1.Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2.In the memo field of all your checks, write "for
sensual massage."
3.Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4.Learn Morse code,
and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip
Beeep Bip..."
5.If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking
to others.
6.Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and
then pointing it at the screen.
7.Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8.Push all the flat Lego
pieces together tightly.
9.Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and
announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10.Leave the copy machine set to
reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11.Stomp on little plastic ketchup
packets.
12.Sniffle incessantly.
13.Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14.Name
your dog "Dog."
15.Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather
conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16.Reply to everything someone says with "that's
what YOU think."
17.Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your
"astronaut training."
18.Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your
neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19.Forget the punchline to a long joke,
but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20.Follow a few paces behind someone,
spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21.Practice making fax and modem noises.
22.Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23.Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24.Invent nonsense computer
jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of
ignorance.
25.Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the
neighbors you are a "spider person."
26.Finish all your sentences with the words "in
accordance with prophesy."
27.Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28.Do
not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the
impression that youll be saying more any moment.......
29.Signal that a conversation is
over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30.Disassemble your pen and "accidentally"
flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31.Give a play-by-play account of a persons every
action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32.Holler random numbers while someone is
counting.
33.Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to
others that you "like it that way."
34.Drum on every available surface.
35.Staple papers in
the middle of the page.
36.Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37.Produce a rental video
consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38.Sew anti-theft detector strips into
peoples backpacks.
39.Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40.Write the surprise
ending to a novel on its first page.
41.Set alarms for random times.
42.Order a side of
pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43.Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next
Thanksgiving.
44.Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45.Honk and wave to strangers.
46.Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47.Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48.Tape pieces of
"Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49.Wear your pants
backwards.
50.Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary
mints by the cash register.
51.Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52.ONLY TYPE
IN UPPERCASE.
53.only type in lowercase.
54.dont use any punctuation either
55.Buy a
large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56.Pay for your dinner
with pennies.
57.Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58.Repeat everything someone says,
as a question.
59.Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someones
roadmaps.
60.Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy
assassination/UFO/O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61.Repeat the following
conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62.Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63.Wander around a restaurant, asking other
diners for their parsley.
64.Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65.Demand that everyone
address you as "Conquistador."
66.At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your
socks.
67.When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically
restrained.
68.Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69.As much as possible, skip
rather than walk.
70.Stand over someones shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71.Pretend
your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72.Try playing the William Tell
Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I
messed it up," and repeat.
73.Drive half a block.
74.Inform others that they exist only in
your imagination.
75.Ask people what gender they are.
76.Lick the filling out of all the
Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77.Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian,
affect a Southern drawl.
78.Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the
curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79.Deliberately hum
songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies
"Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80.While making presentations, occasionally bob
your head like a parakeet.
81.Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82.Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83.Change your name to
"AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a
Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84.Sit in your front yard
pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85.Chew on pens that
you've borrowed.
86.Wear a LOT of cologne.
87.Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed,
and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88.Sing along at the opera.
89.Mow your lawn with scissors.
90.At a golf tournament,
chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91.Ask the waitress for an extra seat for
your "imaginary friend."
92.Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93.Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a
notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94.Stare at static on the TV
and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95.Select the same song on the jukebox fifty
times.
96.Never make eye contact.
97.Never break eye contact.
98.Construct elaborate
"crop circles" in your front lawn.
99.Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan"
people with it, announcing the results.
100.Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101.Invite lots of people to other people's parties.