I updated this by the way.
Hey it's 9/11! hahah. Erm.
Update. Phil and Tracy have returned my texts and have legitimate reasons not to get drunk with me on Thursday, as Tracy will be in Scotland and Phil will be graduating the next morning. I'm not holding my breath for a reply from Sarah.
Going to investigate this Lemon Jelly phenomenon now. And also do some work perhaps. I've slashed the links by about half as most were rubbish. And I've had a twiddle with the front page too, as you may have noticed on your way in. Magazine lyrics remain 100% reliable. But maybe it's inevitable that I would think that, "because I'm young"...
Chris E. -if you read this in time, thanks for the listen, it's made me feel a bit better ;) I have updated this page folks.
To read olden news click here!
I think I'm coming through. Have decided my essay was and is pretty OK. And am beginning to believe in myself again, despite the critics, and get over this tiresome crisis of confidence. I did as I was told and listened to "There goes the fear again" last night, and this morning too, and had no trouble at all.
David: I rang the BBC and they said they can fit Carol in on the next Groundforce/Changing Rooms crossover. But only if we let them do her house in the manner of a Sao Paulo playboy mansion with a shanty town in the garden. And we have to let Charlie sit on Nick's bike.
Everyone: I'm finally getting there with the links page. I have loads and loads to add of course. The web is vast and infinite. Sing along, you know the words.
Bailed early last night, I knew it wasn't going to be as good as the previous few weeks. Mainly because I was in a terrible mood and it's not hard to work out why ("Queen of Selfishness" - see above) and yes I am taking it all to heart I know. Also Edd's recent return to my life to call my website "bilge" and let me know I'm "like Beck but much less insightful" and I'm still haunted by last year's examiner's comments on my (1st class) exam paper: "irritating and self-indulgent"...and someone else sneering that I'm interested in the philosophical and cultural things I am "because you're young". Which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact they're only a year older than me. I don't know why I bother sometimes! I can't remember the last time I sniped at someone unprovoked. Maybe I do it without realising...like maybe this lot did. So yeah I'm really neurotic and paranoid at the moment. Judge me, sneer at me, speculate smugly on how you would do it all better. Just for Christ's sake don't tell me to "smile".
Weird day. I was looking for something upbeat and cheerful to listen to this morning, and Nick Cave's "Murder Ballads" seemed pretty sunny, so I deduce I started off the day in a pretty dim mood. Supervision went well, and I've even got myself some work to do towards my dissertation, which I'm happy about. Ran into someone in town I haven't seen for many months, which was nice.
Tutorial went rubbish. Talk about kicking a girl when she's down. My tutor thinks I'm trying to impersonate some sort of academic rhetoric that isn't my natural voice. This weird affected style I apparently adopt is getting in the way of my arguments AND MY CHANCE OF BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY apparently. So yeah all this really stung. Writing fluently in essays is the *only* thing I'm secure about in this crazy mad world. There was a dog on the student's chair so I had to take a crappy one. He took a phone call half way through, during which his family burst into the office and the dog went mental.
If anyone's been waiting to have a shoot at any remaining raw nerves, bring it on, sooner the better. Let's get this over with before my birthday so we can have another blissful numbness session before Christmas.
P.S. What's all this about "Lemon Jelly": people keep recommending it to me. Maybe I will go shopping soon.
And yeah I'm still well pissed off so bear with me if you can. "Happy" to have work to do though; it's good for me to keep busy, 'specially around this time. Thinking about the birthday, in fact. Last year I did a ghost walk. Things sure have changed in a year...Anyway. I wish I could have everyone with me on Thursday! Alistair, Amanda and David, Tracy, Sarah and Phil from CR, Mike, Abi, Ben...but none of you live ANYWHERE NEAR me. Apart from Sarah and Phil, who are impossible to contact because they keep getting drunk and flushing their phones down the toilet. Bah, it's so unfair. Missing people. There's a double bill of the Ring and Ring II tomorrow, so that cheered me up some.
Good luck to Chris C, who is writing a novel in a month. From what I've seen of it, it looks pretty fine too.
Hey it's 9/11! hahah. Erm.
Update. Phil and Tracy have returned my texts and have legitimate reasons not to get drunk with me on Thursday, as Tracy will be in Scotland and Phil will be graduating the next morning. I'm not holding my breath for a reply from Sarah.
Going to investigate this Lemon Jelly phenomenon now. And also do some work perhaps. I've slashed the links by about half as most were rubbish. And I've had a twiddle with the front page too, as you may have noticed on your way in. Magazine lyrics remain 100% reliable. But maybe it's inevitable that I would think that, "because I'm young"...
Chris E. -if you read this in time, thanks for the listen, it's made me feel a bit better ;) I have updated this page folks.
To read olden news click here!
I think I'm coming through. Have decided my essay was and is pretty OK. And am beginning to believe in myself again, despite the critics, and get over this tiresome crisis of confidence. I did as I was told and listened to "There goes the fear again" last night, and this morning too, and had no trouble at all.
David: I rang the BBC and they said they can fit Carol in on the next Groundforce/Changing Rooms crossover. But only if we let them do her house in the manner of a Sao Paulo playboy mansion with a shanty town in the garden. And we have to let Charlie sit on Nick's bike.
Everyone: I'm finally getting there with the links page. I have loads and loads to add of course. The web is vast and infinite. Sing along, you know the words.
More archives
Abi, I knew the Drew news would hit you hard, and you were in my mind when I set up the condolence book. Dan, thanks for the note, I'm so glad to have helped you deal with your grief in some small way.
Ben, you see your text of the week in all its glory. Eleanor, sorry I had to break the news to you, I would have asked you to sit down first if I'd known how you were going to react. James, nice to see you again after forever, weird James Helpes coincidence there. We'll have to invite him up to York! It would be great, yeah.
Had a wikkid night in the Ziggys, complete contrast to last week, which was truly bish. My wallet was nicked, so that's done my fucking napper a bit, but other than that it was all sweet. Just realised the cunt who nicked my purse might be reading this, because there were some website cards in it! On second thought, that seems less likely. There are cards with photos of MY FACE in it though, so if they see me around they'll recognise me. And know, and be shamed. Work: presentation for Friday, essay for Tuesday. Out Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, and probably tomorrow night too so the quality of my work will be compromised. Fuck it though, trying harder and putting more hours in hasn't been paying off or made any difference at all.
While building my Drew site, I typed in www.jpgs.com to look for some images. Do not ever type in that address in a public computer room.
I talked to some funny people in Ziggys, skill. I need more hair extensions, I sure do hope I get some birthday money. Really must stop laughing at my own jokes too.
I'm having "issues" with my guestbook again. So email your drewlogies to me at the usual address and I'll put them on the condolence page.
Happy Birthday me.
Thanks everyone, I have been overwhelmed by a tidal wave of love today and I am particularly impressed by Sandy's card. Can't wait to receive Alistair, Abi, and Amanda's pressies, all are promised to be "in the post!" Fine night last night, graduated into the gutter of groupiedom at my ripe age. My favourite present so far is Akira on video, from Dad, as requested. Alistair said I will "get what he has to give me" this weekend. I think he might be under the mistaken impression I'm going daan saaaf for the weekend.
Well I had an ace night due to Lucy, and thanks again to everyone who's sent me birthday-love stuff, including nice emails. Thanks, even, to the person who just emailled to basically say "get over yourself", although you know what they say about removing the log from your own eye first.
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If anyone's interested, (although I can't imagine why anyone would be, and have subsequently begun to suspect that this might just an excuse to put a link up for my own personal use) these are the lads we groupie-raped on Wednesday.
Outstandingly funny night last night. One that will go down in the annals of our social history I feel. I said annals. Lucy.
I have a new song to put on in the morning, on the Juke box. Sultans of Ping "Where's Me Jumper?" I was impressed to find old Carter USM on the same machine, but most of all "She's a Rainbow" by World of Twist, whose alblum, ironically entitled "Quality Street" I do already own, and the cover of which I find constantly amusing.
I am starting to wonder whether I find nearly everything funny, and some sort of quality controlling influence should be installed.
Look at Sandy's music site as it now has an ADDED ROBOT, that will terrorise.
Against all common sense I am going to be drunk in Leeds tonight. I have been summoned to Oxfordshire tomorrow to help sort out a historical legacy of poorly managed family stuff. Not an actual legacy, just a legacy of ill-management. With some luck I will still be off my face when I arrive.
And a special shout out to people reading this from Vanbrugh computer room! What would YOU do in a big red house? Burn all the PCs from Vanbrugh computer room?
I have been arsed to sort the old links into three columns. For anyone still in the throes of grief, the Drewlogy has found its new permanent home there.
The bad news: train issues prevented me getting to Bucknell to help Alistair out with the manic job.
The good news: it's been done, *and* I have been ruminating on Victor Burgin in Vanbrugh bar all night, and now have a theory on him for my essay, woo hoo! Also found two Frankie Goes to Hollywood tracks on the juke box, which brightened my day. I bought a Heaven 17 CD at last. "I was 37 you were 17, you were half my age- the youth I'd never seen". Dodgy as, granted, but I am getting on a bit. Perving at teenagers...you know the sort of thing. I know how Glenn Gregory feels.
I have updated the chat up pages at last. Both what I said and what they said. I've had enough of nearly all the old pages now. My Kind of People has been banished to archives.
Wendy House was good last night I thought. I got some requests played, all good. They played Sigue Sigue Sputnik, without me even asking! No one knew what it was! Bahahaha. I'm just so cool and obscure, me. Then, later, I watched a drunk man walk into a lamp post. Not much sleep all week though. I saw a terrifying hollow-eyed ghoulish apparition through the window just now, then realised I was looking in a mirror. I almost gave up. And it only was at that point, at my weakest, most desperate state, that the words I needed came to me:
"Don't just sit there on your ass. Unlock that funky chaindance"...
Lots of hits today, that's the ticket. Hey the Darcy and Chloe storyline is going to be good, I can tell. I imagine I'll have something to say about that. Something new and creative (and, hopefully, funny) is going to happen on this site soon, I can feel it. I don't know whether it will actually be objectively funny, but you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be pissing myself at it. There is a rubbishy essay to be squeezed out first though so no childish jukebox dallyings for me today. Everyone is invited to email and text their distractions, though, and, if you can, to try to unlock my funky chaindance.
Am identifying with David Brent and Alan Partridge, much more than I should. Why are they are seen as pathetic? These guys are hilarious.
Although MKOP is now in the archives, I have snazzed it up so it looks pretty, so don't not look. The essay has begun. The first web-essay I've found on the subject calls the editor of my main text for this, John "porno" Roberts, and thereafter simply, "Porno Roberts". I can't wait to find out why.
Hope you had a good weekend Lucy and thanks for signing.
Drama in my guestbook, have a look! Gotta go now. Thanks going out to Dave (housemate), Ed and Ben for being nice today. More after.
A whole night of whisky and bonding with Mr Langham last night, ace! And also of watching Phil K singing Unchained Melody at Vanbrugh karaoke. Oh my goodness me. Next time, I promise, I will do a Robbie/Nicole style duet with someone. More of those crazy coincidences. Like the guy who remembered me from school 5 years ago worked with Matthew at the barracks last year. I can't handle this anymore! I found the phrase "phallological" while researching my essay this morning, I really want to use it but I'm afraid I'll get a smack if I do. Hey Chris-from-history-last-year, if you read this, nice to see you yesterday. Ralph visits this site regularly and even signed the guestbook once! Oh yeah.
Good to see Summer has said her goodbyes to Drew in true Neighbours fashion...with the release of balloons (I was waiting for it). He's been dead almost a week for Christ's sake, about time they got on with their lives eh!
Busy busy now, busier than a bee, even. Getting a railcard today too. Then off to London in the morning till Saturday. Unfortunately we *have* to use the hostel for Thursday night as the beds have already been paid for. I really think this is unfair, considering I have somewhere else to stay in London, nicer. The hunt is on to find someone in London who needs that bed more.
I hope the person who signed my GBook, this mysterious "Dave" character, is the one who nicked my wallet in Ziggys the other week. I love that shit.
One month until Christmas Eve! Alistair gave me the idea of publishing my Christmas list on this site, so that will be happening. My Christmas List
Had a great time in London!!! Proper bonding with some of the seminar group in a basement bar in Kensington on Thursday night, two days of galleries, one night of Dvds and a fruitful day exploring Camden with my brother. I don't need to tell you the essay still hasn't been done. I now own a parka, "ironically". And because it's extremely warm and was very cheap. I'm going to do some reviews again soon, when I don't have a backlog of work on.
Heroes- Richard Feynmann, Raj Persaud, Paula Radcliffe, Claire Grogan, Michael Barrymore, Rachel Sweet, Howard Devoto, Danny Baker,
"The Amazing Jonathon",
Ben Moor, Peter Baynham,
Jon Ronson, Prunella Scales, John Lydon,
Guy Browning,
Siouxie Sioux, David Mamet, Billie Piper, Jackie Woodbourne, Kirsty Wark, Gerard Gilbert, Terence Conran, Natasha Walter, Janet Ellis, Chris Packham, Christopher Lloyd, Sophie Aldred, Toni Collette, Cher, Deborah Ross, Hamburgler, Simon Munnery.
Villains- Cat Deely, Russel Crow, Sarah Cox, JK, JK Rowling, Howard Marks, Donna Air, David Baddeil, Deborah Ross, Steve Coogan, Davina McColl, "Maggie Mouse", Charlie Dimmock, Ronald McDonald, Jonathon Edwards, Nick Park, Simon Carr, Miles Kington, Charlotte O'Sullivan, Gary Larson, Haley Joe Osment, Boris Yeltsin, Maharishi, David Blaine, Andy McKnab, Walt Disney, Ian Hislop,The concept of "The Greatest Britain", Sylvester McCoy, Martine McCutcheon, Gary Coleman, the Pope.
So anyway. Spent 7 hours on this essay today. Still not monstrously impressed with it. I can't be bothered to draw arrows all over it saying "LOOK MR THIS IS WHERE THIS POINT JOINS UP TO THIS ONE" and explaining my structuring technique, but I know it's not going to be obvious enough. Do I care? Oh no! Anyway I spent much longer on the last one, and it didn't work. So I'm winning, I reckon. I called the last one "The Secret Worlds of Francis Bacon". I was tempted to call this one "The Secret Worlds of Victor Burgin" but I thought we ought to get off on the right foot. So I've gone for "The Presence and Absence of Victor Burgin".
If anyone's visiting this site who hasn't signed the book before, can you do so? I don't know where all these hits are coming from and it's phreakin' me out!
Added some more to the list of heroes and villains above. Will keep adding to it until I get bored. Realised I'd typed in Deborah Orr instead of Deborah Ross in my villains. I quite like Deborah Orr, in fact, so I have amended this. Handed essay in. Kosha. Thanks for signing the guestbook Dave. Have been thinking for a while about having a Gerard Gilbert tribute of some sort on this site, as I've been a fan of his "work" for many years. For those who don't know: Gilbert is the Independent's TV listings writer, he started a craze for writing witty and fruitily sarcastic captions to the shows, and must have some sort of fanclub by now. Some days he gets me crying with laughter, and most days I'm laughing out loud at his comments. Today he wrote of celeb big brother, "Dermot O'Leary meets the first evictee from the Celebrity Big Brother House. How will they recognise each other?". That's the only one I can remember off-hand, but trust me, he's ace. Buy the Guardian for him if nothing else.
Site stuff: Keep checking my Christmas list if you're interested. I'll keep adding to it. Pretty predictable, to anyone who knows me, but it keeps me amused. I emailled Ben Moor, who I hope will visit this website and give me my first "celebrity" guest book signing, because I get the feeling he's just as geeky as me in matters of da web and seems to be into the whole "replying to fans" business.
Lots of the old pages are slowly shuffling off into the Archives (the "crucifix" image- I took that photo kids!) so you're forced to look at anything new/recently updated. I'm going to do an all-new FAQ very soon, but I'm a bit busy just now, as you'll see---
Uni stuff: Seminar went OK. Still have a whole book to read and summarise for Friday's dissertation supervision, and then reading to do for a presentation I'm doing on the Turner Prize the same day. So don't expect to see much of me. Unless you see me out on the piss somewhere, because that's got to happen this week too obviously.
Messages for mates: Ben, how the hell are you? We did your bums quiz. Abi, still trying to get to a warm public phone while in a sober state when I have a respectable amount of free time to spend talking to you. I'm really sorry about this, I'm a bit shit with phones. Panda: make up your own poem and let me know how it goes. Lucy: I'm going nu metal tonight, that'll fox 'em. Dave, I'll let you know about Wed/Thur night when I've started this dissertation work. I'm sure I can spare an hour or two to catch up with you on my way to the library one night...! Chris C, keep working on your NaNoWriMo entry, don't give up now, you owe me a letter. Dawn, "you'll never walk alone," la la la la. Sandy- check your post. Matt L, "BECKY BECKY BECKY etc" and I wrote this website Url in the "address" box on "noisecandy"'s mailing list sheet when I signed it. Anyone in Noisecandy- welcome to my site, you 50's style rock 'n roll scallies!
Sorry to anyone I haven't mentioned. It's not that I've forgotten you, I was in a hurry.
Front page lyric change. Bored of Heaven 17 already, stick with what you know eh innit.
Your eyes do not deceive you. BEN MOOR (off of my heroes list, Fist of Fun, the Friday Night Armistice, Knowing Me Knowing You, This Morning with Richard Not Judy etc etc) has signed my guestbook. And no, it's not just me pretending to be him. He replied to my posting on his site too. I have arrived.
On the 1st of January 2001, I posted a link to my site on the democratic free-for-all links list on Lee and Herring's website. Just found it again, still there, biggin' myself up even then. How embarrasking.
New FAQ by the way.
OK, I know I may well regret this, but I've decided to fuck it off and be sincere on here for once. I had the worst essay tutorial I've ever had today. My tutor decided my work has so many problems that he couldn't even read past the second page of my essay. If I don't address these problems immediately then my exam will go to shit and my dissertation will be shabby, and I can forget about anything after that. Yes I did leave his office in tears, and was crying on and off for rest of the day. He listed all the things, as best as he could: I don't say what I mean; I make grand statements and rhetorical tricks instead of explaining things; I veil simple ideas in a confusing literary style to make them seem more complicated, when in fact it's obvious I haven't even got to grips with the simple ideas. Most desperate of all though: I'm arrogant. I think I'm in a different league to everyone else. He said this after saying that I'm one of the strongest students he has, and my sincerity is not in question. Contradiction? I don't know. I think he's actually right: my sincerity *is* in question though, I don't believe in this course at all. I'm completely uncompromising in the work I choose to do, because I've been cocky enough (a term he used about my writing) to pull it off so far.
Now I've stopped enjoying it, and started to become complacent, I'm doubting my academic future. I can't go headlong into further study with this "attitude problem". He will be marking my exam, too, so i can't get away with NOT changing the habit of a lifetime and learning a new way to write, because he just won't read the whole exam paper. The other option: I could decide to write this term off, accept that I don't have time to re-learn how to write now, and go with the 2:2 (overall, at graduation) when he gives up marking half way through my exam paper. He wants me to rewrite this essay for next week. Then do the usual procedural one for the following week.
I need to learn to be humble again, but I'm almost too angry to start. It's obvious I'm turning into something pretty insufferable. And I can't stop crying. I'm not asking for anyone to big me up here, quite the opposite I think. I'm trying to take this "criticism" bravely, constructively, but it's a criticism of my personality, and it seems to be hitting my rawest of raw nerves. So. Devoto lyrics on the front page were well selected. Now here I am asking for help.
The lovely Ben Moor has pledged to ask Pete Baynham (Fist of Fun, Day Today, Chris Morris radio show etc etc) if he has any sound clips for the 1994 Ianucci radio 1 show. I asked Lee and Herring too, and got a reply from Richard Herring today. Admittedly just saying he can't help there, but hey! A reply! From Richard Herring!
My crisis distraction tactics are shamefully transparent, even to me. Thanks for signing the guestbook Dave, but I fear even a massage from yourself wouldn't help solve this particular one. For people who've just arrived, Ben Moor's post is underneath the long one from Dave. Dave's girlfriend has the same name as me, for those who have become confused by his postings.
Re-reading my Burgin essay, it's all crystal clear to me. I made a fucking *concerted effort* to do the plain English thing for Christ's sake, I can't see how it can get any fucking clearer. This re-writing shite is really getting to me.
In desperation, I have been updating my Christmas list.
My heroes and villains, and some random ideas on a sort of noticeboard thing I've made here
Delicatesson is on at the student cinema tomorrow! And Nine Queens is on Monday! I almost smiled, oops.
25 days till Campmas.
I've re-read it again, and actually managed to look at the two pages he scribbled all over, without crying, but I still think he's wrong. He's fucking WRONG! All the questions he's written on it are answered later in the essay, if he'd FUCKING READ IT he would have known. Jesus.
But I'm writing it up again in baby speak for him, and missing out loads of "layers". He's also wrong about the arrogance thing. It's taken me a while to realise that. But it doesn't mean I'm not having serious second thoughts about my future again.
Thanks Matt T, Sandy, Abi, Matt L, Alistair, Ben, Lucy, Dave J, Dawn: you're all ALL THAT and I don't deserve you.
I have to go and post my application form to the travelling circus now.
Just paid my rent. OK it's a bit late, but I backdated the cheque, so it's cool. Behehe. Added to Christmas list and the stream of consciousness thing. Also Dreams page, since Ben Moor is a fan, it can't be all bad.
Living in fear and trembling of the repercussions of a letter I handed in with my essay rewrite last night. Received another voicemail from a mature student who lent me a library book, which I accrued a fine on, then handed in and ran away without paying. It was a genuine mistake though! No malice! Poor Charles.
At least Nine Queens is on tonight!
I have past the 3,500 mark! Together we're stronger.
How surreal was last night?!! Introducing two of my friends to each other over the Mirc chat network thing, when one of them I normally know only through university/real life. Weirdness. Then the one person I see on the way home at 1.30am is also on my course, and has just been to a party - of someone else on my course.
Anyway. 9 Queens was everything I'd hoped for and more, again. Dreams about bombing tube stations, catching trains, smoking, and various celebrities. Woke up with Darius song "Colour blind" in my head: this had also been a theme in one of the dreams (being colourblind, not Darius, unfortunately).
Seminar went remarkably well. Hallett didn't seem to have noticed my arch letter, and gave me a good First for the "rewrite". This rewrite was exactly the same as the original, but without the Derrida references, the long words, and the page he'd read, but with left everything else left untouched. HMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. He even wrote "I agree" next to one of my bolder statements, which I see as unfeasably fortuitous, and shall be attributing to some sort of supernatural intervention until I have a better explanation.
I am still quietly sulking, and contorted by my inner bitterness.
Thanks to Dave, Chris and Ed for nice email and for reading this regularly... Thanks to Mr Langham for the company and for the pool-dance. Reading is difficult now as I'm tired and Tia-d. Ended up emailling Hallett to explain why I think Magazine are so great. Long story. Missed you Lucy- hope you got the work done. So more later, of course. No Ziggys again.
Added to my links.
Phil's party last night, I think we arrived too late for the karaoke. Shame.
I have been music shopping. So I'll take the Jam off the Christmas list, and I have Stiff Little Fingers now too, not just from too much text messaging (ho ho!) Spent a very pleasant morning in bed, and a very pleasant afternoon with Matthew T. I even saw a guy - a spiritual brother, yeah- who I worked with at B&Q nearly three years ago, for the first time since that tearful farewell in 2000...he's now working at Norwich Union! Along with half the working population of York.
I now have to write another essay (the last procedural for this term), but it seems that less effort=more acclaim, so I'm not going to try hard this time.
Ben, I never know which email address to use for you so I'm not sure you got the last one asking for your address. If you read this, can you send me your postal address again please!
New lyric on the front page, to suit my new-found hope. Yes the front page lyric has come to be a crude sort of barometer of my mood. Stewart Lee has sent my brother a long email. I am very jealous. It is now my mission to get him to sign my guestbook.
I just realised I don't have an advent calendar! No wonder I'm not feeling festive. When do the 12 days of Christmas start, anyway?
Dreaming about Tracey Emin last night. Jesus wept.
Essay going bad. No scheme as yet. And it's raining, raining in my heart. Self portraits required for new page. Email them to me! Get your art work seen by at least 30 people who look at this site! There was something else, but I forgot.
Stewart "Lee and Herring's Fist of Fun, This Morning with Richard Not Judy, Cluub Zarathustra etc" Lee has signed the guestbook. Oh yes. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Alistair.
Now I just need to get Simon Munnery to respond to my marriage proposal.
Hi again. Been to a "70s" night which is just playing 80s music. I don't understand. It's bish! I am going home. I am off my face. And quit with your excuses, Panda, Chris E, Stefan, etc. I want REAL self portraits. Dawn is feeling all exposed up there on her own, poor Dawn.
I have headphones today. So I have put sounds all over my site! Can you find them?! Clue: click the titles of Chatmeup.html, chatuup.html, metime.html, the Tears for Fears link on the index page, and the "soundtrack to my life" theme. It is amusing, to me.
I have put sound clips off of songs i like on links page. Sadly they are all quite short.
Christmas partay last night! Much better than that terrible campus "70s" night on Friday. At last I have another picture on my self-portraits gallery- it's Chris. Have a look at his site, it's very good. Chris knows lots of things about lots of things, and is a very sweet and interesting person. Although he is currently doing a PhD he spent last month rising to the challenge of the National Novel Writing Month. But you'll have to read all about it on his site.
Oh and Chris wants me to put a self-portrait up too, so I guess I'll have to do one now.
Been looking through my old "Help!" joke books. There are so many, and most of them aren't even jokes in any usual sense and seem to me to have been made up on the spot. Best one today-"Why was the musician arrested?" "For getting into treble." Also my fave at the moment, "What's yellow and goes CLUNCH CLUNCH?" "A chinaman eating crisps." 'Spect to Sandy's mate, who suggested they might be QLavers.
And for Christ's sake, listen to THIS!
More self-portraits on their way! Thanks people who have sent and tried to send them. Sorry, my inbox is full of junkmail, you know it. Tracey Emin is taking over every waking moment of my life. Everywhere I look, there she is. She haunts my dreams, just like Lovejoy and Toyah Wilcox used to.
Sorry to anyone trying to get through to me this weekend. My phone needed charging and two nights out in a row wiped me out. So I have spent three days sleeping by day and writing this essay by night, alone in here, with only the undead spirit of Emin as my guide...
I am going to buy Photek and Koop when I get some money.
Phil, my favourite boy colleague from off of the staff at "Coffee Republic" has sent me a self portrait! Enjoy! It's my most favourite so far I think. Although they are all good, in their own special way. Can't wait to see Ed's and Stefan's...when they arrive....and anyone else who fancies doing one of course. Ian? Amanda? Your excuses don't hold water.
Pop fact! Matt L saw Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen in an art gallery shop in London yesterday.
At the moment, I mostly want this CD. As you will notice, it is NOT AVAILABLE. What's the freakin' story eh?! But it's OK! I found it on Gemm! Knew i could rely on that German efficiency. Speaking of, where's your self portrait, Stefan?
Skoolz out 4 the Christmas, kidz! That's IT! Be excellent to each other.
Hey it's been so long! SO. Bought Photek, "Hidden Camera", nice :)...Becoming interested in Felix da Housecat also: less harsh, less d&b. More fun and more ripplesome. And da Housecat seems to have an intriguing history which I can explore. I love it, you know. Koop and Madredeous are still priorities.
I want to start a Plasmatics-type punk band called "The Spaztronauts".
Oh yah, made my peace with the tutor, got a nice report and a nice mark for the Tracey Emin essay, I think, after all, that things are gonna be a-ok.
Watched Lord of the Rings at last, enjoyed it much more than I expected to, and I might even go and see the next one. A bit twee maybe (don't hit me) but I didn't read the books so I think maybe I wasn't really sufficiently enchanted before I saw it. Good story and stuff, apparently even better without Tom Bombowombobombo and all the geographical descriptions. And with added dialogue. Not enough laydees in it, obviously. Liv Tyler making watery horses bit= brilliant. Cate Blanchett as Mumrah= not so good. But Gandalf was ace, why must he die? I find Frodo's face unreasonably distracting.
Fellow Mitnick-worshippers, check out this article on our hero. No news. Been mainly asleep by day. And by night, too, come to think of it. Send me your postal address if you know I don't have it, and you want a Christmas card. And a stamp if you like.
Some of you might know Katey Perkins, who used to come to all my camping parties when I was a gregarious young sprite in Worcester. Well there's a picture of her here - middle of top row with Pirate, dressed as a nun. She seems to think this is sufficient as compensation for the *hand drawn* self-portrait I actually asked for. She is wrong! She is now called "Kate", but I shall insist on the "y" to remind her of her folly.
I have put my parka in the wash. I hope it will survive. Reliable sources advise me to listen to the music of Ian Pooley. If anyone has any, speak now, and perhaps we can do swapsies. Had a string of horrific nightmares last night, one involving a conversation with Stewart Lee, one involving maggots and flies, one with rockets, and one where I fell asleep under a ladder and "woke up", thinking about my previous nightmares, then proceded to have another one. I hate Christmas.
My inbox is always perillously full and I want to keep ALL my letters, so any new, big, emails will be spat straight out. Which partially explains the heartbreaking lack of response to my self-portraits request. Only partially.
I am going to London this week. I am worrying about money.
Jade has blinded herself in one eye by poking it with a pair of scissors. Make up your own joke.
To get you started, my response was "Not so clever now, eh Jade?!"
Special media update from the capital
Saw Bowling for Columbine. Yes, it was ace, everything Chris said was true (oh scroll up for his link I can't do cut and paste on this thing) - see it ok? It was chilling. Yeah, am genuinely shaken up after that.
Saw Liquid News. Not AS good...heh, they're interviewing camp Neighbours stars, saying "it's all gravy", talking about Charlotte Church and doing Jade/scissors jokes. The question is, are their researchers reading my site, or am I turning into Graham Norton?
Saw Big Daddy on the tele the other day, bird called Leila on it, and the lead guy did that eric clapton joke on her too. Felt gratified. And enraged, but equally.
Celebrity Martin Davies has been in my guestbook. Martin comes into every conversation I have with my brother, ever (a friend of his you see) and at least two of his ideas have been manifest on this site with no credit to Martin. Still not telling you which two. Never met him either. Have a look in the book and sign it while you're there, readers. oh and what's this "labour of love" and "props for your site" nonsense?! I thought *I* was meant to be the arrogant one! See his site though, for photos of my alistair, catherine and james in their house. It's under "Clapham posse" on his photo page.
Back to London life for me! You know I'm not from London because I can say "sorry".
Have a self portrait of Martin, it is wonderful and will go up soon. The Drewlogy is back up on the old news page (cross icon).
Hiya, I'm having an ace time in London still! Saw Lord of Rings II, was mint. Weird mingled dialogues and talking tree thing=bad. Battle scenes, countryside, reincarnated Gandalfs and camp elves=good. Martin's pic is up. Stefan, if you're that bored I want a portrait for my gallery! I hear you are a great artist!
Ed, I will write soon, I promise. But I'm not at home at the moment and won't be near free internet for a while yet.
Chikas. Today's amusing observation: check out the front of the current "Heat" magazine. It seems to be an advert for the Bodyworks Exhibition...you will see what I mean.
James's self-portrait has gone up too. James is on My kind of People and I was wrong about the conversation with Jesus/paracetamol thing. It was irritable bowel syndrome pills. And I made the Jesus thing up, it seems. But he did call his own ambulance. Hence still funny. Thus I win.
I hope everyone is happy and well. Have wondrous Christmases and New Years. xxxxx
Keep an eye on the self portraits they's being updated isit.
So my New Year's page is in process, and you can see it here. I see Grumpier Old Men is on tonight: will this be my New Years Eve? I have been called a grumpy old man before, so it wouldn't be so out of place. I have been a bit nocturnal since I got back. Sorry to anyone expecting to see or hear from me ever. Another 'mazin work of art has gone up in the self portraits gallery. He plays it down, but he is superior! And it's plain to see.
I have been panicking about this possible misconception: I must stress now that although Barrymore is undeniably tall, creative, possibly a genius, and probably a criminal, I do not fancy him. (#19)
Dreamed I had a baby daughter, and was carrying her through a deserted shopping centre after dark, with my cousin Amanda. A girl walked past dressed as a christmas tree and shouted something at me. I called her a silly cow or such, and went down the escalator, to my old art-room at my old school. This should be on my dream-page, sorry, but when was the last time you looked at that page, hm?
I've done my NY resolutions.
Getting a bit obsessed with the Happy Mondays. My anachronistic para-world has finally reached 1990, so no more 80s clubnights for me I'm afraid. I can't believe that "grey man" Major got in though. Jeez, people will be drawing cartoons of him wearing his Y-fronts on the outside of his trousers and things in no time, I'll wager.
I am doing something new. It is here and I know it looks rubbish at the moment, and there's nothing much there, but I'm just playing around with the effects of "Moveable type" and this css programming lark, which I'm just trying to get to grips with. It's all going to be changed about until I'm half-way happy with it. The scream-inducing nightmarish colour effect when you click on "comments" will be first to cop it. Lots and lots to learn yet, but am enjoying it plenty! It's not going to just be a "weblog" but, I hope, so very much more. I want to put reviews of things on it and that.
Anyway, I am currently in the middle of an exam, so you'll have to excuse me. Sorry!
Hm. Sure haven't started yet. The central heating's broken in here, so it's fuckin boiling. Anyway just swung by to point you to action in my self-portraits gallery. Abi has made her outstanding contribution! I looked at it, and my eyes popped accordingly. Thanks Abi! Abi is best, yeah! Gravy on biscuits! Sorry about the question mark nonsense, I don't know how to make a doc into a jpg or gif. I have far to go. (Thursday's child?)
Meantime I have to right about artists, who are good, and gay. (Sunday's child...)
Now then. It's 13:20 hours, which means my first 24 hours are up. I'm into 25 hours now. I've just finished the first one and it looks swish. I did "headers" for the candidate number and everything! This will, I hope, distract from the shallow and unremarkable content. It's not completely terrible, but I do think I chose the wrong question, since there's only really one decent reference book to go to on the "Sensation" exhibition, and just this whole world of websites spouting quasi-intellectual shit by trendy know-alls like David Bowie. Anyway, it's over. I will definitely be heavily basing the next essay on a procedural one I've already done. Almost illegally heavily. I wrote that "Sensation" one up completely from scratch. Which was stoopid.
16:30 hours. Got bored and added to the New Years Honours List
Lee and Herring interview from 1994 and old scripts will be scanned up soon.
Stand by for more.
New page up for you, today. Been thinking what a real CV ought to tell you. It's like, the other side of that Alternative CV page I made ages ago. You can also get there via tetsuo's angry face, the new icon on the far left, on the index page.
I haven't grown out of the gag-hagging. Richard Herring has humoured me and signed my guestbook. Go! Look Now! He liked my S-Club joke! I like some of his jokes too.
This will brighten your day. It even has synthesised voice bits in it. Sweeeet. Let me know if it duznt work.
So here's the apple: I just got the worst mark, by far, for any piece of work I have ever done since I started University. Talk about kicking a girl when she's down. Oh and just in case you're thinking "worst mark ever? For you? Oh like a 2:1 then?" I should emphasise, this was the worst mark I have ever SEEN for Art History, even looking through the grades posted on the board after some really harsh exams. Considering that this time last year I was getting the *best* marks I had ever seen, for my course- just a few short of "Work Of A Publishable Standard"- and what's happened inbetween, there's an appreciable downward trajectory going on...)
My new tutor said I had some very interesting ideas, and she likes having me in the group because I think about things in an interesting and different way to other people. I can almost predict it now, it's like they're reading off a script. The novelty of hearing how curiously "different" I am wore off completely somewhere in the middle of last term, because it tells me nothing useful about my potential, or my future, and is being increasingly offset by disappointing grades. This yo-yo grading is exhausting, and, perhaps like "yo yo dieting" will slow down my intellectual metabolism, and result in a lower average achievement level. Did I just describe burn-out? I don't think I do nearly enough to risk burning out, except perhaps emotionally. Whatever, being a curiosity is getting tiresome, in every sense. I don't know what other choice I have.
As I worked as hard on that essay as I have on anything I ever got a 1st for, and as I have tried to read everything I've been told to, so far this term, and done some thinking too, I realise there was no way I could reasonably have done better, and am resigned to the fact that I am lost to this term. Considering last term was a bit hit 'n miss too, with that re-write, and the tearful tute, and the History module last summer wasn't very special, I now have the freedom to write off my chances of a 1st.
I don't want to kill myself with work in Germany this week, or any of the procedurals before Easter, so I've decided to enjoy what's left of my University life, safe in the knowledge that I can get a 2:1 and have my life and my health, with the 1st now a mathematical impossibility. Notice how I turned that very upsetting awareness into something positive? I have *freedom* to doss about now, do you see?
I came back to two CDs, two parcels, and a letter from my opticians advising me to go for a routine check up. Not only is it NOT by birthday, my eyesight hasn't deteriorated either. Doubleplus bonus!
Oh yeah it's Valentines Day. I didn't get any, of course. Hope you had more luck. I never get any, so I sent loads of cards this year! I see it as a kind of investment. Don't be offended if I didn't send you one, I mainly sent them to people I have never met or am unlikely to meet in the near future, in case my judgements were askew.
If you spend any time in Welcome Break service stations, and have been shocked and appaulled by their expensive Pick 'n Mix, you might like to try Richard Herring's retaliation initiative,
here...And also on the internet, today, while you're there- look at this page on Williams Syndrome. I am convincing myself I have it. I'll have to get a move on, and add that to my list of chat-up lines.
I have written the same essay 5 times, in 24 hours, because Word Perfect keeps crashing. I thought i was "there" yesterday, but came in today to find everything that I saved last night (1800 words of pure cleverness) were gone. Wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't stayed up till 3am last night writing it, so I could have some time off today and go out tonight.
I hate computers. And internets.
I hope you like the interviews on the front page. Sorry they're a bit hard to read in places. They are from 1994.
Got an email from the Richard and Judy show today. All good.
Sup? Got an email from the Kym Marsh fan club today. (All this because I joined the Hear'Say fan club two years ago in the hope of finding out, once and for all, if Noel really is gay.)
Kym Marsh has her own, new site. To her credit, it's not as entirely shitty as one might expect. Poor Kym with her alien face. What an easy target.
Actually, no more sympathy. I just noticed she gets someone else to write her "diary". I don't have any one else to write mine, and I write at least TWO! Also, the link "Mobile" tragically doesn't reveal her phone number, or indeed a novelty Kym-themed ornament that dances in the wind, but it is in fact something to do with ringtones. I am as disappointed as you.
Sorry haven't updated this for a while. I haven't been busy or anything. I do have one helluva cold though, so I'm trippin' on Lemsips and Strepsils and no sleeps. Party last night was good. I talked to some very interesting people, and they played What Time Is Love? Rated. Gonna change the contents image today but some cheeky fuckers are having a class in the scanner room, so it'll have to wait. Abi, Al and Dawn are sending me tapes/cds in the next few days. Yeyyy!
One of my oldest friends, Sally: on the right. Sexy Karl Kennedy on the left. And, if you didn't believe me, here's another one.
I'll test a defence anyway. The trioptimum, erm, "listings" are a reminder, to myself, to pursue avenues of interest. That sounds pompous doesn't it- but I'm completely serious. It's intended as a way of escaping the complete self-interest of so many weblogs, and sharing the interesting tidbits I've picked up over the previous week, hoping to get some helpful informative responses from the people I know, who don't see me much, but read the page (it does happen). I also like recording what I thought of films and music for my own, personal, future reference- especially as I have only become interested in films and music AT ALL over the past year or so. I'm loving finding out about this whole new world. It honestly never occurred to me that this was an odd thing to do.
Aha and now I learn other people have been asking why I feel the need to record "everything I do" on the internet like this. Well frankly I don't care. I'll tell you now the site would be hella lot more interesting if I really did record everything I think and do...
Anyway, enough to worry about at the moment without feeling I have to justify myself and my reasons for expressing myself on here. If you don't have faith in yourself, you can be sure as hell no one else is gonna have any faith in you.
22/03
First of all, I have a new phone, it's great. Do not bother trying the old one, the sim card is on my bedroom floor, crying.
Actually, thinking on this. I've been looking at some of these (I've had another 3 responses since that post an hour ago wtf) so I'm going to put a "best responses" section up here somewhere. Nothing too ethically questionable, just the best entries in each section of the ad template.
"Song or album that puts me in the mood:"
"who I'm looking for"
"Song or album that puts me in the mood:"
"Celebrity I resemble most:"
"Most humbling moment:"
"Best (or worst) lie I've ever told:
"why you should get to know me"
And (with props to the A-Dogg), let's start collecting some once-topical jokes for anachronistic inappropriateness. Here is one of his:
And one of mine:
I'd like some about anachro-topical ones about Princess Diana's death, internets, channel 5, British Rail, Dallas, Thatcher, or, even better- John Major, and, I dunno, any stuff from 87-97 about music/TV/film/politics/celebrity that's no longer at all relevant.
Check out this pixelated version of the photo taken of Matt T and myself, being famous and glamorous models, at the launch party of Flock magazine the other week. The pic was massive and blurry so I thought I'd play with it a bit. Hope you don't mind Matt.
Isn't being a woman brilliant? You do fuck all except put a few sarcastic comments on a personals profile, and loads of men suddenly queue up to go out with you.
Best (or worst) lie I've ever told:
If I could be anywhere at the moment:
Fill in the blanks:
Celebrity I resemble most:
Oh and a message from someone (bearing in mind you have to pay for these) who's just left the UK for Australia, but has optimistically left his Australian phone number. Actually that's so endearing I'm quite tempted to ring it. Naturally I would record the conversation and put it up on this site as a wav file. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
First Diana jokes have arrived:
(Marty)
See also:
(Henry) (Stefan) (Alistair)
Oh and have a look at this It's ace fun!
I'm sure those tables like the ones on the front page are easy "when you know how". Unfortunately I have precisely no clue what I'm doing. Trial and error takes a lonnnnnnng time with html. Enjoy Stefan's front-page anachronistic joke (top right), my favourite of the ones we've had so far.
(Marty) I am involved in organising the York Comedy Festival, so go and sign up for newsletters and use the newsgroups and stuff (especially you Ben!) Ta.
(Tom) (Tom) (Tom) (Tom)
(Henry)
I want some jokes about Fred West by the way. If you don't know any, I challenge you to make some up. I'm really tempted to make up a load of "art historical" jokes now, that hardly anyone will get, ahaha! Well if any come to me over my evening's revision sesh, they'll go up here first.
Well I've been sent one Fred West joke, but it wasn't particularly a joke in any sense, although it was funny, if you're that way inclined. I'd quite like some out-of-date graffitti pics too. I took a lot around York months ago, about things like Vietnam and Poll Tax. But they are still on my camera, so when i get that new PC they'll be up all over this site like a ...rash.
In the meantime, here's a couple of photoshoporific ones I took ages ago:
(Matt L)
I've calmed down now, a little bit. Today I was telling Martin about a time I saw MJ Fox on "Opera" talking about a book he had just written- his memoirs. He was twitching badly throughout the interview, even though he had taken some heavy meds before going on air. Martin wasn't sure what MJ Fox's condition was, I said I thought it was Parkinson's. Martin pointed out that in that case he should really have gone on "Parkinson" for his interview, and perhaps Michael Parkinson should only really invite guests onto his show who suffered from the condition of that name. I agreed, suggesting that Blind Date could follow suit. We quickly realised we had opened the door to a whole world of opportunity. It's all about imagining that programmes really represent the most literal, earnest, interpretation of their title. Variations on a theme: "Russian Roulette" with Rhona Cameron, "The Jasper Carrot Trial", "My Dad's the Prime Minister" (documentary-style, presented by Euan?) even, in fact "Noel's House Party". Think of any? Tell me.
Talking of TV, Tron is on, on Easter Sunday. Ace ;)
And this was funny on Richard Herring's website: "Although Melbourne is great, it is not perfect. Like anywhere it has its fair share of strange men offering to sell you drugs (unless they actually are just offering to smack me)"
In fact, the amount of activity on these NOTBBC forums really is phenomenal! geeks.
Here are some photos of the M-Dogg and the A-Dogg at Monkey World, Dorset. I like the documentary effect of the image sequencing.
Well Uni life is nearly at an end. Unlike my uni work. How far we have come! I arrived at York in 1999 all bleached hair, striped tights and eyeliner; no music but plenty of borrowed opinions, anger and sadness and antisocial- with a boyfriend! I'll be leaving with some amazing friends, despite my relatively new obsession with certain punk and new wave legends and producers, loads of music, some nice stuff, a slight tan, a racket in book dealing (made £60 this week so far, selling books back to the University, and it's only Wednesday) - and single! I think this means "me now" wins. I think me now would "have" me then, in a fight.
But hey we're not there yet, are we.
Incidentally, looking at my News Years Resolutions page again (gone, but not deleted) I see I have completed some and am on the way to completing many of the others.
Still got a few left to complete though; "learn to drive" for example.
The Observer was good on Sunday, it had an interview with Michael Barrymore AND one with Sophie Ellis Bexter. Something for everyone! My interest in Barrymore is not ironic any more, I must stress. I keep returning to him because I'm motivated by a genuine pity for anyone tried by a tabloid jury, and because I honestly believe he is a genius. Weird, because I was never a particular fan before all the unpleasantness.
I'm going to do a New Years resolution thing, and a New Years Honours list and put them on that page, so have another look at it in a few days if you can.
I had a dream last night which was loosely based on American Beauty, but with Jade from Big Brother as the Mena Suvari character. I might send it to George Lucas as a concept for the next Muppet movie. Scott Bakula wasn't in my dream, however. My conscious mind, on the other hand, is dominated by thoughts about the ephemeral/monumental paradox in mid-nineties British art, and also by the pressing issue of how I'm going to spend all this free money the bank just gave me as quickly as possible.
Anyone else watch any telly on NY Eve? Sian Lloyd impression on Alter Ego was absolutely hilarious.
Found out tonight that my exams are actually NEXT WEEK, and not the following one, and freaked out accordingly. We are now into the early hours of Saturday morning "your time", which gives me less than two days. Fuck it though!!! I'm going through another "hate art history, it's not a real subject, and I sure am stupid anyway" phase, so there won't be any flapping this time. Whatever happens, happens, as a wise man once said. I just want to spell boy "boi", wear my silly clothes and silly hair and watch films and drink whisky. My tutor can put up or shut up.
Oh yeah, and Happy New Year by the way! The best thing that happened this year, apart from seeing Matthew's fantastic gig tonight obviously, was GETTING ID'd ON THE DOOR! That hasn't happened since I was 18!!! For the very good reason that I LOOK LIKE A FORTY YEAR OLD! Oh yeah and someone proposed to me today which was rather nice. He was joking of course.
Now I'm going to do some New Years Resolutions and whack em up net-wards; then I'm going to do some reading about David Hockney. Just ten weeks and all the structured course work will be over forever and I'm free-wheeling the dissertation term in the summer. I'm just keeping my eye on that goal, a little chink of light out there...and I feel like Frodo, with one bulging eye forever fixed on that big firey vagina in the sky.
Listening to Small Faces.
Fans of the green heart fear not. I'll keep this updates page going for everything else...I suppose that will include pointing out changes on the site, bigging people up, throwing out random links, and spreading any significant and publishable life-news.
Two logs going at the same time?! Am I mad? Now might be a good time to get a life?
Might go and peruse some V&A and British museum for a couple of days next week. You know, have a wild few days getting my laughing gear round some Reformation period altarpeices. Saw "Talking Cock", last night, very good value. Richard Herring seems keen to point out it isn't a ventriloquist act. Go see if you get the chance: the Opera House was packed out. The other site is getting updated more than this one now, so bookmark it and go straight there, if you like.
And Now and Again is on tonight! If only other people stayed up til 1am every Thursday night to watch an obscure and overproduced 22 part American science-fiction series- if ONLY! Then I'd have other people to discuss it with. Not that it's stopped me so far...
I hated lots of the trip though, mainly because it was so painfully cold, and now I'm twisted and resentful about the way that field trips to central europe in the mid-winter are compulsary. It wasn't a holiday. It wasn't even a "summer school". It was a sort of bizarre ordeal of walking and reading and freezing and staying awake, that we had to make the best of. I didn't know any German at all- and I wasn't alone- no one even had enough German to read the menus. By the third day, everyone wanted to go home.
That was my last trip, though. I gained some patience, some closer relationships with people in my seminar group, and some scolded skin on my body, from the biting cold air. I also gained some neat new kit from Mango and Zara in Munich. I lost (even more) faith in my own ability to get a 2:1 in this course, and I also lost faith in my ability to sustain interest in art/ galleries/ museums. Worst of all, I lost my phone charger, so sorry but I can't get your calls or text you until I visit my phone man. But if I was a spoilt brat on this trip, I wasn't the only one. It was hugely enjoyable to watch the group divide, "Lord of the Flies" style, into packs, over the week. I went to Germany with a group of boarding school girls with Christian upbringings, a Greek nationalist, and one gay man. (You can imagine the bitching.) I came home with a group of kids from disfunctional families, a grumpy Greek bloke who missed his chance to go to a German rave, an intolerance to German "Black Russian", and a loose pact with my gay colleague to produce a cross-gender version of "Oliver", with him playing Nancy- and myself as the Artful Dodger, obviously.
Actually I should probably write some sort of humorous report about my trip to Germany, from the moment we first glimpsed the gleaming snow-veiled countryside around Munich, and I couldn't resist asking my neighbour if he'd seen "Alive"...to the moment the wheels hit the runway as we arrived back in Stanstead a week later.
Rearranged the index page, quite like it now. "So there I was, unintentionally funny" (Buzzkunst?)- indulging my crusty side a bit, I think. In the picture I am wearing the Technogames hat my dad wore when he appeared on the show last year. Except my Dad wore it on top of his head, like Brian Harvey. I have recently discovered a free scanner on campus and now I'm unstoppable. Anything that can be scanned, will be.
Anyway the point is this. On this picture there is a large, mysterious hand, intruding into the top right of the frame. If anyone can find any more "deliberate mistakes" on the Kym Marsh website email 'em to me and I'll make a page. For the site, with all its pictures of glossy makeup and flattering tops apparently wearing Kym, and our kid in warrior postures looking at the sea, click here. There are horrid, (though humorously excessive) Flash effects on this site. You have been warned.
Today I'm mostly plugging the boy Ben's website:
here. It contains strong language, RIGHT FROM THE START! GamesPunk is no more, but this replacement is dead good, and realises a lot of things I've wanted to do on the internet for a while. The best way to realise ambitions, I feel, is vicariously. Which is why I am now going back to bed for the rest of the day. Now get out there, and make me proud.
I have a lot of free time, I read a lot of papers and watch a lot of telly, listen to a lot of music, and I like collecting interesting things. I don't think anyone needs to know all this business about Louis Vuitton dresses and what CD I bought lately, so some of it's for personal reference (and very useful as such)...but I'm getting 20 hits a day so I guess I can't be boring everyone completely. People read and comment (if not on the page then through other media or in person) so I'm learning learning all the time.
I can't decide whether to analyse this as a legitimate concern, or defend myself.
If you didn't read it, maybe I would stop writing it. So now I'm writing with some awareness of an audience, and I wouldn't dream of telling you anything that was so intimate it would be boring. Maybe I'm having the opposite effect despite myself? Maybe I'm selling out? But you keep coming back don't you? Why? Looking for an illuminating or flattering reference to yourself? Johnny Rotten:
"Maybe I sold out, but it was your money."
So everyone I know is going nuts for the Onion.com "personals" page, filling in their own, and whining bitterly when no one is replying. I put my own ad up two days ago (of couse lies, and using that railcard photo with my website address on, so a sneaky plug for this site) and have had 6 responses already. The programme even finds your "best match" and it seems that I am No1 match for two of my male friends, which is a mite worrying. Especially as neither of them are in the top 25 matches for me. Anyway. Point is, I got a couple of messages today which were pretty good. One of these guys refers to "ex Lion Tamer" (the very same Wire track I have on my Links page!), lists the Buzzcocks and A Certain Ratio in his top 5 bands. This indicates he is a fellow Howard Devoto obsessive. As I have never met another one, in my whole entire life, I don't think it would be too premature to reveal here, now, and on this website, that a marriage is certainly iminent. You are all invited.
(Disclaimer: I should point out I have no intention of meeting men through personals ads. Which is why I describe myself on the ad as resembling Michael Jackson, and looking for a 6' bald pikey virgin under the age of 18...)
Here's some for you so far:
"'Let's Shag' by Randy and the Penetrators"
"Osama bin Laden. I think the link between Iraq and terrorism is obvious. Osama bin Laden is Saddam Hussein, or rather Ossadama bin Husseiniladen. Pull off the tea towel, and you'll find a moustached face staring at you, like Voldemort. That's why we need to kill him now, before he tries to eat any children."
"the specials, buzzcocks, a certain ratio, gang of four,and early bowie" (...NB this guy is older than 26 and so is presumably not trying to sound cool, but is as po-faced and earnest about his punk/ska tastes as I try to be)
"ive been told someone from dawsons creek cant remember his name and or charactor, i dont watch it" (...Guess again honey)
"Probably winning 1st place in the 2000 winter Olympics on the bob sleding team. Ok, i'm lying here...I didn't win any Olympic event....in fact I've never even been to the Olympics..i guess this means i'm not as humble as i thought." (oh dear)
my father..."
"'has a corvette'
'used to hang out with earth,wind and fire'"
"because I'll let you ride on my huge rocking horse - gosh that sounds a little bit rude doesn't it, it's not a euphimism I really do have a rocking horse"
Piper Alpha.
They're both all Bush and Gore.
Here are some more responses from more that I've had over the weekend (and before you start giving out, I'm not mocking, but celebrating and sharing. Trust!) :
I do.
Solaris
________ is sexy; ______ is sexier.
blair is sexy; bush is sexier.
People say Danny Baker, but it's only superficial, I promise.
One's got a Mrs Mangle, the other's got a Mangled Mrs.
Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
There's two effs in paraffin, but there's no eff-in petrol.
Ryan Giggs can take corners.
Linford Christie
Two in the front, two in the back and Mrs Ghandi in the ashtray.
7 Up.
'I'm really tired, let's get home and hit the pillar'
It was a lovely service but the reception was terrible.
They've both been fucked by Mercury
Wall
Sending Out
I wish I'd taken a camera and I really want to see them again somewhere- but then I don't because I don't think it could be as good...But if anyone else wants to catch them on their tour and needs company, let me know ;)
Oh and here's another good joke courtesy of Mr Langham:
Paul McCartney.
Actually that whole entry is good. I recommend you follow the link.
Wow I should listen to "REAL LIFE" more often. Hrm. If you don't know what I'm talking about, interpret that whichever way makes most sense to you, and it'll probably still hold true.
How about a more personal newletter style entry for a change?
These are: "2) Less Caffeine", "4) To read a bloody book", "7) To get a job that isn't shit", (Working on this one*) "15) To sort out my finances", (done!) "17) To cut back severely on text messages", "5) To go to a Festival" "19) To have certain conversations with certain people" and "16) To get a website without popups with a point to it"
*Went to see someone about my C.V today. It is going to be the best C.V in the world. I'm in the midst of an organisational frenzy at the moment! Money last week, jobs this morning, houses this afternoon- dissertation, erm... Tomorrow. Always tomorrow.
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