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How to Find Your

Brendan
61611

BMS61611@MSN.com

How do you define the perfect girlfriend? Many guys have many different points of view on this subject, but some things are universal. Would a European supermodel be a good girlfriend or how about a girl out of a magazine? There are key characteristics that I and other guys look for in a girlfriend. Some are more important than others, but the entire picture must be looked at, not just specifics. Many girls worry about their appearance to a point where it is unhealthy. I won’t lie when I say that many guys are superficial, but the ones that matter don’t have as high of demands as girls assume. A common misconception about a girl’s body is that guys want them to be just perfect: big boobs, a nice tight butt, long thin legs, perfect hair, makeup done up every day, flat tummy, no fat, and many other outrageous expectations. Many girls work out and play sports to be thin and attractive. Girls never think about the fact that a guy finds that attractive because it shows that a girl respect her body. She shouldn’t work out for a guy, but she should do it for her self to keep healthy and happy (it is a proven scientific fact that people who exercise have higher levels of happiness). It shows that she doesn’t want to be out of shape and that she wants to build up endurance. I personally find an athletic girl attractive because I myself like to play sports. I enjoy being around a girl who can give me a run for my money. If a girl can compete against me, I find that so incredibly awesome. If she can shoot baskets, run distances, keep up in a game of tennis, goof around and occasionally lift weights with you, throw around a football, or dribble a soccer ball around, it creates a fun atmosphere and provides more opportunities to enjoy time together. Another misconception is what guys look for in a girl physically. I won’t lie and say that many guys don’t look for a sizeable chest on a girl, but not all guys. Many things add to the appearance of a girl. A girl with nice… legs, a pretty face, a flat stomach, or many other features is also found attractive. So many girls fret and worry about how big their chest is, but my personal opinion is that as long as a girl has them, it counts. And I really don’t approve of girls who get implants. I think that if you are born with characteristics, you should not need to change them. You should find a guy that is happy with whom you are and not try to change you or expect you to change. In fact, my flat out opinion is that the large implants are highly unnatural looking and disgusting. Looks aren’t the only thing to look for. The prettiest girl in the world wouldn’t be worth dating if she did not have a good personality. You don’t want to date somebody that is just there to sit on a pedistal and look pretty. There are many things involved with this. A girl must be fun to be around, adventurous, interesting, and more. A girlfriend should be somebody that you enjoy just being around not matter what you are doing. You should have fun with her doing the dishes, going shopping, daily tasks, or whatever else arises. Try cooking dinner with your girlfriend and afterwards do the dishes together, it may turn out better than you think (who ever thought doing dishes could be fun?) Find somebody that enjoys being around you as much as you do them. If you need to go out in the yard and go “poop scooping”, it may not be the best thing in the world, but have if you are with somebody that you have feelings for, it shouldn’t make a difference. If your prospective girlfriend or current girlfriend never wants to do anything you want to do or anything at all, she will bore you to death. Look for girls who are genuinely happy. A note for girls, one of the most attractive qualities of a girl is how often she smiles. Smiling indicates happiness, interest, and excitement, as does a lack of smiling indicates boredom, sadness, anger, etc. If you are around a girl who is never happy, she is going to depress you and drag you down to her level unless you are very strong. You will stay up late at night wondering if you have done something wrong, or what you can do to try and improve the situation. It will drive you insane trying to figure how to do anything to make things right again. However, if you are this strong, you should not settle for somebody who is going to try and drag you down. Adventurous girls are sought after. Many girls never want to try anything new. They are content with doing the same old thing day after day after day. If you suggest something exiting and new to do and a girl doesn’t want to do it you may be in trouble. If you frequently like to do fun things like canoeing, rock climbing, bungee jumping, or going flying in a small plane, she may turn out to be a real bore. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be an extreme activity as much as just doing something spontaneous. Go out and play in the rain or go swimming in a creek on a hot day. If she never wants to try anything new, she won’t ever change, so don’t frustrate yourself. Remember, what you like to do is part of your life and she should want to be a part of it just as much as you want to be part of her life. Many girls will start dating a guy doing fun things that he commonly does, but then gradually stop. This means that she never enjoyed doing the thing in the first place and, she just did them to impress you and go out with you. This is up to you to judge, but if you still do the things that she wants, it is a deception that you have been brought into. It means that eventually you will do everything that she wants, and nothing that you want. You still want to maintain some of your personal qualities; especially the ones you enjoy. This isn’t fair to you guys, so try to not let it happen. Frequently a girl will start to loose interest in a guy after a while or vise versa. This can be pretty obvious. A girl will start to push you away. She will start becoming despondent and distant when you try to talk to her. You may not even be able to open a line of communication and there will be aquard silences. She may start interrupting you more often or just completely ignore you. This means that you are in trouble. It may not be your fault as much as a change in her life or the way she feels about you. Sometimes, no matter how much it pains you, there is nothing you can do. However, a good girlfriend would keep you with her and make changes gradually and bring you along with her if you want, not just drop you and leave you drowning in confusion. This is a decision that you will have to weight out for the good or the bad if you even have a choice. Who wants to date a dumb blond with a great body? (Sorry for the stereotyping) I for one would drop a girl cold turkey if I discovered that she was all looks and no brains. I enjoy being around somebody who can think about things and who I can talk to about more complex things than just hair. Guys not be intimidated by a girl who is on the honor roll, deans list, or succeeding in a career path, this is not a bad thing. Guys enjoy being around girls that can challenge his way of thinking and make him prove himself, not just accept it just because. And girls, if a guy is offended or disturbed by you being smarter than he is, too bad, keep doing it. If he can’t deal with it, it is his loss. A girl should also have some idea of a future. Dating the head hamburger flipper at McDonald’s is not something to brag about. Guys want to date a girl that has a future and knows what she wants. A girl with a good career path is not desirable because she has the possibility of making lots of money, but because she is doing what she enjoys and making the most of herself by using her full potential. She has a plan for her life and even though it may change slightly here or there, she still has a plan to follow. This shows commitment and the ability to carry through with something (a very good point). I never discovered until recently that having a girlfriend with faith is actually a pretty good thing. I never thought of faith when looking for a girlfriend, but it is really an important factor for a relationship that is going to continue along any lines at all. It also shows that she can think on a higher level and believe in something deeper that normal issues. I personally never really thought about faith that much until I started going out with a girl who believed deeply in her faith. I always thought that that was just a personal issue that never would come up in a relationship, but I was wrong and I am glad that I discovered that. Since we started dating, my faith has grown and gotten more pure. Many good things can come out of a relationship with a girlfriend that you are happy with, but some things can surprise you. When you are with somebody for a long time a series of steps starts to happen. First off, you begin by just enjoying their company and doing things with them. Then you start to relate to them on a personal level. After that, you begin to relate and see similarities in your lives. Once this happens, you open up yourself to them and accept them as part of your life. The next step is the hardest, brining your feelings to surface and sharing your inner thoughts and feelings with them. This is a chance that some guys are not willing to take, because when somebody is part of your life, it means that they have an innate ability to be able to hurt you. When you have been with somebody this long, you can get hurt very bad if they do not share your feelings or contribute equally to the relationship. If this happens, which it will happen to most people eventually, you have to judge how deeply you feel towards that person. You have to ask yourself, is it worth possibly getting hurt worse? There is still a possibility to turn things around with some work. Many guys, even if it doesn’t end the relationship, will put up walls inside them to protect themselves from being hurt again. Girls a note for you: if this is happening, try to work things out (You may have to sacrifice a little on your part to make up for the hurt you have caused. You are dealing with somebody’s feelings which are very strong towards you) (also remember this can go either way for guys or girls). Guys don’t share their feelings well and you may not be able to get everything out of them that they really want to say. Over a simple incident, it may take a guy a couple of weeks to say something, but it is really tearing them up inside. Just keep the lines of conversation open and show that you regret what you have done to them. All of this contributes to finding and keeping the special somebody in your life. There is so much more, but this is just a simple layout of the basics. Every guy is different as is every girl. Finding somebody that you want to spend time with and that can relate to you is one of the hardest things that somebody can ever do, but the rewards for succeeding would outweigh any of the trials that were went through to get there. By Shoe-In 3-6-03