me.
As long as
Elyse was IMing me I had this extremely cold sensation. . I felt like I was going to be sick and barf all over my
keyboard. I don't remember a lot of what was said between me and Elyse but Simone was there in the other
window keeping me sane. I do know that Elyse was saying that she was sick and tired of looking like we hated
each other. I know for me that wasn't just looking like it. This being the first time we actually talked since the
start of the fun depression and teh complex part of my story, I'm wondering why she thought we'd be on good
terms because of what she did to me. I'm pretty sure she didn't realize a thing. I go into how I thought it was
compleatly not coo of her to handled things the way she did and lied to me and crap like that. At one point I
know this was said:
EvilMonkey1 (11:18:03 PM): what did i
do to you. exactly?
skyshroudranger (11:20:31 PM): well ya shot me down without
actually giving me a real reason. . .ya gave the most
typicaly crap answers. the "it's not you it's me" and
"i'm not ready for this" i mean . . .that was like
twisting the dagger once it was in
Simone said that was mean of me to say but she agreed. I said that it
wasn't suposed to be nice or even civil at all. I really don't remember a lot more of what was said. I know at one
point i filled 4 AIM message screens just for my one responce to what she said. There was a lot of talk on her
part about being civil. I also know that she was saying that Jay had lied to me about the real reasons. I got all
mad at that and wrote jay a not too terribly nice email. (sorry dude) but that's cause my mind was messed up
bad then. When I thought about it later I thought about who I should trust and Jay won out hands down. In that
chat with Elyse there was also a bunch of stuff that Martha had told me. Maybe it was Barbra. I don't remember.
But either way it sucked cause we still have a lot the same friends. This is nearing 1150 now and at that point
I actually said this - skyshroudranger (11:49:45 PM): i'm jsut gonna slam my head
inot my fucking moniter now. . . .i'm all depressed
again - And then after I said that my life was changed. The next thing that Simone said to me was that she
loved me. That was the last thing that I had expected right then. But as my mind raced and I absent mindedly
agreed to be civil with Elyse to get her to leave me alone, I realized that the only times I had been truely
happy in the last month. . .month and a half. . 2 months . . .was when I was chatting with Simone. I realized
that I loved her too. I said this but it was too late and she had signed off already. I signed off all the messenger
programs I have and just started to think. I looked at all the RPs that I had began to make a habit of saving.
In every other chat the two characters that were based on us seemed to be in hitting it off....tho in the others
they did kill each other. I read over that chat I saved from a few days earlier. I saved and read over the
chat we had just had. Before I went to be about 2 hours later I sent an email to Simone. I said a bunch of
stuff to her but that's not for this area ( :-P ). The second Fate poem was included in that email.
